Chapter 25
Sorry about the wait
"No, not like that."
Elladan, who had been eavesdropping on Erestor's arms training, had heard Esgaldur say that about twenty times over the course of five minutes. Elladan had seen Erestor fight, and it was physically painful to think that Erestor had lost those skills that it must have taken centuries to hone. Pushing the door open, he saw Erestor holding a sword clumsily, in a grip that it would take only one solid blow to send it flying from his hands. Esgaldur looked up, saw him, and bowed his head slightly. "Master Elladan."
Elladan didn't know quite what it was with this elf. He had just appeared in Imladris one morning not even a week ago, yet already he was nearly on a first-name basis with his father. Something was up, and Elladan wanted to know what it was. "Esgaldur. Erestor. How is your lesson going?"
Esgaldur forced a false smile. "Erestor is progressing nicely."
Erestor grimaced and said acidly, "There has been no progress. I am learning nothing." Then the look changed on his face to something of hopeless resignation. He handed the sword back to Esgaldur, who took it hesitantly. "There is no point in continuing this."
Knowing that he had to step in, Elladan said, "Erestor, take back your sword. Esgaldur, lend me yours." The two elves did as he said, and then Elladan advanced on Erestor. He hoped that he could pry some kind of memory out of Erestor by doing this. He raised his sword. "Defend yourself, Erestor!"
"I know not what I am doing," said Erestor in a panicky voice. Yet as Elladan swung at Erestor, Erestor managed to deflect the blow. Not well, but still with enough force to send Elladan staggering back a few paces. His grip was still clumsy, but the past few moments had obviously shown more progress than all the preceding hours.
As Elladan resumed his attack, he said, "See, you do know something of swordplay."
Erestor looked thoughtful for a moment as he pushed aside Elladan's next blow with considerably more dexterity. "You knew me before my accident, correct, Master Elladan?"
"Yes, I did." Elladan was hoping to distract Erestor through talking to land at least one solid blow, but Erestor had his defenses prepared. Whatever might be wrong with him now, those old reflexes had not gone.
"Had I any skill with a sword?"
"You were the one of the best I have ever seen."
A sad smile appeared on Erestor's face as he continued to defend himself against Elladan's blows with complete and utter success. "I imagine that there was some need for this, as I have never had much love for battle…was there a war?" Tentatively, he launched an attack that disarmed Elladan in only a few moments.
As Elladan retrieved his sword, he couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, Erestor, there was a war…one of the most terrible ever seen…there was a dark lord, Sauron…taking over Middle Earth…there was an alliance of elves and men to defeat him, and defeat him we did."
Erestor nodded. "Oh."
Elrond looked up as Elladan walked into his study. It looked like Elladan had been down in the yard; his hair was damp and tousled, there was a light sheen of sweat on his forehead, and, disturbingly, a slight cut down the side of his cheek. "What happened to you, Elladan?" Elladan was better than nearly all of his warriors. Unless Celeborn or Legolas had happened to be around.
"I was instructing Erestor in the finer points of swordplay."
"Ah." Elrond rose to his feet and walked over to his son. Taking one brief glance at the small cut, he decided that it wasn't really worth his time and effort. "It seems to me that Erestor had the upper hand." Only that hardly seemed possible.
"Well, if you corner someone, things they have forgotten tend to come back. I was watching Esgaldur try to teach him, and failing, so I took his sword and made as if to attack Erestor. Trust me, he knows how to defend himself. And then he beat me."
"So do you think that the rest of his memory will return along those lines?"
Elladan shrugged. "You're the healer." Elladan knew, though, that his father would not be satisfied with an answer such as that, and so thought about the question harder. "I don't think so. Most things, you can't just make it a life and death situation. You can't achieve the kind of…shock that forces the memories forwards. Maybe he'll remember the Last Alliance now…I told him about it."
Elrond nodded. "I'll talk to him later." He reconsidered that almost as soon as he said it. Erestor was terrified of him, and there didn't seem to be anything he could do to alleviate the fear. "I'll invite him and Esgaldur to dinner with me. Erestor seems comfortable around Esgaldur."
