THANK YOU TO MY ONE REVIEWER!!!! Padmé Evenstar, you are appreciated by the Yoda Clones!!!! (I emailed you in regards to your reviews, by the way.) Now, on to the story...
Chapter Two: In Which They Attempt to Escape
Tiana and Audreidi were stuck in their cell at the moment. The cell was not dark, dreary, and evil looking, however, it did lack a window. Logically meaning they were stuck. But I mentioned that already, and I'm really tired of the characters screaming at me. However, the cell was nice, white, shiny, and pretty. Nothing like to what you'd expect from the Empire. Maybe they were trying to blind them into submission, or something.
It was a shame that Han and Anakin had been locked somewhere else, far, far away-- well, not really-- but you know. Audreidi and Tiana were stuck alone-- and they didn't even know each other well enough to carry on a decent conversation.
Audreidi was, at the moment, screaming and wailing. "WE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!"
Tiana glared at her for a bare moment. "Hey, mopping is my job. Uhh... mopping?" She made a face.
"Mopping?" asked Audreidi. "What does mopping have to do with any of this?"
The younger Padawan tried to think. "Uhh... mop... mope... mope! That's it! Moping! That's my job! You can sulk!"
"Okay." Audreidi proceeded to sulk.
"IT'S A CONSPIRACY!" Tiana screeched, finally getting a chance use her signature line.
"I KNOW THAT!!! I WANT HAN!!!!!" Audreidi pouted. One thing that was different from Jandalf was that she would pout, instead of merely screaming. Not that she didn't do that either.
"HOW COME I HAD TO TURN EVIL AND THEN GO BACK IN TIME?! I want Anakin." Tiana sniffled. There was just too much going on for her to handle at the moment.
Audreidi looked at her strangely. "...Now you're really confusing me."
"Oh... right... heh... yeah."
"Oh. Never mind. Shadow. I remember." The expression on Audreidi's face was unreadable, whether horror, pity, or fear-- Tiana couldn't tell. In fact, Tiana had the feeling that if she was to look in a mirror, her expression at the moment would've been very complex, and dark. The feeling she had at the moment was anything but good.
She sighed, as well as Audreidi.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Tiana examined the walls. They were firmly locked up, offering little promise of escape. The only light that entered the room came from a lightbulb up high on the wall. No cracks, or vents. The Imperials had done a fine job at locking them up. The lock on the door was no typical lock-- it was beyond Tiana's easy comprehension. She looked up at Audreidi who was sitting on the bed, deep in thought.
"Anyhow... now what do we do?" Tiana asked. The lack of ideas was seriously annoying her.
The Jedi Master sitting on the bed paused. "Uh... I'm not the one with insane powers, you realize." She was making a reference to Jandalf, who, being a wizard could summon up random objects with a rhyme. More commonly known as Kavamming™.
"And there aren't any windows here, either," she added, looking at Tiana.
Tiana sighed. "I know... that's my power. Useful, but only when there's windows. And I can't kavamm things."
"We'll have to see if someone can get some windows in here." Audreidi sighed.
"I can't get windows." Tiana groaned, the lack of ideas was bothering her. She was actually able to kavamm things too-- she just never ever got it right. She kept it a secret merely because of the odd things she had caused when attempting to use the rhymes-- even when Jandalf could get them right, Tiana couldn't ever.
"I know," Audreidi glanced around. "Someone else could, maybe."
"Not without a kavamm... and who would help us?!"
Audreidi paused. "Uh... got me there."
Tiana made a face. She knew very well what she had to do, but didn't want to try it. After a while, she spoke up again. "So... ummmmm... what does rhyme with window?"
There was a moment of silence as Audreidi thought. "Let me get my laptop." She pulled out a laptop.
Tiana thought over exactly what could happen if she couldn't do this correctly. "It won't give me a window, but maybe we'll be lucky... heck, just get me a set of rhyming words. My Kavamms never work right anyhow." She made a face, remembering what had happened when she had tried to get some duct tape.
Audreidi shrugged. "Yeah... maybe you learned something, being her apprentice. Never know." She pulled up a rhyming dictionary off the internet. "Ah-ha!"
Tiana found herself having a bad feeling about this.
"Indo, jindo, lindo, lindow. Apparently those are real words, if not in Basic." Audreidi rolled her eyes slightly.
Tiana made a face. "I can't work with those. I'm not as creative as Jandalf was. Wait... you have a LAPTOP?!"
"Yeah. It's small... I can sneak it most places. Why?"
"Can't you place an e-mail for a lock pick? Or e-mail someone to help us?"
Audreidi sighed. "They're electronic locks... and I could e-mail the Jedi Temple."
