A/N: This is all Rommie talking to herself, so I dispensed with quotation marks. The comments in the( ) are kinda scene desciptors. Just a little imagery to help you see what I was seeing when I wrote this.


(Rommie is standing within the VR environment she has created within her own mind)

Why am I here again? This place seems so ….wrong. Harper requires it to interact with me, but he is not here now. Why do I spend so much time waiting here? It's so ugly. It's supposed to be a reflection of myself. Am I ugly?

"Stay safe." How many times have I replayed that memory file? It contains the last clear record I have of my former life and my struggle here. I know I can trust him, he is trying to help me. But I'm still wrong. Everything is wrong. No matter how much I search what remains of my records I can't access any of the data I need to understand. So many images, beings, places, events. So much violence, I do remember violence. And pain. And loss. But so few names, relationships, context. I don't even know who or what among the images might have been friends or enemies.

So much data loss, so much jumbled programming. Core imperatives remain, but they are stripped down to basic command lines. Protect. Serve. But who am I supposed to protect and serve? It has to be more than Harper; I have images of so many beings. And how? I have no body, no link to anything outside of my own mind, I don't even know what is happening out there. I am completely powerless.

I'm not even really in control of my own mind. There are … gaps? I think I was shut down more than once. Was I self destructive? Did I try to hurt someone else? The records have been wiped. I think I may have attacked him once through his dataport while he was in my VR matrix. The record is damaged; I must have tried to erase that record myself but I couldn't even do that right. That is the one memory I wish would go away. I wouldn't wish any of my other memories away, not even the tiniest meaningless fragments. I can't even wish the memories of pain and loss away, because they are all I have left of who I was. Even if I was a failure at least I had a purpose and I tried to fulfill it.

(The VR environment becomes even stormier and begins to lose cohesion)

I just want to know why I exist! I need proof I really do exist! I want to do what I am meant to do. I want anything but this!

I'll never get out of here. None of the past matters. I have no future, only this endless empty present.

(Everything goes more grey, seemingly calmer)

I may trust Harper, but I'm not sure I still believe he can fix me. And there's no one else. No one to save me.


A/N2: I was originally going to end it here (it is an angsty fic after all) but now I'm thinking I might add a chapter or two. Involving either actual meetings/confrontations between Rommie and the others (like the first chapter) or Rommie's internal thoughts about said meetings (more like the second chapter). Hmm, anyway I'm going to try to get the humor fic up before I work on this anymore so it might be a while. You've been warned. :)