Elladan couldn't fail to notice the bitterness in his father's voice as he said that last sentence. "Jealous, ada?" he asked lightly.
Elrond frowned. "Leave me, Elladan." He knew that Elladan was right. He was jealous of the friendship that had sprung up between Erestor and Esgaldur. But there was no way that he was going to confess that to his son.
As Elladan left, he decided something. He had seen the love in his father's eyes in the past, could see it even now. He realized that he would never be able to, either physically or emotionally, destroy the bond between his father and Erestor, and immediately stopped wanting to. That, though, still left him with a task. He had to make sure that Esgaldur knew.
He caught the two of them walking down a path in the gardens, Esgaldur's arm around Erestor's shoulders. The two were talking happily. Eyes narrowing at the sight, Elladan called, "Esgaldur!" When the elf turned to face Elladan, he continued, "Can I have a word with you in private."
Esgaldur nodded, murmured something to Erestor, and then walked over. "What can I do for you, Elladan?"
"I need for you to understand something." Elladan's tone was not harsh, but it was serious and commanding. "Erestor's heart…is not open. Do not try to win it, or you will regret it."
"Are you threatening me, Elladan?"
"No, I am merely trying to protect you. The one who loves him would not be kind to you if you tried to steal his heart away just because his memory has been damaged. Do you understand?"
"Are you the owner of his heart?"
"No. Are we clear, Esgaldur?"
"Yes."
Elladan began to leave, then turned and said, "Oh, my father would like for you and Erestor to dine with him tonight." Regardless of whether that was actually what his father wanted, Elladan knew that it had now become his mission to see that Elrond and Erestor were happy.
Elrohir paced his room. He had attempted to get out of the house this morning and had been intercepted within five minutes. Whoever was watching him was tireless. This had been his fifth attempt. He had tried every exit at all times of day and night. The longest he had managed to keep from being caught was twenty minutes and that had been on his first attempt. It obviously caught his minder off-guard. He had had no such luck since. And for the first time, his brother had refused to help him. He was all out of options.
"Elrohir?" called a familiar voice. "Are you still here."
Elrohir smiled to himself. Perhaps not entirely out of options. "Yes, Legolas. Where else would I be?"
Legolas appeared. "I don't know, trying to escape? As you have been doing for the past two days."
"Well, I don't exactly want to be here."
"And you'd rather be with Belegtur? Honestly, Elrohir, has he poisoned your mind so much that you can't see how evil he truly is? Imladris is not perfect and your father, while wise, is similarly flawed. But that doesn't mean that they have to be destroyed. Not at all. Destroying them would…it would destroy…a whole way of life. Your father wanted a haven where any elf could be welcomed…"
"Yet some elves are second-class and some are not? Did the Valar not make us all the same?"
Legolas closed his eyes. "Elrohir, there are things wrong with this world. But violence, destruction, those are not the right tools. Please, Elrohir, I will help you, work with you, to change things. But don't do this. Not like this." He advanced towards Elrohir, his hand extended. "Don't destroy your life like this."
Legolas's words did ring true with a part of him. Part of him wanted to agree with Legolas and forget Belegtur. But a larger part of him acknowledged a couple of things. First and foremost was the fact that Belegtur was his mate. Second was that what Legolas was saying was what elves like Legolas always said. They talked about change, but nothing ever happened. Elrohir had witnessed that enough times in the past. "I'm sorry, Legolas. I cannot do that."
"Then let me confess something to you. I don't know…don't care if it will change your mind or not. But if you're going to go out there and get yourself killed…like a fool…then I want you to know something." Legolas took a deep breath. "I…well, I'm just going to come out and say it…I'm attracted to you. It took me a while to realize it, but I want you to know it." Without another word, Legolas strode quickly out of the room. Once outside and well away from Elrohir, Legolas sank down to the ground, his head bowed. He didn't know why he had just done that; it had made sense at the time. Now it all seemed like a hideous mistake.
"Father, Esgaldur and Erestor are coming to dine with you tonight, like you wanted," said Elladan said as a greeting as he walked in again on Elrond, who was trying to work.
Elrond's head shot up and his jaw dropped a little. "What?" he demanded. "Why?"
