Disclaimer: FMA is MINE. STEAL IT AND DIE!

If any of you took me seriously on that, then please send a dollar to me as compensation for your stupidness.


The double doors to a rather tall and foreboding looking military building busted wide open and took the trip to a full 180 half circle, promptly crashing into the very wall that held them up. Edward stormed out of the open doorway, his head steaming.

How dare he use that word! The sheer wickedness and vulgarity of using that word! Ed was seething.

This was indeed one of the few times in Edward's life where he had wished he had not sworn off drinking milk. It had all been a part of a medical examination the government had wished to experiment on. What would happen if a baby of 3 months old were to stop consuming milk from animals? Soymilk did not count, for it is impossible to milk a soy-bean, and a bean is technically not an animal, no matter how many times it is tested otherwise in an incurably expensive technical scientific government experiment thing. The result was obviously, a very short baby. Alphonse was not included in the experiment; he seemed to like milk a great deal as a baby. But he was letting his mind wander again. The cause of his uprising was as usual, Colonel Roy Mustang.

The nerve of that man really ticked Edward off.

Edward had interacted with bullies all of his life. It was a rather odd feature of his personality, because his mom had never given him lunch money. For the bullies to steal that is. Bullies just needed some self-respect to grow from. Roy Mustang had mountains of self-respect, and still humored himself at other's expenses. Half an hour ago was just another one of those incidents…

Edward blanched as he realized a flash back was taking place.


"How you doin' Shrimp?"

Ed flinched at the comparison to a petite sized seafood product.

"Just fine." He mustn't lose his head. He was above pathetic insults. Alphonse was grinning innocently at the other two in the room. It was as if he had nothing to worry his soul about. It's not like 'HE' was short. He was…

…so lucky.

The Colonel's tone turned serious as he proceeded to inform Ed that the proper way to liberate a city from a brainwashing monarchy was NOT to make statues move about and crash the local church head. Even if the church head was the one doing the brainwashing. Some members of the city now considered the military as people of the devil. Why would a peaceful god of the Sun, also known as Leto, have a need to grant statues the power to walk? There's no need to! Certainly the work of the devil. The military had nothing to do with the devil. Roy shifted his weight uncomfortably as he relayed the last sentence to Ed. Right?

Ed wasn't listening. He wasn't very skilled at hiding the fact that he was snoring either. Roy's face melted into a very lovely shade of red. The Colonel began to shout insults at Edward (also calling him very rude names indeed), who wasn't hearing any of it due to his being asleep.


Then Ed realized that that had occurred yesterday, and he had stumbled unto the wrong flashback.

He had stopped his storming to sit near the edge of the fountain set outside the military headquarters in order to seethe more properly. It was too hard while walking. The water provided a striking contrast to the fire in Edward's eyes.

No wonder he had mixed the two up. They had been abnormally similar. That experience also started with the typical greeting the Colonel gave him...


"How you doin' Shrimp?"

This was where it differed. Ed's mouth moved before he could stop it. The mouth that he could not control yelled that his name was not Shrimp, and that he was in no way related to something that people bought (and ate) at the local marketplace. And that he was not related to something that lived in the ocean either, so that make it doubly impossible for him to be related to a shrimp. Roy shrugged from behind his desk.

Just then Hawkeye popped in from a door adjoining the wall sitting behind the Colonel. She was carrying a plate, and murmuring to herself that she wasn't a waitress. She nodded a greeting to Ed before setting the plate in front of Roy and gave him a look that said: "Go out and buy your own lunch next time, you big moocher." It also repeated what she had been murmuring beforehand: "I'm not a waitress, so expect this again and I will shoot you." Roy remained silent until she and the threat that came with her angry presence disappeared behind the closing door. Edward took note that Hawkeye was presumably the only human being who could silence Roy at a glance.

But with Riza gone, the Colonel began the inevitable speech on something else that Edward had done that had apparently placed the military in a very tight spot. Ed wasn't worried; he'd already had his fun. Roy would simply straighten the knots and wrinkles out of this little problem again, and he'd be revered even more than he is now. It was a win-win relationship. Except for the name-calling.

"Are you listening, Squirt?"

Ed's head pricked up from dozing off (he was learning how to sleep with his eyes closed) and glared daggers at the Colonel sitting before him. Alphonse would have reprimanded his older brother if he had been present, but he was off with Armstrong saving kittens from trees. The fire department didn't appear to be doing it fast enough. Plus Al was a sucker for kittens.

"What did you say?"

Roy wasn't even aware of the dangerous tone Ed was speaking in. "I-said-are-you-listening-Squirt?'" He pronounced each word slowly, to give Ed's small brain time to comprehend it. He thought he was being kind by stooping to Ed's level. Ed didn't think it was very funny though. Edward exploded.

And there was a great light, and Roy felt as if he were being lifted to heaven. His body left the desk chair as he rose into the air. He had achieved weightlessness!

Before crashing into the wall behind him.

He heard voices of the people most important to him calling out his name. There was a misty riverbank before him, and an old man that he recognized as his grandfather was on the other side. His Grandfather waved at him and yelled that he was not supposed to cross over yet and that he should turn around and return to the light. Roy halted. 'Aren't I supposed to stay away from the light?' He placed his hand over his chin to think. 'Oh well'. That reasoning always worked for him before. So he followed the light and before he even opened his eyes he could hear the voice of a very angry Edward.

"HE CALLED ME SQUIRT!"


A/N: Did you know that Edward is actually 5'5"? I suppose that might be tall in some countries…like Japan? (He is 5'3" if you don't count the antennae thingie that he has on his head.) More precisely, 165 centimeters total and 160 centimeters without the antennae.

Preview: (Maybe?)

And why did it have to be 'Squirt'? Sure, he didn't care about Roy poking fun at his height and shrimp had been one of the more tasteful choices. Shrimp was expensive and tons of people like shrimp. However, Squirt was a real insult. Squirt is something one did when dousing someone else with water from a trick flower. How lame.

A/A/N: (also known as: Another Author's Note -)

Um... Would anyone like to beta read? Please? If you don't want to, you don't have to feel guilty. Just review instead. Muahaha.