Thera awoke to the animated kicking of her unborn baby and she mumbled under her breath in irritation. Jonah's arm, wrapped around her from behind, tightened slightly and she laid still a moment to remember where she was.
They were still in the huge building perched above their recent cave workplace and home. Their search yesterday, from one end of the facility to the other, turned up only more of the same. More bodies, more signs of a fire-fight, more offices. They had found bathroom facilities and Thera could have kissed the toilet to finally be once again able to pee without Jonah's help. They had found a cafeteria and stored food that was simply divine. After their day-long search and their relatively secure assurances that they were alone in the place they had returned to the cafeteria near the end of the day and indulged in a meal fit for kings. Thera could still remember the exquisite taste of every dish, much better than crusty bread and gray gruel they'd lived on by far. She'd eaten herself nearly to the point of feeling ill but it had been just what her body had been craving for months, something new and delicious, and it felt good to at last be satisfied and full.
Thera opened her eyes and the indirect lighting from a nearby window allowed her to make out the shapes across from her. Carlin was lying on his side facing her, his eyes gently closed. Kaegan was sitting up near his head and when Thera looked in her direction Kaegan gave a slight nod.
They were all on the floor. They had found an office sparse of furniture, void of bodies, and appropriated it for the night. Jonah had divided up the spare coats from the caves for everyone to build a bed and they had done the same rotation of watches that they had the night before.
Kaegan had recovered from the shock of seeing the domed city. It had taken time but slowly and surely she'd adjusted to the new knowledge. After she came to grips with it she'd become measured and cold. She felt betrayed and it was readily apparent to Jonah, Thera, and Carlin as they watched her accept the truth that all she knew had been a lie. In response to the discovery of the city Kaegan, in an unexpected turn of events, placed almost explicit trust in Jonah. Apparently the leader of the mutinous group of workers had proven himself, against all of Kaegan's beliefs, and she was latching on to her new certainty. Thera could understand the sentiment.
The baby shifted again and Thera felt it in her bladder.
With a sigh she moved to sit up and it alerted Jonah.
"What is it?" he asked groggily, though the man came to full alertness from deep sleep far more quickly than anyone should.
"Bathroom," she whispered back, and she tried not to grin that she actually could use a bathroom again. The plumbing didn't seem to work but after days squatting over a bowl in front of everyone then hunkering over the ground with Jonah's help Thera wasn't going to complain about not having the luxury of flushing.
Their office, fortunately, had an attached bathroom and Thera was allowed to go alone.
When Thera finished relieving herself she refastened her pants (her vest lay beside her and Jonah's sleeping pallet out in the office) and stepped up to the mirror on the opposite wall. She'd not seen her reflection in so long. When she actually tried to think about it, she couldn't clearly say when she had ever seen herself. Still, the image reflected back was familiar and she knew it was her. She studied herself in the cracked glass.
She was dirty. Her skin was mottled by grease, dust, and no telling what else. She didn't realize her eyes were quite so blue, but perhaps the dirt on her face made them look lighter. Her hair was unevenly cut and fell down to her shoulders. She remembered when it used to stick up, short, spiky, and free of her collar, but she'd never gotten around to having Jonah cut it again. Once she got pregnant and taken off intensive machinist duty it wasn't as hazardous for her to let her hair grow. It was easier to ignore it than tend it. It was unclean as well, greasy, limp blonde strands, and she suddenly wished she could take a shower.
Thera's eyes traveled down her reflected body and she stopped and studied the bulge of her pregnant belly wrapped by her oversized orange jacket. She was mesmerized. "So this is how Jonah sees me," she mused to herself and, struck by a sudden impulse, she glanced toward the door of the bathroom then stepped a pace back from the mirror. She shed her jacket then her shirt and she saw herself in the mirror naked from the hips up.
She looked almost grotesque. Everything was out of proportion, thrown off-center. Her stomach was an unsightly protrusion, brown-striped and stretched tight. Her breasts were heavy and enlarged and they too had fallen prey to the scarring brown stripes of over-extended skin. She turned slightly to one side and she could see why she had backaches, her spine was curved it looked to the point of snapping in two trying to hold the weight of her own belly. Her belly button, what used to be a normal little dip in her stomach, was popped out into a hard nub.
Thera, in a rush of emotion, felt tears well up in her eyes. She was hideous.
Thera startled when she heard the door start to open and her hands flew up to cover her freakish breasts.
Jonah poked his head in, calling gently, "Thera?" then he stopped and blinked when he saw her half-naked and close to crying.
"What is it?" he asked in genuine concern as he slipped inside and closed the door behind him.
Thera didn't lower her hands from her breasts; they were disgusting and he didn't need to look at that. She didn't want him seeing them. She looked away as she fought the tears that seemed intent upon spilling over.
"Thera?" Jonah stepped toward her, his hand outstretched, but Thera flinched away.
"Don't."
Jonah stopped, confused, and his eyes traveled her body for any signs of injury.
"What happened?"
Thera sucked in a breath, trying to toughen up, and she looked over Jonah's shoulder at herself in the mirror. The puffy, red eyes and ruddy nose did nothing for her ghastly appearance.
"Look at me," she choked angrily.
Jonah, perplexed, glanced over at her reflection then back at her. "I am."
Thera tugged her arms tighter over her distorted chest. "I'm repulsive!"
Jonah looked completely blind-sided. He stared at her, flabbergasted, then he took a tentative step forward. "Why would you think that?"
"Look at me!" she cried and her voice cracked.
