He never looks at me. I can stare at him for hours, willing him to look back at me, but he never even glances my way. I'm the Pharaoh; I should be able to demand what I wish from him, but I don't dare. He lives in a tenuous enough state as it is. I'm afraid that if I spoke to him he would leave this place entirely. It's far better to have this, to be able to watch him every day as we gather in the park, than to go back to before, when the only times I could see him were the times he tried to kill me.
I shouldn't be afraid of him. Every time we fight I win, after all. Why is it then that I feel winning is losing when I'm fighting him. Is it simply that every time I win I must banish him, and thus lose the chance to watch him? Or is there something more?
Why do I want him anyway? Isn't that why I acceded to Yugi's increasingly strong desires? Didn't I take my light to bed so that I could rid myself of my foolish desire? It is desire after all. I'm not foolish enough to believe that it could be anything else. Love comes from the heart, and is for the mind, not from the body for the body. If I loved him I wouldn't want to sleep with him, I'd want to talk or to do something equally romantic. No, this is lust, and it's all his fault.
Damn him for being so beautiful! Damn him for being so perfect. Damn him for not seeing. And damn Yugi right along with him, for seeing and not caring.
I hate them both.
