Chandler's POV-a month later
It's a natural human instinct to lie and say everything is going to be okay, even though you know it's not. In fact, Monica had asked me every night;
"Chandler, do you think Rachel will get well?"
And everyday I would make empty promises to her and say,
"Yeah, Rachel is going to be just fine."
"You promise?" she says, her blue eyes fogging with tears.
"Yeah, Mon. I promise."
"Good." she whispers firmly.
And now lying in the waiting room of Mount-Sinai Hospital, I realize just how empty those promises were. I look over at Monica and Phoebe, holding hands, their bald heads are bent together, and Monica is wearing her Star Of David, as if it would maybe change to outcome of Rachel's tests.
Joey is holding a picture of the Chick Jr., Duck Junior and Goose. He is also looking at a picture of him and Rachel taken in Barbados. The healthy sandy haired woman with the innocent grin does not even look like Rachel anymore.
I am listening to Annie soundtrack on my head phones, Emma is on my lap and Ross had been in the men's bathroom ever since he arrived two hours ago.
Emma looks at me and asks a question;
"Where is Mommy?"
"She's in the back room."
"Why is she in the hospital?"
"Because she's sick." I say.
"Why is she bald?"
"Because she lost her hair." I tell her.
"How did she lose her hair?" Emma squeaks.
"The medicine she takes makes it fall out."
"Oh,"
Emma pauses and blinks, and says "Is she going to die?"
I don't know why this question breaks my heart; maybe it was because Emma said it with a half smile on her face, or because she said it so innocently;
"Maybe sweetheart, maybe."
"And when she dies, is she coming back for Christmas, or Hanukah."
"No."
"After she dies, when is Mommy going to visit?"
"Never."
"Oh," she still doesn't understand. Never. We'd never see Rachel again if she dies. I wonder if I'll remember what she looked like.
Monica mouths something over to me.
"What are you doing?" her lips read.
"Telling Emma the truth." I mouth back.
She continues in silence.
"She's three years old, she doesn't understand this."
"She's going to have to deal with it eventually."
"Now is not the time Chandler,"
"It's never the time, Monica. I never want Emma to know this but she has to."
Monica tightens her grip on Phoebe's hand.
Dr. Jones steps out of the large door in the front of the room, and reads of his clip board;
"Ms. Chandler Bing, Monica Bing, Phoebe Buffay and Joey Tribiani may I see you in the office for a moment regarding the case of Rachel Green. You, sweetie," he says pointing at Emma, "Wait out here."
Normally someone calling me Ms. Chandler Bing would make me want to stick the goose and the duck on him, but this time it doesn't even matter. As we walk in the door, I realize that Phoebe knocks on the door three times and stomps her foot three times.
The doctor leads us to a little consultation room;
"Have a seat," he says.
"Will Rachel be joining us?" Monica asks as we take our seats.
"Yes."
We are all silent when Rachel walks in, attached to a chemotherapy IV, her head totally exposed and today she has hardly any eyebrows.
"Hi, you guys." She says, and her eyes immediately roll over to the empty chair where Ross should be.
"Throwing up in the men's bathroom," Phoebe says.
Rachel nods and a tear slips down her face.
"The tumor has not gotten any smaller." The doctor says, placing an X-ray of Rachel's breast to a light.
"And this means?" Rachel says.
"This means, I'm sorry Rachel, but it is most likely that you will not survive."
"Die." Rachel says out loud.
As we look each other in the eye we realize there is a connection between us that is so strong that as far as we believe nothing can come between us; but if Rachel is a world apart is it still possible to love her?
Author's note: Don't worry. I didn't cut Ross out of Rachel's life and he is not cheating on her. I have a very special plan involving the two of them. I do know if Rachel is going to die or not, but I'm not telling. PLEASE REVIEW, they mean so much to me!
