Chapter five:
"Carter, it's time to get up."
Carter heard a voice calling to him. He didn't want to get up. The night had been to short.
"Carter!" There was that annoying voice again, this time someone was shaking him.
"Ugh what time is it?" He grumbled rolling over almost falling off the gurney.
"It's almost eight." Kerry barked at him.
"I told Chen to wake me up at seven." Carter grumbled wondering why Chen didn't wake him up.
"I told her to let you sleep until 8 since you had to come in last night. You can have 30 minutes to run grab coffee and eat but I want you on the floor by 8:30." She said to him.
"Thanks Kerry." John said sitting up.
"By the way Abby is looking for you. She said that she tried calling you but you didn't call her back. I told her that you got called in here last night."
"Thanks Kerry I will find her later." He said throwing heading out of the room "I am going over to Doc's would you like me to bring you back anything?" He asked.
"No thanks, but thanks for offering." She said, "I am headed home. I'll see you later though. If you need me you know where I am."
"Later Kerry." John said he grabbed his coat out of the lounge and headed over to Doc Magoos. He was hungry and well it was the closest thing to food. He was not going to eat in the cafeteria. That food was pretty bad, no it was down right awful. He had to eat hospital food when they were trapped in the ER during the Small Pox scare and he vowed then never to eat that horrible stuff they called food again. He headed out in the Chicago air. It was a little chilly as he headed across the street he could hear Abby calling for him from behind.
He had a long night and right now she was the last person that he wanted to deal with. He didn't think that she was on until later in the day. Carter slowed down so that she could run across the street to catch up with him. He wanted food and no one was going to stop him from getting it before he started another 12 hours shift.
"Carter do you have a minute that I could talk to you." She asked looking at him.
"Yeah I have a couple. I was going to get something to eat." He said looking at Doc's. "I didn't get a chance to eat this morning. You can join me if you want."
They walked into Doc's and Carter ordered from the waitress. Abby just had coffee.
"What are you doing here? I didn't think you worked until later." Carter said breaking the silence.
"I'm not on until noon. I came down here to find you." She said looking at the table.
"Well you found me." He said playing with the spoon that was laying on the table. "What is so important?"
"Carter, why didn't you pick up the phone last night?" Abby asked.
"I was on my way to the hospital Abby and I'm sorry that I didn't get the chance to call you back we got busy and I never had the chance." He said hoping that would pacify her.
"I went to a meeting last night." She said her eyes looked elsewhere as she spoke to John. "I'm not going to hide anything from you anymore."
"Good for you." He said. But her drinking wasn't the entire reason that he had walked out the door.
"I want this to work between us. I don't want you to walk away from me." She said, "I love you John."
"I don't want to walk away from you either." Was all that he could say?
"Then don't. We can get thru this." She said, "We just need to work together. Talk to each other."
"That's what is missing Abby. It's not just the drinking. It's the talking together. You and I don't have that, we never have. I want that more than anything but it is not there." He said rehashing everything that they had talked about already. "I don't want to go over this again Abby."
"I can open up to you John," She said. "Just give me time."
"How much time Abby? How long to I have to sit here and watch things go bad? You run away every time things get bad. I don't want to live my life wondering when you are going to share your life with me." He said to her, "I am going away for awhile. We can talk about this when I get back."
"You're leaving just like that, you are leaving." She said sounding astonished. Carter knew that this wasn't something new that he was telling her. Kovach had spilled the beans about this awhile ago.
"Yeah I am. I am taking that missionary trip. I think that it would be good for me right now." He said.
"Do I have any say in this?" She asked.
"No." He said firmly.
"Really you are just going to drop all of this I need to communicate with you, open up to you and you are going to run off. Carter who is doing the running away now." She stammered.
"Abby I am not going to do this. I am not running away." He said standing up and walking out of Doc's. She followed behind him.
"If this isn't running away then what is it John. Why the sudden need to leave town." She asked.
He spun around to face her, "Abby I am not suddenly leaving. You and I have talked about this. I guess what I have to say isn't important enough for you to listen to. We talked about this several times. Especially when Luka had mentioned it in the trauma room. I am doing this for me. I'm sorry if you think that I am running away from you, that's not what I am doing. I am going to go where medical help is needed the most. I'm tired Abby. I am going to go and do this and when I get back we can see where we stand."
He was tired of everything getting turned around. He would be leaving for Africa in a few days. He started to walk in the ER; Abby was hot on in his tails. She obviously wasn't done with this conversation.
"Carter don't do this." She said, "don't walk away from me right now. Please don't."
Abby almost seemed to be begging looking for any reason to make Carter stay. He couldn't and wouldn't play into this.
"Abby I am going. That's the end of it. You can tell me how you feel when I get home. I'll be gone for a month." He walked into the hospital.
"I won't be here when you get back." She was almost screaming. Everyone in the hospital stopped what they were doing and stared at the two of them.
"Fine Abby. Have it you're way. You can either be here or not be here when I get back. Right now I don't care. I'm done." Carter walked into the lounge.
Abby turned and stormed out the ambulance bay doors. She couldn't believe that she just said that to him in front of the entire ER staff. Carter sat on the couch wondering how he was going to face the ER staff now that Abby had managed to throw that fit in front of everyone.
Susan came into the lounge. She wasn't going to say anything about what she had just witnessed. All she wanted was a cup of coffee before they got hit with patients. The board was empty and there were just a couple of people in chairs right now.
"Go ahead Susan; say what you want to say." Carter said looking down at the floor. He knew that people were going to be talking about what just happened.
"Carter, I'm sorry." She said, "Really I am. I just came in to get a cup of coffee really."
John watched as Susan poured herself a cup of coffee. He started to change the subject. "How can you drink that stuff Susan?"
"Coffee is coffee; this just happens to be the rot-gut version but it's all we got. There's never enough time to get over to the coffee stand. I try and leave and the minute I head for the door it never fails that we get a multiple trauma." She said smiling.
"Ah so you are the one that jinks all my breaks. It's you just trying to get a decent cup of coffee. I'll have to remember that and bring you one when I get the chance. I'd hate for you to suffer ulcers because you're treating Chicago's finest." He said laughing. She had managed to take his mind off of what had just happened with Abby.
Abby. What was he going to do now? She made it perfectly clear that she was done with him. That if he went to Africa she wasn't going to be waiting here when he got back. His smile turned into a frown. He loved her, but if she wasn't going to try there was nothing that he could do about that.
"John, what's wrong?" Susan asked. She wasn't going to pry, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, just remember I am here if you want to talk."
"I really don't want to talk about it. Maybe after work." He said.
"Sure," She said, "I'm off at 4."
"So am I," John said, "Do you want to join me for dinner."
"Sure I would love to have dinner with a friend. Sure beats a TV dinner for one." Susan said smiling at him.
"I got to get back to work." Susan said heading out the door.
"I'll be there in a minute." He said, "I just need a minute to myself."
"No problem Carter." Susan said as she let the lounge door go closed.
Carter sat there for a minute collecting himself before he headed out to face the rest of the world. The buzz was going to be that he and Abby had broken up. Had they really ended it? He wasn't sure. She said that if he went to Africa that she wouldn't be there when he got back, well he hadn't left yet. He was still planning on it. He should talk to Abby but he didn't want to do that. He had made himself perfectly clear about what he wanted from her, and she made it clear what she wanted from him. There was nothing more left for them to talk about. Abby was probably at home right now buried in a glass of wine or some other form of alcohol. That is how she had dealt with everything lately and he was almost sure that this was going to be no different. How could it be any different? She was still the same ole Abby. If anything she was consistent with what her reactions.
