Something Corporate

Chapter 6:

The next week went by as well as could be expected with a kick-butt product like the Miniport. Pips was selling and ordering and Marik and Malik were watching and learning. They'd sold so many Miniports in one week that they decided to start hiring people to help them out.

At first, Marik wasn't too happy about bringing other people into this. But then Pips told him that if he wanted Ishtar Industries to be better than Kaiba Corp, he was gonna have to have a bigger corporation.

That sent Marik into work mode. So, they put up want ads all over the internet and the local newspaper. Pips told them that they were gonna have to interview these people if they wanted good workers and not just bums off the street.

"Everyone should be here any minute." Pips said, looking out the window, "Actually, we have a great deal of people right now."

"Let's get this over with, already. I've got a shuffleboard game in a couple of hours." Marik was sitting on the couch with Malik.

"This is so exciting! We get to actually hire people."

"And we get to fire them, too." Marik added, "I can't wait to fire a thousand of them! It'll be so much fun."

"Be careful. You fire everyone, Marik, and you'll have no workers." Pips walked over to the door, "Are we ready?"

Marik and Malik nodded.

"Okay!" He opened the door and called out, "First applicant, please."

When Pips walked back into the living room, he was accompanied by a young lady with light blonde hair and way too much lipstick. "Hello," she said as she sat down in the chair across from Pips, Marik, and Malik.

"Hi." Malik waved, "So, tell us a little about yourself."

"Well, my name is Sheba O'Leary. And I've just been released from the penitentiary in South Domino. I'd been there since I was fifteen."

"P-Penitentiary…?" Pips tilted his head.

"Oh, yes." She smiled, "When I was fifteen, I hacked up my entire family in their sleep with a hammer. My mom, my dad, and my twin brothers. I was in the pen for five years. They kicked me out last week because they had to make room for some new people."

"…" they starred at her. Then Marik whispered to Malik and Pips, "I say we give her a shot."

"Marik!" Malik frowned, "This girl just told us she murdered her entire family with a hammer! In their sleep!"

Pips stood up and opened the door, "I'm sorry, Ms. O' Leary, but you're not exactly what we're looking for. Have a nice day."

She sighed and slowly walked out the door. Pips called out, "Next, please."

This time a young man came in and sat down on the chair. As Pips sat back down on the couch, they all noticed that the man who just walked in was covered from head to toe in dirt.

"Heya. I'm Burt." He said, rubbing dirt into the nice clean chair, "What's up?"

"Oh, my beautiful chair!" Malik cried, "It's dirty!"

Pips patted Malik on the back, "There, there. It'll be alright. Stay strong."

Marik rolled his eyes and looked at the dirty young man, "So… tell us about yourself."

"I'm really in need of a job, man, I've been living with my uncle's pigs for the last year or so and I need to get my life together."

There was a moment of silence. Then, all at once, Marik, Malik, and Pips grabbed their noses with both their hands. "What's that smell!" they all looked around in question.

Burt smiled, "Oh, that's just my natural smell. When you hang out with pigs all day, they're habits, lifestyles, and smells rub off on you."

Malik fainted.

This time Marik let out the rejected applicant and let another one in. Another woman. She had no visible faults and she didn't look like a crazy murderer.

"Hello. My name is Miki Murakami. I'll go ahead and tell you a little about myself. Well, I graduated from the southern Domino Community college about five years ago. I spent six years there, taking premed classes, learning to become a surgeon. Then, after spending two years doing that, I decided to become a novelist. I completed my first book," She handed Marik a fifty pound book, "'Time to Change.' then, I took a break and became a part-time actress over seas. Part time, because I was taking another college course to get a degree in law. After that, I-"

"Egads!" Marik exclaimed, "You said you'd tell us a little about yourself! That's a lot. You did all that in five years!"

"If you don't believe me, here's my résumé and various recommendations from past professors and employers." She handed Marik a gigantic stack of papers.

"…" Marik turned to Pips, who was trying to revive Malik, "Well, what do you think? Is she good?"

"Oh," He looked at all the papers that Marik dumped on the floor, "She looks extremely qualified."

"What position are you applying for?"

"Assistant to the CEOs of Ishtar Industries." She stated firmly.

"W-What?" Pips stood up and looked at her, "That job's not open!"

Marik eyed him, "Calm down, Pips, you just said that she was extremely qualified. No one is gonna take your-"

Before Marik could get another word out, Pips grabbed Miki by her hair and threw her out of the front door. Then he took her résumé and her book and tossed them out after her. He slammed the door and turned around.

"Jeez, Pips…" Marik starred at him, "That was awesome."

