Disclaimer: Cowboy Bebopis not my property. Neither are the lyrics of Evanescence's Bring Me to Life.
Author's Note: This chapter is written as a songfic.
Chapter Two: Bring Me to Life
How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
"Look into my eyes; one is different from the other. One sees the past, the other sees the present." He remembered the shock and amazement as she reacted to his statement just like yesterday. Spike sighed and got up from his cot, trudging to the common room in the Bebop. He dragged his feet down the hallway, lost in thought, recalling how he locked away his soul the day he left Julia, left his entire life behind. It was the day he died, and the day he was reborn. He was no longer Spike Spiegel, one of the top gunmen of the Red Dragon Syndicate; he was Spike Spiegel, just another bounty hunter.
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
At that moment, his was reminded of the pain he had kept hidden deep within. He'd been fully apathetic until that moment, keeping himself from breaking down and being as vulnerable as the rest of the world. Spike knew how his crew mates felt about him, knew that they saw him as emotionless, except at the most melancholy of times, when he would actually give an ironic smile or two. Jet knew about Julia, how she made him feel. He knew the loneliness that Spike endured each night, and he was aware of the nightmares and the dreams involving the mysterious woman. Faye never understood why Spike was so depressed until she met Vicious the night she went off to the opera by herself. She didn't know of the underlying situation between Spike and Vicious, and the fight over Julia, but her woman's intuition gave her a suspicion that Spike was tormented by a woman.
Spike finally reached the common room, collapsing onto the old, yellow couch, falling into depression again. Bounty-hunting is just not enough these days, he thought, pulling out a crumpled cigarette from the box in his jacket pocket. He sat up slightly to light it, and then lay back again. He couldn't help reminiscing as he puffed on his cigarette.
CHORUS
Wake me up Wake me up inside
I can't wake up Wake me up inside
Save me Call my name and save me from the dark
Wake me up Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up Before I come undone
Save me Save me from the nothing I've become
Spike needed Julia. He couldn't let her go, since he felt that she was a part of him, but most importantly, he was still in love with her, even after all the time that he'd been away from her. She awoke something inside him that he didn't know existed. When he was with her, he felt truly alive. He knew Julia felt the same way every time he felt her embrace, kissed her delicate lips, looked into her beautiful eyes. He remembered the night they spent at her apartment, that endless night that made him truly feel, almost as if it were yesterday. After that passionate night of lovemaking, she had fallen asleep on his chest, giving him a sense of comfort and a clear grasp of what love is. He had held her close, soon falling asleep and dreaming as well, feeling true happiness for the first time in his life. Julia had awakened his soul so long ago, and now it was in chains. He needed her to unlock it so that he could be happy again. He needed her by his side.
I wonder where she is now . . . Probably still on Mars. I wish I could contact her, but Vicious could hurt her. No, he WOULD hurt her. I don't want her to be dead . . . God, why did I leave? I should have killed Vicious when I had the chance.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
CHORUS
Wake me up Wake me up inside
I can't wake up Wake me up inside
Save me Call my name and save me from the dark
Wake me up Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up Before I come undone
Save me Save me from the nothing I've become
I've been living a lie . . . There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Julia was out there waiting for him. There was no doubt about it in his mind. Spike sat up, trying to figure out where he would be able to find her. Suddenly, Ed and Ein jumped over the couch and nearly knocked him out. He glared at the pair angrily and cursed silently.
"What's going on out there?" Jet yelled from the bonsai room.
"It's just Ed and Ein playing another game of 'Bite Ein's Tail'," Spike replied gloomily.
I wonder what's the matter with him? Faye thought to herself as she walked into the common room, catching the tail end of Spike's reply. She watched him get up slowly from the couch and mutter to himself. Shrugging, she strutted to the fridge.
Spike glanced at her, and then returned to his brooding. He headed to the shower, hoping that it would wake him up a bit, and clear up his miserable mood. He grabbed a towel from his room on the way, slogging his way slowly to the bathroom. Turning on the hot water, he jumped in, hoping to gain some insight on his thoughts. He saw Julia in his mind's eye, her long blonde hair framing her face with those ever-sad eyes gazing at him.
Why did you have that gun? How did Vicious find out? Why, why, why did this all have to happen? Spike hit the shower wall with his fist, angry at the way things had turned out. He sunk lower into despair, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. No one had ever made him feel that way, but then again, no one had made him feel truly happy. He quickly washed up and concluded that showers never have and never will clear up his mind. He wrapped a towel around his waist and shook out his hair. Opening his eyes in front of the small bathroom mirror, he stared at the figure staring back at him.
What have I become? Heaving another sigh, he hauled himself to his room.
When he returned to his room, he glanced at a photograph of his love, and his mind drifted to that night again. She won't ever let me go, will she? I'll find her again. His sudden determination shocked him for a moment; he wondered if it was his soul trying to free itself.
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
Julia had been the spark in his life. Spike sighed and became lost in his thoughts. Or was the thought of her so enticing that he felt that he needed her again? No, I do love her. She's been in my mind since I left. I just hadn't acknowledged it. He may be dead, but he was alive with her. He quickly threw on some clean clothes, feeling a heavy weight disappear from his chest.
All of this I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here There must be something more
Bring me to life
CHORUS
Wake me up Wake me up inside
I can't wake up Wake me up inside
Save me Call my name and save me from the dark
Wake me up Bid my blood to run
I can't wake up Before I come undone
Save me Save me from the nothing I've become
I've been living a lie . . . There's nothing inside
Bring me to life
Spike remembered the last words he heard from her mouth before he left.
"Remember, the cemetery. I'll always be there waiting for you. Don't ever forget."
It was rainy that day, the day he died. How appropriate, he thought. He wanted her to be there by his side, living in bliss, rather than the situation that they were in now – being in the list of the Syndicate's top ten most wanted people and constantly running from Syndicate members. Granted, Spike could handle himself, but Julia was running for her life from Vicious. Spike himself was hunting for bounties of every kind, hoping to get a lucky break and find her.
She makes me alive. That's why I need her. I'm not dead when she's with me. It was as if he had a revolution. That simple thought had released his conscience. To celebrate his mental freedom, he decided to do a good deed for the crew.
So, he headed to the kitchen and started some "cooking".
I hope I don't burn it up again. He used the blow torch to light up another cigarette and pulled down his mask.
