Chapter 5
More Notes: yeah, this one gets kind a violent, there's some torture. Deal with it
Haldir had never before in his life felt this useless or this helpless. He knew that Erestor was not guilty of rape. He knew that Erestor had been abused by Glorfindel and found it far more likely that Glorfindel just wanted Erestor out of the way. Glorfindel knew that Erestor would not contradict him and would admit to whatever crime Glorfindel accused him of. Haldir was disgusted by Glorfindel's actions. He was almost as upset with Elrond for not seeing through the gaping holes in Glorfindel's story. But that was almost forgivable. Elrond loved Glorfindel and wanted to believe him.
Still, as he had promised, he couldn't stand to stay in Imladris any longer. He wanted more than anything to chase after Erestor, but he knew Erestor well enough to know that he would want to be alone. Haldir just hoped that Erestor wouldn't do anything dumb, like kill himself. Haldir hoped that someday he would meet Erestor again, after this incident was long forgotten and they could renew their relationship.
Legolas caught up to him as he was readying to leave and asked him, "Do you think that Erestor did it?"
"I know he didn't."
"So why are you allowing this to happen?"
"I am not of Imladris, Prince Legolas. I cannot interfere with Elrond's judgments. And Erestor did not deny his crime."
"You were there?"
"Yes. But I know that Erestor did not do it. Erestor is not capable of that. Of slaughter, of killing in battle, yes, he is capable of that, but not abusing someone. It just isn't part of him."
"Are you going to try to find him?"
"Erestor could hide from me for millennia. I hate to say it, but no, I am not going to chase after him. If it is truly meant for the two of us to be together, the Valar will show one of us the way."
"I wish you luck, Haldir."
"Thank you, Prince Legolas. Are you leaving as well?"
"No, we still have not yet arrived at a trade agreement. I thought that Erestor was going to be essential to a decent negotiation, so I don't know how much longer I'm going to have to stay here. I have no idea how competent Lord Glorfindel is, but I doubt that he will be able to match Erestor."
"Not very many elves were able to match Erestor," said Haldir sadly.
"That is, without a doubt, true," said Legolas. "Farewell. I hope we meet soon."
"Farewell, Prince Legolas." Haldir easily got on his horse and kicked it lightly to start it moving. He did not look back as he left. He wanted nothing more than to forget the past couple of weeks spent here. They were too painful for him to remember. He did not know how long it would be before he would be able to look back on these events objectively, but he felt that it would be a long time.
It was quite clear to Elrond that Glorfindel, while he was quite good at what he had been told to do, was not Erestor. Erestor would willingly sacrifice his time to get Elrond's work done. He would spend long nights alone finishing some vital report or seeing that urgent tasks actually got completed. Glorfindel was not nearly that dedicated. He would work from just after the morning meal until the evening meal and then he considered his day done. Elrond saw that things were soon going to get behind and he would need to get more help, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted to believe that his lover could do what Erestor could do without any difficulty. But it was clear that Glorfindel didn't want to become like Erestor.
And the negotiations with Legolas couldn't have been going worse. Erestor was usually the only one that could remain cool-headed during tough negotiations, and Glorfindel couldn't. Elrond could see that Legolas was losing patience with Glorfindel's heavy-handed attempts at diplomacy. The last thing that Elrond wanted was for Legolas to leave holding a grudge. Elrond didn't need Mirkwood at odds with him. There were enough problems within Imladris and outside her borders for Elrond to be able to deal with another threat.
"Is something wrong, Elrond?" asked Glorfindel at the end of yet another long day.
It was, Elrond realized, only two days since he had banished Erestor. Somehow, it seemed so much longer than that. "I don't see how Imladris is going to keep running without Erestor. I had not realized how essential he was."
"Erestor was not essential. You were just used to his way of doing things. And that way of doing things is just different from my way of doing things. In time, I'm sure you'll adjust."
"I hope I will."
"Elrond, you doubt yourself too much. You are brilliant at everything; you could run this place single-handedly if you really had to."
Elrond smiled at the compliment, but knew that it wasn't true. Erestor and he had made an excellent team. They had thought enough alike to do things the same way, but differently enough to always be able to solve a problem, no matter how difficult. Elrond just got the feeling that Glorfindel, while quite bright, was not even close to his or Erestor's intellectual equal. Very few very smart elves were warriors, himself and Erestor excluded. Smart elves saw the futility in war and tried to avoid it. Besides, he and Erestor had only fought when all was in danger of being lost. They were good at things other than war. Glorfindel was only a warrior. He knew a bit of lore, and knew something of healing, but it just wasn't the same.
