Day One

"So Rommie, how do you like the new body? This one should feel a lot better than the other ones I tried a few years ago; those ones I patched together using Seefran junk while this one is grade A prime Commonwealth components. So, come on, tell me how much of a genius I am."

"It's fine Harper, it meets all the requirements from the standard specs." Rommie was so intent on staring at her own hands that she didn't even see Harper deflate somewhat. Without warning she strode forward, reached the wall, touched it turned around, walked to the opposite wall, pulled some tools from their hooks, walked to a worktable and laid them down. Then she just stared down at the table.

Oh crap, thought Harper, Dylan's been out of the room for like five minutes and already she's gone crazy. Crap, crap, crap, why does the universe hate me so much, Dylan's gonna kill me if anything happens to her. Then Rommie turned and looked at him, and for the first time in over three years she smiled. "I can move Harper, I can really move. And see and hear and touch things. Harper, it's better than fine, it's perfect. Thank you."

The huge grin that appeared on the engineer's face stayed there all night as he watched Rommie rediscover corporeal existence doing back flips, juggling, and styling her hair.

Day Two

One of the many benefits of being a non-organic sentient being was the ability to maintain dozens of lines of thought simultaneously without confusion. However, without her connection to Andromeda to occupy her Rommie only needed two: one to consider the state of Harper's lab on Seefra, the other to analyze the previous day's behavior.

I don't know why I thought he would have learned how to maintain a lab during his time on this planet. Uggg, is that organic? I think it may still be alive. I can't believe that we traveled who knows how many light years through the Route of Ages to a pocket universe and I'm still cleaning up after Harper.

What came over me yesterday? I juggled in front of Harper. I did back flips in front of him! It was almost as though I acted without conscious thought. But that is impossible, my programming does not allow me to act in that way, it could prove dangerous to my crew.

Why would he keep a bundle of fried optics? Oh no, that mess is alive. I think it's trying to follow me.

Yesterday must have been an aberration, a minor overload in my matrix due to the sudden influx of sensory data I have not experienced for so long. It is very satisfactory to have new sensory data again. Once I re-establish the connection to the Andromeda I'm sure I will be able to act as a proper avatar and stop mimicking human behavior.

Well, this is much better, at least it looks like a lab now. Though I don't want to know how he got something that looks like peanut butter in the ventilation system. And that thing is still here. I'm almost certain it's following me.

Those back flips did feel good yesterday though. And I should reacquaint myself with the performance of this body, determine its reaction times, limits, potential. Harper won't be back for hours….

She was right, no one came to the lab for hours and hours. If they had they might have enjoyed the sight of the avatar literally bouncing off the walls, playing catch with herself, and dancing to silent music. But no one came to see her.

Day Three

Rommie spun around as the door to the lab opened. In walked a blond woman, acting as though she had every right to be there. Doyle.

"Hi. I'm Doyle. I just came to pick up some instruments for Harper. He's in the middle of a project and can't be bothered to come down here to pick up things he forgot in the first place. But you know how he is."

"Hello. I do know how he is. Is he on the Andromeda now? Is that where the Captain is as well?" That means she came from the Andromeda, where I belong.

"Mmm-hmm. Ah, here it is. You've done a great job cleaning up here, I can actually find things now. Well, I have to get back to the ship before Harper starts ranting about how no one appreciates his genius."

"Wait. Why did they send you? Why didn't they just send me a message to bring the instruments to the ship?"

"I thought you knew? Advanced tech is highly illegal here, if you left the lab you'd either be picked up and destroyed by the tech police or ambushed and disassembled by the local citizenry to sell for parts on the black market. Even in parts you'd fetch a high price."

"So why can you walk around, you're an android too?"

"I blend in because everyone here has always known me as a human, but as a newcomer people would be suspicious of you. Sorry. I really need to get back the ship now, Andromeda and I are finally starting to make progress with those Mithas crystals."

"I fail to see why I couldn't go to the Andromeda, but that is a discussion I need to have with the Captain not with you. You should go, I wouldn't want to interrupt your important work."

Why haven't they brought me to the ship yet? They don't have the right to keep me away from my ship-self, I need to talk to the captain. The door slid open again and, as if he could read her mind, Dylan entered.

"Rommie, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to talk to you and explain things." He held up a hand as Rommie opened her mouth to speak. "And I don't really have time now either. I somehow have to stop Tyrus from…well, it's a long story you don't need to hear. I just came to make sure you understand that you have to stay here for a little while longer while the rest of us work out a few little problems."

