A/N: THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT, pants, THAT'S IT…and did I mention that this is it. I am so sick and tired of things happening to keep me from this story. Our computer was being a pain in the ass because it had spyware. It seems it has been on our computer for a long time and there were some indications of it. Now, it started going all out. I couldn't log in, I couldn't respond to emails, and some of the files we saved on our computer got lost. Thank god we called a repairman as soon as we did or I don't know what could have happened. Everything is okay now that we have a spyware and adware checker on our computer. I just feel so guilty for not updating. But I PROMISE IN BLOOD, or in all caps if you want to call it, that this will be the last obstacle for a while. Anyways, on to chapter 13.

Ordeals of Life

Chapter 13: Talks

"NOOOOO!" Cam, finally understanding now what he was in, yanked his arms free of Dustin and Shane. Covering up the scars on his arms, though useless since it was now out in the open, he took several seconds to look on at the three pairs of eyes set on him.

Dustin's reaction wasn't all that surprising. He looked like he was going to faint himself. Though familiar, the yellow ranger set before him wasn't very comfortable to be around. The light that usually shone in his eyes was now dull and faded. His mouth was open like a hooked fish, and his eyes now traveled to the floor as if it was the only thing that mattered. He was now shaking his head as if trying to justify all the things he heard and saw, but no answer came to him.

Cam was soon swallowed in guilt that was almost unbearable to have. It would kill him. He could sense the pain in Dustin, pain that he had caused. 'I knew it. I knew this would happen. God, stop looking like that. I can't stand it. That's one more person hurt by my existence.' He knew he had melodramatic thoughts, but this was how he really felt, 100.

"Cam, is this true?" a voice said which finally snapped Dustin out of his thoughts, though his piercing gaze now fell back onto Cam. Unable to stand it, the samurai shifted his view to Shane.

It was he who asked the question, and the question that everyone could see, was one that the red ranger really didn't want answered. He didn't need it answered, because he already knew it. And it was one he didn't want. He pretty much had the same expression as Dustin, although his eyes were more piercing as if trying to find the answer to the problem hidden deep within the samurai.

After several more stray drops fell down the ranger's face, his eyes fell over to Kelly behind the desk.

Immediately he was filled with rage. How could she do this? Kelly was supposed to be his friend, and now look what she did. The one control that Cam clung to now was known to practically everyone. Though tears continued to fall, his face became screwed up in a fury.

"You! How the hell could you do that?! You had no right at all! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Pretty soon, the distraught man screamed a low piercing scream and his hand immediately flung to the desk. Now, the two halves of it fell to the ground, surprising the two other rangers in the room. They weren't supposed to show any ranger strength in front of other people. Kelly, however, didn't seem surprised in the least.

"Cam, I'm sorry. I was just…" "SHUT YOUR TRAP, KELLY! THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO JUSTIFY WHAT YOU DID! I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU."

He turned to leave, unknowingly tripping over a leg of a chair set for him. He, along with the chair, fell to the ground. All of a sudden, without having any control behind it, Cam wailed out the most emotional moan he ever made. No longer able to control what was going on inside him, he cried into his arms, trying to hide away from the world he was in.

None of the others had ever been in this situation for, and for the next few minutes, they just watched the shivering mess on the floor.

Kelly was the first one to get a hold of herself. Her eyes gazed around the room, desperately trying to find a way to get out of this. Though she knew what Cam was going through, being around him made her feel uncomfortable. She hated herself for thinking that.

'Cam, I am so sorry. I thought that I was going to help you by letting your friends know. Now, I think that I might have made it worse,' Kelly thought, mentally slapping herself for the way she handled this. She of all people should have known how delicate this was.

After looking to her sides, knowing that Dustin and Shane were still in shock, she decided to make the first move. Cautiously, she walked over to where the green-clad man was. He had his face in his forearms which were in the direction of the floor since he was lying on his stomach. Though Kelly couldn't see his face, he could tell that he was crying by the shivering of his body.

She reached a shaking hand out to Cam, slightly scared that she would soon be in the condition her desk was in. As the hand laid contact with his shoulder, the shivering of his body stopped and just laid there as if dead.

"Cam?" No response.

"Cam!" Still nothing.

