I don't own Smash brothers. Take this ninjas! (Shoots them in the crotches)


The receptionist computed the final items on the bill. "With the nutritional supplements, that comes up to 50000 dollars. Will that be cash, credit or cheque?"

Falcon grabbed the bill and read it to see if it was a joke. It wasn't.

"I spent only two days here!" He argued angrily. "Why am I getting charged 50000 dollars to have my stomach pumped?"

"Because I hate you," she said, with a smile.

Falcon waved the bill in her face. "I'm going to complain to the head of this hospital."

The receptionist smiled darkly at Falcon. "You should know that the head of this hospital is one nurse Joy. The nurse part is only a show of affection by the staff."

Falcon opened his mouth to say something. He failed to make a croak. Conceding to the witch, he pulled out his wallet and took out his credit card.

The nurse took the card, glanced at it, and giggled.

"I'm sorry sir," she said, her voice cracking from restraining her laughter, "we don't take Discover."


Falcon grumbled straight out of the door. A paramedic team nearly ran into him.

He spotted Mewtwo near the drop-off zone. He jogged up to him.

"Okay, now that you're here lets get the hell outta this dump. Where's the car?"

Mewtwo looked at him quizzically. "I do not own an automobile," he said, in a matter of fact manner.

Falcon felt the urge to punch the Pokemon. "Well, smart guy, how the hell are we going to get back to the lab?"

Mewtwo pointed across from the hospital to the other side of the street. Falcon followed its direction to a throng of people standing by a metallic pole.

"No," gasped Falcon, in terror, "I will NOT do THAT. No way, uh-uhn, nOOOo!"


"I can't believe I'm riding on the bus," lamented a depressed Falcon.

Everywhere he looked, people, ordinary PEOPLE, who weren't rich our extremely beautiful. Sure, they were kind, understanding and intelligent, but they weren't beautiful, which was the most important trait in his book right after being rich.

He bowed his back and cupped his face in his hands.

"This is the most shameful moment of my existence."

Mewtwo crossed his arms and sneered. "Now you know how your Mother feels."

Falcon jerked his head up and eyed murderously at Mewtwo.

"That's it," he jabbed a finger at the Pokemon, "you're going down, you genetic freak."

Mewtwo cracked his knuckles. "I think you're talking about yourself."

And so, not for the first time, a fight began to take place on the bus. For the first time, an axe wielding manic stopped the fight.

"YOU," he screamed, nearly incoherent, "ARE BOTH GOING TO DIE HORRIBLE DEATHS!"

Falcon shrieked and ran to the back. Mewtwo casually flicked his fingers. The manic crashed through the roof, where a marching elephant parade trampled him.

"Yay!" Cheered the bus occupants.

"BOO!" Heckled Falcon.


"I can't believe you're getting an award for bravery."

Mewtwo scoffed at Falcon's comment. "It's only natural that I, a superior being, can attain your species' accolades with ease. Your standards are pitiful."

Falcon sulked for several minutes.

"So," asked Falcon, "what's next?"

Mewtwo materialized a sheet of paper listing Falcon's duties.

Falcon grasped the paper and read it. He looked up and stared at the Pokemon.

"An orphanage?"

"Yes," said the Pokemon in a snide tone, "another generation of children, corrupted with idiocy." He grabbed the paper and crumpled it in anger. "Apparently the people of the community service board want your special brand."

"Wow," falcon uttered, "me speaking to kids." Falcon could imagine their adoring eyes, their questions for their hero.

"Dream on," said the Pokemon, piercing Falcon's daydream.

Falcon glowered at the Pokemon. "Keep out of my mind!"

Mewtwo shuddered. "You're mind is a wasteland of beer and porn. I would not even consider lightly probing your casual thoughts."

"Insult me all you want," responded an elated Falcon, "At least I have a generation of kids to inspire."

As Falcon continued talking away, Mewtwo materialized a cell phone.

"Hello, community services? I like to make changes for one Captain Falcon. His real name? I do not think he has one. Just look under Falcon, Captain. I am sure you will find the files I'm requesting."


"So," said a person, who was eerily similar to Mario, "I said, 'buddy, Mario will always jump higher. Those losers just say Luigi jumps higher cause they suck!'"

Falcon continued fighting against the drowsiness that threatened his hold on the waking world with another sip of coffee. Somehow, Mewtwo managed to get him certified to deal with people with unhealthy obsessions with Nintendo and its characters.

Currently, he was in a rented apartment suite, courtesy of Nintendo. He was in a counsel session with four people. Three were carbon copies of SMB characters. The last one was from the Legend of Zelda.

The Luigi impersonator jumped out of his chair. "Buddy," he threatened, "Luigi will ALWAYS rule! Never forget that!"

The other person leapt out of chair. "You want a fight!"

'Luigi' brought his fists up.

"BRING IT!"

"MORTAL KOMBAT!"

They started slapping and throwing objects at each other. Right beside the fight were two more people that were discussing abouttheir favourite characters.

"So than I said, 'Princess Peach would win a fight against princess Zelda because she wears pink.'"

"No WAY! Princess Zelda would beat that whore with one hand behind her back!"

"You take that back, you hooker!"

"Make me, you bitch!"

They started slapping and ripping each other's clothes off. This caught the attention ofthe 'Mario' brothers, who stopped and paused.

"Holy shit, 'Zelda's' got a fine ass," said the Luigi impersonator.

The Mario clone gapped at his 'brother.'

"You traitor," he accused, "what about our princess!"

"Bite me, 'Brother!'"

They verbal exchange re-ignited their fight. When the 'princesses' noticed their momentary leering, they started wailing on them. It became an all-out brawl within seconds.

Falcon checked digital clock on the wall and got up.

"Well," he said, to the still fighting group, "this session is over. Just remember whatever the hell you people said a while ago. I know I don't care."

He went towards the suite entrance and got into an elevator.

On the way down, he thought of Mewtwo laughing at him. Still, he wondered how Mewtwo managed to get him into this mess, and what did he do in exchange?


"Okay everyone," announced the orphanage caretaker, "it's time to say good-bye to Mr. Mewtwo."

The kids groaned at this unwelcomed news.

"Now kids," chided the caretaker, "we're fortunate that he spent so much time here, so say goodbye."

They all waved to him and said a collective good bye.

Mewtwo raised a paw and smiled. "Farewell, children."

He rose up into the air and sped offtowards the lab.

"Well," he reflected pleasantly, "that wasn't as bad as I expected."