Phoebe's POV
I've lost a mother. I've never really knew my father. My sister and I never were really close. Rachel and my other friends were my family. I'm not quite sure what defines the word family. Love and values, I guess. And I knew I could not lose Rachel. And yet I knew that in the process of trying to help Rachel, I could not lose my other friends or my husband.
Later that night, I drove from my new apartment on the other side of the city to Joey's apartment. The building burst with memories. I knocked on Joey's door;
"Who is it?" Joey asked, his voice small.
"It's Phoebe," I said,
"Pheebs, uh, hang on just a second."
I don't wait. I barge in.
Joey's face is red, and there is Kleenex all over the floor. The duck was on the foot stool next to him, I look in his pretty eyes, and my eyes go down to his little yellow baby blanket and his bedtime penguin pale Hugsy.
"The chicken, duck and goose like the Kleenex."
"Joey, you've been crying." I say matter-of-factly.
"Because Yasmine Bleigh on Baywatch has a wart."
"Joey…" I kneel next to him and remember how when I turned thirty one, and I thought I was thirty because I had never seen my birth certificate, and then Ursula told me we were thirty one. I was upset because I hadn't had one good kiss by the time I was thirty, one of the things on my list to do before I turned thirty. I was crying. And Joey, that very day gave me a wonderful kiss right on the lips.
"How bad is cancer?" Joey asked.
"You don't know?" I ask.
"Can you really die from cancer?"
"Yeah," I say, "Some people die."
"Rachel could die?" Joey sobbed softly.
I was never someone who lived in denial.
"Yeah, Rachel could die."
"Phoebe wouldn't it be the worst thing ever?"
"Joey, it's a little too early to have this conversation."
"Yeah, yeah Pheebs you're right, you should go home."
"Yeah, okay Mike will worry about me."
I turn and head to the door and the Joey says seven little words that apart from each other have no effect on me, but together they break my heart.
"Rachel is not going to die, right?"
"The cancer is at stage four."
"Pheebs how do you talk so lightly about this?"
"Because I know something you don't know, that the people who die, my mom and grandma, and maybe Rachel, they never really leave us."
I kiss Joey on the top of his head. I head to the door and dig the car keys out of my big red purse, that no innocent animals had to die to make it, and Joey stops me once again.
"You don't know that."
I pause for a really long time, still trying to believe.
"Yes, I do."
And as I ride the subway home that night, I look around me. Here I am living in a world where every one has their opinions about what happens to us after we die, but no one really knows the truth. And Rachel…well, I didn't feel safe letting her go into the afterlife. Because what I strongly believe could be wrong.