Elrond missed Erestor more than he thought was possible. Erestor had sometimes disappeared off for months at a time to go deal with difficult negotiations elsewhere. But then, Elrond had been consoled by the thought that Erestor was coming back. Now Elrond knew for a fact that he was not. Erestor was lost to him forever.
The messenger that entered Thranduil's hall was disheveled and tired. Thranduil immediately knew something was wrong. The messenger was dressed in Imladris colors, and, not for the first time, Thranduil wished he possessed the power to farspeak. He wondered if something terrible had befallen Legolas. He sincerely hoped not. Legolas was easily his favorite son; though that was not something he would mention to his two other sons.
"What is it?" he asked the messenger.
"Sire," said the messenger, bowing down low.
"Just give me the message," said Thranduil impatiently. Ceremony was important to him, but not so much when dealing with a possible disaster. The messenger took out a rolled scroll and handed it to Thranduil.
"I was told to bring this as fast as I could, sire."
Thranduil unrolled it and read it. Thranduil, an atrocity has been committed at the Last Homely House. A guest invited by myself was raped by my Chief Advisor, Erestor. To assuage your fears, the guest was not Prince Legolas. Nor do I believe that your son is in danger any longer. I have banished Erestor from Imladris. Celeborn and Galadriel have closed their borders to him as well. I ask you, for the safety of your own people that you do the same to Mirkwood. Though we have long been enemies, we are in a new age now and cannot afford to be so divided. Respectfully, Elrond.
Thranduil considered the message. He had met Erestor not all that long ago and Erestor had seemed like a careful, reasoned elf to him, not the kind that would do something like this. The morbidly curious part of him couldn't help but wonder who Erestor's victim had been. Thranduil looked up at the messenger, who was clearly waiting for a reply. "Tell Lord Elrond that I will do exactly as he recommends." He rose to his feet and began to pace the hall after the messenger had left. These were troubled times if the elves one thought one could most count on turned out to be the ones that, in fact, were the most devious and evil.
Erestor had found the orc base. It was a filthy place. Erestor had been scouting it for some hours now, looking for the best place to get in. He knew he had to find the leader of the group and kill him. Then the others would be easier to dispatch. One thing was clear to him. This was a well-organized group. They had come to present a serious threat to Imladris. That made it more essential than ever for Erestor to destroy them. He couldn't let anyone threaten Elrond.
Erestor estimated there to be between a hundred and two hundred orc. That was an annoyingly large number, especially for one elf to deal with. But he knew that orcish organization hinged on one commander. Everyone else just followed that commander blindly and once he was dead, everything fell apart. Erestor had always been shocked by the fact that no one had had the brains to change it so that it would take more than one assassination to destroy an orcish army sometimes.
Near the end of the day, he captured one of the orcs, knocked it out, and dragged it back to his shack. Once there, he tied it firmly up, gagged it, and went to sleep. In the morning, he was awoken by its howls. Erestor went outside, to where he had tied it. "Good morning," he said in orcish. No one knew that he was nearly fluent (or as fluent as one could be in a language that consisted mostly of grunts) in orcish, not even Elrond.
"Scum," said the orc.
"Talk to me or you will die very painfully," said Erestor calmly.
"I will say nothing."
"How many orcs are in this company?"
The orc did not answer.
Erestor walked closer. He took out his dagger and quickly, efficiently, removed one of the orc's eyes. The orc howled in pain. "How many orcs in the company?" asked Erestor quietly.
"A hundred twenty," said the orc.
"Good. We're getting somewhere. What is your mission?"
The orc chose not to answer.
Erestor sighed. "Perhaps you are just a slow learner." Erestor relieved him of the other eye. "Now tell me what your mission is."
"Destroy Imladris." The orc could barely speak for all the pain he was in.
"Good. Now, you still have just the one commander?"
"Yes."
"Wonderful." Erestor slit the orc's throat and then walked to the nearest stream to wash the orc blood off of him. Tomorrow, he would have to repeat the task, but right now, he just wanted to be clean. There would be plenty of time to get dirty tomorrow.
The rest of the day, Erestor went about, clearing land for a small farm. He knew he wouldn't have to grow much, as he didn't need all that much food to survive, and he could supplement his food with that of the fruits and mushrooms of the grove of trees next to him. Before he left Imladris, he had stolen a modest amount of vegetable seeds and grains. Hopefully, enough of them would grow and he would survive. Otherwise, he would have to find some way to steal more. Being a thief was nothing new to him, but it seemed a shame to have to slip back to the way he had been shortly after he and Glorfindel had ended their relationship.
