Disclaimer: The chance of me owning all this except the plot is smaller than the chance I'd let Voldemort kiss me.
A/N: *waves* Hullo all I AM BACK! I missed my computer and ya all! I've updated finally *claps* and to all my reviewers (esp. those who came back and reviewed again), I can't thank you enough! You are most generous! And a special thanks to worf, who pointed out a mistake in my A/N. It wasn't what I meant, by 'JK's new book there were really not much told about Hermione's or Severus's life' I meant their life in Harry's fifth year. The book didn't exactly told us much about what Hermy and Sevvie did in their spare time, so I thought I could take advantage and exploit a bit... English is not my first language and if I had write something that misled you guys please point out to me and don't hit me *cowers*!!
Lily of the shadow: Thank you, hope this long chapter makes up for not updating quicker!
reading: Please refer to previous A/N... ff.net thought I'd four more chapters than I really do.
RattleSnake: Thank you, and yes, I was shocked by OOtP too, we all were! Hope you get over it soon! :)
Mary :) : Thanks, please keep on reading and reviewing!
bLix: Yay! You come back again! And I did have fun during my trip, thankies!
Ezmerelda: You're welcome, I should be the one saying thank you! *smile*
evilbon32: I am flattened!! Fav author!! *jumps up and down* Thank you! Hope you like this chapter as well!
Gwendellen Snape: Thanks, please continue reading!
worf: Once again, thank you! Yeah I had read the book and was happy JK put some more about Sevvie in the book.
OliverWoodFan03: Yay, thank you for coming back! Glad you like it, and oh, Hermy/Sevvie is a weird ship but they rock, hahaha!
Hermy: *in tears* Thanks for putting me in your favorites! And yeah, who cares about age differences anymore! I mean, I myself is in love with this guy 13 years older than me *drags Oliver into scene* See! He is 30 last month!
Metallicafangirl: Unfortunately if I kick Dean away Lavender may kill me *cowers under Lavender's death-glare*! Btw, your story rocks!
She-who-must-not-be-named: You're back!! You got me worried for a while there! Anywayz. Umbridge is evil! My new favorite stories all contain death scenes of her! Mwahahahahahaha *evil laugh*
kat-tak: Thanks!
And the song I inserted is "I'm Not Strong Enough To Say No" of Blackhawk. My first attempt of a song-chapter, I think it sucks. NEways, you can email me for the song. On with the story!
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The sign says "do not touch" - you're out of bounds
You're forbidden fruit, don't come around
It says don't make plans 'cause on your hand
Is a promise made to another man
A disturbingly bright ray of sun shone across the room, seeping through the closing curtains and onto a small curled up form in the four-poster.
Hermione felt the warmth on her face, she fluttered her eyelashes and waved her hand weakly, as if to brush away the annoying light.
"Hermione, Hermione..." a faraway voice called.
She moaned, and buried her face into the pillow. "Hermione, Hermione..." the voice was very persistent, and getting louder by the minute. She could hear hurried footsteps, and someone bursting into the room. She moaned again.
Lavender grasped the curtains and pulled hard, shouting, "There you are!"
Hermione could feel herself bathed in the sun she was trying so hard to get away from. She moaned for the third time that morning while Lavender pulled away her warm comfy quilt.
"Wass the metter?" She gibbered, turning away from the pillow a bit reluctantly to face Lavender. There was no way to sleep anymore if Lavender was determined to get you out of bed.
"Merlin's beard!" Lavender exclaimed when she saw Hermione, "What happened?" She sat down, forgetting all about waking Hermione.
"Huh?" Hermione said groggily.
"Your eyes! They are all red and puffy," Lavender observed her closely, "You've been crying. Again. You've been thinking about him. Again." It was a statement.
Hermione sat up feeling awake finally, and looked at Lavender. There was no use denying, the other girl was strangely good at reading people. Maybe she was really a seer. She smiled faintly at the thought.
"But there was something else..." Lavender continued, looking straight into her eyes. Hermione averted her gaze awkwardly, she hadn't prepare to tell Lavender about her latest discovery- her latest crush- yet, let alone in the morning. "Nonsense. Of course I was thinking about Ced only. Why else would I cry?" She managed, pretending to be absorbed in stroking Crookshanks, who purred accusingly, then pounced away.
"That is exactly what you are going to tell me, now." Lavender said sternly, still scrutinizing her. Seeing Hermione's defiant face, she softened a bit, "Listen Herm, I know you are troubled, we all know. Even Crookshanks know. And we are all worried. If you let it out you'd feel much better." She pat her hand lightly, "I don't want you to try that again. You scared me to death last time, swallowing pills, honestly!"
