A/N hmmm... no one reviewed. That makes me very sad. Well I will add another chapter, but if this trend continues I am afraid there will be no more of this fic to be written by me. I love writing it, but I have other stuff I could be doing... oh what am I saying? I have no life, this is all I could be doing! Please for the love of God review! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Ahem. I'm done now.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings or the Very Secret Diaries, but I own the Lord of the Rings unofficial colouring book that Mush made me. Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies.
Frodo, Sam, Murphy and Pippin were all trudging through the beautiful New Z – erm Middle Earth countryside lead by the tall, dark, scary-beautiful man they knew as Strider. Sam was quite suspicious of this Man who was leading them into the unknown. It looked like he fancied Frodo, but if he tried anything Sam would kill him.
"How do we know we can trust this Strider fellow anyhow?" Mercury yelled up at Frodo while the party was climbing up a steep hill.
"You don't!" Strider yelled from above.
"Oh my gosh!" Mars yelped, "how did he hear me? He must be some sort of conjurer! I'm scared! Hold me Pip!"
Milk Dud ran to Pippin and hugged him tight around the middle; Pippin patted his friend while laughing at first and then looked down confused. Turning Mandy's face towards him he said, "Uh - who're you then?"
"Don't jest Pip! You know it's M ," but he was cut off by Sam.
"But where his he leading us!"
"To Rivendell, Master Gamgee," Strider answered calmly.
"How is he doing that?" Murt cried, he stumbled backwards and began to roll down the hill. Pippin saw this and rolled down as well, laughing all the while. The rest of the troop then had to climb down to get the two crazed hobbits, forcing everyone to go through the whole song and dance again.
"But where is he leading us!" Sam yelled, frustrated.
"To Rivendell, Master Gamgee," Strider answered calmly.
"Did you hear that Mister Frodo? We're going to see the Elves!" Sam yelped, he had always wanted to see the Elves, whatever they happened to be.
"Of course I heard that, you ninny, I'm right here, and stop screaming everything."
"Sorry!"
It was then that the drunken Mortificus decided to roll back down the hill, Pippin once again followed. Strider kept moving.
"Shouldn't we go get them?" Frodo asked dramatically (drama!).
Strider shrugged, "are they contributing at all to the plot right now?"
"Well, no," Frodo answered.
"Then we should keep moving and eventually they'll show up to provide some comic relief by asking for another morning meal."
"Oh, alright then."
Everyone was then magically transported to some other place in Kiwi-a-gogo – pardon me – I meant Middle Earth land. The four hobbits were unloading stuff from the pony they had picked up in Bree that Sam had dubbed Bill.
Strider turned to see the silly hobbits doing this and shouted, "we don't stop 'til nightfall!"
"What about breakfast?" Pippin asked.
Strider sighed and gave Frodo an I-told-you-so glance. He then took an apple out of his pocket and threw it really hard at Mickey. Miffy seemed to have developed super-human reflexes from all the beer he was drinking (that happens doesn't it? ;) ) because he caught the apple. Strider then pulled out another apple and threw it hard at Pippin; the apple hit him in the head and knocked him unconscious.
"Well, we should keep moving," Strider gave a small smile and began walking again.
Frodo and Sam exchanged a glance before shrugging and heading off to follow their guide. Mory was the last of the three conscious hobbits to start moving. He bent over his friend, picked up the apple that had hit him and wiped it on his shirt before taking a bite (the other one was still in his hand). Musty examined the apple then said, "stupid git bruised it. Bugger," before walking off to join Frodo and Sam.
Beep bop bop beep bop yeah! (That's how you know a magical transportation has taken place)
Everyone was at Weathertop as Strider handed out some blades to the hobbits.
"Oomph!" cried Moo, catching a small sword, "hey, these aren't even sharp!"
Strider grinned maliciously, "I know."
Beep bop bop beep bop yeah! And suddenly it's nighttime and Strider is gone. Frodo was sleeping until he woke up to his companion's voices as well as the crackling of the fire.
"Call me fat will ya!" Sam exclaimed, "I'll make a fire big enough to signal the whole world!"
"He hit me and I fell down and I didn't get up! I didn't get up!" Came Pippin's voice.
"I don't really have anything to complain about!" Minhin said, "but I likes me fire!"
Frodo got up and ran to his silly silly friends, "put it out you fools, put it out!"
"Oh that's nice, ash on my crackers!" Pippin cried as Frodo kicked ash around.
"You don't have any crackers Pippin!" Sam shouted.
