Ties that Bind Pt. 2
Disclaimer and stuff in part 1
Could this get any worse? How could I have done it? Daniel was right. While my best friend lies dead at the SGC morgue, and her daughter, my new responsibility, was crying out from a nightmare in the next room, I was in bed with my CO about to have sex.
Of course Daniel had used the word "screwing". I never really liked that word, but it seemed appropriate now. I locked my bedroom door and took off the shirt, throwing it across the room. Finding my clothes under the comforter, I put them on. Then I sat on the edge of my bed, with my head in my hands, trying to figure out how I could turn back the clock.
'God, you really did it this time,' I whispered to myself. Standing up, I started to make the bed, since I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon.
Going into my bathroom, I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror. I could see a mark on my neck. Touching it, all I could see it as was a great reminder of my betrayal.
Running out of things to do, I knew I was just stalling for time. I had not heard anything from the kitchen since coming in here, and that concerned me. Before running to my room, I heard the Colonel jumping to my defense, telling Daniel that he had better apologize. But why should he? Daniel was right. I had crossed the line; this was all my fault. I had failed Cassie, Janet and my team.
How was I gonna fix this?
What idea was I going to pull from my butt this time? Getting up, I went to the door, ready to face the music. Squaring my shoulders, I started to walk down the hall. I checked on Cassie and she seemed to be sleeping. I left the door open slightly just in case she needed me. Walking into the living room, I didn't see anyone.
Did they all leave? They would have said something. Right? I walked into the kitchen and no one was there either.
"Where is everybody?"
"Uh, down here Carter." I was startled to see Jack on the floor, sweeping up the cup that I had dropped. He was still shirtless, reminding me that I should have brought out his shirt for him. Throwing away the broken piece of my cup into the trash, he came over and sat on the stool next to me. "Where is Daniel and Teal'c?" I asked.
"Teal'c called a cab and took Daniel home to sober up. I thought you didn't need to deal with him in that condition. You have enough on your mind."
I turned around, not wanting to be this close to him. I needed to stay professional for my sake, and for Cassie's.
"Are you ok, Sam?" Jack came up behind me, putting his arms around me.
I stepped away and turned around. "I'm fine, Sir."
He looked at me. "Were back to Sir?"
"I think it would be for the best considering.."
"No Sam. What Daniel said was not right. Its more than.."
"More than what, Sir? More than screwing?"
"Stop. Don't say that. It would have been more than that. To me at least, and I will not let Daniel or you make something that feels right, wrong. I know the timing sucks, but I don't regret it."
I didn't know what to say. Each time he stepped towards me, I went in the other direction.
"I can't deal with this now, Sir. Please give me time. I have to be here for Cassie now. I have to make it right between Daniel and I, and I have to deal with the death of my best friend. I'm trying to juggle all of this and I've dropped the ball once already. So please, I can't deal with what happen in that room right now." I took a deep breath. "It was wrong, and we both know it."
Jack shook his head. "I broke the rule, Sam. I spoke, but I had too. It was something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time, and I wanted more. Janet dying only made me realize how little time we really have. I needed to let you know how I felt."
Everything I felt for him and wanted to say to him was on the tip of my tongue. But I chose to keep it to myself.
"Sir, we have a long day ahead of us. If you want the couch, it's yours. I'm going to be in Cassie's room just in case she wakes up. I'll talk to you later."
Walking down the hall, I knew he was staring at me as I walked away from him knowing if I didn't I wouldturn around and run back into the safety ofhis arms.
To be continued
