A/N: Ed is about 5'5"… but only when he wears his platform boots and includes his antennae. At least, that's what Ed claims! (Probably not though…) If anyone finds a reliable source for the correct height, I would be very interested. My new beta reader and I have already spent a few minutes debating his actual height. That is, until we discovered that we were really sad people for doing so.

Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, I wouldn't have to debate Ed's height, now would I?


And why did it have to be 'Squirt'? Sure, Edward was mad about Roy poking fun at his height, but shrimp had been a one of the more tasteful choices. Shrimp was expensive and tons of people like shrimp. Squirt is something one did when dousing someone with water from a trick flower. How lame.

Edward was contemplating to himself and still emitting steam from his ears when Al returned from his 'Save the Kittens' mission. Even from a distance, the kitten-lover could see a cloud hanging over his brother's head. Al approached the fountain slowly; he didn't want to be a victim of one of his older brother's moods.

"Nii-san? Have you been anywhere near headquarters today?" Al wasn't able to furrow his brow, but he still appeared rather worried. He kept glancing at the structure behind them which proclaimed military influence.

"Yeah, so what?" Ed spat. Al began toying with his fingers, placing the tips of his fingers against each other. He looked back at the building again and started talking to his fingers. Ed had to lean forward to hear Al properly.

"Well, I was wondering if you were the cause of the Colonel being put in an ambulance to be taken to the hospital."

"What?" Ed leaped up from his sitting position and stood on the edge of the fountain, to give him a little more height. His head darted back and forth, eager to see Roy in a stretcher. "I can see it! They are sticking him in an ambulance!" He pointed at the nurses and other emergency care people running in and out of the military building and started to laugh rather cruelly.

"HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAA -hic- AAHAHAHHAHA!"

"Er… nii-san?" Al warily moved toward Edward, but by this time, Ed was already rolling around on the fountain edge clutching his torso. His legs were flying in every direction and tears were beginning to stream from his eyes while he continued his malicious laughter at Roy's expense.


Edward sneezed. It wasn't a loud sneeze, or a very large sneeze, but it had Alphonse upset either way.

"Maybe getting a cold will teach you a lesson."

Ed murmured. He didn't feel like arguing. He was too grumpy. The two brothers were walking through a hospital corridor. Ed hadn't been paying attention to where they were headed, so instead of finding Roy's new 'headquarters', he had gotten the both of them lost. Al didn't mind, he thought this would be a good time to lecture his brother about laughing at injured people.

"Maybe falling in the fountain is a sign telling you that you shouldn't poke fun at wounded people."

Yes it was so; Edward had been rolling around so quickly and uncontrollably during his malicious laughter that he had rolled straight into the water fountain. Immediately after the splash was heard, Ed's emotions had sizzled down. Ed sneezed again as they rounded the corner of the hospital hallway. Ed was positive the people who had designed the hospital had done it so that the visitors coming would get lost and not be able to find a way out. He was searching his pockets for a spare tissue or piece of unused paper when he happened to collide with a rather frantic looking young man.

"Sorry kid, I'm in a hurry." The young man didn't even look down. He moved Edward to one side, maneuvered around Al's large body and kept walking, until realization hit him. He turned back and after a pause apologized with his hand behind his head, embarrassment on his face. He had assumed it was a child, because Ed only came up to his chest. Ed turned red in the face, either from being called kid, or from fever finally setting in.

"Again, sorry about that." There was a hint of embarrassment in his voice.


The group had resumed the task of walking down corridors with the young man leading in Al and Ed's direction. After the small confrontation, Edward had cooled down slightly. The young man happened to be their good friend Havoc, an underling of Mustang's. Havoc had decided to guide the brothers over to the Colonel's room; the two looked very prone to getting lost. As he ushered them around yet another corner, Havoc forgot why he had been in a hurry in the first place. He was too preoccupied with patting Edward on the head.

"Will you desist?" Edward growled. A vein on Ed's forehead was threatening to pop.

"You're so short." Havoc grinned.

Ed twitched and held back a sneeze. "I think we've already been through that."

"I know… but you're so short." Havoc cocked his head to one side. Maybe if he looked at Ed from a different angle, he wouldn't seem so short. Edward twitched again. Anyone watching him would think he had a tick in his shoulder or something. Havoc didn't notice. At least anyone with observations skills would think he had a tick in his shoulder.

"On the other hand, you're looking nice and tall today Alphonse." Havoc couldn't reach the top of Alphonse's head. Err… helmet.

"Um… T-thank you Havoc-san?" But Havoc wasn't paying attention to Al anymore. His gaze immediately strayed to a door they had just passed. A door filled with female nurses, all trying to fix their hats or adjust their leggings. He slowed down and continued looking backwards, until he ran into another person going the opposite way. Al and Ed were far ahead of Havoc by this time, and had to stop to wait for him. They didn't know which way to turn next.

Al looked cautiously to his nii-san, who had his arms crossed in deep thought. He hoped Ed wouldn't go on a Godzilla spree and squish everyone who had ever commented on his being short. Edward looked as if he was in the process of plotting a very evil plan, just to satisfy his hunger for Roy-hating and newfound Havoc-abhorring. Al remembered that Ed hadn't minded being short until after meeting with Colonel Mustang…


They were finally there. If the three of them weren't in a hospital for sure, Alphonse would have been certain they had already crossed the country line and ended up in China.

"Are you sure this is his room?" Edward had his fingers on the end of his chin.

"Yes." Havoc stretched his arms over his head and yawned. He didn't seem in a hurry to go into Roy's room. Alphonse raised his arm to knock, but found that the door had come off its hinges. Edward had already kicked down the door and zoomed inside.

"I have to tell you something Colonel!" Edward was almost frothing at the mouth. He overlooked the fact that Roy and Riza had their mouths wide open in shock at Ed's sudden entrance. Riza was sitting in the chair accompanying the bedside and peeling an apple in one long strip. Roy was lying stiffly on the bed, mainly because he was in one enormous body cast.

"What do you want Full Metal shrimp?" Edward's passion was only revitalized by Roy's attempt at an insult.

"When I grow one inch taller, I'm going on a Godzilla spree and squishing everyone who ever commented on my being short!" Al wondered how Ed knew the exact situation that Al had been carefully trying to avoid.

"Nii-san… that's not very nice." Edward ignored poor Alphonse, who meekly entered the room from the empty doorway. Havoc followed obediently.

"And you'll be the first on my hit list, Colonel Mustang." Ed's death glare was rudely interrupted by another sneeze. It was hard to be intimidating when you had a cold.

"Should I be flattered?" Roy smirked. At least it looked like a smirk. It was difficult to tell with so many bandages covering his face. Edward's face puffed up. Why was it so hard to insult this man? Maybe it'd be easier to kill him. Probably by drowning, then his flame alchemy would be rendered useless. Ed didn't even flinch at the thought of dumping a wounded man into a large shark tank. A man that he had wounded in the first place nonetheless. The body cast Roy was wearing was simply more insurance that he wouldn't be able to float to the top again. Perhaps after the drowning he'd squish the remains of the Colonel's body. The blissful look of happiness on Ed's face was beginning to freak out everyone else in the room.


A/N: I'm so happy! I'm in the double digits now for reviews (as in at least 10). Haha. It seems that all of you loved the comment about Al and the kitten-saving escapade. Which gave me an idea. I now have an actual plan for this here fanfic! How scary is that?

No chapter preview. I wonder if you'll actually miss it or not...?

(No, that doesn't mean it ends here. I hope. I'm the one writing this... so I should know, right?)