"Yeah, try that. In the meantime, I have to try and kavamm something RIGHT!" Tiana rolled her eyes, and began racking her brain for something that might work.
Audreidi e-mailed a distress call to Yoda. "Yoda checks the account twice a day... normally."
Tiana, in the meantime, prayed.
The Jedi shuddered. "Be careful. You know what happens when Jandalf backfires."
Tiana rolled her eyes. "I always backfire. Mutter."
"THEN DON'T TRY IT!!!!"
Tiana continued, "You wouldn't believe the things I've came up with,"
"Erk." Audreidi was suddenly very scared.
Tiana patted her on the shoulder. "Breathe!"
"WHAT IF YOU BRING A RANCOR IN HERE??" Audreidi wailed.
Tiana muttered that she hoped she wouldn't create a sarlacc.
Audreidi fainted. She made a rather loud thud, thereby causing Tiana to notice. "Audreidi?" Tiana knelt beside her, and shook her. "Master Audreidi??"
"Uhhhhhnnnnn.... are we still in the cell?" She looked around. "Oh drat."
"Yeah. What to rhyme...." Tiana went back to thinking, and merely succeeded in going cross-eyed.
Audreidi sighed. "Well. Kavamm away, and let's hope we don't die a traumatic, bloody death. Use ''Kibbles", remember."
Tiana turned pale. "Okay... ummmmm... errr... kibbles?!"
"Jandalf always uses it."
Tiana sighed, and pulled out a rhyme-- and hoped that nothing evil happened. "Okay... ummm... kibbles that tick, a great big kick, bring to me a shiny lock pick!" Tiana crossed her fingers, and hoped that the backfire wouldn't kill them.
"That won't help us! IT'S AN ELECTRONIC LOCK!!!!!" Audreidi screamed.
Tiana glared at her.
A loud THUD was heard.
"Don't WORRY!" Tiana emphasized.
"Besides, it LOCKS FROM THE OUTSIDE!" Audreidi continued wailing.
A window suddenly appeared in the wall.
Tiana laughed. "Ha!"
Audreidi wailed yet more. "WE'LL NEVER GET OUT OF HERE... oh." She stopped, stared at the window, and at Tiana who was looking at it smugly. Then she yelled, "YAY!!!! YOU DID IT!!"
"I TOLD you they never work out right!" Tiana said smugly. She laughed. "So I had to let it backfire!"
"HAH! IT BACKFIRED! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!" She screamed happily.
"Anyhow... what do you want?" Tiana had an interesting talent which involved pulling things out of windows, if I hadn't mentioned if before. She could pull nearly everything out that you'd ever want.
A muffled voice of Vader spoke up. "What's going on in there?"
"NOTHING!" Audreidi proclaimed. "We're singing to ourselves! LA LA LA LA...."
"We're just trying to find a way to break out!" Tiana replied.
Vader scoffed, and left.
"Why did you say that?"
"It's what all prisoners do," Tiana replied.
Audreidi glared at her. "YOU WANT TO GIVE US AWAY???"
Tiana rolled her eyes. Audreidi was just like her master in so many ways. "Relax! Breathe!"
"Oh, I'm relaxed!!! SEE HOW RELAXED I AM??????" Audreidi seemed to be performing the definition of high-strung.
"Just like my master... sigh."
"Agh, I'm just like my sister." They proceeded to state this in sync, of course, proving once again, that they were just like Jandalf and Tiana.
Tiana cringed. "Heh."
Audreidi rolled her eyes. "Heh. So, about the window."
Tiana reached through, and pulled out a blaster. She handed it to Audreidi. "Here. That do?"
Audreidi sighed. "A blaster won't get us out of here. We need a lightsaber. Two."
Shaking her head, Tiana sighed. "I can't do lightsabers."
"What do you mean, you can't do lightsabers???"
Tiana sighed yet again. "They're personal Jedi or Sith weapons, attuned to their owners Force-signature if made correctly. I can't pull out things that are attached to a person. So I CAN'T DO LIGHTSABERS!!!!"
"Fine! A welding torch!" Audreidi thought a moment. "And another blaster!"
"FINE!" Tiana closed her eyes, and reached through, searching for a welding torch in her mind's eye. She pulled it out, along with another blaster, and tossed it to Audreidi.
"All right." Audreidi stuck the blaster on her belt. "Let's see this baby work."
Tiana moved away as Audreidi fired up the torch, and held it to the door.
"Ooh, nice!" She applied it to the door, and cut a large circle. "Almost as good as a lightsaber."
Tiana stared at the to-be hole. "Whoa...."
"Ready to bust out?" Audreidi set down the torch, and hoisted the blaster. "On the count of three..."
Tiana stood a ways behind her as she counted to three, and kicked out the door.