"But Captain, I don't understand. I can pass for organic human as well as Doyle, I've-"

"I know Rommie, you've done it before but that was in a different universe. Seefra is …different. And you are still adjusting to having a body again. Just say that you won't leave the lab for right now, and I'll come and explain everything as soon as I can."

"Of course Captain."

Dylan desperately wished there were more hours in the day. "You're ok with this right Rommie? You understand that we are trying to do what's best for you?"

"Of course Captain."

Rommie started to loose control over her thoughts as Dylan left. Her mind hadn't experienced this much turmoil since the days/weeks/months between Doyle's creation and Dylan's discovery of her.

This would be funny if it wasn't actually happening. First being too human was a liability, now being not human enough is. And they sent Doyle of all people to tell me that I am as trapped here as I was in the VR matrix. That android doesn't even seem to realize that she's a copy of me, stuck in a body I never would have allowed. And the captain won't tell me anything but still asks if I 'was ok' with his decision, as if I had any choice. Why did they even bother?

Day Four

Nothing at all happened on day four. Except that Dylan spent the entire day negotiating for energy crystals, Beka and Rhade hauled cargo to earn credits to pay for the crystals, and Harper and Doyle worked on a plan to save the Seefran system. But Rommie didn't know any of this as she stood alone in the exact center of the lab with her arms at her side, trying to distance herself as far as possible from her physical environment.

Strange the effects the constant stream of sensory data is having on me. It's almost as though sensation is a key to unlocking data I thought was destroyed. That bottle reminds me of the time I allowed Harper to convince me to try his beer. And the graphics on that monitor look like a beautiful work of abstract art Dylan had on the wall of his quarters. But the smell of fried electrics is the smell of battle and damage and pain. Even silence is a sensation. Silence is the sound of betrayal.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out more of the sensations.

Isn't this how human memories are triggered; linked to an image, or a smell, or a sound, or a taste? Does this make me more human, or less? So similar, but so different. My memories never fade or become dim, they are either there, or not. My senses, sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing, all of them can be reduced to algorithms used to interpret raw EM patterns, or chemical compositions, or sound wave amplitude. Andromeda and I never did settle our argument about whether or not my 'sensations' actually replicated human sensations or if I just learned to describe certain data patterns with organic adjectives. And the emotions attached to the memories… this is alltoo much, so much more than I was programmed for. I can't be that person again, I just can't do it.

This must be another overload, like the one that made me do back flips and dance. It must be a flaw in my processors, I just have to find a way to stop this.

Her solution to being overwhelmed by her humanity was to shut down most of her external sensors trying to prevent the recovery of anymore memories.

Day Five

Fortunately Rommie reactivated her sensors before Beka stopped by. "Hello? Beka Valentine delivery service at your…service. Yeah, I definitely need to get a new slogan there. So how are you Rommie, like the new body?"

Rommie turned to face Beka, apparently calm. Thinking that the resurfacing memories and emotions were to blame for herconfusion she had resolved to block out or ignore them all, not realizing how futile that sort of decision always is. "It's adequate, especially since staring at walls is all that I am expected or allowed to do."

Beka hesitated at the door, shifting the box she was carrying from one hip to the other. Though there was nothing obviously wrong she did not like the vibe she was getting from the avatar. "Well Rommie, you have to give Dylan a little time. I'm sure he'll have a plan for getting you back to the Andromeda any day now." Beka's voice had an edge to it, which Rommie picked up on immediately. She gave the pilot a hard look as Beka walked to the nearest table and deposited the box. "Anyway, I brought some stuff that should improve your mood." She picked up a flexi from the top of the box and held it up. "This is something Dylan wants you to work on, to help out with the sun problem." She placed the flexi down and gestured to the box. "The rest is some stuff Harper and I pulled together to amuse you during your spare time. I wish I could stay and talk more, but if I don't make my next delivery in thirty minutes or less then their calcium and lycopene enriched carbohydrate food product with processed protein based supplement on top is free. So…."

Rommie didn't feel like talking to Beka either and gave her old friend an out. "Thanks Beka. Please tell the captain that I'll start on the assignment immediately. Good luck with the rest of your deliveries today."

She waited until Beka made her exit before moving towards the box. She had already forgotten her resolution to block emotion, so her hopes were raised high before they were dashed by the contents of the flexi. It held a large data set, some equations derived from sources not given on the flexi and the results of the equations when the data set was run through them. The captain wanted her to double check the work, work which had obviously been done by the Andromeda and probably Doyle. It was makework pure and simple. The rest of the box was nearly as bad. It contained a number of outfits, make-up, and hair accessories and products. Rommie unconsciously clenched a shirt in her fists as she stared into the box.