Hermione smiled and felt something warm passed through her whole body. She could feel her eyes reddening. "I am- " she was about to say okay but suddenly she found that she need to tell someone, blurt it all out to someone. Taking a deep breath, she said shakily, "You- you promised not to tell another soul?"
Lavender nodded solemnly. So, Hermione started her tale, "It all started with this stupid dream..."
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'cause when you're around my defenses go down
Feelings get stronger, looks get longer
The closer you come, the weaker i get
If it ain't happened now, just ain't happened yet
"-and so I came up here after DADA. I started reading my diary, and discovered that I had repeated myself again..." Hermione trailed off miserably.
"I see." Lavender didn't laugh, to Hermione's relief. "So you had this crush on- gosh- Snape, and you know you can't, so you cried?" Hermione nodded, a little surprised by her friend's incredulous tone.
"Silly, there's nothing wrong about liking someone, even if that's Snape." Lavender suppressed a smile, "He is just another guy, like Harry, like Ron, like Cedric. It's perfectly fine to like him!"
"I am not even sure if I really liked him or not-"
"Of course you are! Why else would you dream about him?"
"I don't fall in love because of dreams!" Hermione exclaimed shrilly, "If I am that kind of girl I wouldn't drop Divination."
"I still insist that is your greatest mistake ever," Lavender replied, "But that's not the point. So maybe you didn't like Snape because of the dream, but it certainly made you notice him. You know, when you started to think about a guy like that you will develop something eventually."
"So that's my mistake? It is myself to blame that I liked someone when I shouldn't, is it?" Hermione shouted, a big tear sliding down her cheek. "You didn't know how this feels! If I had any control I wouldn't like him, ever! I can like Ron, or even Harry! I feel so vulnerable and powerless, you know? I wish-" She couldn't continue. Hiding her face in her hands, she sobbed hard.
There was a long silence mixed only with Hermione's broken sobs. Lavender looked at her friend, the last time she cried this hard was when Cedric died. Finally she said consolingly, albeit a bit shakily, "It is not a mistake liking someone. No one will blame you. And I know exactly how you feel, Herm."
This stopped her crying, and Hermione looked up at Lavender, confused.
"Well, I fell in love with Professor Lupin before..." Lavender blushed, "I meant to tell you but... oh well, sorry. At least he is nice. I don't suppose it was as bad."
Hermione smiled with tears still streaking her face. "I never know! And yes, I suppose it was not as bad." She chuckled softly. "And I thought loving Cedric was wrong! This just proves life can always be worse."
The girls sat on the bed giggling for a minute. Then Lavender asked, "So what do you do now?"
"Huh?" Hermione asked the second time in the morning, feeling very stupid.
"Haven't you learn a thing from all those romance novels?" Lavender rolled her eyes. "I mean, aren't you going to tell him?"
"WHAT?" Hermione cried. "I am never telling him! I mean, I didn't tell Cedric anything-"
"And look how well that turned out," Lavender interrupted sarcastically, "Hermione, if you don't tell him how you feel how will he know?"
"What about 'I don't want him to know, ever'?" Hermione said, terrified. "How can I ever show my face if he rejected me? And we both know the chance of him liking me back is like, smaller than the chance of You-know-who turning himself in and repent!"
"Look, Hermione," Lavender cooed soothingly like to a toddler, "You would regret later, like you regretted that you didn't tell Cedric. And you had to be true to yourself. The fact now lies before you, Herm, you know it. Lying would not make you feel better. Facing it would."
"But, but-" Hermione stuttered and felt the urge to sob again. "How would I face him, how could I? And what about Harry and Ron? They loathe him! And not to sound vixenish, you know how Ron feels about me..."
"It's okay Herm." Lavender pulled the other girl closer, glancing at her face. "There's no need to cry. It's Ron's problem that he liked you, not yours, it is not your fault, or your responsibility, or your anything. And since when do you care about what others think? You are a Griffindor for crying out loud! Be brave Hermione, there's nothing wrong about loving. It never is, and never will be."
"Yeah," Hermione agreed, feeling a large lump in her throat. "I just don't want to break his heart. I know how that feels."
They sat quietly for a while. "You know, this kind of crush would mostly fade away-" Lavender said.
"Yeah, either that or it would deepen so you can't live without him anymore," Hermione grumbled under her breath.