Kelly was starting to get worried and for a few moments, she actually thought he was dead. "Cam? Please speak to me," Kelly pleaded. As she did, her gaze went onto the slight scars she had on her wrist. These permanent marks were always a reminder of what she went through. And now, to remember her past and to see a dear friend going through the same thing, she didn't know what to do. But she did know that she would try to help.

"Cam, please talk to me," Kelly said, surprised to see how close to tears she was. "Go away."

Surprised to hear the voice, she didn't even realized what he just said. "Cam, listen to me. I'm sorry. Truly I am. It's just that seeing you yesterday with…with…with them, I just…" "Go away," the deadly calm voice said in a hoarse whisper. "What?" Kelly asked, surprised at his reaction. "Didn't you hear me the first two times, go away." Kelly moved closer to Cam so that she could turn him over slightly. "Cam, I just…" "GO AWAY!"

Cam finally turned over on his back and sat up. "JUST GO AWAY, KELLY. I DON'T WANT TO SEE, TALK, OR BE WITH YOU EVER." "You don't mean that." "YES, I DO. I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY!" Cam started to back away to the wall nearest him. It was so weird for the others to see. Cam was the serious one, the one that didn't let anything get him down, the one that kept everyone in check, the one who never backed away from anything. The one before him was not their Cam. They weren't comfortable with this one.

'I can't believe it. There's no way this could be happening. I refuse to believe this. I bet it's Cyber Cam making a joke,' Dustin thought to himself, knowing already that this wasn't the case. Cam, a cutter? Of course he would have trouble believing in it. 'I mean, this is Cam. This can't be happening to him. Stuff like this doesn't happen to people like Cam. They just don't,' he continued on. No matter how many reasons he came up with, not a single one calmed his nervousness. 'Oh god, this is happening. But it can't happen.'

Shane's thoughts were almost the same. 'Cam, what happened to you? I just don't understand this. How could you let this happen? What happened to my Cam?' He couldn't help but think this. Cam was one of his best friends who seemed to be the one who could conquer the world if needed. But to see him cowering like a little boy, screaming at Kelly to go away, and to know that he was harming himself, was enough to breakaway his strength. Just seeing Cam crying was enough to bring him to tears too.

Determined not to give up, Kelly again put her hand on Cam's right shoulder. Though he didn't want it there, he was too exhausted to push it away. He was forced to just hang his head. Kelly held his chin and brought his face to hers. Though they were level, Cam continued to stare down at the floor before her.

"Cam, look at me." No reaction. "Cam, please." Again, no reaction. "Cam, please look at me. I know you're mad at me right now, but please just hear me out."

Unable to block out the emotion in her voice, the samurai finally lifted his eyes to stare at Kelly's. She almost fainted at the look in them. "Cam, I'm truly sorry. Honest to God, I am. I know I could have thought of a better way to handle this, and I don't know if I can stop thinking about what I could have done. But you don't know how it felt to see a close friend in pain. I just wanted to stop it. I just wanted you to stop hurting yourself."

Hearing that, Cam immediately put up his guard. He knew that it would probably be a miracle to convince them that it was a mistake, especially after that huge fit he just had. But the ranger was more than willing to give it a shot. "I don't know what you're talking about."

This surprised all three of the spectators. How could Cam not know what they were talking about? 'Of course, he's trying to convince us nothing's wrong,' all three of them thought at once. No, they were not going to give in. "I think you know what Kelly's talking about," Dustin said sadly.

'Oh no, not you Dustin.' "I honestly don't know. There's nothing wrong with me." Shane joined in, "Cam, there is. Kelly told us what you are doing. We saw your wrists." 'Great Kelly. You put them against me. You happy?' "What do you mean, Shane?"

'Oh, we're not stupid and you're not making this any easier.' "Cam, I know you're cutting yourself," Kelly informed. At this, Cam laughed as best as he could, but everyone could tell that it was an empty laugh. "What are you talking about? I don't cut myself. Are you guys playing a joke?"

All three looked at each other. They knew that he was trying to pull this off as a joke and a misassumption, but they knew better. However, seeing the samurai like this wasn't very comforting. In fact, it was saddening and depressing. "Cam, you're not making this any easier." Dustin said. "Dustin, come off it. That's because there's nothing to be made easier. There's nothing wrong. I am certainly not cutting myself."

