Here with me:

Dying alone

...desires...

...longing...

how dreadfully the mind locks away emotions. What lurks within the deepest darkest reaches of ones mind? Fantasies? Desires? Lust? Such human emotions that make us well...human no? If not for these silly emotions humans cling to then what would they be? Vampires! Oh where has all the honor, shivery and pride all gone to...

...Pride...

...Greed...

...Vanity

...Lust...

...Envy...

...Gluttony...

...Wrath...

"Seven deadly sins that plague humanity daring to rid them of their one shot at Heaven. Humph, what a good use is praying now. Most of the sins I have done and still do. One sin is greatest of them all. Oh Integra...how have you allowed yourself to sink so low? You home, you family, you life...it is all an imprisonment. And invisible imprisonment that you yourself can not escape. What is there left for you to do? Die alone? Produce the rightful heir, teach them...then die alone. No one could love you, you racket up whore. A virgin sacrifice maybe. Maybe the great Hellsing line should end with me no?

"Alucard would be quiet happy with that...Alucard... My servant...My pet...My friend..."

Swirl of the glossy burgundy red liquid within the small glass with ice.

"The great highness wants...commands me to marry before the end of this week. Why? To have someone to guarantee to be there and save her ass. The creatures that go bump in the night...oh how I love to bump back. Hm...all the men I sacrificed for her. All the people who died for her. For one person...for me. All for me. Am I cursed farther dearest? Is that why my heart cries in sorrow of this lonesomeness? Are you happy your daughter has become a lifeless android bent on riding the world of the damned race known as vampires?

Swish of the alcohol down the throat. The stinging sensation cools down the nerves and the boots fly on the desk and the hair goes everywhere. Integra leaned back in her chair the office only lit by a dim light.

"My light..."

Integra stared at the small candle that lit her room. She took a small glance at it then reached over.

"Will..." a hand being placed over the light..."soon go out." The candle is now gone and the only thing keeping the room a lit is the gleam from the glass that is partially still opened to barely expose the white beautiful light of the moon. Integra placed a hand to her chest remembering seconds...minutes...hours earlier when she returned from the Round.

Two hour earlier

"That nerve...the queen...who the hell does she think she is!"

Integra swore as she stormed into the front door slamming it opened. She walked quickly and angrily toward the stairs. Seras was coming down when she spotted Integra. She had a gloom look on her face that soon seemed deathly paler then ever before. The cold icy look within Integra's eyes caused her to back up and allow her to storm right past her.

Integra gripped the handle to the office door and swung it open. She walked in closed the curtains, lit the candle and went straight for the liquor cabinet. There was a knock on the door. Integra didn't turn nor did she stop looking for the heaviest, strongest drink she could find to calm her nerves.

"Go away Walter!"

Integra shouted. Walter sighed. Some how this all reminded him of when she would become angry as a small child. He nodded and left the side of the door. Integra grabbed a thick looking red liquid and pour it into a cup. She down it all in one gulp. She grabbed It and allowed it to slide down her throat burning, stinging and choking her the entire way down. Integra slammed the cup down and looked at her desk. There was an opened big vanilla envelope on it. She was even madder now that someone had gone through her mail. She walked over and grabbed it. She had gone to the doctor's not to early before she was let out of jail. They had taken x-rays and she got a physical. She hated paying visits to the doctor so she had them send it to her. No matter how severe it was. She had her own doctors who would deal with anything Mother Nature threw her way.

Integra frowned as she pulled out a paper attached to her X-Rays. She pulled it off and looked at it. Her eyes grew wide as she read it. She felt light headed all of a sudden and she wasn't sure if it was because of the liquor or the paper. She sat down behind her desk and stared at her X-Rays. At first with disbelief but soon she regained her cool calm look and placed them down. She reached into her drawer to find nothing.

"So...you were the one who read it..."

Integra said. She did not need to see Alucard to know he was behind her in his regular trade mark outfit minus the glasses and hat. He walked over to her side and bent down on a knee placing an arm on the arm rest of her chair. Integra stared lifelessly out the window. She couldn't sum it up. Of course she could she just didn't want to. Integra was no fool she got and knew everything from reading the note and thinking of her daily life and habits. She frowned now.

"Will you give me back my cigars?"

Integra said with a hint of irritation in her voice as she turned to looked slightly at her vampire pet. He looked up at her, her glasses sending off that same eerie glare from the small entrance of light in the room. He shook his head and stood up standing exactly where he had been sitting. He leaned foreword placed a hand onto the other armrest completely on the other side of Integra.

"These are the cause of everything and you want another one? You are truly mad Master."

Alucard said. He didn't have his grin, his perky playful attitude. Instead he had a deep concern look upon his face that showed something she had never seen in him before. Emotion. Alucard was actually showing emotion...to her of all people who for so long treated him in different ways. Some days it was the regular 'do as I say and you won't be locked up' and the others it was 'Just do as I say.' But no matter how long and how hard she pushed Alucard he fulfilled his duty in the end. For what? What did Integra ever give him in return but smart remarks and a bitchy attitude?

Integra had thought on this subject many times before. It had been ten years maybe longer since she claimed and found Alucard for herself and the Hellsing Corporation. Threw those ten years plus she had grown to know him. Respect him. And appreciate him. But of course no one ever knew but the two for they had their own communication skills. They did things in a way only they understood. It was the way their universe worked because of course if anyone was to find out Sir Integra Hellsing actually treated the damned vampire as an equal she was far from sure that the Round and others would change their look upon her. She returned to the note and the X-rays. God so help her. The end of this week to find a husband. God only knows how long till they wanted her pregnant and now..."

