Uploaded: 27th July 2004


Chapter 5: Science and Sorcery

Weird Street was one of those shady little alleys you prayed you never found yourself in, especially after dark, because there was always the chance that Reason would be mugged by Insanity, leaving a body of Confusion lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Jack was certainly finding himself cornered in Weird Street. Not only was he feeling groggy and disoriented, but he'd also just lost the Horn of Qilin to some freaky purple-haired woman who had appeared out of the blue and shot a black death-ball at him from her hands. Or something. What the heck was going on?

He got up with a groan, picking up his detecto-bot and wondering if he'd slipped and knocked himself out, and just imagined that odd woman. But the Horn of Qilin was nowhere to be found. In fact, according to his Shen Gong Wu finding device, the Horn was more or less stationary and still nearby, but on the other side of this wooded cavern.

Jack's train of thought screeched to a halt, backing up entirely in the opposite direction before terminating at the Purple Hair station. If there was one colour he'd had enough of over the past few months, it was a nagging, tetchy purple.

Wuya ... She's got her body back? It had to be. That was the only possible explanation. Who else would be out here in the middle of nowhere, looking for Shen Gong Wu?

Making Wuya angry when she was a transparent ghost was one thing. Back when Wuya had stayed in Jack's lab, Jack's brain had actually learned to block out the specific sound of her voice, so that he had been able to finish his robot up-grades whenever she had been hovering over him in one of her rants. When she had discovered he wasn't even paying attention to her any more, she had gotten into a strop and had kept popping up through objects when he least expected it, scaring the living daylights out of him the first couple of times, and annoying him thereafter. So, to get his own back, he'd just constantly played his rock hard music at rock hard volume levels and completely blasted her out with huge booming speakers. That had really got on her nerves.

But he wouldn't be able to do any of those things now she was back to normal, because now she could fight back. She'd probably go back to his house just to destroy those speakers. Not good.

But then ... according to his detecto-bot, the Horn of Qilin was still here. What was she waiting for? She and Raimundo had the Golden Tiger Claws; surely they would have escaped with the Horn by now ... Maybe he could nip in and steal it back from her.

Right, then. If she wanted to play hardball with Jack Spicer, evil boy genius extraordinaire, then she would have to pay the consequences.

With stubborn resolve, Jack activated his heli-pack, ordered his robots to follow him, and followed the detecto-bot's directions.


Dojo knew that several warriors had met a premature death at Wuya's hands. Would she kill Omi? He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to wait to find out. Dojo wasn't the bravest of dragons, it was true, but he'd grown attached to the little kid, and didn't want to see anything happen to him.

Although Raimundo had seen Dojo earlier, the little dragon was still hiding in the tree, and Wuya didn't seem to be aware of his presence. Like most magical creatures, he was able to disguise his energy signature, so, if he did this right, he'd be able to take her by surprise and save Omi.

All right, he thought, time for action. He would do what he had to. He was a dragon, after all, and dragons were supposed to be fierce, powerful, and fearsome. Now was the time to prove that he was all of those things and more, regardless of what had happened in the past.

Thankfully, there was more than enough space in the forested cavern for him to grow to his full size, and so, when Wuya said, "Let's get out of here," he charged at her. She shrieked as she stumbled and dropped the Horn of Qilin, which fell to the floor and bounced away. Raimundo could only stare as Dojo continued his flight; in the same movement, he knocked Omi out of the Huai-Ren's hand. Omi also bounced away like a ball, behind some bushes, and Dojo changed direction, looping round in order to rescue him.

Wuya recovered quickly, though, and before Dojo could reach safety, she sent a black shot from her hand that caused him to return to his smaller size. She was not in the mood to play around now; there would be no escaping this time.

"You detestable worm!"

Dojo turned around – and cringed under Wuya's furious glare, the kind of stare that could melt solid rock. He'd sure picked a hell of a time to start being heroic.

"I'm going to turn you into an insect," she promised heartlessly, "and watch you squirm, like the miserable little maggot you are!"

"Yoink!" came a new voice. There was the sound of whirling helicopter rotors, followed by the appearance of several hovering bronze robots, while Jack Spicer swiftly swooped in and snatched the Horn of Qilin from where it had fallen on the floor.

Wuya growled as she watched her quarry escape: Dojo took advantage of the distraction to disappear with the immobile Omi behind a large rock that was in turn behind Jack and his robots.

"Hello again, Wuya," Jack said frostily as he landed. He started clapping slowly (with the Horn in one hand) to show a small, mocking round of applause. "Congratulations – you've finally decided to join us in the physical realm."

"No thanks to your pathetic incompetence."

