Something Corporate

Chapter 9:

Marik and Malik's picture was on the screen of the T.V, "Well, they've certainly been getting a lot of attention, haven't they?"

"Yes, Jen, I think just about everyone who can afford a Miniport, has one." the man answered, "I've gotten one last week, and I sold my car."

"So did I. But I had to give it away because no one would buy it. The hobo that used to live on Richmond Dr now lives inside my old car."

"Oh, that was nice of you."

"Wasn't it?" She turned towards the camera, "Stay tuned for the weather."

Pips shut off the television and sighed, "Well, I think we're getting more attention than we can possibly handle. But it's good."

He got up off the couch and went into the bathroom to take a bath with his favorite puppy, Rupert. When Pips was asking Rupert to wash his back, the doorbell rang. Ding-dong.

He put the dog on the toilet seat (so he wouldn't drown), wrapped a towel around himself and went to the front door of the small apartment.

"Who is it?" Pips asked with his head against the door.

"Pizza delivery." Said the voice from the other side.

Pips looked back, towards the hallway, "Aw, Rupert, did you order pizza? That was nice of you."

"…" There was no answer from Rupert (duh.)

He opened the front door, "Hi."

There was a strange man at the door, who wasn't wearing a Pizza Hut or Papa John's uniform. "You are Pips?" said the gruff looking young man.

"Yes. Where's the pizza?"

The man walked in and grabbed Pips by the shoulders and pushed him into the living room, locking the door behind him. Pips screamed as he bounced off the floor and hit his head on the side of the couch. He starred up at the man who was looking around the living room, under and behind things.

"Who else is in here?" He demanded.

Pips closed his eyes and turned away, "No, I'll never let you take him!" He yelled towards the open bathroom door, "Run, Rupert! Run!"

The man walked into the bathroom and saw nothing but a dead dog sitting on the toilet seat. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Nut."

"Get out of there!" Pips ran after him but the man pushed him back down on the couch in the living room.

"I've just come to deliver a message… this time. For starters, let me just say that I don't have anything against you, personally, but it's my 'employer'."

"Hmm?" Pips tilted his head, "W-Who is it?"

A piece of paper was thrown in Pips' face. "Here." the man said, "If I have to come back here again, I won't be as gentle." he opened the front door and walked out.

In a second, he came back in with a pizza box in hand. He gave it to Pips, "I think this is the pizza your dog ordered. You owe me 13.50."

When the door was finally shut and Pips was sure he was gone, he went into the bathroom, picked Rupert up and sat him down on the couch. Pips opened the note and read aloud to Rupert, "Carter, you shouldn't have betrayed me by going along with Marik and Malik's little scam. I almost can't believe you would go along with stealing someone's product. It's a disgusting act and if you don't come out and admit you stole the Miniport, we'll admit it. Signed, CEO of Kaiba Corporation."

After Pips went over it once more, he sat back and sighed, "Steal? The… Miniport? What could that mean? Marik and Malik invented the Miniport… Oh. What do you think, Rupert?"

Rupert said nothing, "…"

"No, it couldn't be. You don't think…?"

"…"

"Oh my, no! I must clear this up immediately! First thing!" He looked down at the pizza box on the floor, "Um, well, I suppose we could have pizza first. After all, you did pay for it, right Rupert?"

"…"

-

The next morning, at Kaiba Corporation headquarters, Kaiba was in his office. His brother had just left for a moment to go down stairs and get Kaiba a snow cone from the lobby. Meanwhile, Kaiba was wallowing in self-pity and making a pros and cons list.

"Okay," He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, "I'll just think about my options with a pros and cons list… that should help clear things up."

Kaiba started writing, "Let's see… If I expose Marik and Malik's little scam they tried to pull on me, the pro side is that they'll be put out of business. The con is that then the public will know that I never invented the Miniport, and that wouldn't be too good…"

He bit his pen for a minute and thought of something, "Another pro is that I'll probably be able to hire Carter back… (Mokuba hasn't been a very good assistant. He's always hassling me about my dirty clothes.)"

"Seto!" Mokuba opened the door with a Styrofoam cup, full of colored ice in his hand, "Seto, I-"

Kaiba almost fell over, "Hey, hey! We knock around here, little boy!"

"Sorry. Listen, I got the snow cone you wanted." He handed the snow cone to his brother.

Kaiba starred at it, "Mokuba, don't joke with me, I'm not dumb."

"What?"

"This snow cone is yellow."

"…"

"Mokuba!"

"Seto, don't be ridiculous! It's lemon-flavored!"

"Oh." He sighed and when Mokuba turned around, he threw it out the window. "Mokuba, I'm making a pros and cons list. What do you think?"

"Hmm?" Mokuba took the piece of paper and looked at it, "Well, Seto, what are you going to do? And what the hell do you mean by saying that I'm not a good assistant? I work very hard!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, but Carter had that special something."

"You fired him!"

