Note from Destiny: Important note at the end of this chapter..
"Ouch.." Carl grumbled as the nurse removed the needle from his arm. "This'll help you sleep a bit better." She said cheerfully.
"Sheesh, how powerful of an anti-depressant do they have you on, lady?" Carl asked, glaring at her. She looked away for a moment. "Powerful enough to make a charging rhino happy for five days..You need it when you've seen the kinds of things I have."
With that, she left the room. Carl blinked a few times, willing himself to overcome the tranquilizer - to no effect. Soon he was off in dreamless sleep, a darkness enveloping him in his entirety. Emptiness, nothingness...that was all that could describe these times. In these sleeps, nothing existed - not Carl, not the hospital, not the nurse..certainly not his friends back in Retroville. They barely existed to him now anyways.
The best way to numb the pain was to pretend they never existed. Carl had nearly driven himself out of his mind, trying to erase the happy times with him, Sheen, and Jimmy...They couldn't exist. They couldn't be real. Carl had worked so hard to become numb..he felt nothing anymore.
No sadness...
No fear..
No anxiety..
No happiness..
Nothing. Just as he was now..he was nothing, just a pitiful excuse to take up space that someone more deserving could have been using. Breathing air more worthy people should have had...those thoughts were all in Carl's mind when he was awake, leading him to try to stay asleep for as long as he possibly could, evoking the nurses and attacking them just to get the tranquilizers.
It was miserable, this existence, and more than once, he had thought of provoking someone in the hospital more disturbed than himself, trying to get them to end his existence, as he didn't have the strength to do it by his own hand. Perhaps it would be better...
Or maybe it was the coward's way out. There had been a girl two years ago at their school..she had had AIDS, she was pregnant and the father was refusing to come forward, and she was a drug addict..she had jumped from the top of the school one day, and died on impact. Carl had thrown up for weeks afterwards..
But what stuck with him was what everyone said.."If she had the strength to do that, she could have gotten through that.." That was one of the main things kids were saying..but that wasn't true, the AIDS probably would have killed her..
"That's just sick! Who would kill themselves! That's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard of." Even when Carl hadn't been going through such rough things, he had been able to sympathize with the girl..it was some pampered, stuck-up little bitch with no awarance of the real world that had said that one...
What would they say if he was gone? What would the gossip in the halls of his high school sound like? Would they say it was his fault, or consequence of things that Carl had no control over?
Carl didn't know, but the only thing he could think of at that moment was ending it all..
Note from Destiny: Ok, I actually have 2 more depressing fanfics that I'm working on at the moment, but I want to know which one you guys want posted first...the first one is rated PG-13 and is called "Broken"..it's mainly about Nick, and how he'd deal with an accident that disfigures his face permanently. The other is rated R and is called "Take It All Away". In it, Cindy and Jimmy are married, but she leaves him and takes their son with her...like I said, both are depressing..and both have songs in the first chapter (it's weird, but kind of interesting to do..)
