A/N: Well, this update is rather quick. Oh well, all of you are probably going to love me for it. There's not really much I can talk about here. Might as well start. Actually, there is something else. Oh hell, I'll tell you in the author's note at the end of the chapter. Let's move on.
Ordeals of Life
Chapter Sixteen: Who's Fault?
Cam slowly moved from the tree he was just at down in the direction of Ninja Ops. If you looked at him for just a second, you could tell that he was dreading going over there. Right now, that was too close to the truth to be comforting. As the wind began to blow a little stronger, Cam went to close up his sweater. 'That's weird. I'm usually not this cold.' Even with a sleeping shirt, a tee-shirt, a sweater, long pants, and wool socks, he still felt like a freezer. Feeling like that in California wasn't very common.
And it wasn't just the temperature. A lot of things have been happening to him. First off, was his sleep. No matter how quiet his room was or how early Cam went to bed, he just could not get to sleep. He didn't know why. And it seemed that as each day passed, the worse his insomnia became. The samurai could only imagine how big the bags under his eyes must be. He must have looked utterly disgusting. 'As if I didn't already look it.'
There he went again, criticizing himself in every way possible. He guessed that he did it because it was a way of reminding himself that he wasn't like the others. Every time he felt a ray of hope, a chance at bonding with the rangers, he always had to insult himself to snap him back into his painful reality. That reality said that he was meant to be alone. No family, no friends, not even a lover. All of these things were just too good for him. He didn't deserve any of it. The only thing he did deserve was the pain that only his blade and hunger could bring. The pain that still made him feel alive.
Another thing happening to him was his skin. Usually, it always was a natural Asian tan. Cam had to admit, his healthy looking skin was something that he used to be very proud of. But now, when he looked down, he could notice that he started to turn very pale. Also, there was a yellowish tinge around his wrists and hands. That he didn't notice however, because the cuts on his wrists usually got all of his undivided attention.
The former energetic ranger also started to feel weak and old. Just getting out of a chair or out of bed took up most of his energy. A couple of times, he nearly fainted just getting out of bed. This worried him, and he didn't want to do anything else other than ask the others for help. 'Why should I ask for help? It's not like they would care. They've got each other. Why would they need a rock like myself dragging them down?'
Finally, there was one final consequence. However, this one was to be expected. This was his weight. Cam was always slim to begin with. That was just how he was. Now, he wasn't just slim. He was scrawny. His stomach decreased a lot of inches. His legs didn't look like the toned ones he had from fighting and running. 'I must have lost 18 pounds, tops.' Though normal people would have been worried, he started to appreciate himself for it. He thought that the more weight he lost, the more the sense of control within him grew. Cam decided a long time ago that he would continue to keep going. To prove that he wasn't losing everything around him, he would keep going, and going, and going, until his weight reached zero.
This comfort was only temporary as Cam realized that he was no more than a few feet from the main entrance leading to Ninja Ops. Each step that he took, his heart dropped lower, and lower, and lower. He knew he couldn't escape. 'Alright, I can't runaway now. How I wish I could. I hope this is over soon.' And with a final breath, he started the descent towards his father.
Sensei Watanabe couldn't do anything other than pace. What was Shane going to tell him? What was the emergency that he and Cam took off to handle? Just what the hell was going on with his son? He hated asking these questions, just as much as he hated not knowing the answers to them.
"When did all of this happen?" That was the main thing that he wanted answer. Besides the occasional teenage gloom or defiance from his son, everything was okay. Well, as okay as anything could get. Ever since the passing away of Miko, his wife and Cam's mother, nothing had ever been the same.
Sensei didn't really plan on any of this to happen, it just sort of did. He could specifically remember the months afterward. Just as much as he could remember her.
Mr. Watanabe, a little younger and less wiser than ours, sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The funeral for her had been almost ½ year ago. However, her face, her eyes, her skin, her hair, and her beauty were all burnt into his mind. He didn't even complain about it. It was his fault for wanting to remember everything.
He wondered to the previous events that happened. After Miko's death, everyone at the academy started to acknowledge him and all the abilities and effort he put into the training of this facility. Though they said that his originality, he knew it was pity. 'Why don't they just tell the truth to my face? I'm not broken. I'm not.'
But deep down, he was. He had never thought that there could be a way to feel so horrible like he did right now. Mr. Watanabe never expected her passing to be like this. However, I guess it was only natural for it. Miko was the love of his life.
