A/N I'm updating! Yeehaw! This is exciting because I've never continued with a fic past the second entry before becoming too lazy and deleting it. So big pat on the back for me! Even if this chappy sucks, it's a step in the right direction! So let's raise this mofo to the ground. I dunno. I'm done with that now.

Disclaimer: What? I DON'T own LOTR? What kind of crap is that? Well fine, I don't own the lord of the rings. Pfft, you're all crazy, all two of you reading this. I also don't Harry Potter but I'm fine with that.

Chapter 2

It was nighttime in the Shire and a perty humungo party was gathered on this particular night. I'm talking balloons, crazy party hats; the works. A huge explosion lit up the sky and the hobbits below gasped as they saw a huge firework monkey eating crackers above.

All of the hobbits at Bilbo's birthday were dancing and having a good time, well most of them were. I don't know if you could actually call it dancing, it looked more like they were all in a mental institution and were experiencing electric shock therapy for the first time. Samwise Gamgee was sitting face first in a tankard of ale, and lapping up his hearty grog with his tongue.

Frodo stopped having spasms on the ground to pull Sam's soaking face out of his drink.

"Sammy my friend, you should be dancing! Why aren't you dancing? Dance my monkey, get out there and dance!" Frodo laughed maniacally.

Sam wiped his dripping wet face off on Frodo's shirt, "but who would I dance with Mr. Frodo? No, I don't think so."

Frodo laughed again (why? I don't know), "why with Rosie you silly little ponce! Now dance!"

"Actually there's someone else I'd rather dance with," Sam looked meaningfully at Frodo.

Frodo smiled obliviously, "yes! Rosie!"

With that he threw Sam into the crowd of spazzing people where he was grabbed by Rosie. They started to 'dance', it was very touching.

Meanwhile Bilbo was entertaining a bunch of tiny hobbit children by telling them of his adventures in the Wild.

"And there I was, walking along a path, and we were all arguing about which way we wanted to go. Well we were all arguing for so long that we didn't realize sun's first light had crept over the trees and poof!"

All of the hobbits gasped excitedly.

"It was light now so we realized there was only one way on the path anyways." Bilbo nodded.

Gandalf was busy making more monkey fireworks for the hobbit children and had left his wagon unattended for the moment. Two youth hobbits, understood to be Peregrin (Pippin) Took and Mer (mumbles something in audible) Something – or - other, came sneakily out from behind a tent (yes very sneaky my precious, very sneaky). The one called Pippin appeared to be stoned out of his mind and the one called (mumble) appeared to be fall down drunk, what a pair.

Mary lifted up Pippin and threw him into the wagon – knocking it over. The hobbits looked around to see if anyone noticed and surprisingly nobody did, they were too busy being wasted. Speaking of fall down drunk, Mery was quickly signaling his friend to get a firework. Pippin tried to hold up a super huge firework but he kept dropping it and laughing because he said it looked like his ex-girlfriend. He finally was able to hold it up for Maree to see and when he did Merri shook his head emphatically.

"Nooooo, th'big 'un, the biiigg 'un," Marie said, stumbling a little bit backwards as he helped himself to the ale in his hand. He spilled most of it all over him in his drunken stupor.

Pippin stared at his friend laughing for a few minutes and then finally grabbed the smallest firework in the pile. Mauri nodded his approval as Pippin jumped down from the tipped over wagon. They then disappeared into the tent.

In the tent, Mfdsfsfy was trying to hold the firework steady but kept dropping it on Pippin's head. Not that Pippin minded, he though that his friend was a teeny tiny oliphant with curly golden hair.

"Hit me with your trunk again Sally!" Pippin yelled.

"Hee hee, okay," and Marty dropped the firecracker again.

Then Pippin finally lit the firework but also accidentally lit Merie's alcohol drenched shirt on fire. Melly didn't seem to notice.

"There, uh, done," Pippin smiled.

Melee sighed, "'ur s'posed to stick it in the ground!"

"'Tis in the ground!"

"Outside you bloody moron!"

"This was your idea! I'M the bloody moron? Hello! You're on fire!" Pippin cried and the firework went up into the sky, forming the Death Mark in the sky. A bunch of people ran past Pippin on the ground and a flaming Morty (sounds like a drink that does). A man-boy of about fifteen ran past carrying a foot long stick. He looked just like his father – except for he had his mother's eyes. Another blonde girl ran past, following the boy.

"Harry! Harry! Can you introduce me to Snape? Pleaaaaasseee?" Michelle cried, and then she saw Pippin, "Billeh! Oh my god! Squee!"

The girl was then carried away in the crowd of people and seen in the Shire never again – thank god.

