I always hated funerals. It started with my mother's. I had never attended one till she had passed away. It was horrible: the pain you go through knowing you would not see your loved one again, the regret for things left unsaid, and the wound left that doesn't ever fully heal. It is the kind of wound that seems to only re-open a little more when another person close to you dies.
Since I started working at the SGC, it seemed that I was attending more funerals than I ever use to. I attended two for Daniel, which thankfully both turned out to be unnecessary, one for Martouf, one for Lt. Elliott after the fall of the Tok'ra base, and countless others for fellow SGC members lost in the line of duty.
But today, I was attending my bestfriend' s funeral. I had to be strong for her daughter, who had lost yet another mother, and I had to be strong for my team. This had been a stressful experience for us, and had taken our relationships with each other to the edge. They didn't need me to breakdown. I had failed them twice already and I would make it a point to be strong. But how could I be strong when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry at the cruelty of the whole situation?
Why Janet? I would never get a clear answer as to why someone so good was taken away from us. She was trying to save someone else's life when hers was taken. Her life was cut short, with things still left unsaid and feelings still left unexplored.
My eyes started to fill with tears again. I looked at myself in the mirror and could see the effects of the last days in the dark circles under my eyes.
It had been a hectic 24 hours since the first attempt on Cassie's life. We had tried to gather as much information about the NID as we could. Murphy had been a great help for Maybourne, navigating the web like it was second nature to her. Maybourne had also been a surprise. Even though he had been off world for over a year, he still had connections. Maybourne had received a tip on a specific source and where he was located. He asked the Colonel to accompany him as back-up.
We all had things to take care of that day: Cassie had wanted to go back to her house to pick up some things she would need for the service, and Daniel and Teal'c had appointed themselves her personal guards for the day. I reminded them to stop by her school and to pick-up any homework. I had wanted to go back to the SGC, but Jack firmly said no way. I was upset and walked out to the backyard.
The Colonel followed me. After relieving Russell, he looked at me. "Carter, what part of 'no' don't you get? You're not going to the SGC. You know the reason why. I don't want you going there without one of us going with you. I don't want to take any chances with this Smith guy. We haven't found anything on him yet, so until we do, I don't want you anywhere near him. I can't be worrying about you while I'm with Harry. Can't going to the SGC wait?"
I told him the reason I wanted to return. I wanted to use Cassie's digital camera to snap a picture of Smith so I could bring it back to Maybourne. This way, he might be able to better figure out who he is with a visual aid to help him.
Jack sighed and put his hand through his hair. "I know you can take care of yourself, but I'd be more comfortable if you took Russell, Ferretti or Palmer with you. If Smith sees another male around, he might not be so forthcoming in his advancements on you. I'll see if any of them are going back to the SGC.
I nodded in agreement with him and we stepped back into the house. Ferretti volunteered to be my bodyguard because Russell and Palmer had to go back on duty.
At the SGC, we managed to snap Smith's picture. We had also spoken to Agent Barrett and were informed of Smith's disappearing act. He had not departed with the other NID agents and had been a no show at the hotel. Ferretti called General Hammond with this information and asked if we could get copies of the surveillance tapes of the base. Maybe we could find out what he had been up to. Ferretti left and I was getting ready to leave, not paying attention to the person who had walked into my office and shut the door.
"Major Samantha Carter, we meet again. I thought you said you were on leave, but I seem to catch you here in your office working," Mr. Smith said.
"I was just catching up on some things and was about to leave. So if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my ride."
I saw that he had closed the door. I needed to get away, so I walked around him. Without expecting him to, he suddenly grabbed my arm. I was surprised that he would try this here at the SGC. Trying to yank my arm out of his grip, he only held on tighter.
"Now, now Major, you are not being very cooperative and I do remember General Hammond saying that all his people were to be very forth coming with information when questioned by us. So please, don't make this difficult. Why don't we go topside to a nice restaurant and have some lunch? Unless you would like to go somewhere more private…say my hotel room?"
This time I reacted before he could act. I yanked my arm away from him, slapped him across the face, and kneed him hard in the groin. I ran out of the office and straight into Ferretti's arms.
Ferretti pushed me behind him. He knew why I had run out of my lab. Smith ran out and stopped short when he saw who was with me.