He briefly smiled at the thought of their first date. The usually cool, calm, and collective leader trying to get the word "hello" out of his mouth before she thought he was a total idiot and ended it then and there. Oh, he had fallen for her so badly since the first time he saw her. Before, he thought that there was no such thing as "love at first sight." How wrong he had been.
Mr. Watanabe turned around to the other side of the bed to face the window. His gaze fell upon the night sky. Even then, he was reminded of her. Of every little beauty he saw on this earth, he would remember Miko, and how her beauty couldn't even be compared to it.
As he continued to stare, distinct voices started to feel his head. From the very first word, he could picture the setting. A beautiful, crystal blue lake with blooming flowers surrounding the banks came to mind. Tall trees with grown fruit hanging on the branches, occasionally falling into the green grass covered with dew. Birds flying overhead, singing songs of compassion and love, landing on the ground as a clear sky with a bright sun cast a certain kind of uniqueness and beauty to everything. Under the biggest tree, there was a huge, red blanket and a picnic basket in the middle. On either side, there was a young man and woman in summer clothes, eating their sandwiches and desserts. Through this whole affair, they couldn't take their eyes off of one another.
"This is the sweetest thing that you have done for me. I just can't imagine that the big guy at this school is going all mushy and romantic on me. You should do that more often. It suits you."
He couldn't help but blush at that. "Those are all great comments. However, there's one more thing I would like to do."
"Mmm. Two surprises? I'll have to repay you sometime."
"Don't worry, you will."
"Yeah, I will…hey, that's not how it's supposed to go."
"Let's forget that. Come on. Put on this blindfold." "Excuse me? Just why would I need a blindfold? I'm not doing anything kinky." She laughed out loud that that.
"You're no fun." At this, she looked shocked. Kanoi couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry. Nothing like that. I still can't tell you though."
"Why not?" she asked, now starting to pout. "Because then, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" "I could pretend it was."
"Baby, why don't you just put it on?" Cautiously, Miko put the blindfold around her eyes. Within a couple of seconds, she was swinging her arms around, scared she might hit something.
He took her by the shoulders very gently, and soon led her around the trees. Then, they went through the thick forest where there was hardly any sun. She could tell by the lack of heat she suddenly experienced. "Where exactly are you taking me, Kanoi?
"Can't tell you. You know that." "Fine! Keep secrets from your one and onlytrue love."
"Hey, I'm quite the ladies' man. I could get anyone I want."
"Yeah, but I'm the only girl that has made you blush. Don't you dare say you haven't, because I've noticed."
Kanoi Watanabe couldn't help but blush furiously at those words, those so true words.
After about 10 minutes, they came to a halt. "Are we there yet?" asked Miko, pouting like a baby would.
"Yes, you can take off the blindfold now."
Relief spreading over her, she untied the back and slowly pulled it off. Once her eyes were uncovered, she just stopped breathing. They were under another big tree. This time, there was a dark blue blanket that seemed to somehow blend with the surroundings underneath. No picnic basket, though. On the blanket, there was two very tall wine glasses, neatly and perfectly standing beside each other. In between the glasses, there was a big bottle of the finest champagne you could buy.
And right at the center of the blanket, there was a circular, delicious-looking chocolate cake. And the words on top were made with red icing. It said, "Kanoi and Miko: Together Forever."
Being a very emotional person, Miko couldn't help but have tears in her eyes. She slowly turned around and faced the booming smile of her soul mate. "You did all this…for me?"
"Of course, you dope. You're not the only one that knows we're meant to be together. Honestly, I did this because you deserve it. I love that gorgeous smile on your face." He said this as he started caressing her right cheek with his left hand. "Hope you don't have a problem with more dessert."
"OF COURSE I DON'T! There's always more room for dessert."
As she was sitting down, she noticed Kanoi could a little distance away and seemed to be getting something hidden behind a tree. "Hey, aren't you going to help me with this cake?"
"Of course, sweetheart." He started to come closer. "You see, my mom and dad both said that champagne should be drunk only on very special occasions."
Miko became confused at this. "Are you saying that this cake, the champagne, the picnic, and the romantic things you say aren't very special?"
"No, they are. But I want to make sure that this moment is unforgettable." "How do you propose on doing that? What did you get from the tree?"
As he sat down next to his love on the warm blanket, he finally revealed what he had been hiding. It was a small, blue, velvet box. 'Hey, that's the kind people put wedding rings in…Oh my god.'
