A/N: Hey, updating again. I know, you're all happy for me updating so soon. I need to get as much of it done as I can since school is starting to collapse on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still getting straight A's, but the work is difficult. Well, on to Chapter 6.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter Six: Total Control

Cam packed his bag for the camping trip he was forced on. He loved his dad dearly, but he had no right to do what he just did. Oh man, he was not looking forward to this. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone. 'You would think that after a month of this, those airheads would finally get the hint.' Making sure he packed everything including his sleeping bag, he prepared for hell. 'I'd rather sleep right not and never wake up. At least then, I could avoid everything and everyone.'

He entered his bathroom and washed his face, hoping to get the lack of sleep out of his eyes. He looked in the mirror at the weary and old-looking face. He didn't always look like this. He used to be so full of life and energy. Now, he was just a zombie with nothing to do but walk around and sulk.


Hunter had wanted to talk with him the day that he and his dad fought. It was a usual smothering conversation that the rangers seemed to enjoy giving lately.

"Cam, are you okay? I mean honestly. Me and the gang are not trying to make you miserable. Listen, we're just worrying about you. Why don't you ever hang out with us? Is something..." "No Hunter, nothing's wrong. Jesus Christ, why won't you just believe me?!! Cam had said angrily. All this 'let's help Cam' phase seemed to be contagious. Every single minute, hour, and day, the rangers did nothing but get on his nerves. Why wouldn't they just back off?

Hunter continued on. "Listen Cam, I'm sorry. I know that we have been smothering you. But, we just want to know if you're okay. We care for you Cam. The winds care, not just as in teammate, but as in friend. And to me and Blake, you're a brother to us. I know that we might be annoying, but we're not trying to get on your nerves. We just want to let you know that if anything bothers you, it's okay to tell us. Do you understand?"

Cam had stood there, contemplating what the crimson ranger had said. He didn't know if what he said was true but it seemed sincere. 'Oh my god. I never knew that they had cared for me this much. I just thought that they were putting up with me. It's not like they could avoid me or anything, being a ranger and all. But this I wasn't ready for.'

When that moment past, he was ready to confess everything to Hunter, the person he felt closest to. Then, his sense got the better of him. "Thank you, Hunter. I really appreciate what you said. I promise that I'll tell you guys if there's something on my mind."

Hunter stood still. Cam could tell that this wasn't want he wanted. He knew that he was expecting to tell him the problems he was having. Hunter thought of questioning him further, but thought the better of it. 'At least he knows that we're here for him. And when he feels he needs to talk to me, I'll let him. For now, I'll just leave it at that.' "Okay. Oh, by the way. Your father said that you decided to go with us on the camping trip." 'More like forced.' Cam thought.

"Yes. I decided to take your advice. It gets boring hanging down here. Anyway, can't wait till we go." "That's great Cam. Trust me, you won't regret it. 'Oh, I expect I shall.'


Cam now just stood there, thinking of everything the rangers had done for him. Normally, this would have cheered him up. But instead, it just brought him down. 'I can't believe that they care for me. They shouldn't care. I don't deserve good friends like them. Here they are, trying to help me out on something they don't even know about, and how do I repay them? I shun them, lie to them, and hurt them.' Cam fought his emotions back. He couldn't afford to be weak. He hated being weak.

He hated people smothering him, he hated people ignoring him, he hated ever being alone, he hated being crowded. Basically, he hated everything. Reaching out for his toothbrush, he noticed the razor blade. It took great strength to ignore it. He brushed his teeth slowly, his mind always returning to the blade. Why couldn't he just stop thinking about it? After cleaning himself off, he couldn't stand it anymore. He took the blade and packed in his bag. 'I guess it wouldn't hurt to take it. Afterall..."

"Cam, are you ready?" It was Blake. He seemed really happy that Cam was coming with them. "I'm almost. I'll be out in a minute." Cam did a last minute check of his supplies, stopping at the blade just to admire it and headed out.


It was around three in the afternoon before the team stopped at a good spot by a river in the woods. "Well guys, welcome to my kingdom." Dustin sarcastically said. He had gone camping here before and knew the terrain so he gave the rangers a quick tour before they set up.

Practically the whole afternoon, the group never rested. They fished in a nearby lake for a few hours. After, some unknown person, probably Dustin, pushed Tori in the lake and pretty soon, they had an all out splash fight. Everyone had a blast. Well that is, everyone except Cam. While everyone stayed together and played and said ridiculous teenage stuff, he chose most of the time to watch them. He so badly wanted to join them, but something always stopped him. 'Look at them. They don't even know that I'm here. Hell, it's not like I deserve to have fun. Oh god, why must you torture me.' Cam fought back tears as he saw the others living a life he wished he had. However, he knew that he would never have that life. He didn't deserve anything good. Suddenly, the emotions he had fought so hard to control were starting to break him down. 'I can't let them see me this way.' He started gasping for air, trying to keep the tears that were starting to feel his eyes from coming down.

Cam quickly rushed off towards the campsite. He ninja streaked over and collapsed on the ground. He just laid there for a few minutes, not moving as if he were paralyzed. Then, he started to hit the ground with his fists and started flailing like he was a little child in a tantrum. 'OHHH! I HATE THIS! I HATE THEM! I HATE EVERYONE! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME?! WHY AM I HERE?! WHY WAS I EVER BORN/! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!

Cam continued wailing for about 5 minutes before he stopped and just laid on his back crying like he never had in his life. Tori, Dustin, Shane, Hunter, and Blake had know idea how good they got it. They were constantly surrounded by people who cared for them. None of them had perfect lives, but compared to Cam's standards, it was the ideal life. 'Why? Why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to feel this way? Why must everything go wrong?" Cam asked these questions to himself, questions that might be impossible to find the answers too. After a few more minutes, he slowly sat up. He looked at his hands, his arms, his stomach, his legs, his feet, all in disgust. The pain had taken him over, and he didn't want that. He wanted to control what happened to him. He wanted to control what he felt. He wanted control over his life.

Almost mechanically, Cam lifted himself up and walked slowly to his sleeping bag. Kneeling down, he opened the zipper and got out the blade he had there just in case he needed it. Thank god that he was wearing long sleeves. He had been feeling cold a lot lately and had to keep wearing sweaters for warmth. He didn't know why, but it wasn't like he cared.

After taking the blade, he ninja streaked to an area of the forest he didn't know. He put his back against a tree and held the shiny object in his right hand. Slowly, ever so slowly, he brought it to his left wrist. He stopped to look at the slight purple cuts he had repeated washed so that they wouldn't scab. Then, he put it on his skin and brought it across, the stinging sensation overtaking all senses. Tears began to well up as the sensation happened again as he cut again a little higher and shorter. He could feel the warm blood pour out of him and Cam watched it, almost as if it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

In that moment, he forgot everything about his life. He forgot he was on a trip with his teammates. He forgot the fight he had with his father. His mind, thoughts, feelings, were solely on the cuts he had made. Not only that, but he felt control. He finally found a way to forget everything and to have control at the same time. And he enjoyed it.

Cam finally realized, he had found a friend. Something that would always listen, something that would never let him down, something that wouldn't get on his back, and something that would stay with him and give him what he wanted. That friend was the blade.

'I finally found happiness. I knew I had control. I just needed to find it. Now that I have, no one is going to take this away from me. Not Dad, not the rangers, nobody.

A/N: I know that this chapter was mostly thoughts and actions. I am sorry for the lack of dialogue. I promise that there will be more in the next few chapters. Hope you guys review.