"Carter, lets blow this joint. The atmosphere just got real dirty," Ferretti said, staring down Smith.
Smith straightened himself up, giving me a dark and angry stare, and then walked away. I had seen that hatred before. Jonas always got it when he didn't get his way. I shuddered and let out the breath of air I was holding.
"What the hell happen in there? Carter, are you okay? He didn't hurt you did he?Jack will kill me for leaving you alone," Ferretti said.
"Let's go Ferretti. We'll talk about this on the way to the Colonel's," I said.
During the ride there, the Colonel called and asked if we were on the way back. I said yes and asked if he had any information. He said he would brief us at the house and asked if we had completed our task. I said yes and he seemed relieved. He then asked if anything else had happened. I looked over at Ferretti and said no.
Ferretti knew that I had just lied to the Colonel. When I hung up the phone, he spoke his mind. "Carter, if you don't tell him, I will. I don't know what this guy did to you, but if I'm reading your reaction right, I don't think we should hide anything from the Colonel. It wouldn't be wise. This guy tried something at the SGC, so he must feel like he's above the law. What is he going to try next? You better tell him Carter. I've never lied to Jack and I'm not going to start now."
We arrived at the house and notice that no one was there yet. I walked in and saw Murphy working on her laptop. Maybourne had e-mailed her some more leads, and she was just starting to get some results from them. I handed her Cassie's camera to download the picture of Smith for Maybourne. I asked about Cassie and the guys and was told they were on their way back. I went to the bathroom to see how badly bruised my arm was from Smith's attack. I hadn't realized that the Colonel and Harry had gotten back until I heard them arguing in the living room.
"Are you going to tell them everything? Even what we found out earlier? They should be made aware of what we know, Jack. I don't think we should hold anything back. The more informed they are, the more alert they'll be."
"Harry, you said it yourself that the guy is not totally reliable, but if I read him right, he was scared and that's a liability."
"That's a crock and you know it, Jack! He was telling the truth and I believe we shouldn't keep anything from them. I'm putting my life on the line and I want everyone on the same page. No Jack, if you don't tell them everything, I will," Harry said.
Ferretti and Murphy walked in when the conversation ended, and I walked in when I heard Cassie, Daniel and Teal'c walk in. We all sat down in the living room to find out what they knew.
They confirmed that there was a mole at the SGC. That this person had been sending out information to the NID regarding the latest happenings at the base. They also knew about Anubis's super soldier and were very intereste d in my research and the plans to make the weapon. They were waiting for the right time to come and take it to Area 51 to examine it more closely.
Jack stopped and looked at Harry. Closing his eyes briefly, he sighed and revealed what the source had told them.
"No matter what measures we take, they'll take her. He said that she had too much information that still hasn't been tapped into. They think she's the answer to all of their questions. And now that there's nothing standing in their way, they have more motivation than ever."
He ended with the warning that they were playing for keeps and they would stop at nothing from obtaining their target.
I was quiet. What did he mean she had all the answers? Cassie had no ability to use any of the Gould technology. She had Naquada in her system, but what could they find out about her that Janet hadn't already discovered? It seem the more we looked for answers, the more questions were brought to light.
No one spoke. I looked around and saw that Daniel had put his arm around Cassie and that Teal'c had taken her hand in his. Hearing this just made it more real. It was bad enough that we had to deal with the death of our friend but to hear that her daughter was in danger only made it harder for us to cope.
I saw Ferretti looking at me and motioning toward Jack. He wanted me to tell them what had happened on the base. I nodded no. He gave me a stern look, threatening to tell Jack. I cleared my throat to get everyone's attention and reported what we had found out at the SGC, about me getting Smith's picture, what Agent Barrett informed us about Smith's disappearance, Ferretti getting the surveillance tapes to see what Smith had been up to at the SGC, and finally about my encounter with Smith.
When Jack found out about my encounter with Smith, he lost it and was threatening to go down to the SGC to teach Smith a lesson, with Teal'c agreeing to help. I looked at Ferretti, who was apologizing to Jack for leaving me alone. I walked out of the room, needing to get away. I felt like I was helpless and that was something I had never felt before in my life.