"Then why did you break down when I said you did?" For once, Cam was silent. "Listen, I know those cuts on your arms are from you." "No, they're not."

"Oh, Cam…" "Don't oh, Cam me? They are not from me." "Then how did you get those cuts on your arms?" Shane asked in an almost sarcastic tone. In all honesty, the question was a genuine one to him. 'Maybe this is all a joke. There's probably a logical explanation for all this.' "An alley cat scratched me. That's all." 'Maybe not.'

"Cam, you know that's not true." "Yes it is. You feed alley cats yourself. You know how they can be." "Yes, but I never heard of a single cat scratching someone that many times before leaving. "I didn't say it was a single one." "You said that an alley cat scratched you." "More than one scratched me." "So why didn't you say cats then?" "What are you an English teacher?" "No, I'm just curious."

Cam was not doing a very good job of covering up. "Some of the scratches also came from tree branches. Shane and Dustin will both back me up. I do meditation and some deep thinking up in them. Both have been with me. Didn't I fall off and cut myself on those branches?"

"Yes Cam, but that was a while ago. And besides, if you fell recently, there would be bruises and cuts on your legs too." Dustin said. Instinctively, Kelly rolled up Cam's pant legs and saw no cuts. "Kelly, what the hell are you doing?" "Just checking." "Well STOP!" The whole room seemed to flinch at his voice.

"And besides, those cuts are too straight and to organized for them to be jagged cuts of tree branches." "Well Shane, I didn't know you were also a Sherlock Holmes during your free time," Cam said with sarcasm and anger.

"Cam, stop avoiding the subject. You know that you're cutting yourself." "I don't know anything about it. Besides, what makes you say that these cuts are from myself?"

'Well, I guess that I'm going to have to show him.' Kelly reached her arm out to the man. "Look at my wrists." "Why would I look at…" Cam managed to get out. He was a good observer and what he saw on Kelly's wrists was surprising. He could see faint outlines of scars along them. If a person looked carefully, you would find some along the forearm too. "You?" "Yes, Cam. I used to cut, too."

"WHAT?" Dustin and Shane yelled in shock. "Guys, I'll explain later. Right now, we need to help Cam."

"Help me with what?" Cam asked, determined to somehow get out of the situation. "Cam, you can't possibly compare my scars with yours and still think that you can convince me otherwise of what you are doing." He thought of this for what seemed like an eternity and finally realized that Kelly was right, no matter how much he wanted her not to be. There was no use in denying it.

"Okay, I cut. You happy, guys. I cut my wrists. You finally got it out of me. I mean after your third-degree interrogations, it was only a while before I cracked. I, Cam Watanabe, am a cutter. Now that you guys know, you can finally leave me. You probably don't want to hang out with me and probably will try to make me feel better, so why don't we just skip to the you guys leave part and then we can save ourselves lots of grief. GO AHEAD, LEAVE!. I DON'T CARE!" Cam said, getting as much off his chest as he could before they did. They were bound to once they figured out his little habit.

Several seconds went by which quickly turned into minutes. The deafening quiet was too much for anyone to manage. Each was thinking different things that seemed to keep repeating in their heads. Dustin was still thinking on how Cam could do this, Shane kept thinking on how Kelly kept her cutting a secret, Kelly was wondering how to explain her past problem to everyone, and Cam was wondering why the others didn't leave. Curiosity was killing him.

"Guys?" All three pairs of eyes went to him, once again putting him in the unnecessary spotlight. "Why are you still here?" "What do you mean, Cam?" Shane asked with concern and genuine confusion. "Well, aren't you going to leave?" "Why would we do that?" "Guys, look what I'm doing. You must think I'm horrible and disgusting."

Kelly was the first to respond. "Cam, I would never leave you. And I don't think you are disgusting or horrible either? I did go through this. I should have a better understanding out of everyone on how you feel. I want to help you."

"So do I, Cam," Dustin said. "I hate seeing you like this. I know that I just found out, but I know I don't like this. I won't leave." "I won't either," Shane continued. "We all want to help you, but there's really nothing we can do until you admit this to yourself."

The samurai though this over for a few minutes. It didn't take him that long to realize that every word that was uttered from their mouths was true. However, he never admitted it to anyone. He was scared 1) because he was scared of what they would do, 2) because of what they would think, and 3) because they might try to stop him. He didn't want that right now.