Jonah did as asked. His eyes, in no rush, raked up and down her body. That heated look used to make Thera shudder but now it was sickening... what kind of person would find her attractive in her current state? No one in their right mind, and she knew Jonah wasn't night sick, so he had to be a good liar. Her mind spun to think of how many times he'd lied to her.
Jonah's eyes came back to hers and the passion melted into gentle concern. He considered her closely, affectionately. "You actually think you're ugly, don't you?"
Thera felt a tear fall and it was hopeless. She bit her lip and dropped her chin. "God, Jonah, I had no idea I looked like this. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought I did."
"You said I was beautiful!"
"Exactly."
Thera trembled with pent-up sobs and anger. "Don't lie to me! I can see for myself and that," she freed one hand to gesture hotly at the mirror, "is not beautiful!"
Jonah held out a hand as though trying to placate a wounded wild animal and Thera recoiled at first but Jonah had a way of stilling her. She shook and cried in fury and despair but she didn't retreat when Jonah took a careful step toward her.
"Thera... c'mere," he whispered, a step closer, close enough for her to feel him, and she dropped her head to his chest and wept. Jonah held her gently as she cried. He rubbed her back with strong, comforting hands and Thera wrapped her arms around him and pressed her revolting body against him.
Her outburst was short but intense. After a minute of breath-stealing sobs she started to calm (Jonah's touch helped a great deal in that) and she started to heave for air. When she started to go quiet and her breathing was under control Jonah's hands slowed their caress and he finally cant his head back and asked, "Can you tell me what you see?"
Thera gulped but she nodded. She would do it for Jonah... after all, he'd been the one forced to pretend for so long that he desired her malformed figure. She lifted her face from his jacket and Jonah stepped around behind her. His hands clasped loosely on her arms as he looked over her shoulder at her reflection with her.
Thera swallowed and forced herself to look at her own reflected body. Ghoulish. She was unfit to be seen, even by herself.
"I'm... I'm disgusting."
"Why?" he asked gently.
Thera snorted. "What do you mean 'why'? Don't you see? Look at me." Her own reflection was judging her. "My stomach, my breasts... it's like someone's pulled me out of shape. I looked deformed."
Jonah listened to her, his hands constant on her arms, then when Thera stopped talking he brushed a faint kiss against her shoulder. "Can I tell you what I see?"
Thera sighed in resignation but nodded.
Jonah looked up at their shared reflection, met her eyes in the mirror, and he said. "Thera. I see Thera."
Thera frowned at his reversed image.
His hands slid over her abdomen, what used to send races of tenderness and excitement through Thera's every nerve-ending, but now only turned her stomach because it was all a lie.
"I see the mother of my child. I see this," he circled her swollen midsection lovingly, "and I'm happy."
Thera lowered her eyes.
Jonah's lips were moving against her ear. "I look at you, Thera, and I see the best of me. Here," he hugged her belly. "Here I see where you and I, together, created a new life." His hands trailed softly up her body, over her rounded stomach, and gently touched her milk-heavy breasts. "I see these and I can't wait to watch you nursing our baby. I see you and I see everything I could ever want or need."
Thera ducked her head. She didn't want to believe him and yet she wanted to give in and trust him all at once. The things he was saying warred with what she saw with her own eyes.
He nuzzled her neck tenderly. "I see you now, in tears, and it makes me sad. I hate that I've done this to you."
"You?" Thera's eyes opened in stunned concern. "No, Jonah, you didn't..."
Jonah wrapped her in his arms. "I got you pregnant and I wanted this baby with you so much and now you're crying. Forgive me?"
Thera turned to look him in the eye. He looked genuinely sorrowful.
"Jonah..."
"Thera, I never told you this but maybe I should have. I know pregnancy's been a pain in the ass for you... literally. I know your back hurts and your feet ache and you have to pee every twenty minutes but I am so grateful you would endure all of that for me."
"For us," she corrected softly.
Jonah smiled faintly. "Thank you."
Thera reached up and pulled him down for a kiss. She forgot for a moment how unattractive she was supposed to be feeling.
When they pulled apart Jonah's eyes dropped to her body, half-bared, and he let his fingers dance down her throat, through the valley between her engorged breasts, and over the prime meridian of her swollen stomach. The baby kicked and it was a sudden small hillock in her skin before returning to normal.
Jonah smiled and looked back up at her eyes. "How can I see all this and not think you're beautiful?"
Thera looked down and watched his hands smooth over her belly (next to his large hands her stomach didn't look quite so gargantuan) and at the same time she felt the baby inside her stir. His baby. Their baby.
"I think I might believe you," she said lowly.
"Good, you should, because you're obviously not thinking straight. I'll attribute it to hormones and you won't be held accountable," Jonah teased gently.
Thera laughed nervously and looked up at him. She didn't doubt him. No matter what she saw when she looked in the mirror Jonah saw what he said he did. She berated herself for ever thinking Jonah would bald-face lie to her like that.
"Now," Jonah said in firmer tone, "let's get your clothes back on before Carlin comes in, and not because you're too gross to look at but because I'm too selfish to share you with anyone."
Thera smiled and didn't protest as Jonah helped her get back into her shirt and blanket-lined jacket. She cleaned up as best she could without running water and Jonah was waiting patiently for her when she was ready to go.
Before leaving she cast one more look at herself in the mirror and she didn't see a monstrosity. She saw the vessel, herself, that would bring forth her and Jonah's child. Even if it contorted her body there was beauty in that.
