Remus cheerfully whistled "Movin' on Up" as he headed to the bathroom, towel slung casually over his shoulder. Remus really shouldn't have been whistling "Movin' on Up" because he was a werewolf, and werewolves really don't move on up. If anything, they go down. Anyway, Remus was not thinking about any of that on this particular morning. He'd been hoping to be beat the early morning bathroom rush, which wasn't as rushed as it would be in America because British people don't shower as regularly.
He had barely stepped into the bathroom when he saw a black-haired figure holding a razor in his shaking hand. Remus froze.
"Padfoot! What are you DOING?"
Sirius turned slowly, razor still in shaking hand, and faced Remus.
Remus screamed like a little girl.
"Stop that right now!" Sirius demanded. Remus didn't. Sirius had no choice but to cover Remus' mouth with his hand, but even that did not stop the screaming. It only muffled it a little.
"You have fantastic lung capacity," Sirius marveled.
"Thank you," responded Remus shyly. "You're not so bad yourself."
Sirius nodded and smiled, then frowned. "Wait, that made no sense at all."
"Go with it," encouraged Remus. "Anyway, I meant to ask you…why are you bleeding profusely?"
"'S just a scratch," Sirius muttered.
"It is not!" Remus snapped. "Holy cow, you really did a number on your face. What were you thinking?"
"Well…you know, with all this facial hair I simply have to shave daily-"
"I don't understand you, Padfoot. Is this an act of solidarity? Now your hair and your face look equally awful?"
Sirius paled. "It's really that bad?"
"Yes."
"But I used a mirror and everything! See, I have this nifty little hand-held mirror I always carry in my wallet…" he feebly trailed off as he looked at the compact square. "Oh, fuck me with a pogo stick! This is that picture of me I always carry around." He stared at it closely. "Do my eyebrows really connect like that?"
"Give me that," commanded Remus. "Did you even use shaving cream?"
"Did I who with my what?"
"Shaving cream? Muggle invention that keeps you from looking like a landmine victim?"
"I will indicate my answer of 'no' by remaining silent for an uncomfortably long period of time." responded Sirius, who then remained silent for an uncomfortably long period of time.
"Right. Well, I have some right here in the pocket of my bathrobe," said Remus.
"That's shaving cream? I thought you were just happy to see me," said Sirius.
"You dog, you," Remus said coyly, and then they both laughed for a really long time because Sirius was an animagus and actually was a dog, and come on, that's funny.
"Does shaving cream taste like whipped cream?" asked Sirius, licking his lips.
Then they got it on.
The End.