"In a good mood, are we today?" he asked in a falsely sweet voice.

"You're losing your touch, Jackie," she retorted scornfully. "I expected you to follow me here straight away."

"Aww ... Did ya miss me?" Jack drawled, his voice still mockingly saccharin.

"Hardly! But, since you're here, why not stay a while?" She smiled coldly. "Ready for round two?"

Jack's response was a huge, confident smirk. "Any time, missy."

Raimundo leaped straight into action as soon as Jack ordered his robots to attack, smashing a few robots with a dazzling flurry of kicks. The Huai-Ren sung a ting! note, and a silver pulsing ray came from its mouth, but the blast harmlessly ricocheted off one of the robots; robots didn't seem to count as being 'living'. Since they were unaffected by its trademark spell, the Huai-Ren resorted to some old-fashioned dragon slicing and slashing.

As most of his robots were getting trashed (courtesy of some dragon claws, gusty kicks and black magic), Jack went for the escape option and used his portable helicopter to fly upwards. But the Huai-Ren spread its wings, flying up to block his getaway. Jack paused briefly, seeming to have only just noticed the dragon, but he dived and flew underneath – only to find Wuya staring back at him, ready to chuck another one of her 'balls of death' (as Jack had christened them). The Huai-Ren turned around and swiped at him from behind. Jack narrowly dodged, but the blow managed to catch the propellers from his portable helicopter, and he fell to the ground.

"End of the line, Jack. Hand over the Horn of Qilin."

"No way, Wuya," he retorted, and he stood up quickly, crossing his arms in a blatant show of defiance. "My days of listening to you are over."

"What? You hardly ever listened to me."

Raimundo stopped fighting robots for a moment; Dojo chanced a peek around the rock; and they both watched the exchange with mild interest.

No love lost, thought Dojo.

"You know what I mean," Jack persisted. "I refuse to be your lackey – I've got my own plans of world domination to pursue, and they don't include you."

"As you wish," she replied icily, "but be warned, Jack Spicer – I won't hold back this time."

Jack actually laughed. "Don't let me stop you!"

Wuya fired, and Dojo and Raimundo both gawked. Jack just stood there, waiting for the attack to hit him. At the last moment, he pushed a button on his wrist watch, causing a strange blue shield to appear around him from tip to toe, which completely absorbed the black ball as it made contact

"Wha –?"

"Ha-ha!" He pointed to an odd red glowing device on his chest. "The Jack Spicer Micro Force-Field Generator absorbs any kind of energy blasts, even magical ones!" he said to an invisible mass of people. "You won't be able to catch me off guard with that attack a second time, Wuya."

It was never wise to underestimate an opponent, and she silently commended Jack for his tenacious ingenuity. In fact, she'd been expecting something of this nature, and she would have been disappointed if Jack hadn't showed up with some kind of new-fangled invention. It had been lousy timing on his part, though.

"Most impressive, Jack," she conceded, "but I think you'll find it will take a lot more than your mechanical tools to defeat me."

"Well, I'll just have to use this thing instead, then, won't I?" he rejoined, pointing one end of the Horn right at her. "Horn of Qilin!"

A beam of sprinkling light came from the end of the Horn, startling Jack into falling backwards, as the beam went not forwards, but downwards, straight through his right foot.

"W-what?" he stammered. "What happened?"

"You imbecile!" Wuya yelled, causing everyone else capable of movement, whether Xiaolin, Heylin or otherwise, to jump quite a distance in the air. She was both angry and exasperated – just how moronic could one person be?

"You are quite possibly the most idiotic boy that I have ever had the misfortune of knowing!"

She shouldn't have been surprised, really. Jack was always so eager to show off whenever he had a new Shen Gong Wu that he didn't always use the magic in the proper manner.

Raimundo gave Wuya a strange look – something he was starting to get used to doing – and Jack, sitting on the floor and still holding the Horn of Qilin out in exactly the same position as when he had fired, looked both stunned and nonplussed at the same time.

What the hell's wrong with this woman? thought Jack. I'm not even on her side any more and she's still banging on my case!

"Huh?" Jack said out loud.

"You're holding it the wrong way round, kid," called Dojo, still peering around the rock. He never thought he'd actually be rooting for Jack Spicer, but Kimiko had made a good point back in the other cave. It was a case of choosing the lesser of two evils. Better to fight Jack than Wuya.

"Oh, yeah," Jack said a little sheepishly, turning the stag-like horn the right way round in his hand before propping himself up with his left hand. But why would Wuya care? Unless she wants me to use it ...

The boy-genius was thoroughly confused. But Jack knew something that Raimundo was only just beginning to discover; trying to figure out Wuya's intentions was like trying to get Ashley to get rid of those blasted cats – no matter how hard you pushed and shoved for what you wanted, it just couldn't be done.

