Chapter One: General
Innuendo?"GASP!" said Lily. "You touched my flute! You TOUCHED my flute!"
Sirius eyed her curiously. Then he stuck out a finger and touched the shiny flute. Again.
Lily whipped out her wand.
James came from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Calm down," he said comfortingly. "It's okay." Gently, he took the flute from Lily's grasp. "See?" he asked Sirius smugly. "Only I'm allowed to touch the flute."
Sirius was confused.
Composition"Look!" said Sirius. "I composed a song! I'm a composer! I'm the next Mo-start!"
Professor Scrivy eyed the parchment doubtfully. Sirius' song consisted of one line: a half note, two whole notes, and another half note. They were all the same note.
"Mr. Black, your interest in music theory is very gratifying, but I'm afraid-"
"Oh, can we play it today? Pleaaaaaaaase? I'll write it on the board so everyone can see!"
"Well-"
"Oh, thank you Professor! You're my role model!"
One half note and one whole note and one whole note and one half note equals p o o p.
May I See You After Class?Professor Scrivy leaned forward. His breath smelt like eggnog. "I played the clarinet too, you know."
Remus nodded.
"I played all through high school and college. I still perform at concerts. It's very rewarding."
Remus nodded.
"You have very good musicianship- much better than Diggory's. Why, you could be first clarinet if you only improved your scales!"
Remus nodded.
"Think about it boy! The excitement! The responsibility! The attention!"
"I'll think about it."
"Very good! Run along, now."
Remus grabbed his bag and dashed out the door.
Sirius was sitting in the hallway. When he heard the door open, he stopped mid-fake-snore and sprang to his feet. "What did Scrivy want?"
"Nothing," said Remus.
"Oh," said Sirius, understanding for once. "Just being a nosy prat?"
Remus nodded.
One of Those Days"QUIET DOWN!" Professor Scrivy rapped the stand sharply with his wand. It collapsed with a loud crack. Everyone burst out laughing.
Scrivy sighed. It was proving to be another one of those days.
"Miss Black," he said to Narcissa, who was sitting in a very slumped and twisted position, "You'll never get the proper air support that way. Please uncross your legs."
Sirius began to snicker.
Lily turned angrily. "Sirius! You are SO immature!"
"NYEH, nyeh! Nyeh nyeh NYEH nyeh-nyeh-NYEH!"
"Ad-vil," Scrivy whispered to himself. "Ad-vil. AD-vil."
Band Librarians, Part 1"Okay!" said Professor Scrivy brightly. "Who wants to be a band librarian? I'm taking nominations!"
Cricket.
"Oh come on! It'll be fun! You get to hand out stuff! It's a big responsibility!"
Sirius waved an arm in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! Me! I'm responsible! Vote for me!"
Scrivy's mouth disappeared into a line. "Did I mention that I will be editing the ballot?"
"Why?" gasped James. 'That's against the Magnar-Cartar-whatchamacallit! Professor!"
"I don't know," said Remus contemplatively. "He does have a point. Sirius can't even find his own music, so how will he keep track of everybody else's?"
"Hey! I know exactly where my music is! Up your-"
Finally, somebody cracked. "All RIGHT! All RIGHT!" Lily yelled. "Arabella and I will do it!"
"We what?"
InstructionsFind a chair and sit in it, the chalkboard read.
Lily sat.
Remus sat.
Arabella sat.
Peter sat.
Sirius and James read the sign.
Sirius and James grinned.
There was a very, very large space between the "s" and the "it."
Such an opportunity was not to be wasted.
Hole"Mr. Black! Go to your seat immediately!"
Sirius looked up with pleading puppy eyes from the middle of the room. "But I can't! Ara's sick in the hospital wing and Madame Pomfrey's says she's not getting out until tomorrow at the earliest and definitely not by the end of today and-"
"What does that have to do with you sitting in your seat? I am well aware that Miss Figg is absent!"
"Yes, sir, but I have to sit in her seat, so I can't sit in mine!"
"Why?"
"Because, there's this… big, yawning hole in this very spot- don't you feel it?? The room misses Ara, and I've got to sit here and stop the flood until she returns… I know I'm not Arabella, sir, but I think I can hold it for an hour or two," Sirius explained earnestly. "It's just so… empty… without her!"
"Mr. Black, do not waste my time with this nonsense. Go to your seat."
"But Professor, the hole!"
"Just GO!"
Under the Professor's withering glare, Sirius stood. "Fine," he grumbled, shuffling to the back, "but don't blame me if the roof suddenly caves in."
Enlightenment"And then we get to THIS amazing part," Professor Scrivy shouted over the pensieve recording, "where the music just EXPLODES, and-"
"Professor! Professor! Professor!"
Hearing the delighted cries of a truly enlightened student, Professor Scrivy whipped around, almost spraining his back. "Yes, Mr. Pettigrew?"
"Can I go to the bathroom?"
Duck, Duck, Duck—"Ten," Sirius whispered into the mirror.
James, two rows in front, raised an eyebrow. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out a spare piece of parchment, crumpled it into a ball, turned sideways, threw it neatly into Peter's baritone bell, and smirked. "Fifteen."
"Not fair! You're closer!"
"Mr. Black, is there a problem?"
"No, Professor." Sirius hastily put the mirror away.
"All right," Scrivy said suspiciously. "Mr. Pettigrew, do you think you could play that a little louder?"
Peter nodded and took a deep breath.
Arabella ducked.
…………………….
A/N: The sad part is, most of this stuff actually happened.
