Ties that Bind PT 8


As we walked back to the elevator, the Colonel told me that he had contacted the Tok'ra to inform them of our latest skirmish with Anubis's troops. He had also left a message for my father about Janet's passing. I listened quietly without saying anything.

Getting onto the elevator, I turned around to look at him. He looked like I felt. I knew he had not slept much last night and I could see the dark circles under his eyes. I knew he wished we could wake up from this nightmare and have everything go back to the way it was.

"Sir, with all that's been going on, I haven't asked you how you are handling this?" I reached out and grab his hand and pulled him close to me.

He looked at me and tried to smile. Putting his hand through his hair, and said, "Let's see how am I doing. I lost a very good friend of mine to my most hated enemy. I had to help and break the news to her daughter and try to not cry myself when her whole world crumbled before her. I confessed my true feelings to the woman I've been in love with since I first met her. And almost fulfilled a dream that has been haunting me since the first time I held her in my arms. My best friend took a swing at me and thought I had betrayed him and Teal'c by not telling him what had been going on in my private life. And the woman I would walk through a fire for continues to call me Sir or Colonel, and doesn't want me to help her deal with what's been going on, insisting that she's fine, but continues to runaway from me. So, that's how I'm doing Carter, just peachy".

I looked down. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I wish I could change things, but I promise after all this settles down, we will talk. It's just so hard right now Jack. I just don't want to make any more mistakes." Grabbing his other hand, I squeezed both and looked up into his eyes.

"You mean more to me then words could ever begin to explain. Please don't give up on what we've both wanted for so long. I couldn't bear to think that after finally opening up to how we really feel, we only let it become buried again. I don't care about the regs. Screw the regs. I want to be with you and we will find a way. Life's to short, and what's happened these last few days has shown me that. Jonathan Scott O'Neill, I want you in my life and no one else. I want to make you happy, and I hope you'll have me after all this. I'm sorry. Please forgive me for putting you through all this. I hope I haven't lost you."

Reaching up, I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tightly. I felt him hugged me back and whisper, "Just remember who said it first. I would really be an moron if I'd let you slip through my fingers now that I know how you really feel about this old man."

I snorted. "Age is just a number, and I've never seen a more in shape, handsome, sexy..."

Giving me a smile that was only meant for me, he said, "Where's a storage closet when you need one."

Feeling the elevator stop, I turned around and let him go. We walked back to the briefing room, and after assuring everyone that I was okay and that the "Stargate problem" had been fixed, we proceeded to go topside.

Walking out of the elevator, the hallway leading out to the parking lot was filled with various personnel of the SGC. Cassie became nervous and looked at me and back to Daniel.

I looked at Jack. "What's going on? I thought we told everyone that Cassie needed space."

"I don't think we've got anything to worry about. Look!" The Colonel pointed ahead of us.

All the staff stood at attention and salute after hearing General Hammond shout out the order. Everyone wanted to express what a big part of the SGC family Janet had been, and how much they respected her. They also wanted to show Cassie that they supported her. Daniel put his arm around Cassie and led her through the hall. She was taken aback by the show of support these people were giving her.

I was choked up, and realized that Janet's death was not only a blow to us, but to each and ever person in this hallway. Janet was a highly respected officer and this was the SGC's way of trying to give back what she had always given to each and every one of them.

Feeling the Colonel's hand on my elbow, he led me through the hallway to where Cassie and Daniel were standing by General Hammond.

General Hammond gave Cassie a hug and said he would be by Jack's house tonight to see how she was doing.

Pulling me aside, General Hammond handed me a large envelope.

"Sir, what's this?" I questioned.

"Major, these are Dr. Fraiser's personal effects. There is also a copy of the guardianship papers and other things that were addressed to you. I know this has been hard on you, Major. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you, Sir. I appreciate it greatly. I'll see you tonight at the Colonel's."

Walking to our cars, we were silent in our own thoughts. Cassie was somber as she looked back to the mountain's entrance. "Mom was lucky to have people care so much for her, and it is wonderful to see what an impact she made in their lives. I hope she knew how much she was respected and cared for."

Daniel looked at her and smiled. "She thought she never gave anything to us. That she was just she to patch us up and make us better. But I saw the people that were lined up against that hallway. She saved each of their lives at one time or another and never thought anything about it. She told me once that it was part of her job, but it was more than that. She was the SGC, we knew that once we got through the gate, whether we were hurt or unconscious, that she would be they're fighting for us."