"What, geniuses can't make mistakes? Besides, he was getting a little annoying. What with him talking about his damn dog all the time, I couldn't concentrate… Hey, have you ever even seen his dog?"

"Ooh, yes. He brought Rupert in on 'Bring Your Dog to Work Day', two years ago. After half the faculty left sick, he didn't bring him again."

"… I-" Suddenly the office door opened and Pips walked in. He stood in the middle of the room and was about to start talking, when Kaiba shouted, "What is up with no one knocking today!"

"Mr. Kaiba, I need to speak to you!" Pips began, "I'm sorry that I came unannounced but I received your letter yesterday… which, by the way, was kind of mean to send such a scary man to deliver it. And at what a inopportune time, too. Me and Rupert were taking a bath."

"…" Kaiba looked at Mokuba, then back to Pips, "Um… I'm going to ignore that last comment, Carter. But I wanted to send Taylor so that he would get the message across."

"Taylor…? Taylor Ivory, right?" Pips thought, "Hey! He was on the radio last week, right? Didn't he serve time for… um, murdering an entire pet shop?"

"Yep. He's worked for me before, when I needed to buy the last portion of Microsoft. He was quite effective on Bill Gates, so I thought: Why not try him out on Carter."

"Oh, dear. Well, I came here to clear up what you said in the letter. What did you mean by saying that Marik and Malik stole the Miniport? They invented it themselves, sir."

"…" Kaiba and Mokuba starred at him, then busted out in laughter, "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh my…"

When the elder Kaiba had gained a little control of himself, he pushed a button on his desk and said, "He he he…

Please send in… Mr. Fizz, Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

The door opened once again and Elmer Fizz walked in. He looked at Pips and said, "So, you're the one that bailed on Kaiba Corp and went to Marik?"

"I didn't bail anywhere! I was fired! And then Marik hired me!"

"Yeah, sure. So, did Marik tell you about the Miniport? The invention that I made? Or did they tell you that they created it?"

"… You invented the Miniport?" Pips looked at him, "But Marik said that he and Malik…"

"You believed them? Oh he ha he ha he ha he ha heeee! You're too trusting. They stole it from me at the science fair about two months ago."

"I originally bought the Miniport from Fizz, way back when you were still working for me, Carter." Kaiba leaned back in his chair, "You know the three prototypes that you lost? Those were early versions of the Miniport."

"Huh? I-I thought that was something else!" He turned back to Elmer, "So this is the guy you got it from! But… wait, there's still something that doesn't make sense! Look!" Pips whipped out a little pamphlet from his back pocket, "See? That's the instruction guide that Marik and Malik put together."

Elmer took it and flipped through, "This… this is all correct…"

"So, how could Marik have stolen the Miniport when he knows all about it?"

"He's right, something doesn't fit. I never explained all this to Marik and Malik… at least not in terms that they could understand…" Elmer thought for a minute, "Wait! The phone call!"

"What call?" Kaiba and Pips asked at once.

"The one from Mike Tyson."

"What!"

"He called and told me about some kind of contest that I won, a month ago… at least, that's what he told me. He called and said that I'd won a date with him, but in order to get it, I had to answer a question."

"Oh Ra." Kaiba groaned, "Elmer, what kind of question?"

"I had to tell him everything I knew about how to operate the Miniport. And the more I think about… the more I think it was Marik and Malik!"

"…" Kaiba slammed his head on the desk, repeatedly, "I'm surrounded by idiots! Idiots! Idiots! Oh waa!" He began to cry frantically, "Ah ohhhhh…!"

"It's okay, Seto…" Mokuba rolled his eyes and turned to Pips, while his brother tried to pull himself together, "Okay, Carter, this is what we need you to do-"

"Yes, sir!" Pips fell to his knees and kissed Mokuba's tennis shoes, "I'm so sorry, Mr. Mokuba! I've shamed the Kaiba Corporation name! Of course, I will quit Ishtar Industries and come back here!"

"But Carter-"

"I know, I know! You have no use for a traitor like me! But maybe… maybe I'll make myself useful as a door mat! Please, sir, step on my undeserving body!" Pips sprawled out on the floor and howled, "Woooooooo-ah-hooooooooo! Hooooooooo!"

"Oh, Carter." Mokuba looked down at him and then over at his brother who was bawling like a baby. He carefully stepped over Pips and over to Elmer, "Listen, can you do me a big favor?"

He shrugged, "Sure."

"Take Carter home. When you get there, calm him down and tell him to stay with Marik and Malik's corporation and tell him to pretend none of this ever happened. I'd send someone else to do it, but you seem pretty capable. Meanwhile, I'll take Seto to his therapist."

"Okay." Elmer walked over and picked up Pips, "Let's get going, big guy. See ya, Mokuba."

"Bye. I'll call you when Seto's feeling better and we can go from there."

Elmer nodded and went out the door with Pips, who was reaching out to Mokuba, still howling uncontrollably.