A/N: Hey, I know that this is particularly to update. However, I am updating now so I can make up for the laziness I have been having. I didn't mean to take so long. Anyways, on to the story.
Ordeals of Life
Chapter 4: Deep Thoughts
Shane walked through the hidden passageway leading to the academy, or what was left of it since Lothor's attack. He began to dawdle so as to give himself time to think over about what he was going to ask Sensei.
'He probably wouldn't go for it. I mean, he is his son after all. There's no way that he is going to force him into anything he doesn't wants to do. I'll just have to put up a good enough fight. If I don't, Tori is going to kill me. What is her problem anyway? She's changed somehow. She used to be so care free. Her only biggest worry then was what she was going to wear for Blake. I have to admit, she was annoying then, but at least I wasn't worrying about her so much. Now, the thing on her mind is always Cam and the supposedly "gigantic issue" he has. As to what that is, I don't know. However, Tori believes that something serious is going on, and says that she won't stop until she knows he's going to be okay. Whatever that means. I just want to know two things. 1) Why is Tori overreacting over this, and 2) just want is going on with Cam?'
Sensei finished his daily meditation of the day with crushed hopes. Something was really bothering him. It was his only son. He had very good Ninja sense, and could tell that something was going on. Problem was, he couldn't tell what or how serious it was. This was just one of the moments when he hated being a guinea pig. Then again, what kind of person in their right mind would ever want to be a rodent, much less a guinea pig.
'I know that I'm not supposed to have emotions break me from my concentration. However, I think that when it comes to family, there are exceptions. Family. A unit that stays together and helps each other overcome obstacles. I shouldn't doubt myself, but I sometimes wonder if I can actually do that. Every time I see Cam, my only son, whom I love so much, come out of a battle hurt, I am ready to run out and throw my arms around him and never let go. But then, reality sets in and I am forced to realize that I'm just a guinea pig. A guinea pig, something that Cam doesn't need right not. What he needs is a father, someone to love him, someone to talk to him, and someone to ease his pain. I wish I was human again, then I could do all that.'
However, another reality set in as Kanoi silently began to cry. 'Actually, that's probably not true. Even as a human, I never had time for him. I always put the students before him, and I don't know if I can forgive myself for doing that for so long. I'm not so sure if I even comforted Cam as much as I should have when my beloved wife died. I always had to carry on with the trainings. A brief ceremony in her memory, and then back to a normal life. I should have known that life was never going to be the same without her. Oh god, how I loved her so much. Because of this, Cam was forced to grow up too fast. I could see it in his eyes. Oh, I would give anything to just see him have a true smile once again, to hold him in my arms like I should, and to tuck him in at night.'
"Sensei, can I talk to you for a second?"
He snapped out of his train of thought, and turned around to speak. Lucky for him, humans can barely tell emotions when you are a guinea pig. "Is something wrong, Shane? "No, nothing's wrong. At least I hope not." "What is it?" Kanoi asked, worry coursing through his veins. "Is it about Cam?" "Yes, but I don't think it's serious. The guys and I are worried that Cam might be feeling lonely."
"Well, my son did say that he was a person who got strength from being alone." Shane went on, "I know, it's just that Tori thinks that he actually yearns to be around people, except that me won't admit it." Sensei thought this through. He knew something was wrong, and what the red ranger said was perfectly plausible with a person like his son, even if he didn't want to think about his son ever being lonely. "Do you have anything to support this?" Shane was stunned. No comments on how Cam was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, nor how we were probably overreacting. "You believe us?" "Is there a reason why I shouldn't?"
"No, it's just that you think highly of your son and how he can take care of himself." "Shane, I know that no one can take care of themselves all the time. Besides, Cam's my son, and I care for him. Anyhow, do you have anything to support your theory?" Shane went, "Nothing except for Tori's sixth sense, and I'm not going to deny her instincts. Out of the entire team, she's the one who knows a lot about people. Dustin is planning a camping trip out in the woods this weekend, and we were hoping if you could make Cam go with us so we could help him out."
