Cold Air Hellos and Goodbyes – Chapter 3
NOTES: I'm really sorry that this isn't longer, but I don't want to take too long to write each chapter.
THANKS: To Amber for the info you gave me on married couples. You're a genius! I used it near the end. I'm sure you'll recognize it.
Please review! I'd love to hear what you think and also what you'd like to happen or what you think could be improved.
Daisy and Bernard had finally come to the conclusion that their parents were not going to get a divorce. Relieved, they now sat smiling at the dinner table and entertained Harry and Karen with stories of their school days, as opposed to the frightened, quiet way they had once looked at them while eating. Karen and Harry had silently agreed that although nothing had changed between them, they would act as if it had. So now, when Daisy and Bernard walked into the room, they would immediately smile at each other and act like the perfect couple. No matter how mad they were at each other, the children were always more important.
Karen had been going to the gym for weeks now, and despite the fact that she knew it was just creating more distance between them, she had not told Harry yet. It made her feel sly, mysterious, almost superior to come home and tell him she'd been shopping when really she'd been improving herself in order to show him what he was missing. And so every night she'd hide her gear under the bed and smile knowingly when Harry asked her why she was so sore getting into bed.
Slowly but surely, they had started to talk more. Of course, this increase was only about two words per day, but it made a difference to him, she could tell. He would ask her how she was, she would say fine, they would drink their coffee. Evenings were uncomfortably quiet, however, especially during commercial breaks while watching TV, and she'd been going to bed early consistently just to escape the silence.
How did couples get through things like this? She was sure it involved talking, actual real conversation, and so far they had not done much of that. And there was still so much anger left in her, so much yelling yet to be let out.
That night they dressed for bed at opposite ends of the room, like usual, and lifted up the covers of the bed. "How was Bernard today? Any nicer than normal?" Harry asked, shifting his body toward her.
"No, just the usual," she responded, her voice quiet and tired. "Daisy told me today she has a boyfriend."
"Oh?" She could hear the hurt in his voice over not being let in on this secret by Daisy herself. "Good character, bad character..?"
"Haven't met him just yet, but from what she tells me he likes to stick gum in other girls' hair and wears a lot of black."
"Great," Harry said, his voice full of dread. "Well, she's still young. Maybe we won't have to meet him."
She laughed- a genuine, loud sound that filled the room for a few seconds and then disappeared. They had shifted so that they were lying on their backs, their shoulders almost touching, both of them staring up at the ceiling. She exhaled long and loud, letting her breath fill up the silence of the air around them. He reached over and took her hand, something he'd done thousands of times before, and she shivered.
"Karen," he said slowly, clearing his throat, "I am so sorry for creating this whole mess between us. When I think about what all happened and how easy it would have been to prevent, I-"
"Don't," she said hoarsely, fighting back ridiculous tears. "Gosh, Harry, I know you're sorry. That's not the problem. It's just..." She stopped, wondering if she should tell him what she'd been feeling. There was no doubt that she loved her husband, and that for the past fifteen years her life had been almost totally about him. She looked at his face, into his eyes, so full of hope, and sighed. "I just have so much anger left for you. I mean, why did you do this? Why? I understand that she's beautiful, she's young, she's sexy, but would it have been worth it? Did you think to yourself that it would have been worth it to have sex with this girl and turn your back on everything we had - our entire lives?"
He squeezed her hand more tightly, pulling himself closer to her so their faces were only inches apart. "I would come home every day at the same time, put my bag on the chair, take off my coat, kiss you on the cheek, and sit down for dinner. Every night I'd sit on the bed and undress and you'd stand beside the bed and undress. We'd say goodnight, turn out the light, and sleep with our backs to each other. I love you, I always have loved you, and I love our children. But I was an idiot. It felt like there was something missing, and I thought that it could only be found elsewhere."
She was torn. Half of her wanted to grab him, pull him into her arms, make love to him tonight and cook an omelette for him tomorrow for breakfast. The other half wanted to get out her suitcase, pack, and leave him so he could never hurt her again. She decided on a less-spontaneous version of the first, kissing him on the cheek, smiling, and turning out the light. She'd come to realize that with this, as in so many other things, time was the only thing that would help.
The next day Karen was at the gym, killing herself on the treadmill, when David, the twenty-something manager, walked up to her and smiled. "Hey Karen," he cooed, putting a hand on the bar of the machine. "How are you today?"
"Oh, I'm great," she panted, wiping sweat off her forehead in an easy swipe. "And how are you?" She only really talked to him so he would stay. It wasn't that conversation with him was all that stimulating, but she just loved to look at him. Most of the time he wore only a thin cotton tank top, and his hard, tan muscles showed through the fabric. He had dark, wavy hair that he let go wherever it wanted, and he was incredibly friendly.
"I'm doing absolutely fantastic," he said, his voice smooth. She looked at him and he smiled, causing her to lose her balance for a split second. "You're looking fantastic today."
"Oh... really?" She nearly lost her footing again but kept running, trying to look cool. "Thanks."
He grinned again, winked at her, and walked off, stopping to glance at her again before going into his office. She shook her head, turned off the treadmill, and stood there for nearly five minutes trying to catch her breath. Imagine David looks-like-a-young-Jude-Law hitting on her. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirrors on the wall opposite of her and stared. She couldn't believe it.
