A/N Hello again! I have been doing exams lately so I haven't been able to update. Which when you think about it is a pretty bad excuse seeing as I didn't study anyways. Thank you to all my beautiful reviewers (all – what – five of you) for your praise and constructive criticism, I was thinking about giving you all hugs but I have decided that you don't want a hug from me. Dom Monaghan should be arriving at your houses anytime now to give you a nice big hug from me. These author notes are getting too long – here's the fic.

Disclaimer: I own you! Naw just kidding, scared ya didn't I? I don't own anything, not the lord of the rings or even my heart; I left that in San Francisco (a place I've never been to).

Gandalf, Frodo and Sam were walking in a large beautiful forest, carrying with them all their stuff. Gandalf talks about enemies, then leaves. There's a series of shots where the hobbits walk around New Zealand and Frodo quotes Bilbo once. Very exciting.

Sam and Frodo were walking around in Farmer Maggots field when Frodo says the dumbest thing anyone has ever said – ever, "Can I keep him mom, please?" oh wait, that's not it, "...what could possibly happen?"

Pippin and Manny suddenly run into Frodo and Sam knocking them over.

"Oi!" Sam cried, "what's all this about?" He has yet to notice the glaringly obvious fact that the two stole vegetables.

Pippin, ignoring Sam, cries, "look Martin! His eyes are huge!"

"Hello Frodo," Marky Mark slurs, he's drunk again.

"Get off him!" Sam cries pushing Pippin aside and helping Frodo up.

"Jealous are we?" Pippin says laughing his head off (at what? We don't know).

Sam blushed and mumbled something under his breath.

From far away the four hobbits hear a cry, "I'm Farmer Maggot, you two hobbits have been in my crop! Arrgh!"

Five seconds passed as Frodo, Pippin, and the other one stared at Sam.

"Almost..." Frodo said nodding.

"You've been into Farmer Maggots crop!" Sam yelled at Misty.

"There it is!" Maury cried.

Then, realizing that a scary farmer with that big thing the Grim Reaper carries was chasing them, the hobbits ran away as fast as their short legs could carry them.

They ran and ran until Sam pushed them down a small cliff thing. The four hobbits landed in a heap, seemingly unharmed by the very long fall.

"I think I've broken sumfin," Malay whined, pulling a broken carrot from behind his back, finishing the only line most people will remember him for.

"Nice going Pippin and other guy," Sam chastised.

"What? That was a detour my friend, a –um- shortcut, yeah," Morty then passed out from being drunk out of his mind.

"Oh yeah, a shortcut to what?" Sam asked the unsettlingly still Manny.

"Crackers!" cried Pippin, as he caught sight of some mushrooms growing by the road they had landed on. He stumbled over to the patch and began picking them, Sam in tow, "mushroom-shaped crackers! I loves me mushroom-shaped crackers!"

"I think they're just mushrooms," Sam said seriously.

"Oh, well then never mind," Pip sighed and began poking Mabel and laughing.

Frodo was staring down the road, which seemed to be shrinking. His eyes seemed to be getting wider and wider, "I think we should get off the road."

"Sure, we could do that," Pippin answered and continued poking Murphy.

A dramatic, scared and in pain look passed over Frodo's face – and has stayed their 'til the ends of his days, "get off the road!"

Sam jumped up, mouth full of mushrooms and followed Frodo to a spot under a huge tree root. Pippin rolled Mvemsjnup ( that's all the planets! WEEE) over to their hiding place, just in time to avoid the scary pink wraith.

A long time passes as the hot pink rider sniffs around where the hobbits are and all of the bugs begin to crawl around. Pippin grabs a centipede and eats it, thinking it is a moving cracker. Frodo's eyes behind to roll up and he tries to put on the ring, though he is stopped by Sam because Sam wants to put on the ring. To make the rider go away, Pippin picks up Mike and throws him over to his left. The rider goes away and everyone is happy, even Michel because he's still unconscious.

The hobbits run around some more, somehow Merty comes back and says the best line ever said ever. Frodo says that Sam and him must get to Bree and Murray says, wait for it, are you ready? I don't think you are. Oh I'll tell you anyways, "Right...Buckleberry Ferry follow me!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA fun.

