Disclaimer: Snape, Neville, and the particulars of their characters belong to the unparalleled J.K. Rowling. I am merely a lowly usurper. 'Sneaky Snake' is the property and work of Tom T. Hall. This little ditty does not profit me one iota. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: To be sung by Neville Longbottom, to the tune of 'Sneaky Snake', by Tom T. Hall.

Interestingly enough, there's a sort of angsty-ness that managed to slip into the second verse quite of its own accord, completely without my intent. That is, if you're one of those people who has to read between the lines of everything (don't worry, we're not alone).

I Don't Like Old Sneaky Snape

Boys and Girls beware if near the dungeon you would go;
It's there that lurks old Sneaky Snape, as some of you may know.
You may not see him coming, you may not have a notion,
But he'll sneak up behind you, and vanish all your potion.

And then Sneaky Snape goes pacin', peerin' and a-glarin',
Sneaky Snape goes pacin', sneerin' and a-darin'.
I don't like old Sneaky Snape; he never laughs, you see—
The only time he ever does is when he laughs at me.

Well, Sneaky Snape brews potions, and he just makes me sick,
When is not smirkin', he's thinking up some trick.
Now, he doesn't have a heart or soul; you cannot see his tears,
And every time we meet with him he's preying on our fears.

And then Sneaky Snape goes pacin', peerin' and a-glarin',
Sneaky Snape goes pacin', sneerin' and a-darin'.
I don't like old Sneaky Snape; he never laughs, you see—
The only time he ever does is when he laughs at me.