"-it wouldn't hurt to act for once, right?" continued Lavender, who didn't hear her. "I mean, when I look back I see that my feelings to Lupin was so shallow it can't really be called 'love', but I told him then and I have no regret. And by 'telling' I don't mean you shout in his face that you like him- though that's practically what I did- you can try the subtle way-"
She stopped when she saw Hermione's expression, like she was horrified by the idea of doing anything to Snape, subtly or not. Lavender frowned, "Now, this is not the attitude. Look at me."
Hermione looked into her eyes, though a little uneasily. She used to think Lavender as a giggling sort of sissy girl until fourth year, now she was sometimes afraid of her. Not only because she was taller and older than her, but also because she could somehow read her mind. She also had a kind of rashness and courage that must be the reason why she was in Griffindor. She often had the impression that Lavender was a young McGonagall, especially when she went all stern and interrogative, like now.
"Hermione Granger, I had spent enough time telling you to face your feelings and I am getting tired, and we aren't getting anywhere if you keep on hiding with your head in the sand. You should be ashamed if you call yourself Griffindor. Now, make the decision- whether you want to go on liking him, or you want to put him outta your mind- then act it." Lavender said forcefully.
Hermione lowered her eyes, put him outta my mind. As if I haven't tried. But something Lavender said touched her heart. She had a point, she always do.
Lavender was thrilled to find the determination and recognition in Hermione's eyes when she looked up again. Her face was no longer ashen, but was lit up once more. Lavender was so happy she bent over and hugged her. "That's my girl!"
Hermione blushed lightly, "I haven't say anything yet. But yeah, I think I will try...acting. I know that's what I want, and I will try to get it. It's my life, afterall. You're right, I am not letting anyone- not even Ron- to decide it for me."
"Well, I was hoping to decide it for you with my tarot cards," Lavender joked, pretending to be deeply disappointed. "Oh my, look at the time!"
Hermione did, and gave a shriek. It was already a quarter to ten. "My God! Fifteen minutes before the next lesson!"
"Yeah, I was coming up to wake you when you didn't show in Charms." Lavender said, "I thought you were sick, you seldom skip class. The next lesson should be Potions."
"Damn," Hermione groaned, "Can I skip it as well?"
"No," Lavender said strictly, pulling her up, "You skipped enough classes for one day. And you just promised not to run away anymore. I will get to the dungeons now. I expect to see you washed and cleaned fifteen minutes later." With this she turned and headed towards the door.
"Lav," Hermione called. Lavender stopped and looked at her quizzically. "Thank you. For everything."
Lavender smiled, then exited.
Hermione looked at the closed door, and a fat tear rolled down her smiling face.
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So please, please, please go
I'm not strong enough to say no
Please, please don't stay
I'm not man enough to walk away
Hermione brushed her frizzy, uncompromising hair frantically, but it wouldn't straighten. She gave a mental scream and admitting defeat, she threw away the comb. She looked at herself in the mirror (which said embracingly, "It's okay dear, you look great") and washed her face again. There was no charm that she know would get rid of the red swollen marks around her eyes. She sighed, grasped her bag, and hurried down to the dungeons.
Arriving at the ancient wooden door, she suddenly hesitated. There is no backing down now, Lav would kill me if I skip Potions. Moreover, even I couldn't stand myself running away like a coward. She took a deep breath, tugged her hair and robes one last time, then pushed open the heavy door leading into the dungeons.
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Please, please pass by
I can't resist you even though i try
So please go, I'm not strong to say no
So please go, I'm not strong to say no
Severus snapped his head up when he heard the door creaked. He saw Hermione slipping into the dungeons, obviously not wanted to be spotted. He also noted her eyes were very red and swollen, like she had been crying. He smirked. I don't care if she had been crying or not, as long as she is not bothering me.
Unfortunately, walking in late bothers me. Greatly. He glanced coldly at the girl who was moving through the aisles to her friends. Once she sat down Harry and Ron bent over, no doubt asking where had she been and what was the problem. He scowled when that Weasley flung an arm around her shoulder. Hermione blushed, and fended his arm off a second later, looking back at Lavender for help.
"That's quite enough, Miss Granger, you are late, and you caused a disturbance in my class," he snarled in his usual cold tone, "Twenty points from Griffindor."
Hermione looked down, and started to pull out her books and parchments. But he was not done yet.
"And I see that you've... let your emotions out a bit. I wouldn't have expect that from a brave Griffindor." He curled his lips, not able to resist the temptation of insulting a Griffindor. The Slytherins sniggered.