Daniel and Cassie came out after awhile and Cassie put her arms around me. She apologized for putting me in so much danger. She was crying, saying that this was all her fault that maybe she should just disappear to keep us safe. I told her no, that this was not her fault, and that she should not blame herself for any of what was happening. Running away was not the answer and I would not let her leave. I held her and let her grief overtake her. This was too much to ask her to deal with. I told her how sorry I was that I was not much of a guardian, but I promised to be there for her and that I would not let anything happen to her. Jack and Maybourne approached slowly, hearing what Cassie was saying.
"Listen kid," Harry said, "I know this is hard to hear, but I think it's for the best that we tell you everything. Keeping secrets only causes trouble, and the more you know, the better prepared you are. Like Carter said, we wont let them get you. I have a lot of tricks in my bag and I haven't even begun to fight. So don't worry; let your Uncle Harry do that."
Cassie let me go and walked up to Harry. "You don't have to do this, I know your risking your life, as are Ferretti, Murphy and the rest of my family. I'm not worth all this trouble."
Harry looked at her and grabbed her hand. "Kid, you're worth more to me then you know. I haven't known you for that long, but if these people around you are willing to risk their lives for you, then I know I'm on the right side. So don't worry. You have enough to deal with. I'll take care of the bad guys and you go back to being a teenager, okay?"
Blinking back the memories of the day before, I remembered suddenly where I was, dressed in my dress blues, looking over a speech I had prepared the night before, tell everyone what a great friend, officer and doctor Janet had been. I found it difficult to put my thoughts on paper, but if I didn't, then I would never get through this day. I went to check on everyone to see if we were ready to go.
Jack had gotten up early and gone ahead of us to the SGC. General Hammond wanted to go over some details before the ceremony and thought it was better to do it in person. Ferretti and Murphy were dressed and ready to go. Teal'c and Daniel were also ready and were waiting in the living room. I asked where Cassie was and they said she was still getting ready. I went to her room and was surprise to see a picture of Janet and Cassie surrounded by other photos on a poster board. This apparently was what she was up to last night when she turned in early and had locked her door. She didn't hear me come up behind her as she was putting on the finishing touches to a photo of all of us at Janet's last birthday. She was dressed in a plain black dress with little pink flowers on it. Turning around at finally hearing me enter, she smiled. I looked at the poster board on the bed, displayed with pictures of Janet laughing, sleeping, and even with curlers in her hair. I almost laughed at that one, but stopped when I saw the tears forming in Cassie's eyes.
"You did a great job Cassie. Your mom would be proud . Are you ready to go?" She nodded and asked me to give her another minute.
I walked out and came face to face with Jack, who didn't look happy.
I asked what was wrong and he pulled me into the living room with the others. General Hammond had informed him that the senator and soon to be Vice President Kinsey was attending the service. That he had insisted on attending it.
"What the hell does he have to be there for? Can't General Hammond have him denied access to the base? He's doing this just to flaunt the power he's getting by becoming Vice President. I don't think I'll be able to stomach him being there," Daniel said in disgust.
"I agree with Daniel Jackson. What is the purpose of Senator Kinsey's visit? He will only worsen the situation at the SGC. General Hammond should not allow him to attend. This could prove harmful to Cassandra Fraiser," Teal'c said.
"I wasn't happy myself when I found out. I tried everything, even coming close to picking up the phone and calling the President myself. But whether we want him there or not, he's coming. So let's keep him away from Cassie at all cost. I'll be damn if he's going to make this some photo op showing that he cares like he did for the documentary."
We agreed to try to be civil, and Cassie came in with her poster boards. The guys were as surprised as I was when I first saw them, and each came up to Cassie to tell her how proud they knew her mother would be.
We arrived at the SGC. Senator Kinsey's secretary asked if the Senator could have a couple of minutes with Cassie, to which we all responded with a loud no. Filing into the elevator, we formed a circle around Cassie. She held my hand as well as Daniel's. She asked if we were still going to speak and we said we wouldn't miss it.
Getting to our floor we walked out and were greeted by General Hammond. He gave Cassie a hug and took her hand, asking her if she was okay and if she needed anything before starting the service. Cassie nodded no, so we proceeded towards the gate room.
Senator Kinsey and his people were waiting outside Gateroom.
"Senator, we're about to start the service, so if you still want to attend, I suggest you wait to express your sorrow until after the service."