Erestor had been disgraced. Or rather, he had disgraced himself. But that didn't matter. All Erestor knew was that he had no place to live anymore and that he was going to have to adjust his life to fit the way his life was going to have to be. He wasn't surprised at Glorfindel's actions; Erestor knew he would have done the same thing was the situation reversed. But thinking about that, Erestor knew, wouldn't make his life any easier to live.
The first night, he slept in a dark alley. He had been terrified, but he survived the night. And that was what counted. The first time he stole was for breakfast. Then he stole lunch, and dinner. It was shortly after dinner that he robbed a passerby. That gave him enough money to be able to rent a small room for a week. It was not great, but Erestor knew it was a start.
He was so terrified that his whole life was going to be a failure now. He knew he had come so close to having a bright career as a scholar. But that stupid decision of his had wrecked everything. Now nothing would be the same, that he knew for sure.
It had all started a week ago, when Glorfindel had started making the announcements that they were to be bonded. Erestor loved Glorfindel and had come to feel the same way that Glorfindel did. They had been together for more than eighty years and it was time to make that commitment real.
But that had also been when they had started to fight. Erestor got cold feet. "Can't we postpone this?" he asked Glorfindel, sure that Glorfindel would understand.
"Do you not love me anymore?"
"Of course I love you. That's not what I'm suggesting. I'm…I just don't know what everyone's going to think…"
"Erestor, don't be ridiculous. Everyone who counts already knows we're together. I love you and you love me. We can be happy together forever. Don't tell me that you don't want that."
"No, I do want that. I'm just…I guess I'm just a little nervous."
Glorfindel walked over and kissed him. "Don't be. I love you. We will make this work."
It was not so much the problem that Erestor didn't love Glorfindel; he did. It was that Erestor knew already that he wasn't the settling-down type. He wanted to experience life fully; he didn't want to be tied to one elf. "I love you, too…I just…please, can we postpone this…"
"Erestor, we have been postponing this for years! I cannot stand to have you any longer, to know that you are mine, but also, in some strange way, to know that you are not mine. I want to make you mine forever."
"You never asked if that was what I wanted," said Erestor quietly.
"You don't want to be with me, to love me forever?"
"Of course I do." But Erestor knew that he did not.
"Then let's not fight about this. Okay?"
Erestor nodded. "You're right."
"I'm always right," said Glorfindel smugly, claiming another kiss. "And after tonight, you will be mine forever. And this is going to be the happiest night of my life."
"Mine, too." But Erestor meant that even less.
And so that was why Erestor stood Glorfindel up.
Glorfindel sought him out the next morning, a furious look on his face. "What was that? Why weren't you there last night?"
Erestor answered calmly, "I don't love you."
"I am disgraced now in front of everyone, you lowly little scribe. I can't understand what I ever saw in you. I want you out of my sight. I never want to see you again."
"This is my home as well as yours," said Erestor calmly.
Glorfindel pulled out his sword. "Get out. I will inform everyone that you are not to be allowed back in. Your life is over now, Erestor. Do us all a favor and go die somewhere. Just somewhere out of my sight."
And so Erestor left.
Legolas wanted to pound the table in frustration, but he knew he couldn't be that visibly annoyed. So he forced a smile and said, for the millionth time, "Those agreements won't be suitable, Lord Glorfindel."
"By the Valar, why not?" demanded Glorfindel. This, he knew, was definitely not his forte. He hated the delicate game of diplomacy. He much preferred war to this. Battle, at least, was over and done with and no one had to play these ridiculous mind games that Legolas, Elrond, and apparently (he had been told) Erestor liked to play.
"This gives a definite advantage to Imladris. My father would kill me if I returned home with an agreement like this."
I may kill you if you don't. "Well, Prince Legolas, what do you propose in response?"
"I have already made my demands clear. And I am not going to change my request."
Glorfindel folded his arms and sat back in his chair. "Neither am I."
"Where are the terms that Erestor drew up?"
"These are them."
"No, they aren't. I've negotiated with Erestor before. He's not nearly as heavy-handed as that document is. I'd say that you did it yourself. And I would also say that you consulted no information whatsoever before drawing your conclusion and writing that. I don't think that Mirkwood's yearly grain surplus has ever even been even half of what you propose we should deliver every six months. Erestor would not overlook something like that."
"Erestor is not here, Prince Legolas. So you must deal with my demands."
"Then a trade agreement will not be possible between Mirkwood and Imladris." Legolas rose to his feet and walked to the door. As he pulled it open, he turned and said, "Trust me, this was a mistake."
After pacing the halls for a while, Legolas went to see Elrond. Elrond, at least, was typically reasonable. Elrond seemed surprised to see him. "Glorfindel told me you were leaving," he said.
