This chapter came to me when I was talking to my friend Elliot. So yeah... More about Ellie's ED, and a tad more about her cutting. There still aren't many reviews, but that's okay.
Sean's POV
"Ellie, wake up," I whispered, leaning over her. I poked her in the ribs, but pulled my finger back quickly, as though her tanktop was stained with acid. She's so bony, I thought. How didn't I notice this? I'm so stupid. I had sex with this girl, and she was skinny then, too. I love this girl. More than anything in the world. If you love her so much, retard, then why didn't you notice anything?
I sighed, signing on her computer. If she wasn't going to wake up, I wasn't going to leave her. That's just heartless.
My Sweet Cyanide: hey, sean.
Your Mom: uhm, who is this?
My Sweet Cyanide: paige.
Your Mom: oh. hi.
My Sweet Cyanide: i wanted to talk to you. we need to talk.
Your Mom: dude, paige, not now. ellie's fucking scared the hell outta me at the moment, so im making sure she's okay while she sleeps.
My Sweet Cyanide: oh, she scared you too? god, last night i was at her house and she was crying and shaking and biting her nails. she locked herself in the bathroom, so i went home.
Your Mom: she called me soon after you left; she was really upset. she told me to come over, so i did. and now she's asleep, after crying to me all fucking night.
My Sweet Cyanide: oh. well...you've noticed how skinny she's gotten right? her mom told me that she weighs, like, seventy-five pounds.
Your Mom: holy shit.
My Sweet Cyanide: yeah, that's why she was in the "teen rehab center"
Your Mom: you have to be kidding me. she looks like she weighs more than that!
My Sweet Cyanide: are you inlove with ellie?
Your Mom: no, we're just friends. look, paige, i've gotta go.
My Sweet Cyanide: sure, thats what you're saying.
Your Mom is no longer available.
I sat in the computer chair, watching Ellie sleep. Yeah, she used to have baby fat in the beginning. But not anymore. Here she was, Ellie Faith Nash, skin and bones. Her collar bones stuck out like pencils, and when I held her last night, I could feel her hip bones poking up at her skin and digging into my arms. I couldn't believe this.
"Sean?" Ellie asked sleepily, propping herself up on her elbows in bed.
"Yeah, Elle?" I asked quietly, joining her by the bed and stroking her hair.
"What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry." Ellie let herself fall back onto the pillow. I could tell that she was weak.
"Nothing, I've just been thinking. Paige told me about your eating disorder -"
"What!" Ellie yelled, sitting up.
"Ellie, it's no secret, we all know what you do to yourself!" I roared, standing up.
"And what would that be?" she snarled, swinging her feet over the edge of the bed.
"How you fucking slice up your skin and barf up your food! You're disgusting, Ellie Nash!" I yelled. "Oh, and the drugs! You fucking snort coke and shoot heroin!" I shook my head violently. "Do you think I'm stupid? Well I'm not! I know exactly what you do!"
"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" Ellie screamed. She actually screamed at me.
Ellie's POV
How dare Sean come into my house and call me disgusting. Ugh. But he's right. And I hate it when I'm wrong. I turned up my stereo (I was listening to Garbage - "I Think I'm Paranoid") and sighed. How pathetically emo could I get? The next thing I know, I'd be listening to Bright Eyes and crying my eyes out. That will never happen. I'm Ellie Nash. I'm tough shit. Things as simple as eating problems and cutting and drugs don't get to me, right? Wrong.
Here I am. Sixteen, green eyes, 5"0, 75 pounds, pale as shit, scared, broken.
Another chapter, my lovelies. Much love,
Zoe