Sensei looked at the ranger strangely, well as strange as a rodents could look at a human beings "What do you mean make?" Shane though of his words carefully for a few minutes before speaking. "Listen, I know that it seems harsh to force people into things, much less it being your son. However, you have to admit that making Cam social is almost like trying to raise the dead back to life. I know that he's gonna come up with an excuse like having to check up on the zords. I just thought that if you make him come, we can finally attack whatever is going on with him. So......will you do it?"
Sensei Watanabe considered what he said. He hated to admit it, but Cam was probably the most stubborn person on the planet. For some reason, he knew that what Shane was saying was write. He didn't want to force Cam into anything, however the opportunity of finding out what was going on with him and the chance to help overruled any sense of judgment.
"Listen, I love my son, and I want to help him. If this is the way you came up with to help him, you have my full support. I'll come up with a way to make him go with you and the rest on the trip."
Shane was at a loss of words. He was definitely not expecting this. However, he wasted no time. "Thank you, Sensei. All right, all I have to do is make sure the guys are ready for the trip and then will get Cam to come along. Thank you." With a full smile, Shane rushed off to tell the news to his friends. Kanoi watched him go and within said, "Finally, a chance to help my son, like I should have a long time ago."
It was nighttime, and Cam laid on his back in his bed, just looking at the dark and uninteresting ceiling. 'God, I knew I wasn't much of a sleeping person but this is ridiculous.' Cam had been having trouble going to sleep. Not just the once in a while insomnia case, but a case that has been happening all week. His throat was still burning, the bruises on his body ached, and now he had insomnia. 'What the hell is wrong with me?!' Cam thought to himself.
He knew that something was wrong. He didn't know what it was though. Correction, he knew what was causing it. He couldn't even say what the thing was to himself. 'Maybe I should tell my friends what I've been doing.' However, another voice rose within him, 'No, I can't. If I do they'll think I'm a freak. Wait, why would they think that? They're my friends. Yeah, friends who leave me here while they go out and have fun. That's my fault actually. If I just asked them if I could go with them they would've said yes. How do I know that? For all I know, they could hate my guts. Wait, that can't be true. UGH!!!!!' It seems Cam recently knew about this second voice, the voice that contradicted everything the other said, at least about his feelings for his family and friends.
Cam thought about this. What family was there to think of? His mother was dead and never coming back, and his father was a guinea pig who noticed the team, not his own son. And friends? Blake and Hunter had each other to take care of, and Shane, Dustin, and Tori were the best of friends. Where did he fit in? The lonely computer geek who sits up at night thinking about what his life amounted to, nothing.
All this was too much for Cam. Tears slid down his face as he though of everything in his pathetic existence. 'I think that I should have never been born. The feeling of having no feeling is definitely better than how I'm feeling. What true family and friends did I have? Sensei is always busy with team.' Cam thought, not even noticing how he didn't call him his father then. 'Let's face it, if it was one of the others that was his child, he would proudly shout it from the rooftops. Everyone was good at everything. Tori had surfing, the thunders and Dustin had motocrossing, and Shane had skateboarding. What skill do I have, if you count driving people away and making yourself sick a skill. Wait, that is a skill. No matter how much I hurt myself, I always was able to get through it. Why didn't I realize that? I had the strength to keep going after this. That's a skill right their strength.'
'You call hurting yourself, getting past it, and only to do it again strength? Man, I really am pathetic.' Cam though this through, realizing it's truth, and gave a cry within himself, one that no one would hear, and thus, one that no one would give comfort to. He silently sobbed into his blanket, once again wishing for the millionth time that he was never here.
'I think it's time for another session,' said one voice. 'Doing this again isn't going to help. Yes it will. No it won't. Yes. No. Yes. No' Cam thought out as he combated himself as to what to do. 'It will make you feel better. At least you know you have the strength and courage to do it. That's what you need, strength.' Cam stayed still for a few minutes before he got out of bed. He went into his bathroom, closed and locked the door, turned on all the sinks as to not let Hunter and Blake hear him where they were staying, looked at his reflection in the mirror, and gave in to his strongest voice, like he always did.
A/N: I should officially keep tissues with me near my computer. Oh, writing this is definitely a challenge. Please review.