Ron shot up at this, shouting, "You terrible inconsiderate git, can't you see she is upset enough? You-"
"Sit down Ron!" Harry pulled Ron's robes, attempting to pull the taller boy back to his seat. "He's provoking you, can't you see?"
"Provoking, am I? I am merely stating the surprising fact that a Griffindor know-it-all cried, does that count as provoking?" Snape drawled. "Fifty points from Griffindor Weasley for not controlling your temper, and calling me names."
Ron opened his mouth when Hermione, who had been quiet the whole time, whispered, "It's okay, Ron, I don't mind- I mean, care- what he said..." She looked up, her eyes were still red but there were no tears. " Please."
Ron sat down, looking puzzled at Hermione. She looked down at her parchment again, ignoring Ron. Harry gave a half shrug, and focused on Snape once more.
Snape narrowed his eyes at the brown head in front of him. "So after the unnecessary interruption, may I please continue my lesson?"
With that he began teaching.
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Don't say I didn't warn you, don't say you didn't know
Don't wait 'til it's too late and then try to go
The closer you come, the weaker I get
If it ain't happened now, just ain't happened yet
I'm beggin' you
Hermione couldn't believe Snape noticed her crying. This sent a warm wave up her before he started insulting her. The pain was worse than it normally does, now that she cared about what he thinks, especially of her. He hated me. This statement stabbed her in the stomach and for a moment she couldn't feel anything, barely noticing Ron had stood up and shouted.
If only he knew the reason I cried, that stupid idiot. She thought bitterly when something poke her in the back. She knew it was Lavender, and remembering their conversation earlier, she sat up straighter and put up her defenses. He is right in a way. I am a Griffindor and I wouldn't cry anymore. I have decided to act according to my heart, and the first step is to ignore his scathing words. She gave herself one encouraging smile before speaking up.
"It's okay, Ron, I don't mind- I mean, care- what he said..." She said, nearly biting her tongue, "Please."
That was close. But it was true as well, I don't mind his taunts now. That's a part of him, and how I liked him, I think. Oh Hermione Granger, you are twisted. She flushed and bowed her head even lower, not wanting anyone to see. Didn't some romance novels said 'Loving a guy is to accept all of him, merits and defects alike'?
The whole lesson went on like that, she scribbled down everything he lectured in unreadable handwriting, very different from her usual tidy and tiny one, and felt herself almost drowned in his voice. After admitting her feelings this morning she felt even more intrigued by him. The feelings she had tried so hard to ignore in the past week washed over her full power.
Argh! This will not do! She thought angrily, crossing out another line of unrecognizable nonsense. She shook her head in frustration when she heard her name.
"-And Miss Granger please see me after class."
Hmmm? What had I done this time? She wondered while Ron made a rude sign under the desk. A minute later the bell rang. She packed her things quickly and giving an assuring nod to the boys, she strode up to Snape's oak desk.
"I am sorry." She apologized before Snape could say anything.
Snape folded his arms, leaned back, and raised an eyebrow. "What had I accused you now? Or should I ask, what had you done wrong that makes you apologize so readily?"
Hermione looked up surprised. "You are not punishing me?" Realizing what she had just said, her eyes fell back onto the desk. She noticed the pink box was still there.
"I hate to say it, but no, I am not punishing you, yet." Snape spoke in his silky, low voice. Hermione winced inwardly at his tone. "No, I just wanted to remind you that you have a detention tonight. Be here eight o'clock sharp, understand?"
A detention? With him in the dungeons? ALONE??? She could feel a wave of fear and panic rushing through her body. So I've said I would act, but I ain't prepared for this, no...
Snape sat amused as Hermione's emotions flashed across her face. He saw that she wanted to retreat, and there was fear in her eyes. He smirked, then looking straight into her eyes, "There's no escape, Miss Granger."
Hermione looked back into his black orbs, her head reeling with thoughts. There's no escape, Miss Granger. Oh Merlin, that sounds so... right.
There's no escape...
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A/N: Whoa! This is only half of my original chapter 6! My muse is getting out of control! *Force struggling muse into a box* And Sevvie is proving to be very difficult to write... I don't like the scene really. But anyway, tell me what you think! And yeah, I didn't replace the A/N because some of you reviewed on it and if I replaced it you can't review this chapter! And we don't want that, do we? *wink*
You can hand me over to the Dementors if my next chapter don't come out in 3 days, honestly! And please tell me whether you think my chapters are too long or short...now, REVIEW please!!
