Sorry for the late updates. I've experienced a massive writer's block. That and ninjas attacked me...
Somewhere in deserts of Nevada, Falcon was motoring along a road in his geo station wagon. He stuck out his head and breathed in the fresh air.
(Wah…what's goin on?)
He frowned as he noticed his speed was around 60 miles per hour. The signpost clearly stated the speed limit at around 30. Quickly he eased off the gas and tapped the brakes.
(The only thing I slow down for is gas, beer, and babes!)
"AHHHHH!" He proclaimed. "It's so nice to slow down and watch life pass you by."
(…)
Soon he came upon two young women flagging him down. He could tell their car had mechanical trouble by the raised hood. He pulled over and got out of his car.
"Hi," said the incredibly gorgeous brunette. "We're two highly promiscuous, and curious, women stuck on the road. Can you help us?"
(Hubba-hubba)
Her blond friend just nodded dumbly.
Falcon prided himself of his chivalry, so of course he was all too glad to help. He stuck his head under the hood and began inspecting the engine.
"Here's the problem," he said after a minute of inspection. "There's no engine."
(Sigh, women and cars.)
The brunette punched her cohort softly on the arm. "SEE, I told you it needed an engine."
The blond just smiled vapidly.
"Don't worry, I can both give you a ride in my Geo."
(AKA, the loser mobile)
The two girls squealed in delight. They gathered their backpacks from their 'car' and piled into Falcon's.
Many, MANY, hours of driving laterThey arrived in Las Vegas, city of sin. Here was the destination of the two young women. They exited the car and grace Falcon with a seductive smile.
"Thank you so much, Captain Falcon," gushed the brunette. "If there's anything, and I mean ANYTHING, you want it's yours."
(SCORE!)
Falcon grinned, for this was his chance. He pointed at the blond.
"Can you-give me a bottle of water? I'm dying of thirst."
(NO, YOU F()(!IN IDIOT!)
"Sure thing." Replied the brunette. She handed him a bottle of water from her backpack.
"Here you go. Anything else?"
(HOT MONKEY SEX!)
Falcon smiled and shook his head. "No, I don't want to trouble you further. Have a good time in Las Vegas."
(-SOBBING-)
The twosome grinned and replied in unison. "Don't worry, we will."
(-Further sobbing-)
Falcon turned his car around and drove away from Las Vegas. After a few miles, he broke the seal of the bottle and unscrewed the cap.
"AHHHH, no other liquid refreshment can beat water."
He started drinking voraciously.
(NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(CLANG)
Falcon fell back onto his bed, still drawing ragged breathes. A dented bedpan was in Mewtwo's paws. He chucked the metallic toilet away, hitting an elderly man in the process.
"Dang nabit," cursed the old man, "in my day, the youngsters didn't throw used bed pans at their elders."
Mewtwo whirled quickly and glared murderously at the old man.
"Silence!" He commanded.
"Yes sir," whimpered the old man, who quickly slinked away.
Falcon grabbed Mewtwo. "What the F( #( was that!"
Mewtwo batted away Falcon's hands. "What are you gibbering about?" He inquired.
"It was!..ah..uh." He realized revealing his nightmare to a malicious psychic would mean repeats.
"Never mind," He said gruffly, "It's nothing important."
"Very well," replied Mewtwo. He turned away, barely containing his grin. Sometimes, it was good to be petty.
Several hours into the day, Mewtwo decided to calculate the damage to the racer's image. He read several entertainment magazines, scanned through the television networks, and surfed the Internet. Falcon meanwhile discovered the reclining remote for his bed.
"Bed goes up. Bed goes down. Bed goes up. Bed goes down."
Falcon was having the time of his life. The remote provided so much fun. One button made the bed descend, and the other made it go up. Why, with these options, the sky was the limit to what he could do.
Mewtwo promptly left the room, leaving Falcon to his fun, or eventual enlightenment. After all, what comes up must come down.
Lunchtime rolled in, and a smiling nurse came to him bearing a tray.
"Hello, Mr. Falcon" said the cheerful nurse. "I have your lunch prepared for you."
Falcon dropped the remote and grabbed the tray. He started chowing down.
"Say" said Falcon, between mouthfuls"you look familiar."
The nurse nodded. "I'm nurse Joy from insert Pokemon city> ."
Falcon gave a lewd grin. "I remember now. Me and Brock tried to hit on you Joys." He frowned a little. "Than you all started macing us."
Falcon, being too absorbed in his remembrance, failed to notice Joy curling her lips, baring her teeth in anger; or the flames that were rollicking on her flesh; or the group of fan boys that were vaporized by her heat vision.
Falcon came back to reality. "Hey," he said, while sniffing the air, "do I smell a barbeque? Anyway, can you do something about this bed? It's not rising fast enough for me. Ya know what I mean, babe? I'm a racer; I need speed."
Joy smiled. "Of course I do, Mr. Falcon. I'll get someone right away."
Falcon waved his thanks. Joy turned her back and walked away rapidly. She cackled wickedly.
In a dank laboratory under the hospital, for thepeople without health insurance, a doctor and his associate were trying to bring a dead man back to life.
"IGOR!" Shouted the gaunt and deranged 'doctor.' "It is time! Throw the Switch!"
'Igor' ignored him and took out a defibulator. He charged up the paddles and applied them to the flat lining patient.
"Clear!"
The burst of electricity restarted the man's heart.
'Igor' checked the vitals. He gave a thumb up to the doctor. The doctor nodded sombrely. "Excellent, Igor! I see our resurrection machine is working nicely."
The associate shook his head. "My name is Tofu, Dr. Tofu, and for the last time, these are defibulators."
Tofu pointed to a large machine with several Tesla coils integrated onto its exterior. "Your 'resurrection machine' just shot lightning at people."
"Thus resurrecting them and saving them from the clutches of Death!" Countered the 'doctor.'
Dr. Tofu just waved offthe lunatic. "Whatever, I'm getting something to eat."
On his way up the spiral staircase, he met Joy.
"I see that Brock is back," he said, remembering that day of fire and mayhem.
"No," replied Joy, "but it's someone who could be his brother."
Tofu nodded. "Just try and keep the hospital in one piece."
Joy gave the good doctor a sweet 'would I do that' smile and went by him.
"There we go," declared the mad 'doctor,' "the finishing touches to my machine of DOOM!"
Falcon jerked his head up. "What?"
Joy shoved the 'doctor' out of the window: The third story window.
Joy quickly pressed the remote into Falcon's hand. "He was just joking!" she said, with a forced smile. "Now you have a nice time playing with that remote." Joy turned and walked away, making sure to disable the call button on Falcon's bed.
Falcon quickly killed the nagging doubts and thumbed the remote.
"Bed goes-GacK!"
The bed folded in half, trapping the racer. His muffled voice could still be heard.
"Hello! Hello! Joy, Mad Doctor. …….Mewtwo……"
Then the bed started drawing bolts of lightning.