We walked in and were positioned ourselves on both sides of the Stargate. Everyone that had known Janet was there. I saw Agent Barrett in the background. He waved and I nodded to him. I also saw Mr. Smith with a smirk on his face, which I wanted to go over and slap right off of him. And I wasn't the only one who felt that way. I noticed Jack taking a step towards him, but I stopped him when I put my hand on his arm. I whispered to him that now was not the time. He composed himself but stared back at Mr. Smith with look that would have scared any Goa'uld.
The General started the service with a poem, and then went into his speech about Janet's endless passion for healing and helping out her fellow soldier. He spoke eloquently of her love for her friends and most of all her daughter. He finished by saying that we had lost not only a doctor, but a beloved friend.
Teal'c spoke next of Janet's character and her ability to make anyone feel welcomed in a new place. He was proud to have called her friend and his loyalty to her daughter would be his last gift to her. "May Janet Fraiser know that I would give my life to protect her daughter. On this, you have my word as a Warrior and her friend," saying this and staring directly at Kinsey and his staff.
Daniel spoke of the times he would return from missions hurt half the time and Janet was always there to comfort and heal him. She was just a burst of energy, never faltering, and always ready to help you when you needed it. "I will miss our late night conversations when I would have to stay overnight for observation. We solved all the problems of the world in those few hours, but what I will miss most is that she gave everything to this place. We sacrifice family, health and our lives are put on hold for the good of the Earth. I too am dedicating my life to fulfill her last request, that her daughter is kept safe and that she leads a normal life. This Janet I promise you. Till we met again."
The Colonel was next, and he started by saying that he had the honor of working with one of the most brilliant doctors he had ever known. She was a capable soldier, an excellent doctor, friend and loving mother. He spoke of her pride in her daughter and that it showed whenever she would speak of Cassie. "She was the best friend you could have, even though I think she really enjoyed using the bigger needles on me. I know that she cared more about us then she should have. We spoke about this once, and she said that her teachers always tried to drive into their students that they should never get attached to their patients. But she asked me how she could not when she saw what danger we faced every time we walked through that gate. I too will miss Dr. Fraiser, but her legacy will live on in her daughter."
Then it was my turn. I tried to push down the bile that was beginning to rise to my throat. I was not going to lose it; I had to be strong. I looked at Cassie and then to Jack. He was smiling at me, giving me the strength to start. I began with how Janet and I had met, and about our fight against Hathor. I spoke of her bravery and how smart she really was. She was more then a doctor, she was a shoulder to lean on, an officer, and most of all, she was my friend. I told of her sacrifices, of her sorrows, and of her love for her job. "I remember her telling me her fears. She thought she would never be a good enough mother. But all your fears were for nothing Janet. You've raised a smart, beautiful daughter and just knowing how much you will be missed here at the SGC only goes to show how many lives you've touched. You have assigned me the biggest mission in my life, but rest assured that I will succeed. Cassie will be safe and happy."
I walked down the ramp and thought I was going to faint. Standing next to Cassie, she took my hand and whispered to me that what I had said was beautiful and that her mom would be proud of me. I could feel the Colonel next to me, his hand on my arm. I turned to him and smiled. General Hammond thanked everyone for coming. We formed a protective circle around Cassie again, suddenly noticing that Murphy was missing. Ferretti said she had left to get things set up at Jack's house. Kinsey approached with an outstretched arms. Teal'c stepped in front of him, as did Daniel.
Daniel scowled at him. "You have some nerve showing your face here. Now if you don't want me to deck you, I suggest you back off."
The Colonel tried to suppress his laughter by coughing into his hand.
"Dr. Jackson, you may be just a civilian, but change is coming to the SGC program. You might not fit into our plans, so keep that in mind. My dear, all I wanted to do was express my condolences. If you'll excuse me, I need to go speak to General Hammond about your rude behavior, Dr. Jackson. This I expected from Colonel O'Neill, but from you," Kinsey said.
Jack smiled and put his arm around Daniel. Looking at Kinsey, he smiled. "I taught him everything he knows. You're lucky you backed down when you did. He would have had you seeing stars. Oh, and the gathering at my house is for friends and family, and since you don't fall into either category, your not invited." With that said, we walked away and headed to the Colonel's house.
To be continued