The four hobbits run to the ferry and are pursued by a Pink Rider. Nobody is hurt except for Mercedes who got a splinter in his foot; it must have been made of titanium I swear.

Frodo, Sam, Mercutio and Pippin are magically transported to the gate outside Bree where they meet some old cranky guy. They walk along the streets and are scared because of all the men, especially this one guy with a carrot – he looks so familiar.

The four finally make it to 'The Prancing Pony' where they are met by Barliman Butterbur, what.a.name. When Frodo asked for Gandalf the inn-owner told him that the wizard hadn't been there for six months.

"What d'you s'pose happened to 'im?" Madagascar asked.

"Saruman probably killed him or something," Frodo answered.

"Oh. Well let's get pissed then."

"Okay."

Very tired from being magically transported, the four companions sit down for a drink. Milky came over with a large mug and Pippin stared in awe.

"What's that?"

"This, my friend, is a ," his words were cut off when he dunked his head into the mug and began lapping it up like a dog – or Sam style if you prefer.

"I'm getting one!" Pippin cried excited, and he bounced off.

Sam was thankful for his alone time with Frodo, the only problem was that with Pippin and the other one gone his master would notice he was sniffing his hair.

"Oi! What are you doing?" Frodo asked Sam as he pulled his hair away from him.

"Urm...checking for lice?" Sam answered.

"Oh, alright then."

"You know, that guy's staring at you," Sam pointed out, eager to draw Frodo's attention away from himself.

"Well I don't swing that way sister, so looking is all he's gonna do. Mmmmhmmm," Frodo replied, rolling his head.

"What?"

"I dunno."

Butterbur was working up at the bar so Frodo yelled to him, "who's that man in the corner!"

"He's a ranger! S'names Strider because he walks! Scary aint he?" Barliman answered.

"Yeah! Looks like he smells bad too!" Frodo answered, staring at Strider.

"I can hear you, you know," the tall 'I'll-hit-you-in-the-face beautiful' man told Frodo.

All of a sudden everything got really fuzzy and Frodo began to swoon around rolling his eyes into the back of his head.

"Baggins...baggins...baggins..."

"Baggins?" came Pippins voice from the bar, "nope I don't know a Baggins. I know a Sandycrack though, s'names Milly. Funny chap, always drunk."

"Pippin no!" Frodo cried and ran to his second cousin, once removed on his mother's side. He tripped over thin air and accidentally put the ring on...and disappeared. Woah...

No one in the bar really noticed, but he quickly scampered out of sight to take the ring off. Strider then grabbed him and they were magically transported to another room in the Inn.

"You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. Underhill," Strider scowled.

"My name's Baggins," Frodo answered confused.

"That is no trinket you're carrying."

"I know, it's a ring. The Ring actually," smiled Frodo dumbly.

Other things were said but no one cares anyways. Then bum bada bum! Sam, Pippin and the drunk one run in.

"Oi! I'll have you longshanks!" Sam cried.

"I will beat you with this chair!" Pippin cried.

"I don't know why I have a candelabra. I know! I will burn you, argh!" Moby cried.

"You have a stout heart, but you will still die because you are fat," Strider smiled.

There was a lot of talking and Strider talked about how the ring wraiths are neither living nor dead and they made up a cool diversion.

IN A DIFFERENT ROOM AT THE INN OF THE PRANCING PONY...

The Pink Wraiths come in and start beating the down out of some pillows. Only after ten minutes do they realize that the halflings aren't there. They pull back the covers to reveal the feathers and scream. One problem...they don't see! Wow these wraiths are DUMB...

BACK IN THE HOBBIT/ MAN ROOM OF LOVE...

"Hey it worked!" Pippin laughed.

"Yes, now we must go because it will only take them one day to figure out they should check more than one room in the inn," Strider informed them.

"How do we know we can trust you though? Don't you have cough a letter or something from Gandalf?" Frodo asked.

"Nope. For all you know I could kill you in your sleep," Strider nodded.

"Oh, okay, so we leave at dawn then?"

A/N J'ai fini. I think there might be some problems with the tense that I put the story in, it might change from present to past, but who cares right? Please review, please? Well I'm off to do some of the pilottes that I got from a Special K box! Pilottes on! Crackers for everyone who reviews!