TOW Seven Times
A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed TOW the Margaritas and asked me to continue. I got into a vibe, and there are five related-but-not stories. In this an the following three I've used some actual dialogue (the reason for this disclaimer) so that dialogue, the characters and the ideas weren't mine, I'm just filling in the gaps! Please R&R:)
Monica folded her arms across her chest and stared at the closed door. Suddenly, she reached out and grabbed the handle, letting it go as soon as she touched it. Tapping her foot, urging herself to think faster, she glanced at her feet, clad in shiny heels. Usually, if she felt like this she would just clean to relieve the frustration, but that wasn't going to happen. Her hotel room was so spotless...
I could just go back in there and throw a tantrum, and then clean it up... Come on Monica, how desperate is that? You probably couldn't even bring yourself to make a mess. Oh yeah I could! Oh yeah? When's the last time?
Monica growled. Fine, if she wasn't going to clean, she had to do something.
Ross' mother... Ross' MOTHER!
"Augh!" she grumbled, kicking the toe of her shoe into the door. "Ohh!" she cried when bolts of pain shot from her toe up to and around her ankle. Monica hopped one step closer to the wall, holding her ankle and rubbing it as she fought the flurry of curses in her head.
Ha-ha, that'll teach you. Just go get laid, for God's sakes.
Monica scrunched her nose up thoughtfully. It was times like these she wished Rachel and Phoebe had come, but Phoebe couldn't fly and Rachel wouldn't, and here Monica was, all alone, and it was damn depressing.
Above all else, she was beginning to despise the fact her parents were there to celebrate the occasion.
I don't know why I do it to myself. Every time they come over I convince myself that times would change. That's what people always say, right? The bond between mother and daughter grows over time. Yeah right. I know somewhere under there she cares about me, what kind of mother wouldn't? But seriously...
Monica sighed. It wasn't even fun bitching to herself any more. There was just no use in denying it any longer. Her parents loved Ross a whole lot more than they loved Monica. They didn't not love her, they just didn't, well, love her as much as Ross.
When I have kids they are never gonna feel like this. Oh yeah, and when's that gonna be? Shut up! ...I suppose I could find Chandler, he'd listen...No, no Monica he'll just think you're his annoying, whiny friend, he deserves a holiday as much as the next guy.
Monica could call Rachel, but Rachel never understood.
Of course not, mom loves Rachel. The daughter she never had.
"Oh Monica, what?" she would say. "It's all in your head. She didn't mean it that way. Don't take everything so much to heart."
"Yeah Monica, loosen up," Phoebe would always add. She couldn't talk to Ross, he sounded almost as convincing as Rachel, and Joey...sometimes she thought he understood but a lot of the time things just went right over his head. Chandler was the only person who tried to comfort her. At least that's what it seemed like.
Maybe I should find Chandler. Ross' mother, I can't believe it. I feel so old. I just need to feel young, and desirable, and oh God, not like Ross' mother. The shame!
Monica suddenly knew what she had to do, but she was going to need one more drink.
#&#
Half an hour later, after two more drinks, Monica was standing in front of a different door. Different, but the same, holding her third drink, her room card balanced between her fingers.
All you gotta do is knock. As soon as he opens the door you just gotta kiss him. He won't resist. There is no willpower when it comes to saying no to girls.
Monica's face paled.
Oh God, what if he does say no? What if he says no to me? I'd never live it down. What if he thinks I'm not good enough?
She sighed, raising her hand to the door.
I have to try, this is all I can think of. I can't stand sitting in my empty room feeling sorry for myself any longer.
She knocked, and in a few moments the door swung open. Monica's jaw tightened.
Well you're not Joey. What the hell are you wearing? Cowboys? Are you kidding me?
"Cute PJs," she commented. "Really living it up here in London huh?"
Oh my God it's Monica. Monica is standing in front of me, and I'm wearing my cowboy pyjamas. My secret, never-to-be-found-by-any-girl cowboy pyjamas. No, what do I do? Say something stupid, say...
"Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after...nine fifteen."
You see now, that wasn't so hard. Let her in you idiot. She's still drinking, she must still be upset. I can't believe that guy called her Ross' mom. I know if someone thought I was Ross' dad I would've freaked out! Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought I was Ross' mom either... When I was little everyone said I looked like dad... Oh Monica, what do they know, drunk people are stupid! You're gorgeous!
"Joey here?" Monica asked as she entered.
Don't remind me. Joey's down the hall having lots and lots of sex with a cute bridesmaid. I guarantee you we're all alone for the rest of the night.
Chandler mentioned something about bridesmaids, and Monica's heart fell. This just wasn't her night.
"So uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you?"
"Would you be?" Monica asked, staring down into her drink, wishing it was a much bigger cup.
Then maybe I could tip if all over my head... All right Mon, you've had enough.
She looks so sad.
Monica put the glass down and crossed her arms as Chandler started talking. She looked up to watch him.
"Look it's been an emotional time, and you've had a lot to drink, and you've just got to let it go, okay?"