"You said that you wanted it."
"I also would have liked some time to prepare…"
"What is there to prepare? Hmm? Relax, ada, everything will be fine. I will make sure of it."
Elrond calmed down a little. "If you are in charge of preparations, everything will be a disaster. I will oversee them…"
"You will do nothing of the sort." Elladan knew that his father would thank him for this later. He was going to get Erestor and his father alone together after coming up with some emergency for Esgaldur. Maybe if they were alone, his father could help Erestor regain his memory, whatever it took.
Elrond suspected that he knew what was running through his son's mind. "I don't want to intimidate Erestor," he said. "I will not be left alone with him at any point. Is that understood, Elladan? I will have no contriving of 'accidents'." Seeing Elladan's guilty face, he added, "I was young once, too."
Elladan frowned as he left the room. He was going to need some help, now that his father knew his plans.
"Erestor must have been insane," declared Legolas, sitting back in the chair, gesturing at the mound of paper in front of him. "No elf could handle this much work and remain sane."
"It takes a different kind of elf than most to be able to do it," corrected Celeborn. "Erestor was a very rare kind of elf…"
Legolas smirked. "You've slept with him, haven't you? Everyone that sleeps with him has that kind of opinion of him."
"That is none of your business." Nonetheless, Celeborn turned to Legolas and eyed him up and down with a very predatory look in his eye. "Have you?" he demanded in the tone of someone sizing up the competition.
"No. Not my type."
"Well, you seem like his type. And he's never really cared whether his partners want him or not."
"I can't believe we're having this discussion."
"What discussion?" asked Elladan from the doorway. The mischievous smile playing across his face told both of the older elves that Elladan had heard every word of their conversation. He shook his head when he realized that they weren't going to play along and said what he had actually come here to say. "I need your help."
"In what, Elladan?" asked Celeborn. He knew that Elrond's eldest only asked for help when all other avenues were closed to him. Elladan had to be desperate.
"I need to get my father and Erestor alone together when they eat dinner tonight in my father's rooms. Esgaldur is going as well, but he already guessed about my plan to call Esgaldur away. You have to help me!"
"Your father has a point," said Legolas, "if he doesn't want to be alone with Erestor right now. Erestor is terrified of Elrond. Leaving them alone together will probably make things worse, not better. I will not be a party to this."
"Nor will I," said Celeborn. "Let things run their course, Elladan. All will resolve itself with time."
Elladan threw up his hands in frustration. "How can you two not help me? All I want is to see my father happy!"
"Aye, that is on our minds, too," said Celeborn. "But that by no means has to involve pointless plans to get them together. The Valar will see it all through in the end."
Elladan stormed out of the room.
Elrond sat wearily at Tingil's side. Today, maybe, he would get a name out of this Man, so he actually had something to call him. As ever, he placed his hands on the Man's temples and sank into the Man's mind. There was, as ever, more evidence that memories were reappearing, as if by magic, in this Man's mind. Convinced that everything was proceeding as well as could be expected, Elrond retreated from the Man's mind. "What do you remember today?" he asked, another ritual. No formal medicine could help this Man, so Elrond was forced to just talk to him and try to help him that way.
The Man thought. "I remember…a battle…there were so many people there, men and elves both. I don't remember much of it…only that it was of great importance."
"And you were there…at this battle?" asked Elrond.
"Yes," replied the Man.
Elrond frowned before rising to his feet. "That is very interesting. I shall have to think about that. Is there anything else you remember this morning?"
The Man nodded. "It is another memory about the woods…the place you say that I may live…though that seems unlikely…there are elves there…I remember…one she-elf…so beautiful, radiant with light and…power…she is their leader…"
"Galadriel?" demanded Elrond.
"Aye, that is her name."
"Very well," said Elrond. He managed to retain his composure long enough to get inside his study and close the door. This was insane. The Man either had to be lying or…Elrond didn't know what else. The whole situation was just impossible. There was no way any living Man could have been with the Last Alliance, and that was, to Elrond's recollection, the last time that elves and Men had fought together in any considerably numbers. And how on earth would this Man have met Galadriel? Something here didn't add up. It was right on the tip of Elrond's tongue, the clue to this Man's past, but for the life of him, Elrond could not figure out what it was.