Anyways, Marky was now rolling around in the grass while Pippin was also rolling around in the grass laughing his cute little bumbum off.

"That was grrreat (Tony the Tiger moment), let's get another one!" Pippin laughed hysterically.

Then Gandalf came over and grabbed the two by the ears, "Marry-a-duck Sandy-crack, and Peregrin Took, I might have known."

Movie looked confused, "actually my name's –."

"Sandy crack! Ha ha ha!" Pippin laughed.

"My crack is not sandy thank you, and I have no intention of marrying a duck!"

Gandalf laughed, "Sure… now go wash dishes! Do it now!"

So now Ferry and Pippin were washing dishes while Bilbo got up on a tree stump to make his birthday speech.

"Sit down! We don't want a speech!" cried the drunken hobbits.

Bilbo smiled, "my dear Bagginses and Boffins," people cheered, "Tooks," cheer, "and Brandybucks!,"

"They're not here!" came a cry from Pippin.

"Hey!" cried Mari.

Bilbo went through a list of other family names and ended on Proudfoots which everyone thought was very funny because that family likes to show off their feet or something.

"Alas," Bilbo started again after the hysterical laughter died down, "eleventy one years is a long time, a very long time" cheers from the audience, "I don't know enough of you as much as I want and I don't like most of you as much as you deserve."

All of the hobbits looked at each other confused.

What are you trying to say?!" someone yelled out.

"Well I've put this off for far too long. This is the end. I'm going to disappear right now, literally. Goodbye," said Bilbo.

"What are you trying to say?!" someone called out from the crowd.

Bilbo then disappeared, leaving his guests to sit their in wonder.

"What are you trying to say?" came again.

"Shut up, you moron," someone responded.

Back at Bag End, Bilbo reappeared.

"I suppose you think that was terribly clever," Gandalf said, sneaking up on Bilbo from behind.

"Uh, yeah pretty much," Bilbo nodded.

"Well, ok then."

"Listen can you make sure Frodo's okay when I'm gone? I don't trust that Sam fellow around him. He smells Frodo's hair when he thinks I'm not looking; platonic brotherly love my ass," Bilbo asked, while getting some stuff together.

"Two eyes, as often as I can spare them," Gandalf said importantly.

"Who said anything about eyes?" Bilbo gave the wizard a quizzical look.

Gandalf looked at the hobbit meaningfully.

Bilbo nodded, "doesn't matter…right…you're a wizard, and we're all very proud."

Gandalf smiled, "so you're leaving the ring to Frodo right?"

"You know, I don't really want to. It's mine, I found it, it came to me," Bilbo sighed sadly.

"Well there's no need to get angry."

"I'm not angry, it's just how I feel. It's mine, my own, my preeeccioussss," Bilbo said softly, he had pulled out the ring and started stroking it.

"Um, you should probably give it to Frodo, or me, you know I kind of always wanted it for myself," Gandalf moved closer to his friend.

"You, you want it for yourself!" Bilbo accused.

Gandalf nodded, "um, yeah. I could live with you giving it to Frodo though."

Bilbo started to cry and then ran to Gandalf and hugged him.

"You're right; the ring must go to Frodo," Bilbo sighed as he prepared to walk out the front door, "it is late, the road is long…yes it is time."

Gandalf stared at Bilbo, "the ring is still in your pocket."

"Oh can't get past you," Bilbo smirked, "o very well."

Bilbo pulled out the ring and then let it fall to the floor, it didn't bounce.

Gandalf looked at the ring, confused, "why didn't it bounce?"

"Oh, well it is magic, plus you know, medal probably, not like those cheap rubber rings nowadays," Bilbo nodded knowledgably.

The two walked out the door and Bilbo lifted his head high, "I thought up an ending to my book," he turned to look at Gandalf, "the two walked out the door and Bilbo lifted his head high."

"I'm sure you will, my dear friend," Gandalf smiled sadly.

"I just did, so I think that's pretty good. Goodbye Gandalf."

"Goodbye, dear Bilbo."

Bilbo walked down the front path, went through the gate and began his journey down the road, singing that well known song that no one really likes.

"Everybody's talking all this stuff about me, why don't they just let me live?

Something, something something something something something, that's my prerogative."

A/N sigh. That's all then. I loathe Brittany Spears and Bobby Brown so I don't know why I had that song in the fic, but whatever. And so sorry about the Sam loving Frodo thing, I'm not really into that kind of thing but I had to make Sam weird somehow. Please review! I'll know if you didn't! And you don't want me to know that you know that you didn't review! Trust me; I have connections to the Canadian mob.