Daniel turned around to stop himself from saying anything more. I walked over to him and held him in my arms as he started to weep silently again. I knew he spoke more from his heart than what we had just witnessed. This was hard for him and I knew he would need lots of support to get him through this.

Cassie came up to us and grabbed Daniel's arm. "Daniel I wished things had been different between you and Mom, but don't do this to yourself. She would hate to think that you were blaming yourself for things that were not said. I know you cared more for my mom than you are willing to admit, but don't let that stop you from moving on. We'll be here to help you deal with it, Daniel. Remember, we're family, and family sticks together."

"Your mother raised a very wise daughter and I won't forget that. Thank you Cassie for being there for me." Daniel said, wiping the tears from his eyes as he gave her a hug.

"Okay Danny. You take Teal'c and go home to pick up some clothes for the rest of the week. I'll take Cassie and Carter to their homes to get some stuff and we'll all meet at my house in one hour," the Colonel said.

"That sounds like a plan. If you guys hear anything, and I mean anything, please call me on my cell." Giving Cassie a kiss on the cheek, Daniel and Teal'c made there way to his car. Cassie and I climbed into the Colonel's truck to make our way to Cassie's home.

I let Cassie sit up front while I took the back seat. I was paying more attention to the scenery then to the Colonel talking about what we should have for dinner or if Cassie needed to make any stops. I remembered that I hadn't called Cassie's school to let them know she would be out for a while. I made a mental note to call as soon as we got to Janet's house.

Janet's house; oh my god, we were going to Janet's house. How would Cassie react? Hell, how would I react to walk into that place where I knew she would never again be coming home? I started to fidget in my seat and caught the Colonel eyeing me with a what's wrong expression. I tried to smile but failed miserably. I noticed that Cassie had also gotten very quiet. I sat up and reached out to her from the backseat.

"Cassie, your awful quiet. We don't have to go to your house. I could come by later with a list of things you need if that would help you."

The Colonel nodded and figured out why I had been fidgeting. He had forgotten that they would have to go to Janet's house and that Cassie might find a hard time dealing with that.

"No Sam. I want to pick up a couple of things and I'll have to go there soon or later. Might as well be now." Cassie sighed and looked out of the window.

Getting to Janet's, we parked in the driveway and the Colonel turned off his truck and waited. Cassie unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the truck. Retrieving the keys from her purse, we followed behind her. Hearing someone call out Cassie's name, we all turned around.

"Cassie! Oh I was so worried about you when you didn't come home last night and your mother didn't call. I was beside myself. The Robertson's down the street said I should call the police. I left several messages on your mother's cell phone, and also to a Sam Carter, the emergency number she left me. But I didn't get a response. Oh sweetheart, I'm so happy your okay! Where's your mother?"

The Colonel stepped forward. "I'm sorry, but I didn't get your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Margaret Riley, or Maggie for short. I live next door to the Fraisers. Janet has me watch out for Cassie and always calls me to let me know if she is held up at hospital she works for. You know she's military and doesn't keep regular hours."

The Colonel smiled. "Maggie, I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill, and this is Major Sam Carter."

"Oh. Well, where's Janet?" Aggie asked.

Cassie and I moved forward to stand next to Jack. Cassie began to cry again.

"Cassie? What happened and why are you crying?" Maggie asked, looking to me and then Jack for an answer.

"Carter. Why don't you take Cassie inside."

I nodded and we moved towards the house.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news Maggie. Janet was killed in an accident at the hospital yesterday. Cassie has been dealing with this as best she can. We're trying to help her cope. I'm sorry to be a bearer of such bad news."

Maggie shook her head no and began to weep herself. "Oh that poor child. It must have been so hard for her. She only had her mother in this world. What's going to happen to Cassie? If she needs somewhere to stay, she can come stay with me."

The Colonel smiled and reached out a hand, placing it on her shoulder. "Major Carter has been given guardianship of Cassie. My whole team will be watching out for her. You don't have to worry about Cassie being alone or having somewhere to stay, but thank you for offering." Maggie stepped back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "She helped me overcome my grief when my Johnny died. She had just moved in next door with her mother and had this dog that barked constantly. I was so bitter with the lost of my son that I complained constantly about the barking and took it out on her and Janet. Cassie would apologize and come by and bring me flowers. She made this old woman see reason and hope again. She is such a special girl. It's a shame that this tragedy would have to fall on her shoulders. Have any arrangements been made for her service and burial?"

The Colonel nodded. "There will be a service at the hospital. Its only for personnel, but there will be a gathering of her friends at my home afterwards. You're more then welcome to come for that. The burial, by Cassie's request, is only for close family and friends."