"YAY!" Tiana screeched. The two dove out.
Covering the hall with her blaster, Audreidi looked around. "There's no one here."
"Yeah... so... let's go!"
Together, the two tackled the halls on a quest to locate the others before time ran out. Okay, fine, so there was no rush, but they needed some suspense. In the meantime, music began playing loudly.
Meanwhile, in Han and Anakin's cell... (which, by the way, was a lot darker and gloomier... snicker.)
Anakin was moping about his lack of food. "I want garlic."
Han was singing mournfully, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen...."
"Food, I want FOOOD!" Anakin sang as harmony.
"Noooooobody knows my sorrowwwwwww...."
Anakin halted singing suddenly. "I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!" he wailed.
"Me too."
"SAVE US PLEASE!!!!!!! They're so MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!!!"
Han sighed. "I know."
"And we're all gonna DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
"SHUT UP! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO KILL ME BY WHINING FIRST!!!!"
"Bite me!" Anakin proclaimed-- the only reason being as the author found that phrase particularly funny when used by a guy at camp, and she wanted to make use of it as she was tired of her own catch phrases. And the narrator who's reading over the betas did NOT say that she's tired of using her catch phrases... it's A CONSPIRACY! Meh. But she does like the line "Bite me" anyhow.
Han bit him. Hey, you knew it was coming!
"OW!!!!!!!!!"
"I'm not sorry."
"Ouch! YOU'RE MEAN!!!!!!!" Anakin began whining again. "Grrrrr..."
"Oh yeah? You haven't seen me mean, kid."
Anakin looked at him with THAT look, however, Han missed that, as he didn't know Anakin in the same way as Tiana did. Or Obi-Wan. Heh. "I'll turn dark..."
Han slouched against the wall. "Whoop-dee-doo."
Anakin cued up Force-lightning.
"Uh....kid? What are you doing?" Han looked at him very nervously.
"MWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!" Anakin cackled insanely, sounding like Palpatine on a sugar high. And that is really, really scary.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" cried Han. "SAVE ME!!!!!!!"
"Oh... ummm..." Anakin paused for a moment, his eyes suddenly lighting up. "OOOOOO!!! IDEAS!!!!!!!"
"SOMEONE... what?"
Anakin proceeded to blast the cell door with Force-lightning, thereby melting it.
"YOU SAVED ME!!!!" Han hugged Anakin.
"IT WORKED!" Anakin laughed. "Hey!"
Han stopped, and suddenly realized what he had just done. "Let's get out of here!"
"Yeah... let's go!"
Theme music played loudly, and joyously, until they both ran smack into...
Audreidi and Tiana.
What? You knew they would!
"ANAKIN!" Tiana screeched in happy surprise.
"Sweetheart!" Han announced in discovery.
"HAN!!!!" Audreidi yelled delightedly.
"TIANA!!!!" Anakin hugged Tiana.
Audreidi hugged Han.
"Let's keep it quiet, okay?" asked Han. "We've got to get out of here... where's the other two?"
"They're locked up on a different level." Audreidi sighed. "I don't know where, exactly, though."
Tiana sighed. "It's a conspiracy."
"Well, now would be a great time for an astromech droid to hack into the cell block data storage," Han said wistfully.
"Sorry. We don't have one," Anakin filled in, pointlessly. Though there was a point-- because when you neglect to mention something, people might misunderstand it later.
R2 suddenly whistled, and blew up, because Audreidi was attempting to move the RP plot in a way it was not meant to go.
"WHOA!!! He came out of the window... Aw... DARN IT!!!!" Audreidi groaned.
Han muttered, and cursed in Huttese (because if he had cursed in Basic, the narrator who does most of the writing would've sent the P.G. Faerie after him...). "Okay, fine! I'll hack into the computers!! Where's the nearest terminal?"
"Somebody stop me," Jandalf said, quoting a movie that this narrator doesn't even know what it came from.
"WILL YOU STOP QUOTING MOVIES???" Obi-Wan growled.
"Sorry, Mister Picky," she said in that sardonically annoying voice.
Shadow, who was now standing in the open door sighed. "The least you could do is try to have escaped."
"Hey?! When did you get in here?" Jandalf stood up, and faced off Shadow, who, though she was taller than Tiana, was still rather a great deal shorter than Jandalf, unfortunately.
"I walked in through the door. That wasn't locked."
"Uh... okay. Works for me." Jandalf sat back down in a flurry of orange robes.
"It wasn't locked?" asked Obi-Wan.
"I left it OPEN, ninny!" Shadow half screamed at him.
Obi-Wan smacked himself.
"Well, you were standing in the door," Jandalf pointed out. "And you conspicuously had a lightsaber, while we did not."
