Weirdo101 - I'll think about it.

Empire and Exigency
Chapter 10: Before the Deluge
by Annie B

Rated PG-13

JKR owns all things Hogwarts. I only wish I did.

WARNING!: Slightly slashy - but not real. Just in fun.

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Draco's watch was flashing. The hand quivered as it pointed to 'almost too late'.

"Move it!" Ron pushed up the narrow stairs, knocking into Draco's shoulder and nearly causing him to fall over Hermione.

"Trying!" Draco pulled again at the snake-head handle that controlled the hidden passage. "It was your brothers who made the sodding sticking latch." He twisted the iron tail."Alora-sodding-mora, you miserable piece of..."

The latch gave way.

Four bodies fell into the tiled square of the shower stall.

"So...a sneaking student, is it my sweet?" Argus Flich's bitter voice could be heard, each sour syllable magnified by the slick walls.

A vicious "meow" answered him.

"Damn." Ron peeked past the shower curtain. "He's in front of the sinks."

Draco pulled him back by the pajama collar."Give Hermione the cloak!"

"Why?" Ron looked confused. "Girl's bathroom. She's the only *girl* here!"

"That's why, you idiot!"

"Draco..." Hermione had finished sealing the hidden door, and was now standing with the boys.

"Got to protect my future wife's reputation." Draco kissed her quickly as Harry tossed the invisibility cloak over her head. "I'll distract him. You sneak by while Flich is yelling."

"But..."

Harry gave her a shove. "Go!"

"We..."

Draco cranked the water tap with one hand while he pulled his wand with the other. "Divesto!" All three boy's pajama's fell from their bodies. "Disperso!" The clothes whisked themselves up to the shelf above, folding themselves as they went.

Flich ripped aside the shower curtain. "I see you..." His voice faltered. "All?"

"So you do." Draco smiled saucily, running his hands down his wet and gleaming chest. "Like what you see?"

"You...you...you..." The caretaker's face was as red as Ron's hair.

"It's a bit... tight... in here." Draco continued, every word dripping with double meaning. "But I suppose there's always an opening for one more."He turned to the shower head, letting the water trail down his Quidditch-sculpted back. "That is... if you're willing to... push in."

"Damn ya fer a pack of degenerates!" Flitch had gone from red to purple. "I'd see you in chains, that I would! Save that I wouldn't sully the Headmaster's ears by speaking ta him of such things!"

Flich swung out with a wet towel. *crack*

Ron yipped. A bar of soap ( Ron had grabbed it in a feeble attempt at coverage ) went skittering across the bathroom floor.

" Get yerself back to yer beds - yer OWN beds - or I've have you lot in detention til yer too old fer yer sinful tricks."

Not waiting too see what else Flich might do. (Or what else Draco would do, for that matter. ) Ron and Harry bolted for their rooms.

Calmly retrieving his bathrobe, Draco knotted the belt and strolled out behind them. He could hear the old man cursing as the cold water spilled over the bathroom floor. ( The shower was still running, and one of Draco's snake slippers had blocked the drain.)

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"Oh Draco!" Hermione, still invisible, caught up with him just past the portrait of Gertrude Grumpp. (Headmistress 1242-1253) "That was..."

"Inspired?"

"I was going to say evil." Hermione muffled her giggles by snuggling closer to Draco. "Sick, warped, perverse, and just utterly *evil*!"

"Of course." Draco preened. "I *am* a Malfoy."

"How did you guess..."

"That Angry Argus would freak?" Draco slid his hand under the cape, stroking Hermione's back. "Not a guess. Family history. He caught Snape and... never mind." Draco added a few kisses, just to distract Hermione from the topic. He knew how she could get, and this was *one* family story he did not plan to repeat. "Anyway, the man's a total homophobe. No way he was going to admit what he thought he saw."

"Evil" Hermione repeated admiringly. " Brilliant and slick and *very* clever, but evil, *evil* EVIL!"

"And you love me for it."

"True."

That was enough to stop their walk - at least long enough for several more kisses.

"I almost died when you flashed Flich - and not just from laughing. It was so dangerous. I mean, he has all those whips and chains and..." Hermione rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. "I don't want to see you tied up and spanked. At least - not by someone that isn't me."

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Meanwhile, in a well decorated office on the best floor of the Ministry of Magic, a knock was heard on an office door.

"Yes?"

The door opening. A slickly groomed red-haired man looked in. "Minister Fudge?"

"Percy?"

Percy Weasley stepped gingerly up to the wide oak desk. "It's the Auror's report. On the Malfoy incident?" He handed over a rolled parchment. "I think we have a problem."

"Oh?" Fudge looked disgruntled. Or annoyed. Or possible like he had eaten a particularly bad meat pie. (With Fudge, it was hard to tell.).

"Mythical forensics scanned the cell and... they say they might have found traces of unicorn bone."

"UNICORN BONE!" The report rattled like a dry leaf in Fudge's shaking hands. "However did that... " He shot to his feet. "Go and dig up that grave. Immediately!"

"I don't know that we can sir." Percy backed towards the door. "The law..."

Fudge flung the report across the room, clipping Percy on his right ear. "To hell with the law. I'm the Minister of Magic - and the law is what I say it is!"

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End Chapter Ten