The door opened and Celeborn walked in. He saw Elrond's distressed face, closed the door behind him, and walked over to Elrond. Drawing the slightly shorter (though not by much) elf into his arms, he asked, "What's wrong this time?"
"The Man…he knows things that no Man should know…he has memories that no Man should have. I am at a loss…because well…something about him just isn't right."
"You have more than enough things to worry about right now than dealing with this Man," said Celeborn firmly. "Leave him for a few days, he is in no danger of dying. You need some peace of mind before you can be an effective healer. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, ada," said Elrond, only half-joking. "So, why did you come here?"
"To make sure that you weren't working yourself too hard."
Now Elrond became slightly annoyed. "So I am not allowed to work anymore? Celeborn, I have been the Lord of Imladris for many millennia. I think that I am able to run Imladris without your help. Even after I believed that Erestor had been killed, I was able to run Imladris…"
"You had Glorfindel, then. Who do you have now?"
Elrond had to admit that Celeborn did have a point there. "Okay, in that I concede you are right. But I still do not need someone to mother me."
"On the contrary. You either need a lover or a mother. As you are deeply in love with Erestor, I suspect that it is a mother that you need. Though I am lacking in most maternal respects, I can at least offer you comfort and friendship."
"I didn't know I had a choice."
"You don't." Celeborn stepped away from Elrond and looked at him. "You're not eating, are you? I haven't seen you at any meal in at least a week. I can't help you if you don't at least make the attempt to help yourself. I know that if I didn't come to your rooms every night, you wouldn't sleep."
"What do you want me to say, Celeborn? That I'm fine? Well, I'm not. And you know that. I'm sorry that my life is so terrible right now but I'm not asking you to fix it for me! I can fix my own life." A short pause. "And don't bother coming to my rooms tonight. Or any other night…in fact, I don't want you here in Imladris any longer."
Celeborn didn't like to anger Elrond and did it as infrequently as possible. Now he saw that the best, the only, course of action was to retreat. "Very well, Elrond. I will leave Imladris tonight."
"Why does he want to see me?" asked Erestor. "I don't even know him! He…scares me, Esgaldur. Especially…the first time I remember him coming to see me…he treated me like…well, like a lover…and…I'm scared that I might be his lover…only I don't remember anything…Esgaldur…what am I going to do?"
"I'll be right with you, Erestor. I will not leave you alone with him. It is just a meal, after all. There is no need to get this worried." Esgaldur put a hand on Erestor's shoulder, and looked into the melancholy chocolate eyes. "I will be there with you, okay."
"Doesn't change the fact that he scares me." Erestor licked his lips. "But, you know, Esgaldur…and I hope you don't think me too forward for saying this…but I like you more than I like Lord Elrond."
"That is because you know more of me than of Lord Elrond." Esgaldur sighed, knowing that he could not let his true feelings show. "But you are coming, whether you wish to or not. If I have to tie you up and drag you, I will do so."
Erestor raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you could."
Esgaldur smiled playfully. "Would you like to find out?"
"You'd better not even try it."
Esgaldur advanced on Erestor. "You'd better run, then. Because if I can get my hands on you, I fear that that is what will happen."
So that was why Erestor and Esgaldur were racing through the hallways.
And that was why Erestor slammed into Elrond as he was leaving his study without Erestor ever seeing him. Both elves were knocked off their feet.
Elrond was already in a bad mood and opened his mouth to let the full force of his temper be unleashed upon this hapless soul. Then he saw that it was Erestor.
When Erestor saw who exactly he had just run into, he retreated back to his feet, a mumbled apology coming to his lips, all the while retreating further and further away, hoping in vain that he could just disappear.
He had made it about five feet before Elrond found his voice. "Erestor, I…"
"I am sorry, my lord," said Erestor, a pink blush staining his cheeks.