"Okay. I do cut. I finally admitted it to people. I do cut. But, I don't see the big deal. I mean, it's not really doing that much harm. And, it's really helping me when nothing else does. I can't explain it, but cutting is a part of me. I can't just give it up. But don't worry. I can stop when I want to. I have full control over my urges. I just really need this right now."

Dustin and Shane stood there once again in shock. They couldn't imagine how something like this could really help people. They were further surprised to hear that Cam needed it because nothing else worked for him. What was that supposed to mean?

"Cam, like I said, I've done this. I know what you are going through. I felt the exact same way. I felt that cutting wasn't a big deal and that I could control my urges. And yes, I had to admit it did feel like it was helping. But Cam, you have to understand that the more you do this, the more control you lose. Pretty soon, I gave in to every single little urge I had. And that's going to happen to you. Cutting just adds to the pain. It becomes an addiction, like smoking. And Cam, pretty soon, what you're doing is not going to be enough. You'll start cutting more often, deeper, and longer. It's going to become a cycle. Pretty soon, you're bound to make a mistake doing this that could cost you your life."

Cam thought about this for a few minutes. He so wanted to accept and listen to everything Kelly was saying. But how could he? He depended on his blade to help him. It was the only thing that did. How could he just give it up? Pretty soon, he started to get angry again at what Kelly was trying to do.

"What do you care, Kelly? You did this in the past. I'm doing it right now. I need it. This is the only thing that rids me of everything I face. And I just can't believe the things you said about going to cut deeper and longer. That won't happen. I have control. There's no way I'm going to kill myself. But let's just say that did happen. I wouldn't be bothering people anymore. Face it guys, you feel uncomfortable around me. If I died, you would no longer have to feel uncomfortable. You'd be worry-free. And Lothor would finally be rid of his pest. And I no longer would have the pressure of being a power ranger. Basically, dying isn't that bad for me."

The two other rangers stared at Cam in amazement. He had just said that if he died, he would be happy. How could he think that his death would be good? They needed him. He was a friend and a family member. How could he think that?

Also, he had just revealed that he was a power ranger to someone. What would happen now?

Strangely, Kelly turned her head around and said, "I know Cam's the green ranger. And I know that you and Dustin are the red and yellow rangers." "How?" They both exclaimed at once. "Guys, if you want to keep your identity secret, you need to start wearing different colors. Besides, every time the rangers appear, your nowhere in sight. And then, every time they disappear, you reappear, most of the time near the battle scenes. I just put two and two together." Both Shane and Dustin silently laughed at this. Kelly was right. They always did have a thing for their color in everything. Maybe it was a side-effect. Their silent laughing was crushed by Cam, who obviously didn't care about it.

"Listen. You think that your death would be a solution to everything. I have to admit, I felt the same way. But that couldn't be further than the truth. Right guys?"

"Yes," said Dustin. "We care about you, Cam. We never want to see you get hurt. I don't know how you got to thinking this way, but I'm determined to make you stop," he said with genuine sympathy and truth. "Dustin's right. How could you seriously think that we wouldn't care. You say that you're a bother, but you're not. Everyone is a bother once in a while. That's life. But I know that you are definitely not a bother. You're my teammate and friend. I'm always going to be here for you."

"You're surrounded by people who care for you, Cam. You have to understand that this is not helping at all. Cutting yourself is distancing yourself from your friends. You have to get that. Please, just let us help you. I don't want to see you like this anymore," Kelly finished off with a tear.

Cam's eyes were filled with unshed water. Could these people really care about him? Could they actually, seriously, and passionately care. He so wanted to believe that. But the thought of giving up his blade, his friend, was too much.

"Listen guys, I know you care. But, I really need this right now. Okay? I know you guys mean well, but I seriously have things under control. Don't worry."

They couldn't believe this. After all that, Cam was still hesitating. This was going to be tougher than they thought. Cam was getting up from the wall and was heading towards the door when Shane spoke up.

"Cam, you know that sooner or later, you're father will have to know." This stopped Cam dead in his tracks. "He needs to understand what you're going through and…" "No, please don't," Cam said, tears now falling. "Oh please don't tell him. I'll do anything. Please, don't tell him. If you do, he's going to think that I'm some weak, crazy, and stupid son. I don't want him to think of me that way." Cam was now in hysterics. "You seriously wouldn't consider doing that. Shane, can't you understand? He's not going to love me anymore if he finds out. Please, don't tell him."

