The Contract
written by Shaun Garin
Megas XLR and Harry Potter are created by their respective creators. All rights and purposes are not mine and all characters are used for the sake of entertainment.
"My lord."
"Arise, Lucius."
Lucius Malfoy stood up, his head bowed in reverence. "We have arrived from Azkaban Prison, my lord."
Voldemort snorted. "I see that you fool. Now..."
Voldemort cocked his head to the side and hissed. "What is that infernal sound?"
"My lord?"
"That sound. It sounds like a muggle car engine."
Lucius listened and his hand curled around his wand. "I will take care of the impertinent muggles, my lord." He then stalked off and there was a sound of a door slamming in the Riddle House.
After a few minutes, a loud horn honked as a dull rumbling could be heard. Then, three tremendous knocks could be heard on the door. Voldemort sighed as he got up. "Worthless fools," he grumbled to himself. "Go away!"
"Hey, dude, open up!" called a voice from outside.
"Wretched Muggle," snapped Voldemort as he flung the door open, the Avada Kedavra already on his lips. Suddenly, a large hand seized him and he let out an "urk" sound.
"This is it? This is what's left of You-Know-Who?" asked Severus in shock and disgust.
The remains twitched and moaned. Dumbledore knelt down and poked him with a stick. It twitched. "It seems that our contractors achieved their goal."
Pomfrey looked at the remains and said, "He's alive. Mashed, beaten, fried, stomped on and shot out of a cannon but survived." She looked up at the person high above and said, "How did you do this?"
Coop grinned as he revved Megas' engine. "Like this."
Hogwarts was then treated to the sight of Megas jumping up and down on Voldemort repeatedly and used as a hackysack.
Jamie sighed. "Man, I love these jobs. Gold up front, and we don't have to kill the guy cause he can't DIE!"
Kiva looked pensive. "Aren't you a bit worried we could get in trouble for this?"
Coop used Megas hands to crumple Voldemort into a ball. Still he was alive and moaning. "Naw, this is easy. Besides, what are they going to do, poke us with a stick? Oh, speaking of which..."
Uprooting the Whomping Willow, Coop proceeded to poke Voldemort with the Willow. The Willow, still upset, bashed Voldemort repeatedly with its flailing tree limbs.
Dumbledore looked at Severus and said, "Perhaps I was a bit too hasty contracting these three out."
Severus shook his head, grinning like a madman. "I think, it's worth every penny of the contract."