Frodo was still yelling at them so Mop tried to make things better, "alright alright," he said as he began pouring his beer on the fire, "look I'm – oh woah!" he exclaimed as the fire grew larger.
Frodo sighed, "no you moron!" He then grabbed Pippin's lit pipe from his hand and put it out, "the Enemy could have seen that!" The fire meanwhile, was roaring away.
Suddenly there was a high-pitched scream.
"Riders!" Frodo cried.
"Actually that was me," Pippin put up his hand, "I really wish you hadn't dumped my weed all over the place."
"Hurry let's go to the top of these ruins so that the riders can trap us in!" Frodo yelled and motioned for the three to follow him up what was left of the watchtower.
"But – " Pippin started.
"Let's go!"
The four halflings ran up to the top and huddled facing outward so that they could see in all directions. A bunch of pink riders came up and began to approach the hobbits.
One of the riders spoke up, "um, we just saw your fire and we were wondering, could you point us to where ?"
"Argh!" Sam ran at the rider and was pushed aside easily.
"No seriously, we just wanted to know where we could find -."
"Boogah boogah!" Merf and Pippin cried and then were thrown aside by the feminine but surprisingly strong Pink Wraith.
Frodo donned his drama face and fell backwards, stupidly dropping his sword, which was dull anyways.
The rider then sighed and then began rubbing its brow, "okay, I just want to know -."
Just then, Frodo put on the Ring and disappeared.
"Wha? Where'd you go? Oh this is ridiculous, no wonder we forgot all about hobbits." The frustrated rider then stabbed out in front of him trying to find the halfling. A cry sounded out.
"Oops," the rider said, "hey, wait a second!" he bent down and looked at the crying Frodo, "are you that 'creature' we've been looking for? Holy crap! Buzz! You gotta see this! It's the creature!"
Another pink rider came over and bent down, "oh man! It is the 'creature'! I thought that Gollum dude was just full of it but look! Here he is! Hey man, um, can I see that Ring fer just, like, a sec?"
"No!" Strider jumped up out of nowhere with fire and swung at the riders making them run away screaming, "no! Not our beautiful robes!"
Everyone then found out that a Morgul blade had stabbed Frodo and his wound was beyond Strider's skill to heal. They needed elvish medicine.
"Well it's a good thing we're going there anyway!" Sam smiled.
Beep bop bop beep bop yeah! And everyone's at the place where the trolls were looking for a way to go. There was a whole thing about Athelas but we don't need to get into that because it wasn't too important except that Arwen showed up and decided to give her love a shave.
"Wait! Arwen? I though Glorfindel was supposed to come to get us!" Strider said confused.
"He was," Arwen answered in her high pitched voice, "but I decided it was best that I did it so I could get more time in a story I wasn't really part of in the first place."
Strider shrugged, "fine with me," he said and they began making out.
After a while Arwen pulled away, "shouldn't we be helping that Frodo guy?"
"Sure, of course, let's got help out Frodo! Frodo! Frodo! Frodo! Why don't you just marry Frodo?" Strider exclaimed.
"What?" Arwen asked as she made her way over to the hobbits.
She appeared before the hobbits as a vision of beauty. There was a large sign around her neck that said 'No Admittance Except on Party Business' there was also another one that said 'Hello I'm an Elf!'
"Wow, what's she?" Muby asked Sam.
"She's an elf," Sam replied with a dreamy expression on his face.
There was some talking in elfish and arguing until it was decided that Arwen gets to take Frodo to see her poppy in Rivendell.
Arwen rode and rode, and then rode some more until she was ambushed by a bunch of Pink Ring Wraiths.
"Excuse me!" One cried, "excuse me!"
"Piss off!" Arwen yelled back.
"Well that was rude! I'm gonna make you pay for saying that! C'mon boys let's get her!"
The pink horses were urged to move faster as their riders began humming the theme song to 'Rocky'.
Arwen passed a small creek on her horse and taunted the riders.
"Adrian! Adrian!" They cried out and the horses began to try to make their way across the water. The horses lost their footing and slipped into the water, being caught up by the incredibly weak current they fell over the waterfall. A couple minutes later a huge tidal wave in the shape of boulders and horses came crashing through the scene – a little late.
Frodo started convulsing and Arwen bent over him, trying to encourage the poison to not take hold.
"No Frodo! No! My part in this story holds no meaning if I don't save you! And who will I have to make Aragorn jealous? No!"
All finito. Now review you crazy fanfic reading people! I'm tired and the OC is on so toodle – oo.
