Cold Air Hellos and Goodbyes B Chapter 2

Same info as last time. Id like to thank Lexi and Katie for reviewing, because they really meant a lot to me, the nice things you said, and so I thought a special thank you would be in order. :)

Karen woke slowly, the loud noise of the traffic outside her window disturbing her. Shed been having a peaceful dream about a breezy field and a girl with a long, flowing white dress, and her entire body was calm. For a moment she forgot everything that was going on, until she climbed out of bed and caught sight of Harry lying down with his back to her. He was obviously still sleeping, his snoring quite audible over the roar of cars from outside. She sighed and went to the kitchen.

It being Saturday, Daisy and Bernard were still fast asleep, and the quiet of the house made her shiver. This must be what its like to be completely alone, she thought, making herself some coffee. All you would disturb is stillness. Shaking her head she sat on a chair by the table and drank slowly, wondering what the day would be like. Harry had always had Saturdays off, and most of the time theyd go to the movies and then out to lunch with the kids. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldnt see herself feeling motivated to do anything.

It was hard to explain just what shed felt when shed opened the Joni Mitchell CD on Christmas Eve. All of her daydreams and most of her energy had, before that moment, been spent on imagining what her marriage would be like after shed gotten the necklace. She and Harry had never really had Aproblems, but it was hard to find time to themselves and romance was almost completely out of the picture. Excitement and surprises were, before this, a foreign thing to her, and the thought of receiving something so out of the ordinary, so youthful, so sexy, made her genuinely happy to the core. When instead she opened the CD, knowing full well that there were no other boxes under the tree that were the right size to hold that necklace, it was as if a tidal wave of shock had completely enveloped her.

Shed been devastated. Not only did this mean that her husband had given the necklace to someone else, that there was another woman out there somewhere getting that necklace, but it also meant that hed rather give it to someone other than her, that his emotions and feelings were elsewhere. She was at a complete loss of what else there was to feel but inherent sadness, a deep, heavy feeling that made her throat become tight and her skin numb. And the worst part was that she couldnt let herself cry, I mean really cry, because shed worry everyone. And so every emotion she felt, everything she wanted to let out, had to be instead bottled inside of her and made her feel about to burst. Her body was on fire and she just wanted to curl up and die.

When she looked back on it now, she supposed the CD would have been a lovely present if it hadn't been interrupted by the appearance of the necklace. Harry knew how deeply she felt about Joni Mitchell's music, how much of an emotional experience it was for her, and he'd tapped into that. Of course, she assumed the energy he'd put into finding a suitable gift for her was inspired from guilt more than anything else, and that just made her angry with him all over again. How could he, after everything they'd been through, even think of another woman in that way? By the time she had finished drinking her coffee she was seething.

Harry walked into the kitchen dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt, yawning and running his fingers through his air. She stared up at him, this man whom she'd woken up next to every day for the past fifteen years, and thought for a split second that she didn't know him at all. How could she ever be sure of what he would do next? Before Christmas she trusted him with her life, with, even more seriously, the lives of her children, but now she couldn't see how she could ever fully trust him again. If the inner workings of his mind were a mystery to her, if she could think that he was genuinely happy when really he was full of unrest, then how could she know for sure now that he was really sorry?

She stood and watched him intently. He'd poured himself a cup of coffee and was reaching for the sugar when suddenly he stopped, his eyes on her.

"Something wrong?" he asked, moving toward her.

"No," she said quickly, too quickly, and watched the guilt and worry fill his eyes once again. "I'm fine, Harry," she snapped, and walked out of the room, fully aware of his eyes on her back.

Karen stood in the bedroom that night staring at herself in the full-length mirror. Sometime after having Daisy her body has transformed itself. Now, where once a slim, gorgeous woman had once been, there stood a bulky, wider version of herself. Perhaps that's why he went to Mia, she thought, pushing in at her thighs. Maybe he got sick of watching me gain weight. He's just not attracted to me anymore. She sighed, still staring, when Harry walked in the room.

She turned away immediately, climbing into bed and pushing her face against the pillow, and heard him do the same beside her. "Harry?" she asked softly, waiting for body to shift towards her, "do you think I'm fat?"

He exhaled loudly, his hand hovering over the bare skin of her back, not daring to touch her. "Of course not," he said, his voice low, "I think you're perfect."

It was exactly what she'd thought he'd say. Her mind was made up. Tomorrow she would diet.