So they still don't trust me with any real work, but I'm good enough to check the work of my other self and my replacement. I shouldn't be surprised, I've obviously been demoted to doll status. I wonder if the others expect to see me all made up in this paraphanelia the next time they come, or if I should play the part of the proper doll and wait for them to come and dress me as they like.

Rommie became aware of her clenched fists and forced herself to release the shirt and pick up the flexi. Despite her disappointment and bitterness she couldn't help but comply with Dylan's request; she began to double check the calculations.

I shouldn't be thinking these things, I know I'm being unreasonable. But why are they treating me this way? Don't they understand that I need more than to just exist? I don't understand what they want me to be. And I can't even ask them. I don't dare let them see me being so weak. I have to figure it out myself. Andromeda, I need you, it's been so long since I had someone I could share everything with. It's been so long since I was truly a warship, since I was whole. I just want to go home.

Day Six

Rhade entered the lab to the disturbing sight of Rommie apparently disassembling her arm. She was seated with her left arm resting on a table, palm up. A long flap of "skin" was peeled back and Rommie was probing what she had exposed with a long, slender, silver tool. "Rommie, what are you doing?"

"Hello Rhade, I haven't seen you in a long time. I assume you're here to pick up my assignment?" He was still staring at her arm. She knew it must be a disturbing sight, knew he wasn't there just to pick up her assignment. She even knew what she should say, but she just couldn't stop herself from saying what she shouldn't. "I was studying the internal construction of my arm. Aren't you going to say that you are glad to see me?"

"Hmmf. Yes. It's good to see you back to your old self. I've been busy, or I would have come to see you sooner." In truth, Rhade had been avoiding the avatar, but Dylan was unwilling to believe Beka's evaluation and had insisted Rhade travel down to the planet and observe at her 'from a Nietzschean point of view.' She wasn't making a good first impression.

"Yes, I wish I could say the same." She couldn't stop the dangerous question from leaving her mouth; she even took perverse pleasure in knowing she was asking what she shouldn't. "So tell me again Rhade, why can't I go back to the Andromeda?"

"I know the others have told you that tech is illegal and it would be too dangerous-"

She couldn't believe that all of them were using the same weak argument. "I'm not tech Rhade! Are you trying to tell me that before I was repaired you could have smuggled me up to the Andromeda on flexies or memory chips, but now that I am functional again I'm useless? If that's true, get me out of this body!"

"Don't be so irrational Rommie." It was a careless, almost meaningless remark meant to deflect her, but it hit Rommie hard. And she knew how to hit back.

""Irrational? You mean emotional? Tyr used to say that machines shouldn't have emotions, that it impaired their efficiency. I'm no more than a machine to all you Nietzscheans. You're no better than Tyr!"

"Don't compare me to Tyr! We are nothing alike!" It had been awhile since Rhade had been filled with this much righteous anger. He drew a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm going to forgive your irrational comments, because I know that you have been living in hell and don't understand the situation we are in. But you aren't the only one alone in hell Rommie; every single one of us is alone and we're each in our own personal hell."

"I don't care about your problems Rhade, I just want to go home."

"We all do, we all do!

Rhade had had enough. He grabbed the flexi from the table, "I'll bring your work to Dylan and pass on your request."

Rommie couldn't stop thinking about the argument after he left.

That's it. I had hoped that as a Nietzschean Rhade would see me as a valuable asset and convince the captain to bring me to the Andromeda. I've ruined that. Now he sees me as an emotional liability; he'll probably recommend my immediate deactivation. Why couldn't I keep myself under control? I don't have control over anything anymore. I just wanted to know why.

I've never felt so alone in all my existence. At least before, when I had no body, there was a reason I was alone. Now I am whole again, surrounded by the world and thousands of people and I can't connect with anything other than my past. My past is the one thing I wish I was less connected to right now. My present wouldn't hurt so much if I could just stop comparing it with my past. Or at least see a future.


A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! As this thing slowly winds to a conclusion it's getting harder to get the words out. But at least it's a long chapter. Too long? I really wanted it to be all one chapter, but I know some people find long chapters difficult/irritating to read, at least online. And should I have marked Rommie's internal thoughts in some way? I didn't do it in the earlier chapters, but there is a lot more switching back and forth here... Thanks to all the lovely people who are still reading this!