Let it go? Let it GO? How do I let it go? I haven't let anything go since...since... I haven't EVER let anything GO!
Say something to make it better, Chandler. Say something nice. Say something so she's not sad.
"I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!" He swept his arm around in thin air as though to demonstrate.
What? You think I'm beautiful? Oh my God, you think I'm beautiful. I'm so sorry I yelled at you in my head. I'm so drunk! Hang on, he thinks I'm beautiful. This could be my chance!
"What?" Monica said out loud.
"Are you kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms-"
Go Monica, go! Before he takes it back!
Chandler caught Monica as her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips crashed haphazardly against his.
Holy COW Batman, I think she's kissing me. Oh God she is. What do I do? Kiss her BACK you Wenus. I told you to stop calling me that!
Chandler felt Monica trying to push forward and he automatically began to pull back. Monica's hands moved to his face.
Oh God, her hands are so soft. Yeah, and she's DRUNK. Oh man, she is, she is, I can't do this. But she wants you to. No she doesn't, she doesn't. She can't possibly want to kiss me. I mean, I'm wearing my cowboy pyjamas!
Chandler finally pushed Monica back.
"Woah, woah, what's going on here? You and I just made out. You and I are making out?"
"Well we're not any more!" Monica replied.
Damn, that was good. I can't believe this; he's going to call it off. Please, please don't tell me to go back to my room. I don't want to.
Taking a small step back from the situation, I, Chandler Bing, am sort of confused.
"But we don't do that!"
"I know, I just thought it'd be fun."
Please, please, please say it was fun. If you make me go I'll know it wasn't and I can't... And I really, really want to kiss you again.
"How drunk are you?"
Shit, here it comes. 'I can't take advantage of you.' But maybe he liked it too Monica. Just tell the truth. He can't argue with that.
"Drunk enough that I know I want to do this, not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage."
Please, Chandler.
Okay so she's drunk enough to want to...does she want to have sex? Oh my God! Wait no, Chandler, maybe she just wants to keep kissing. That's cool too man. So she's drunk enough for that... That's pretty drunk. This is Monica, after all. But she's not drunk enough I should feel guilty about it... That means she really wants to, right? Oh man I just looked into her eyes. They're open so wide, it's like she's begging me, begging with those big, blue eyes. I can't do it... But I really, really want to. Oh screw it, a beautiful woman is here in my room and she wants to kiss me and she's not totally drunk!
"Well that's the perfect amount!" Chandler exclaimed. Monica looked at Chandler, shocked, as he grabbed her hands and they ran to sit on the end of the bed.
Oh wow. Thankyou Chandler.
Okay, now I'm a little scared. Touching her knee, Jesus, now we're kissing. Her back, oh God. Again. Me, kissing Monica. And she's kissing back! She just sighed. I'm so glad she's into this. Oh man I want her so bad.
Just as Chandler was getting used to all the kissing, Monica pulled away.
"You know what's weird?"
Please don't say my kissing. Please!
"What?"
"This doesn't feel weird."
Is that a good thing? Of course it is, it must be. Admit it, this doesn't feel weird either. It feels bloody fantastic. What the hell is that Bing? Shut up, we're in England.
"I know," Chandler answered, a small smile on his face.
"You're a really good kisser."
Oh yes! That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me! I think we can bring back the clever and charming because I think she digs it!
"Well I have kissed over four women."
He's so cute, look at that hair, and those pyjamas. It's so sexy. I want to rip those cowboys right off his body.
Monica grinned as she reached for Chandler once again, but just as her lips sunk against his, he pulled back.
"You wanna get under the covers?" Chandler asked.
You read my mind.
"Mmhmm!" Monica nodded, and they both raced to the top of the bed, jumping under the bedspread.
Go, go go man, before she tells you she's not interested. Faster, FASTER!
"Wow you are really fast!"
There are so many nasty comebacks I could add to that... Stop it Chandler, no time, no time!
I've never seen anyone undress that quickly. He must really want to sleep with me! Wow!
"It bodes well for me that speed impresses you."
Good one, Wenus! Shut up man, she's smiling, I made her smile! I knew the clever and charming worked! London one, Montaq zero! Yeah and you better make her do a lot more than smile if you want this to happen again! Oh, oh, you just wait!
"We're going to see each other naked," Monica stated, her smile fading, her mind racing.
I'm not drunk enough. I should've finished that drink. I still care what he thinks. He's one of my best friends. What about all the women he's dumped because of physical hang-ups like a really big mole on some girl's butt... I don't have any really big moles, but what if he finds something he can't stand? Oh, I don't know about this. I really want to though, I really do. Maybe there's nothing... Come on Monica, of course there's nothing. You've got a great body and you know it. Yeah, I guess...What on earth? Chandler just said, "Yeah", and he's smiling? He's smiling! It's so cute. Okay, I don't feel so bad now.
"You wanna do it at the same time?"
"On the count of three?" Chandler offered.
He's making this easy, this is good.