"Master,...you are going to do as the doctor said right?"

Alucard looked at her with the same innocent concerned face Integra thought she would never see.

"Why are you concerned about my health Alucard? You would think you would jump with glee for your freedom. Which will come in what did the doctor write? Two to four years? All this waiting Alucard and it's so close to your grasp...can't you feel it..."

"Master..."

Alucard cut into his master's taunting. She looked at him. That evil look in her eye.

"What Alucard?"

She asked wanting, needing to search for her cigars that were once safely within her drawer and now were within Alucard's grasp. Alucard saw her hunger, need for them. Could he allow her slowly kill herself? Did he want to allow her to? Freedom. Alucard waited so long to watch as the blood line of the Hellsing family crumble like a mud rock and his chains let loose and his will to be done. But at what cost? Integra?

"Please do not say such things...master..."

Alucard could no longer look at his master. Integra stared. Was this really her pet Vampire? Her Alucard who seemed distressed and broken upon the floor like a grief stricken puppy? Integra...slowly...daringly placed a hand on his check. Her warm hands met his cold cheek. He was cold. Alucard couldn't look away any longer he looked up at her. She was his friend wasn't she? No matter the tussles they had the verbal quarries, he was her protector and her his master, his friend.

Integra shook her head of her thoughts. Was she truly going mad? Great another beautiful thing to add to the list of things. She sighed and pulled away from Alucard. She stared at the pale grief stricken moon that barely showed through the small crack. Her sigh was a heavy one as she stared at the X-Ray once more. Integra Windgates Hellsing, the best of the best Hellsing. A wonder in her time and to go on...she fought creatures of the night, owned a company, been bitten by a vampire and stabbed her own self to rid herself of the blood. She had been violated by Incognito and to all of that her timeless end...would not come from anything more then her escape. Her love, her cigars.

"Master there is another way..."

Alucard started. He looked at her, his face only inches from hers. He stared at her waiting for her to tell him to continue but she knew exactly what he was dreading upon.

"You are walking on thin ice. Oh hell, do you really think because you put on some concerned act, show, that you are going to get me to let you suck my dry? I am not that easily fooled Alucard."

On edge and as hard as always Integra seemed to be. She was an ice dragon who snapped at anyone who dared defy her. She stared at Alucard now she understood his game. He would not allow his master to simply die out wasting all the precious blood he loves so much, so instead he wants to suck her dry! Ha! Alucard must have taken Integra for a fool for her not to see his perfect scheme. But Integra was not aware that she herself had been the one to play and act the fool.

"Get out of my sight Alucard."

Was all she said as she turned to look away from him. Alucard nodded and disappeared. She felt a sharp pain in her. Her chest hurt as she breathed. Was it the cancer? Or was it...

"NO! Never! Never!"

Integra yelled to herself. She grabbed the bottle and poured herself another drink. She flung the cup across the room and grabbed. then down bottle downing it all. She allowed it too, to fly across the room experiencing the sweet delights before its unseemliness end when it met the wall and shattered.

There she was. She was the bottle who experienced a great pleasure of flying as it soared threw the air, as Integra ruled Hellsing with an iron fist. But soon...the bottle crashed into the wall and shattered. Just like herself. She was crashing in slow motion. Falling from the sky, her wonderful reign so close...to diminishing. She felt her head fall back against the chair as something fell. It was hot against her cool now pale face. She stared up at the ceiling. No one would catch her as she fell. No one. She could see herself easily being on the bottle, her happiness was really never there. She pilled paper work upon paperwork to herself. She never gave into even when she knew the dumb fucks from the Round where even now fucking with her. They had betrayed Hellsing. Fooled it and made a mockery of it. Someone of the Round had betrayed the entire country and no one knew who.

And here, they attempted in breaking her. In doing it again. When Hellsing was attacked Integra bounced back up and fought back with the courage of fifty men. Ah yes, sweet Integra knew how to handle her life in crisis. She knew better then anyone else did. Everyone whether admitting it or not looked to her for answers for she was smart and a great mind.

Lies

Fakes...

IF only the world knew how Integra worked. She was a mindless slave to her won job. She had no time for herself although what she did, did bring great pleasure to the fact that she was the one in command, but other then that...it was pointless. She did it all for the sake of Hellsing, the queen and Britain. It was all for them never her. When did she get a break? Never. When did she sleep soundlessly? Once. The one night she had been thrown into prison. Alone...but not so alone. Alucard had kept her company with small talk after asking her if she wanted to be changed. Of course she declined but he would not leave so they conversed.

Integra could still remember it. The cool dim light of the cell. Alucard behind her staring at the ceiling while she lay on her side and all they did was talk. They talked until she fell asleep. And even then in the morning after feeling as if she had slept wonderfully for in eternity Alucard was still by her side watching...protecting.

"Alucard..."

She allowed his name to slip aimlessly from her lips. Why call his name out? When she didn't even know what he meant to her. Was he a weapon or that true friend who was their beside her threw most...threw it all? Could she had been wrong about his true intentions a while before? That's when she began to indulge herself in more and different alcohols thinking on other subjects her mind had long ago suppressed.

I Am flying higher then the sky,

I can see with a bird's eye,

But as I soon descend,

My heart cries out

It's the timeless end.

Alone I am falling,

Alone I die

It is the fate

To soar a forbidden sky

Poor Integra has to get married, she has to get pregnant she has to deal with Hellsing paper work, maybe a ball, Alucard, Walter and now she had cancer. What else could go wrong? I have ending this at 4:37 am. Because I am bored.