"So, in all fairness, the door was closed," Obi-Wan finished.
"Yeah, good point." Shadow did not mention that she had not been there the entire time, however. "Though I do believe that a Jedi is always armed. You could've used Force-lightning, or something."
"Now that we've got that cleared up," Jandalf stated, not noticing what Shadow said. "Let us go!"
"Ummmm.... no."
Jandalf realized what Shadow had said they could've done. "Not on your life!"
"What she said!"
Shadow snorted, and took that typically Sith-like expression. "How about yours?" She smiled.
"Oooooohhhhh, so now we're making THREATS, are we?" Jandalf glowered at Shadow, which worked nicely being as she was rather tall.
"Ummmm... yeah, sure." Shadow, though normally was not a lose for words, being forced to face these two again made her stumble. Inwardly she cursed-- it was a weakness she shouldn't have had. Tiana, maybe, but not her.
"I recall she's rather good at that," Obi-Wan pointed out dryly.
"Tell me about it." Jandalf rolled her eyes.
"Me or her?" Shadow glanced at Jandalf-- who was also fairly good at threatening people.
"You."
Shadow shrugged. "You don't know me. At all."
"Well, I know you enough."
"No. Not really, no." Shadow shook her head. You know nothing about who I am now... you don't know what I've been through....
"Ah... I'd like to dispute that point." For a moment Shadow panicked, thinking Obi-Wan had caught her thoughts at the moment. "I have no desire to get to know you any better." Thus finished, he merely looked at her.
Shadow sighed, partly in relief, partly from the fact that they were annoying her a lot. She was worried that there was still the chance they could pick up on her emotions, though she cloaked herself very well. "I have to take you guys to the Emperor."
"So, when's lunch?" asked Jandalf, off the wall. Somehow she had literally climbed up onto the wall, though neither Narrator was sure how she'd done it.
"Well, Jandalf, anyhow...."
"So soon?" asked Obi-Wan. "We have to eat first!"
Shadow scowled at them. "C'mon."
"She's not going without me."
"She is too. You will stay here and eat, Obi-Wan." There was the faintest trace of the Force in her voice's tone, but other than that, it was a human speaking, and not a Sith.
"No. I want to go with Jandalf!"
Shadow looked at him, anger growing in her gaze. "Tough."
"Darn it," Jandalf muttered.
"Stang," Obi-Wan shot back.
"Let her go, Obi-Wan." Shadow had a faint look in her eyes... one that knew what could not be done. If nothing else, she remembered that they loved each other... (coughMARY SUEcough)
"NO!"
Jandalf clung to Obi-Wan.
Shadow took on a very Gandalf-like appearance. "You've had that ring far too long! LET IT GO!!"
Obi-Wan clung to Jandalf back.
"Errrr... I mean.... ummmmm... OOPS!" Shadow coughed, and hoped no one noticed her blunder in the previous sentence.
"What ring?" asked Jandalf, confused. "HUH???"
Shadow turned red, and Obi-Wan snickered.
It looked as if Shadow would have a hard time trying to pry Jandalf and Obi-Wan apart. Shadow proceeded to argue with Jandalf about the many OOC reasons she should let go, however, none succeeded. At long last, after a shot regarding the plot, Jandalf screamed at her, "CLUE ME IN ON THE PLOT ALREADY!!!!!" (A.N.: I skipped a lot... because it was argument in OOC. I hadn't clued Jandalf into the plot at that time yet.)
"It's too long to explain right now." Shadow groaned. So it had came to blackmail then.
"I'll come if you tell me the plot."
Obi-Wan glared. "I'm not letting go."
Shadow sighed. "Do I have to tie you guys up?"
"You'll be tying us up together."
Shadow groaned. "Now, will you come with me to the Emperor?"
"I don't care it we're going to be running the three-legged race-- I'm not leaving her." Obi-Wan continued clinging to Jandalf.
Shadow finally choose a threat that could work, as she has been bribing me, and I do everything... okay, FINE! I'll shut up. "I'll set the Voxyn on you!" she threatened.
"Sacred bovine! I'm coming already! No need for you to bring out those Voxyn things!"
Shadow rolled her eyes. "I won't! They'd attack me too!"
"Besides, wouldn't they be just as inclined to hunt dark users?" asked Obi-Wan.
Shadow sighed. Once again, they ended up saying the same things. She was finding it annoying. Jandalf giggled. Shadow sighed dramatically-- and the narrator decided that the chapter was getting too long, so she decided to leave it be for the time, and end it. Leaving everyone with an evil cliffie to contend with. Snicker...
AGAIN, REVIEW!!!!! Or else I shall throw garlic at you... teehee.