"Excuse me for saying this, my lord, but Glorfindel is an idiot and no diplomat. Without Erestor, I don't think we will be able to reach a trade agreement."
"We have to."
"I am of the same opinion. Can I not conduct negotiations with you? Before, it was not necessary, but now I am tired of dealing with Glorfindel…Elrond, have you ever admired someone so deeply that you would do anything they wanted…only then you get to know them, and suddenly you want nothing to do with them?"
"Yes, I have, Prince Legolas." Erestor.
"Well, that's how I feel about Glorfindel right now. I always thought of him as my hero…but now I just can't look at him the same way."
"I don't fault you for that, Legolas. We all make bad judgments from time to time."
"Those are truly spoken words, Lord Elrond. So, do you think if we work together, not as diplomats, but as…friends, that we can reach a trade agreement that both of us will be able to deal with?"
"I believe that could be possible." But if Erestor was here, it wouldn't be necessary. Elrond couldn't believe how little time Erestor had been gone and already Imladris seemed just about ready to fall apart.
Haldir had finally reached Lorien. He reported back to Celeborn, who could immediately tell something was wrong. Celeborn had known Haldir as a baby and had been a father to Haldir. "Tell me what's wrong, Haldir."
"I hate Imladris. I hate Lord Elrond."
"Hate is a very strong word, Haldir, especially in reference to things such as that."
"Lord Elrond is an idiot…"
"That he is not, Haldir."
"He made a really bad judgment."
"That does not make him an idiot."
"I know," said Haldir. "Just give me some really hard work to do so I can get everything on my mind to go away."
"Forgetting things isn't going to help anyone."
"It's all so complicated," said Haldir. He wanted to just go curl up next to Celeborn and cry, but he was no longer an Elfling and it was no longer appropriate to do that. So he stood in front of Celeborn. "And I didn't mean to get tangled up in it…"
"Does this have anything to do with Erestor?" Celeborn couldn't believe that the Erestor he knew would do something as terrible as rape.
"Yes."
"Were you friends with Erestor?"
Haldir shook his head sorrowfully. "No, we were…we were lovers and that's how I know he didn't do it I know that Glorfindel's lying and I wish there was something I could do about it but Erestor lets Glorfindel do whatever he wants and now Erestor's gone forever and I was really starting to care about him he's so lonely Celeborn and he was finally starting to open up to me when this happened and now he's going to be so messed up and that's if he doesn't die…"
"Calm down." Celeborn had never seen the reserved Galadhrim act so excitedly. Hearing those words from Haldir also sparked a little jealousy in him. He was perfectly happy with Galadriel (and his chief advisor), but that couldn't stop him from harboring the occasional thought about Haldir, whom he found incredibly attractive. "There's nothing you can do…you're from Lorien, you can't interfere with Elrond's judgments…"
"That doesn't mean I can't think they're wrong…"
"Correct, but you can't let this destroy you."
"But I want so badly to be able to do something."
Celeborn took both of Haldir's hands in his own. "I know that feeling, Haldir. But sometimes there isn't anything that you can do and you just have to stand by and let things run their course."
"I didn't know I could hurt this badly, Celeborn. No arrow I've ever taken hurt me this much."
"It's called heartache," said Celeborn, drawing the much younger elf into a warm embrace, banishing all the thoughts that popped up into his mind. Haldir was upset right now, and Celeborn had no right to take advantage of that.
Glorfindel had decided that he wanted Legolas again. He remembered fondly the fight that Legolas had put up and decided that he was in the mood for that again. Only now he was plainly aware that Legolas did not worship him anymore and so there would be no easy seduction. And this time, he almost got caught stealing the forgetfulness potion from Elrond's workshop. But all went well and soon Glorfindel was knocking on Legolas's door.
Legolas opened the door and sighed. "What do you want, Lord Glorfindel?"
"To apologize for being so stubborn today." He smiled. "I thought that maybe we could have a drink together…?"
"No, Glorfindel, I don't think that would be appropriate."
"Why not?"
"Because I vaguely remember what happened last time I chose to drink with you. And I don't think I want a repeat performance. You need to keep in mind that you have a devoted lover and you should stay faithful to Elrond."
"What makes you think I am suggesting anything…?"
"I know you slept with Erestor…I suspect that you have slept with others…I know you are unfaithful…you are not capable of being faithful…"
Glorfindel lost his temper and smashed his fist into Legolas's chest. Legolas went down heavily, gasping for breath. His face was contorted in agony, which led Glorfindel to think that he had perhaps broken a rib or two. He leaned down close to Legolas and said, "Tell someone. I dare you." He took out a dagger and put it at the prince's throat. "I'd like to see what happens to you next."