Monica, please do not take one look and bolt out the door. God, if you let her stay, I promise I will stop sneaking cigarettes and I will call my mom and say hello!
They counted, before disappearing under the covers.
"Well," Chandler began as they came back up. "I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined."
Screw the friendship I wanna get me some of that! Come here, big guy!
"Eh, we weren't that close anyway."
"Eh," Chandler echoed as they moved closer together under the covers. Before she knew it, Monica was pushed underneath the covers completely, with one word ringing in her head.
Joey. Oh crap, if he finds me in here, we'll never live it down. He'll tell Rachel and Phoebe, who'll laugh. He'll tell...Oh God he'll probably tell my mother in some round about way. Chandler will be banished. Ross will try to kill him. Not that I'd ever let Ross lay a finger on Chandler. He's as much my friend as Ross' and I can beat my weenie brother into the ground! Yeah!
Monica stopped worrying when she felt Chandler's arm rest comfortably across her back as she lay as flat as possible curled against him.
I don't believe it, I actually feel safe under here. And really, really hot... How stupid was I thinking Joey would notice anything was up? What on earth are they saying? This blanket is so thick, and warm, and... Monica, stop that, there's a third person in the room and you're trying to be discreet. DISCREET.
"Just for you?"
Oh God, Joey thinks I'm doing THAT? Noooo, no, no, no! What to say, what to say to make it better? Face it Chandler, aint nothing gonna make this better! Of course, maybe that... That is Monica's hand on my thigh. And those are Monica's lips on my hip. Oh yeah, it's getting easier to deal with. Now, I just need to find a way to get us one of those condoms before Joey takes the entire box. Otherwise we're not going to get to do the thing that we both really want to do. Okay, how to get Joey to leave me a condom – who takes the whole box, how selfish is that? – without sounding stupid? No, there's no hope. Just get it over with man.
#&#
"Ya think he knew I was here?" Monica and Chandler looked at each other the next morning after Ross closed the door.
"Narr, you're safe," Chandler smiled, staring at her messy hair.
And so, incredibly sexy.
Minutes later when their hearts had stopped racing from their second near miss, Monica lay next to Chandler, one leg thrown across his. She placed a kiss against his chest.
"Hmm," Chandler smiled, holding her back. "So, this isn't going to be weird, right?" Monica shook her head, kissing him again. "Promise?"
That was the most amazing night of my life. I'm a genius. I've never done that to a woman before. Seven times? What was I thinking? You weren't Chandler, that's the beauty. Maybe it was the alcohol. Probably, but still. Woah. I can't believe I actually had to sneak out of the hotel to the 7-11 across the street to buy condoms. Ah, globalisation of 7-11s, that's the stuff. Oh hey, you know what that reminds me of? That time Monica taught me the all about women when I was afraid of not being as good as Joey... I can't believe how much I didn't know, I can't believe I ever had sex with anyone other than Monica. A new benchmark has been set, ladies, watch out!
"Yes I promise," Monica smiled back. "What are you smiling about?"
"Oh nothing," Chandler answered. "Just remembered something from a long time ago."
"What?"
"Hmm, that you taught me everything I know in seven, very easy steps." Monica caught his eye and laughed.
"Oh God I forgot about that."
Obviously you didn't.
"I didn't," Chandler chuckled. He held his hands up, shut his eyes and mouthed, 'Seven', holding down three of his fingers. Monica shoved him. "Ow, strong woman, stop that!" Monica sighed as Chandler pulled her closer to him.
"I gotta go," she said sadly. Chandler felt her shiver and pulled the covers up around her shoulders. He was sure he felt a tear on his chest.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," Monica shook her head. Chandler sat up.
"It's not nothing. Come on Mon, you can't stop talking to me cos of this, you promised!" He made a puppy dog face as Monica turned to look up at him. She lay a hand across his stomach and Chandler quickly covered it with his.
"It's really stupid," she warned.
"I don't care," Chandler grinned. "But we gotta make this quick in case Ross comes back for round two." Monica smiled.
"I just..." Monica shrugged, staring at Chandler. "I'm really glad you answered the door."
"And to think, I was going to ignore it so that I could get to bed on time." Monica laughed, beginning to push herself out of the bed.
Leave Monica, or you're never going to be able to. You just have to go.
"I'll um, see you in a bit," Chandler shrugged as he watched Monica dress. She wasn't even that shy about it. He bit his bottom lip as he watched her.
Don't let her go Chandler. Look at her face, look how upset she is, she thinks it was a mistake. You're going to lose her if she walks out that door before you clear this up.
Monica turned to him and smiled. He was just sitting there, mouth open. She leant over and kissed him gently on the side of the mouth.
"See ya," she whispered, before leaving, shutting the door softly behind her. Chandler sat back on his bed.
God, what have I done? Come back Mon, we can work this out! Of all the times to be speechless. Stupid!
Whatever it was, it was amazing, and I want to do it again. Please don't run away from this Chandler. Don't run.
#&#
