Stunt

It started simply enough, with the usual things.

Sugar in the gas tank, pails of water above the door; y'know, that stuff.

And I never lost my cool. Never called him on it. Because that would be letting him win, you know?

Then one day he slipped me the "special" brownies, and after a very special night out at the karaoke bar that no one will ever forget, Welsh called us both into the office and said he would overlook the whole thing if it stopped right now! And nobody had to know what happened to the missing grams from lockup; Frannie must have mistyped the info sheet, that's all. God knows that never happened.

So when it started up again, I was kinda pissed.

What the hell is this, I said.

What, he said.

These stupid postcards. No return address, no message, but I know they're from you!

He blinked at me, still innocent. What postcards?

These damn gag postcards with the chimps, I said. I get one a week. They're creeping me out. I thought you learned your lesson with the pranks.

Yeah, he said grinning, I learned you know all the words to "Margaritaville".

I reared back to hit him and he panicked, crouched down saying look, look, I swear, I don't know a damn thing about chimpanzees!

I probably would have killed him right then if the Mountie hadn't walked up.

Officer Huey, Officer Dewey, is there a problem?

Yeah, I said. Funnyman here is pranking me again. Sending me these postcards.

I swear, you could have knocked Fraser over with a feather. Postcards?

Yeah, of chimps.

He blinked at me again, and held out his hand, almost... scared. Could I see one, if you please?

Well, I handed the latest gift over, the Veronica Lake of Chimps, complete with lingerie, and he gawks at it in his closed mouth buttoned up mountie gawking way, and finally plasters this very fake smile on his face. Yes, well, I can assure you officer Huey that officer Dewey is not responsible, and you will not be bothered in the future by, ah, further unsolicited simian missives. Diefenbaker! Come!

And he spun on the heel of those goofy lookin' boots of his and left.

A couple days later I caught sight of him and Turnbull outside the consulate having one hell of a fight - well, one hell of a fight for Canadians, meaning they almost raised their voices. Finally, Fraser takes something from Turnbull and rips it into little pieces. Turnbull flipped out, and ran inside yelping about Littering, Constable how could you.

Well, I had to know what was going on, so after Fraser walked off with the wolf and before Turnbull came back out to sweep up, I grabbed one of the shreds of whatever it was and drove back to the station to look at it.

A Gorilla.