How do I wind up with things so Fucked-up? I don't think I've ever done anything worth being treated as a piece of trash. May be I sinned in a passed life so badly that this is a punishment from above, or below. Care is almost never taken with my psyche. I've never been taken care of and so I do not know how to take proper care of my own mental health. Closing off is easy to do, but coming back takes so long; to find the proper road.

I've heard of cases were the victim blamed his or her self. I don't blame myself, but neither do I blame any other person or thing for my life. I am plainly just not wanted, from the day conceived, to the day I shall die. Moments wonder for eternity in the time I've thought a single thought of importance. Every one else has recognized that I have no intelligence, and I am inclined to agree. Hope is for the stupid, the dumb; the person so idiotic as to think that there must be something better out there in the world for him or her in his or her life.

Dieing is the only way to repay my debts. I've been saved several times by people that claim to be my friends, but talk be hind my back about how worthless, lame and stupid I am. Even when I saved one of our own I was never even really thanked or appreciated as the one that brought him out of the darkness of his own soul. Every other person's thoughts were on him instead of seeing that I was dying. Sure I got helped in time, but that's more because I wouldn't allow myself to die before I telling him that I love him.

I love him enough to die to make him happy. And I will. I don't know if he'll even think about me at all, but I hope he will be happy with her. The crush I used to have on her scared and pissed her off more than anything else, so I'll leave to make them both happy. I have no intention to take my own life. I do not fancy death as my mistress, and so I will only leave and never look back. Do not look for me; the person you know is dead. He will never return, and in his place is left me; an empty shell that will soon wither away in the natural cycle when my time comes to leave this plane.

And so, I bid you all good-bye, to the shallow friends and the false parental figures. Good luck and good health in your lives. I will not see you again if I can help it, be it from far or near. I look forward to being on my own, as I realize that sooner or later I will fall the earth as dust. Please take care. Never let yourselves hurt or care for a boy that all despise, that is what you've done. So please continue now with those thoughts. I now leave this place for the torture it is and sign my death as perfectly as with my life was given. I love you, my best friend; with all my heart.


OKAY? This was really just thoughts that I wrote down when listening to Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams. This is a one shot and will not be continued. Thank to those that have reviewed my other stories. I'm having trouble thinking of plot actions and so have gotten almost nothing done. However, I think I might update soon. I'll see what I can do. Love you all.