"I understand. Would you like me to inform the neighbors? Janet was well liked by everyone. She even volunteered at the Senior Center by giving medical assistance to those who couldn't afford any. So I'm sure they would want to know."

"I didn't know Janet volunteered. If you can inform everyone, that would be a big help. I really have to get inside. Let me give you my address and telephone number if you have any questions."

After writing his address and number down and saying goodbye, Jack walked into Janet's house. The Colonel looked around and realized that Janet would no longer be here to greet him when he came over. Snapping himself out of thought, he called out. "Carter! Cassie! Where are you two?"

I was in my Janet's room. I had emptied the envelope that General Hammond had given me, and inside was a copy of the guardianship papers and a two letters with my name on it. I open the first and found it was written in Janet's handwriting. It explained that the original copy of the guardianship papers were in the safe and everything else from her will, Cassie's birth certificate and all her medical records where in the safe as well. She also said that the other envelope had the safe combination and a letter to her lawyer, directing him to give me power of attorney over her estate.

I stood in front of the safe and opened it with the combination found in the second letter. Inside the safe was everything Janet said would be there, along with some jewelry and another envelope with my name on it. I sat on the bed and proceeded to separate all the documents until only the envelope with my name remained. I was about to open it when I heard the Colonel. I called out, telling him that I was in Janet's room. I started to pick up everything from the bed when he walked in.

"Hey Carter. What you got there?" he asked.

"Janet's documents, the guardianship papers and other stuff. I have to look them over. Where's Cassie?" I asked.

"Probably in her room. Let's get a move on."

He reached out his hand to me and I took it. He pulled me up and hugged me. It felt good to have his arms around me. I took a deep breath. "I love being in your arms. It makes me feel so safe."

"That's what I'm here for. If you need another one, let me know. I have plenty of hugs to give you." Pulling back, he kissed me on the forehead before turning to go find Cassie.

Cassie was sitting on her bed with her bag packed. She was holding a picture of her and Janet, and as she continued to stare at it intensely, she slowly rocked back and forth. I looked at Jack with concern before sitting down behind her, while he came down eye level in front of her.

"Cassie, are you alright? Please sweetie, say something. You're going to give this old man a heart attack if you don't acknowledge him soon."

I reached out to take her in my arms, but Jack nodded no. Sitting in front of her, he took one of her hands and started to squeeze it. That got her attention. She looked up and started to scan the room.

"Cassie, please, say something. Don't shut us out." The Colonel pleaded with her.

Cassie heard the anguish in his voice and suddenly pulled him to her. She held on to him like her life depended on it and started to cry.

I came in close from behind and put my arms around both of them. I just sat there and held them. We were all in tears now. We sat like that for a few minutes until I started to finally loosen my grip. Cassie started to stir and Jack let her loose. We all stood up, and I handed each of them a tissue. I came up to Cassie and took her face in my hands.

"Don't do this to yourself Cassie. We are here for you. Do not let your grief overtake you. If you need some strength, don't be afraid to ask us for some."

Cassie nodded. "It was just so hard walking in here and expecting her to come out of the kitchen or her room and ask me where I'd been. Then I walked in here, and with the picture on my desk, it just hit me how real it was."

The Colonel put his arm around her shoulder and picked up her bag. "Is this all you're going to need for now?"

"Yeah. If I need anything else, I'll come back to get it," Cassie said.

I picked up my envelope and we walked to the living room. The Colonel told Cassie what Mrs. Riley had said, that she was going to let the rest of the neighbors know what had happen. Cassie said she wanted her to come to the burial since she was like a grandmother to her and her mother. The Colonel said that it was her decision. She said she was going next door to give her the details.

I was looking around the living room when he came behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. I leaned back against him. Closing my eyes, I said, "I can't believe she's really gone, even after I said goodbye to her at the morgue. Looking at these pictures with her laughing and alive, it's just so hard to believe."

"I know what you mean. I lost it back there, seeing Cassie zone out like that."

"We better go. Daniel probably is wondering what happen to us. Why don't we just go straight to your place? I'll go get some of my stuff later."

"I'll drop you off, but you have to promise me you'll be at my house no later than 10 minutes after we arrive. I'm going to need your help Sam. This is harder than I thought it was going to be."

I caressed his cheek with my hand. "I'm here for you just like you've been here for me. We will get through this I promise." With that said, we walked out of the house, hand in hand.

To be continued.