"Nobody's taking my new job or my new friends away from me!"

"Rock on."

The rest of the afternoon went on much like the first three. They had murderers, overachievers, and drag queens walk around in through their door. It was about five in the evening and there were still a lot of people lined up outside their door, waiting.

By this time, Malik had regained consciousness and was back, interviewing along with his yami and Pips.

"You guys, I don't think were gonna find anyone good." Malik said, "These people are strangely off balance and disturbing."

Marik nodded, "I never knew we lived in a city full of this many basket cases."

"Should we keep searching?"

"Yeah, why not. I mean, there's gotta be someone who can do a good job."

Pips opened the door and called, "Next, please!" When he came back into the living room, Bakura was following him and sat down on the chair. "Hey, guys."

"Bakura!" Marik and Malik smiled, "Man, are we glad that you're here! You're totally hired!"

He tilted his head, "Hired? For what?"

"… Um, dude," Marik starred at him, "Didn't you notice that big line outside? We're hiring workers for Ishtar Industries."

"So that's what that line is for. I just thought you guys installed a Churro machine and people were lining up to get one. I just came here to pick up Marik so we could go to our shuffleboard game."

"Huh…? Wait, that's this hour? I totally forgot about it!" Marik stood up and put on his jacket, "C'mon, let's go."

"M-Marik…!" Malik called out.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine. Pips can help you handle anything, right Pips?"

"Yes, sir! Marik, sir!" He saluted, "I won't let you down!"

"There we go."

Bakura walked with him to the door and as they opened it, Ryou fell into the house. "Woo. I made it through that god awful line. Their getting really rowdy out there." He looked up, "Oh, hello, Marik."

"Hey, Ryou." Marik called back to Malik and Pips, "Take care of everything you guys, we'll be back once we're done."

They walked outside and, once they broke through the crowd, they reached the driveway.

"Bakura, we're gonna have to take your car." Marik said.

"Why?"

"Either that or we're walking, 'cause I am not taking the damn bus again."

So, they took Bakura's Mercedes and rode out to the senior citizen bingo hall. They had a match set up for them to go against the raining champions of shuffleboard. Gertrude Jiggins and her husband, Walter.

When Marik and Bakura showed up, the audience was setup and their opponents were waiting for them by the court.

"It's about time you showed up," Gertrude put her teeth back in her mouth, "I was beginning to think you chickened out."

"We never chicken out!" Marik said, "You old geezers are going down!"

"That's right." Bakura nodded.

"Aw, shut up and get ta playin'!" Walter shoved the playing sticks into Marik and Bakura's hands. He and his wife went to their side of the court and Bakura and Marik took theirs.

"We're going to 75, this time. Losers first!" Gertrude called out.

Bakura threw down the red puck and pushed it as far as he could. Then it was Walter's turn. He was sizing up the shot and took forever.

"So, what were you saying before about Ishtar Industries?" Bakura asked, "You said you were hiring… workers?"

"A sales force. It wasn't my idea, but Pips says it's the best way to handle a large company."

"Kaiba's gonna flip when he finds out. You know that, right?"

"Eh, he already knows. He's the one that gave us the startup money for the duplication of our product. But he doesn't know that we mean business. He called us wittle, for Ra's sake!"

"Hey, sissies!" Gertrude yelled at them, "Get your head in the game! It's your turn!"

Marik pushed the red puck pretty far and landed on the thirty mark. "Ha! Beat that, ya old hag!"

Gertrude was fanning herself, "Damn these hot flashes…!"

"As I was gonna say," Marik turned to Bakura, "We've been interviewing nuts all day long and they've all been useless. So, ya mind helping us out?"

"Sure. I don't have anything to do. Ryou's been bugging me to get a job anyway and he needs something to do, too."

"Nice. I'm sure that Pips won't mind if you-"

"Woo!" Marik and Bakura heard a yelp from the other side of the court. They looked over and Walter had hit the fifty mark.

"How'd they do that!" Marik and Bakura starred at them in amazement.

"We won." Walter and Gertrude walked over to them and stuck their wrinkled, old hands out, "Pay up."

"Ugh…" They groaned and moaned but paid each of them twenty-five dollars. "I swear, they're cheating somehow!"

"Knock it off, ya sore losers." Gertrude turned to her husband, "We've hit the jackpot, Walter, baby! Do you know how much prune juice we can get with this at the Piggly Wiggly!"

"I'll never be constipated again!" He cheered.

"…Ew, let's get out of here." Marik turned towards the car, "We've got more important things to worry about anyway."

"Yeah."

Gertrude called at them before they left, "See ya next week, losers! It'll be our pleasure to take your cash! Again!"