He shrugged. "Meh. Doesn't matter. I'm still gonna use this and my other Shen Gong Wu to go out and take over the world, so you'd better watch out."

"You will so not. You're an idiot, Jack – you don't even know what this Shen Gong Wu does. You'll just use it irresponsibly, without any regard for the consequences, as usual ..." Wuya spoke in an careless tone, seeming to have found a sudden interest in her nails.

"Oh yeah? You think so? Well, little Miss High-and-Mighty, I was smart enough to take the Horn back from you. And, I have to tell you – I'm not in the mood to share."

"I don't care. In fact," she said casually, with the superior air of someone who had far more important things to do than talk to a spoiled child, "you can keep your lousy horn. I don't want it any more."

"What? Why?"

"It doesn't do much anyway. It just purifies water and shines in darkness. That's all it does."

Jack's eyes narrowed. Unfortunately, though his Shen Gong Wu detector could tell him the position and name of a Shen Gong Wu, it was unable to tell him anything about its function. Therefore, he didn't actually know what the Horn did. It had been a risky thing to do, to just use the Horn on Wuya like that, but he needed to know what it did, and that was why he'd been so eager to test it out. He would have to work on upgrading the detecto-bot, when he had time.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Take a look around, genius. This forest is not a natural occurrence. The Horn of Qilin does not need to be active in order for its magic to work. Over time, the Horn's purifying powers have seeped into this small stream, and the Horn itself has provided the light needed for the plants to grow. Plants will flourish wherever there is light and water. I'm sure even your pathetic mind can grasp that simple concept."

"What?" Jack exclaimed, looking at the Horn in disgust. "I've got a magical water-filter? How the heck am I s'posed to use that to conquer the world? This Shen Gong Wu's useless!" He angrily slammed it down on the floor.

The Horn must have taken offence, because the second it hit the ground, each branch of the Horn started to shoot out beams of white light in every thinkable direction in an almost rebellious manner, just to show Jack how wrong he was.

The beams of light shot everywhere, like an all-out laser war – being executed by a one-horn army. Jack's shield prevented any shots from actually reaching him, and Wuya reflected some shots with a shield of her own. The Huai-Ren surprised Raimundo by actually speaking, and deflected another shot using the Reversing Mirror. This shot turned from a glittering white to an ominous purple, rebounded off one of the robots and hit Raimundo in the chest; meanwhile the dragon was hit in the chest by a different white beam and vanished in a poof of bluish white smoke. The Reversing Mirror dropped to the ground.

"Oookay ... maybe it's not so useless," Jack commented, after the Horn had decided to stop being so trigger-happy.

Raimundo had had enough of waiting on the sidelines. Still feeling he had something to prove, he made a scramble for the Horn of Qilin, while Wuya calmly went to get the Reversing Mirror back. Jack had decided that the Horn would be helpful after all, since it could "dissolve Wuya's dragon thing", so he also went for it. Unsurprisingly, both boys reached the Horn at the same time, and the Horn's white glow turned yellow.

"Hit the road, Jack. This Shen Gong Wu's mine."

"You wish! Raimundo, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. Your Lotus Twister versus my Mantis Flip Coin."

"What's the challenge?"

Jack looked around and saw the sparkling stream. "First one to push the other into the lovely 'purified' water wins."

"You're on, Spicer. Xiaolin Showdown!"

The magic of the Shen Gong Wu came into effect as the Horn of Qilin rose up, transforming the entire area. After the ground and rocks had shaken, the trees had flown away and the land had changed completely, Jack and Raimundo both found themselves standing atop a flat rock that was surrounded by a circular rim of water. It was eerie, the way the Shen Gong Wu could just change the nearby terrain without any regard for the laws of physics. But no one was there for the view. As Jack had said, the first one to push the other off the rock into the water would win the showdown, the Horn of Qilin and the wagered Shen Gong Wu.

"Ready, Latino-boy?"

"Let's go already. Gong Yi Tampai!"

Jack still had four robots left, and he ordered them right away to go after Raimundo. Dojo and Wuya both watched from separate rocks a little way away, Dojo for once actually hoping Jack would win. At least Wuya wouldn't be able to interfere in the showdown; the Shen Gong Wu's magic prevented intervention from anyone or anything not taking part. What Dojo couldn't figure out was how Jack could use his robots or gadgets to cheat. Well, as long as Wuya didn't get the Horn of Qilin, Dojo didn't care how Jack won.