"How could you say that he won't love you. He does love you, more than you know. And he won't think of you as crazy or stupid. As for weak, you're just human. All humans have their weaknesses. He would only want you to get better and he can help."

"No. Please. Can we work something out? I really don't have to tell him, do I? You don't have to tell him. We can settle this without him," Cam said, now shaking from head to toe.

"I have to agree with Shane. He needs to know eventually. I truly think that it would be for the best."

Cam couldn't believe this. His father had to know? What would he say? What would he do? 'Oh god, he's going to disown me. I won't have anyone anymore. He's not going to love me. He's going to hate me. I'll be alone,' the samurai thought. With tears falling fast, he fled out of the room.

"Cam?!" all three said in unison. Where was he going? "Dustin, stay here and talk with Kelly. I'll go after Cam." With a quick nod, he also sped out of the room. Doing a quick survey of the hallway, he made his way to the main area of the shop. He checked everywhere.

Afterwards, he went out of Storm Chargers and checked the sidewalks and streets. With no sighting of him, he went back to town and checked as many restaurants, stores, and shops as he could. He was starting to get worried. Where could he have gone?

Shane nervously sat on the sidewalk and thumped his foot against the rough street. "Okay, if I was Cam, where would I go to be alone? Oh, duh." With a quick dash into an empty park, he ninja streaked all the way to the portal to Ninja Ops. Hurrying, he went through, went down the stairs into Ops, searched the area, went down the hallway, and stood outside his room. Before he opened the door, he heard a sharp wince coming from someone inside.

Instead of rushing through, he slowly opened the door to see what was going on. When about half of his face could fill the space between the door and doorframe, Shane froze at what he saw.

Sitting on the edge of the bed was Cam, with a blade in his hand. He had just finished a cut and was starting on the second. He could see the faint blood trails seeping down his arm. What scared Shane the most was Cam's eyes. He was watching the cuts seeping red liquid down his arm, and Cam looked calm and amused. That was it.

Shane quickly opened the door and Cam stopped what he was doing. Like the conversation with Kelly, the room was filled with silence. The red ranger's eyes were solely on Cam, while his eyes went from Shane, to the blade, to his cut, to the blood flow, and then back.

"Shane, what are you doing here?" asked Cam with a frighteningly flat voice. "I came looking for you. You worried me, Dustin, and Kelly to death," Shane said, shaking all over. He had just saw what Kelly had discovered. He had no idea that it would leave a fresh vision in his mind. Oh god, he had no idea how horrible it was.

"I'm sorry, Shane. I didn't mean to worry you. But I think you should have just let me be alone for a while."

Shane gripped Cam's hand gently, took the blade with the tips of his fingers, and threw it on the bed. He then led him to the bathroom, where he began to was the cuts.

The whole time, Shane kept looking at Cam's face. He had never seen it so blank before. He wanted the old Cam back. He missed him. Shane couldn't help it. He began to silent sob to himself, and it felt new and weird to him to do that. He never really sobbed that much, but this situation was an exception.

"I'm sorry, Cam." "What on earth for?" he asked with complete confusion. "I was looking at you out the door. I shouldn't have done that. I should have stopped you the moment I saw you."

The cuts were now washed, and Cam and Shane stood facing each other. "Shane, I probably would have done it anyway." "What you did was scary to me. I didn't like it," the red ranger said openly. "I know, and I'm sorry," Cam said guiltily. "Please promise me you won't do it again."

There was a few minutes of silence. Cam desperately wanted to promise, but how could he do that now? There was no way. "Cam, please promise me."

Not knowing what to do, the samurai began to leave the bathroom. "Cam, where are you going?" Shane followed and stopped outside the door. "Cam, promise me?"

He was almost to the hallway. "Cam, why aren't you saying anything?"

He turned and went out of sight. "Cam, please promise me!"

And all he got in response was silence.

A/N: Well, finally updated huh. I SWEAR IN BLOOD, or caps, that the spyware thing will be the last obstacle for a while. Anyways, I hoped you liked the reasonable long chapter. See y'all, read and review, and I promise IN CAPS, that I will update A.S.A.P.