Elrond didn't think he had ever seen Erestor blush before. It looked charming. "There is no need to apologize, Erestor." Though he was curious as to why Erestor had been running through the halls like an Elfling. Though most of his memories, of course, are of when he was an Elfling. That might explain away some of his more childish actions. "You are coming to my room tonight to dine with me, correct?"
"Yes, my lord," said Erestor, his gaze firm on the floor. He hadn't known that it was possible to feel this embarrassed.
Elrond stood up and smiled at Erestor, who, if possible, looked even more frightened by that action. Knowing that it was probably the wrongest thing that he could do, he closed the distance between them, put his hand on Erestor's shoulder, and said, "We should probably talk before then, though."
Erestor skirted out of Elrond's reach more out of instinct than any desire to get away. "Why, my lord?"
"Well, you are my patient, and I am supposed to be making sure that you are getting better. Come, let's go into my office. It won't take more than five minutes. I promise." Seeing the fearful expression on Erestor's face, Elrond took a few steps back towards the study door, holding out his hand. As he opened the door, Erestor finally began to follow him.
Erestor closed the door behind him, swallowing hard. He didn't know what it was about Elrond that scared him so much. All he knew was that whenever he was around Elrond, his heart began to beat faster and his mind grew blank. "What do you want me to do, my lord?"
"Just sit down," said Elrond, gesturing at a chair. After Erestor timidly did so, Elrond continued. "I need to go into your mind again, so I can see what progress you have made towards remembering your past. My son told me that he mentioned the Last Alliance to you. Is there anything you remember from that time?"
Erestor searched his mind. "There is nothing, my lord. I am sorry."
"There is no need to apologize." Elrond walked close to Erestor and put his hands lightly on Erestor's temples. As he sank into Erestor's mind, he considered that Erestor's mind was the one that he wanted to be in the most, but seemed to be fighting the hardest to keep him out. The barrier that Erestor had set up nearly threw Elrond out, but he kept his metaphorical grip and began his investigation.
Erestor saw Elrond's eyes go blank, as if he were sleeping. Now he didn't look so dangerous. Indeed, Erestor could now see the hollowness of Elrond's cheeks, indicating the fact that he no longer ate, and the shadows under his eyes, indicating the poor quality of his sleep. Smiling, he tentatively lifted one hand and ran it across Elrond's smooth cheek. Biting his lip, he raised his hand a little higher and pushed some strands of hair out of Elrond's face and behind his ear.
Back in Erestor's mind, Elrond could see that there was little to no progress. That upset him. While the Man seemed to be making huge strides towards recovery, Erestor showed none. Annoyed, he released his link to Erestor's mind. As he came back to awareness, he realized that someone was stroking his cheek. Then it clicked that it was Erestor that was touching him lightly and so affectionately.
Erestor yanked his hand back once he realized that Elrond was aware again. "I am sorry, my lord," he apologized, beginning to rise to his feet.
Elrond was sick to the depth of his soul of this. He pushed Erestor back down. "There is no need to apologize, Erestor. Nor is there any need to call me 'my lord'."
Erestor looked confused. "Why?"
Elrond wished that he could just keep Erestor here and tell him his whole life story. The only problem was that Elrond knew far too little of it, and even of the time that Erestor had spent in Imladris, there were many of Erestor's actions that made little or no sense to him. As it was, he would only make Erestor's life worse, by giving him memories that were wrong or partially incomplete. "I would like it if we were to dine tonight alone…without Esgaldur."
"Whatever you desire, my lord." Erestor bowed his head.
Elrond hated this servile Erestor. He wanted the witty, obnoxious, in-your-face advisor that he had known for so long. Only that Erestor was a product of all the misery and pain that he had endured through his long life. This Erestor had known none of that. "Very well," said Elrond. He wasn't used to being the decision-making one, at least when it came to their relationship. Erestor usually set the rules. "So tell Esgaldur that his presence is not needed."
Erestor again attempted to rise to his feet. This time, Elrond allowed him to do so. "I will see you later then, my lord." It was all that he could do to make sure those words came out in a controlled manner and that he did not flee from the room but walked out with dignity.
Elrond stared at the door after Erestor had gone and wondered if he had done the right thing.
Author's note: and don't think things are going to get better anytime soon...
