a/n: carpchan is a drabble monster (TT)...sorry...I seriously WILL try to start on a long prolific chapter thing but drabbles are SO much more fun...especially is they're sasunaru... (-.-;; ) Also please REVIEW! I love reviews, if I get some, I write more...
denial
What happens when you're so confused and lost and hopeless and abused that all you can do to escape it is look into someone's eyes and feel safe? Even if those eyes are black and cold and filled with revenge and blood lust. Even if those eyes turn soft and warm when they look back at you. Even if those eyes belong to your best friend. And when you look into those eyes the girl that you've loved for so long doesn't seem even remotely significant anymore. Because this doesn't happen in her eyes. It's only when you look into his eyes that the only thing you see is him, and yourself within him. And that's all that matters. And as long as you're looking at him and he's looking back, time stops and everything, even for a moment, is all right.
And you're scared. That's why you're scared to look, not because you're afraid he won't look back, but because you know he will. And when he does, you won't know what to say because all these emotions, all these forgotten feelings come bubbling up again and burn your throat, your mind, your heart. You want to, you want to, you want to. But you can't and everytime you look away you feel his face fall a little, even if it's unnoticeable to everyone else. Because you know these things. You watch these things. You feel them.
You want so bad for his pain to be yours and you want so bad to tell him why. Tell him why you're afraid to love, not like you love her, but truly, really, love. Love with all the heart. Love where the only place you feel like yourself, the only place that feels good, is in his arms. Love so much that it grips the heart and squeezes it into a comb of a thousand different needles until it bursts. Until you burst. But you don't know how you feel, even if you know all this, for all these thoughts are shattered and splintered and embedded into the deep pit of your mind. Denial. You want so bad to tell him why you can't.
It's hard to say 'I love you.' It's even harder to say you don't- when you do.
