A/N Decided to give it go! Thanks for the constructive and nice reviews for the introduction! May not be very long but I've been sick lately and I will write longer chapters later.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings – the movies or the books, well I own the movies in the books, but I don't OWN own them if you know what I mean. Yeah.

A hobbit was leaning against a tree, doing things. He heard a familiar voice singing off in the distance and jumped up, excited. He began running at a great speed towards the noise and knocked himself unconscious on a tree. Ten minutes later he got up and continued running. He soon reached a road to find an old man passing by in a cart. The old man stopped and looked on at the hobbit.

"You're late," the hobbit said matter-of-factly.

The old man lifted his hat to reveal his face, "no Frodo, you're late. I'm a wizard."

"What?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Ha?"

"Woozaa?"

"Chicken?"

"Pot?"

"Pie?"

This continues for about five minutes until Frodo finally apologized for being late.

Frodo jumped into the old man's arms, laughing, "it's wonderful to see you Gandalf!" he exclaimed, then pulled back, "but not smell you. Geez shower much?"

Gandalf laughed at this small, ignorant creature, "dear Frodo, I don't need to shower – I'm a wizard!"

A confused look passed over Frodo's face until he broke out in a patronizing smile, "of course you are! And you're the best wizard there is! Aren't you? Aren't you?"

Gandalf, unperturbed, "yes!"

The two rode on in silence through the Shire, only breaking the silence to talk about nothing anyone cares about anyways.

When the cart neared Bag End, Frodo brought up his Uncle Bilbo's party that night, "he's up to something."

"Yes, he is, he's planning on playing a trick on the guests at his birthday party by disappearing and then going to Rivendell," Gandalf explained.

"Do you know what he's up to Gandalf?" Frodo inquired.

"Yeah, I – uh – just told you bud, he's going to put on his ring at his party and go move in with the elves," the wizard explained – again.

"You know, it would be nice if you to kept me in the loop sometimes. It's always 'Oh let's go off and have fun and not tell Frodo anything, so he feels left out and secretly cries in his room when no one's home!'" the young hobbit exclaimed.

Gandalf, now frustrated, threw his hands up in the air, "Okay, first of all, I didn't know you were in the room when I said that, and second, I just told you what Bilbo's doing!"

Frodo, now perfectly cheerful, just hopped off the cart and said, "Fine then, keep your secrets."

Gandalf just gave Frodo a look and waved him goodbye. The young hobbit disappeared into the trees, happily being stupid.

The old wizard reached Bilbo's hole and hopped down from his cart (just like a bunny – or a kangaroo!). Walking up to the door, Gandalf disregarded the sign on the gate which read 'No Admittance – I'm Serious, Piss Off!' When Gandalf knocked an angry yell came from inside.

"Did you READ the sign?!" Bilbo called.

Gandalf shook his head and smile, some people were just so simple, "I don't need to read signs – I'm a wizard, hello!"

Bilbo opened the door to see his old friend standing at his step and ran to embrace the wizard, "my dear Gandalf! Come in, come in!"

The two went inside and began chatting among themselves.

"You know you don't look like you're eleventy-one Bilbo, what's your secret?" Gandalf asked, sitting at the hobbit's dining table.

Bilbo smiled and pressed his hand to his face, "oh you know a hobbit never tells!" He laughed and sat down.

Gandalf nodded, "botox right?"

Bilbo's voice dropped an octave, "yeah."

"I feel old Gandalf; I know I don't look it. I'm starting to feel stretched, like butter over too much bread," Bilbo stared meaningfully across the table at Gandalf, while fingering something in his jacket pocket.

"Actually could I have some butter and bread? I haven't really eaten in like three days so - ," Gandalf started.

"I start to feel the age especially when Frodo's around, he brings Sam over and they laugh and dance and sing and it makes me feel -,"

"Yeah, that's great. I'm hungry."

"– I need a holiday. A long holiday and I don't expect I shall return, in fact I mean not to," Bilbo finished; a hard look had crept over his face.

Gandalf nodded slowly, "don't care really, I'll just help myself then," he said as he reached over to get a slice of bread.

"Yes of course he does, he's a Baggins, not some block-headed Bracegirdle from Hardbottle," Bilbo smiled.

Gandalf looked around behind him and stared back at Bilbo, "uh – what? You're talking about – Frodo?"

"He'd probably come with me if I asked him. I think in his heart Frodo is still in love with the Shire," Bilbo went and stared out the window.

Gandalf turned to the hobbit, mouth full of bread, "'Kay…"

Suddenly the two are now smoking outside of the home. Bilbo is blowing smoke circles and Gandalf is laughing as he watches his hand moves – hmm, I guess its super special pipeweed.

Bilbo tried to catch the smoke circle he just blew and fell off the bench. The two friends burst out laughing and continued laughing until Bilbo set himself back on the bench.

"Randalf, my friend, this will be a night to remember," Bilbo smiled and then burst out laughing again.

Gandalf nodded, "Too bad we won't remember it!" he laughed as he began puffing away on his pipe.

A/N all fer now. Review please, flamers welcome – I just need honest opinions (not just MUSH's). Is it even funny? I dont know.