Vampires Will Never Hurt You

Disclaimer: None of it's mine…Not the characters, cause they're Joss's, not the titles cause they're My Chemical Romance's. I own nothing.

A/N: Review or else!

"Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart? Can you stake me before the sun goes down?"

Xander sat quietly, alone at his kitchen table. There were no lights on, and the sound of a shower ran in the background creating a soothing white noise.

Though he looked calm on the outside, eyes closed, head tilted back over the back of the chair, his feet propped up on the table, pushing the chair off the ground, thoughts were running through his head at the speed of light.

'I'm not gay, I'm not gay,' He thought, 'Boobies! I love boobies!' His eyes popped open when the shower sound stopped. He put his feet down, letting the chair fall too, landing with a thump.

'I don't like guys,' he thought, 'Not that there's anything wrong with that in any way, but I'm just not into that. Yeah, not at all, nope, not me, no guys at all, ever in fact, I'm mean especially not-'

His thoughts cut off as Spike walked out of the bathroom, wearing only ratty white towel slung low on his slender hips.

"Spike," Xander said. Since Spike had moved in, they'd "bonded" a little, enough anyways to have civil conversations with each other.

Spike looked up at the sound of his name, he gave Xander a small smile, "Hey," he said.

Spike was talking to him, Xander knew it, but he was fixated by a drop of water that had fallen from the vampires damp blonde curls onto his shoulder, then had rolled slowly down his perfect chest, and was now making a track over his angled hipbones, about to go under the towel, 'lucky drop' he thought. Then he had another, quite different thought.

He stood up, walked over to Spike, and firmly but gently pushed him against the wall behind them. He leaned down, and covered the smaller mans lips with his own. He kissed him with a fiery passion that Spike soon returned. He smiled and kissed over to Spikes cheek, then ran his tongue down from his perfect pouting lips, across his strong chest, teasing his nipples as he went. Running his tongue further and further down, he followed the drop of water. Then he reached his perfect hips, and stayed put until Spike was panting and begging for it, he ripped off the towel and-

"Hello, anybody there?"

Xander came out of his fantasy with a jolt. "What?" He asked.

"I said if you're not busy maybe we could do something, it gets lonely wandering around by myself, and you seem a bit lonely too."

"Sure," Xander said, still a little disturbed by his thoughts, "Why not."

"Ok," Spike said, giving him another quick smile, "I'm gonna' go um…" Spike looked down at himself "Put some pants on."

Xander laughed at his comment, and watched him go to his room. Spike walked over to his room/closet, and swung the door shut. But the door didn't shut. The latch bounced back just a little, about six inches maybe, but it was enough for Xander.

Spike didn't notice, and dropped the towel from his waist. Xanders eyes almost popped out of his head at the nice view he was just given of Spikes tight backside. His eyes roamed over Spikes body, and his jaw dropped as Spike bent down to pick something up. The fact the Spikes room was lit and the room Xander was in wasn't made it a perfect peep show, which got better when Spike turned around to pull his tight leather pants up. Xander stared for a second then realized what he was doing, and stood up quickly, he almost ran to his room, and as soon as he got there, he slammed the door, and leaned against it, panting heavily.

He heard someone call his name from the kitchen.

"Xander?" Spike called.

"I'm-I'm in my room, I'm uh, getting ready"

"Alright…" Spike said suspiciously, "I'll just wait out here."

So Xander started getting dressed…Again…

'Well I told him I was getting ready, I might as well change,' He thought. 'But this is not a date, because neither of us are gay…is gay…is-are…We're not gay! Wait what if Spike is gay…What if he likes me, and he tries to kiss me and-'

Xander's trail of thought stopped when he realized that he was trying to put his head through the sleeve of his shirt. 'Focus Alexander,' He told himself, 'Focus…on anything…except Spikes nice tight-'

knock knock

"Whoa! Hey, what?" Xander jumped and shouted at the door,

"Look mate, if you take any longer I'm leaving without you, I'm not that friggin lonely."

"Yeah, be right out," Xander called.

"Worse than a fuckin' chick," Spike muttered as he walked away, "I won't be surprised if he comes out and asks me which shoes match his purse." Spike flopped on the couch, 'Although, I wouldn't mind if he came out and asked me something else…Gah! Give it up Spike' He thought as he whacked the back of his head against the back of the couch, 'I don't think you can get straighter than Xander Harris.'


Spike and Xander sat in a bar, each with a beer.

"Well," Spike said in a flat voice, "You're just loads of fun, why didn't we ever hang out before?"

"Well sorry I'm not a source of entertainment," Xander said turning to Spike, "I thought Vampires knew where cool stuff was."

"Well, let's go then," Spike said, throwing money on the bar.

"Where to?" Xander asked hopping up from the stool.

"Well, not the Bronze…" Spike leaned back against the bar.

"Why?" Xander asked, "Buffy might be there."

"Yeah, well…" Spike said, running his hand through his hair, "That's kinda' why I don't wanna' go there…" Spike started moving to the door.

"What? I thought you and Buffy were buddies now." Xander said, following the smaller man outside.

When they reached the outside of the bar, Spike stared up at the starless night, "It'd be too awkward."

Xander stopped behind him, "Oh, because of the feelings thing?"

"No," Spike said testily, "There's no feelings thing."

Xander scoffed, "There are too feelings you freak."

"No there's really not." Spike said starting to walk away, but Xander grabbed his coat.

"Then why don't you wanna' see her?"

Spike pulled away from him, "First off, don't touch me, second it's none of your business."

"Well, I'm making it my business, what's up with you? Why don't you wanna' see her?"

"Xander drop it." Spike warned.

"No, not until you tell me why-"

"Because I don't love her anymore okay!" Spike shouted.

Xander stared at him in shock, and looked around at the passers by that were also staring. "What?" He said quietly.

"You heard me." Spike said, "I don't love her."

"Wow…Does she…Wow…"

"Yeah, yeah she knows…"

"Oh…Wow"

"Yeah, wow. I mean it's not like it matters, 's not like she ever, yeah know, loved me back or anything…It's better this way right…?"

Xander just stared at the ground, and put his hands in his pockets.

"Right." Spike said, quietly answering his own question, then lighting up a cigarette and staring back up at the sky, "Right…"