While Raimundo was fighting the robots, Jack tried to take him by surprise and he rushed at him, trying to push him out with a slamming tackle. But Raimundo used the Lotus Twister to gain stretchy limbs and grabbed Jack as he went by.

"Hey – no fair!"

"Hah! Care for a swim?"

Jack struggled and strained as Raimundo slowly forced him towards the water's edge – this was similar to what he'd done to Raimundo in their previous showdown. But Jack had a hidden advantage. He started to snicker, which Raimundo was quick to notice.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," Jack breezed, "just that you're about to get sent."

"What?"

Jack managed to reach his wristwatch and pushed a button, activating his blue shield again. Raimundo was indeed sent flying, all the way across to the other side of the rock.

"Ow, man," he said, rubbing his head. "Talk about unfair..."

"You ain't seen nothing yet," said Jack with swaggering glee. "Check this out." He pushed another button, and a strange compartment appeared from his heli-pack. From inside this, Jack brandished a shiny, long object with odd coils at the end, which looked like some kind of ray gun from a science fiction movie.

"What is that?"

"The Jack Spicer, Evil Boy Genius, Mega Ray Cannon! It comes with an added flamethrower, laser beams and – my all-time favourite – lightning blasts!"

"Well that's a bit much," said Dojo.

"You've gotta be kidding me," said Raimundo.

"Typical," said Wuya. "He has to resort to using his metallic machines in order to win a showdown."

"I didn't want to have to use this," Jack said, with an expression that said that he had had every intention of using the gun, "but you've left me with no choice." He sniggered as he pushed a button that seemed to power it up. The Ray Cannon made an eerie humming noise, sounding like it was charging up. Jack fired; the gun made an odd crackling noise and a purple bolt of lightning shot at Raimundo.

Raimundo angrily moved out of the way. This wasn't fair – as well as his robots and the Mantis Flip Coin, Jack had his own custom-built Eye of Dashi. All he had was the Lotus Twister. He continued to dodge the lightning bolts, jumping onto one of Jack's robots and quickly forcing it to fly high into the air.

Still avoiding the blasts, he dived downwards with the robot and hurriedly made a giant leap from it, ready to catch Jack with a flying kick, but at the last possible moment, Jack jumped out of the way with a somewhat clumsy roll to the right, and Raimundo sailed right past him, past another robot – and into the water.

There was a flash, and the area returned to normal. Jack was grinning widely, holding the Horn of Qilin, the Lotus Twister and the Mantis Flip Coin. Raimundo growled in furious frustration – he could not believe he had lost the showdown to Jack.

Immediately after the showdown had ended, Dojo grew to a larger size, carrying the frozen Omi in his two hands. He'd seen what he needed to – Jack had won the Horn of Qilin, so now was his chance to return to where he'd left Kimiko and Clay, before Wuya got any ideas. He wouldn't be able to travel back the way they had come in his larger form, but he remembered another way through the caverns, where there would be enough room. He just had to follow the river upstream until he came to a T-junction, and turn right. The Horn would continue to glow, so as long as Jack was still in the caves, the light coming from it would guide the way through this particular route.

"They're getting away," Raimundo said, still looking furious. "Again." The Serpent's Tail, which had been completely forgotten by everyone in all the chaos, was still on the floor, and he went to pick it up. He watched Wuya carefully. She didn't seem to care – again. She didn't seem to be concerned about the loss of the Horn of Qilin either. Maybe it was because she still had the Two Ton Tunic? Who knew?

For her part, Wuya growled again, and then sighed gently. She may not have been able to capture Omi, but she had won a couple of consolation prizes, and they were really good ones, too. As far as she was concerned, she had in fact gotten what she wanted – but there was no way she would tell Raimundo what that was. She rather enjoyed not telling anyone what she was planning – it kept people guessing, and gave her an amusing advantage.

Raimundo did not look amused in the slightest. "Is there any point in me asking why you're not bothered about it?"

Jack interrupted them both with an arrogant laugh. "I won the showdown! How do you like THEM apples, Wuya?"

"I already told you," she said, turning to face him, "I don't care if you have the Horn or not." She gave another cold smile, irritating both Jack and Raimundo. The Brazilian shook his head. What was it she knew that everyone else didn't?

Jack, on the other hand, gave up. He really did. Generally, Wuya's plans were millions of lines of alien code from the planet Sgarbonza – utterly crazy and virtually impossible to decipher.

"Whatever. I'm outta here." Jack turned around and turned on a repairing function on his back-pack, causing new propellers to sprout up. He flew with his remaining robots in the same direction as Dojo had.

Still smirking, Wuya finally used the Golden Tiger Claws to make a purple portal to the palace. She and Raimundo went through, Raimundo feeling just as confused and angry as when he'd arrived.