Kanoi slowly opened up the box to reveal a gold ring with a heart-shaped diamond on top, sparkling from the sun's rays. "Kanoi, are you…?" She couldn't speak. She was in shock with the ring and the whole situation.
"Yes, I am." He slowly stood up, holding on to his angel's hand, bringing her up too. He carefully took both of her hands, leaving the box and ring on the ground. "Miko, when I first saw you, I knew you were the one for me. I know that I'm not perfect. I'm know where near as perfect as you."
"Kanoi…" "Let me speak, love. When I first saw you, I couldn't describe the feeling I got. You made me feel so complete. Just being in your presence made me feel weak and giddy. I knew that you were my soul mate. I want to spend my whole life with you. Kissing you, holding you, loving you, waking up to you. I want to do that for the rest of my life."
Miko was in complete tears, occasionally hiccupping trying to hold her cries back. She caressed his cheek. "Oh Kanoi…"
He got down on one knee and picked up the box with his right hand. Holding it in the direction of the woman of his dreams, he took out the ring and took her hand. As he slowly put the ring on, he whispered very quietly, staring up into her enchanting eyes, "Will you marry me?"
Miko didn't even need to think. "Yes, yes, yes. I want to be with you forever, love. I will marry you." The cries she was holding back she just let go. As they both embraced each other, they could feel each other's hearts beating in unison, representing their uniting. They didn't know what was going to happen then, but they knew they would face it together.
Sensei couldn't help but smile at the very thought. The days seem to pass by rather quickly. The day of the wedding ceremony, the night they first made love, the morning where they found out Miko was pregnant, the 9 month period of waiting for their creation to come, the day when Cam was brought to this world. That was one of the happiest days of his life.
Then, Sensei's smile went away. 'It's not fair that she had to go. She left me and Cam here. Ever since she passed away, Cam's never been the same. He had to grow up so fast.'
That was true. Cam was forced to become an adult at a very young age. He no longer smiled, he no longer went out, and he no longer was happy. That part was a guess, but it might as well have been set in stone.
"Dad?" Cam entered the room from the stairs.
'Thank god he isalright.' "What was the emergency?"
'Damn. Didn't think about that.' As he started walking towards his room, he started talking. "There were Kelzacks nearby. Me and Shane took care of them."
Sensei didn't quite believe it. "What were they doing?" "Usual Lothor taunting." Cam neared the hallway leading to his room. "Where's Shane?"
"He decided to go home. Was really exhausted."
"Is he alright?"
"He is, he can handle those goons."
Not wanting to speak to his dad anymore, he quickly ran into his room and closed the door.
"Wait." Too late. God, why didn't he ask when he came in. Now, he probably would never get the courage to ask Cam.
Thing was, there was a good chance that he didn't ask purposefully. If he asked, he could get an answer, and then he would know something was wrong. 'Maybe, if I think hard enough, this will go away. Whatever this is, it will all go away.' A few minutes passed. Then, he lost control.
Immediately, he started to beat himself up. "God, it's probably my fault. How can I be so stupid? I should have asked him the moment I knew something was wrong. I had to stick behind while the whole team did the work. HE'S MY SON! I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP!"
He did his best to calm himself down, but there was nothing he could do to stop it. His brain was working overtime, and his mouth was running with it. Well, as much of a mouth could, it being the one of a guinea pig.
"What happened to my son? This isn't him. I want the one I had back. I want the one who used to laugh, used to smile, used to play jokes, and used to go out into the world." He couldn't help but start to sound choked up. "I need him back. He's all I have. What happened to Cam? Where is he?" That was his last thought before sorrow overtook him.
'God, I shouldn't have done that. Now he'll start to get suspicious. The last thing I need right now is someone else on my back.'
Cam stood in his room for a few minutes, pondering over what to do. He wanted to go out back to his dad and talk things through with him. 'I've been such a bastard lately. I don't want people to think of me like that. I want them to love me. I want to know what that's like. It's not so much to ask.'
He made his decision. He turned around and went through the doorway out into the hallway. Cam walked down it and was about to enter when he heard his dad's voice.
"God, it's probably my fault. How can I be so stupid? I should have asked him the moment I knew something was wrong. I had to stick behind while the whole team did the work. HE'S MY SON! I'M THE ONE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP!"
'What? What's his fault? What…oh no, he knows. Oh dad, why are you blaming yourself for this? It's my fault. Everything is my fault. How could you not know that?'
Cam slid down to the floor and tried to think and listen at the same time. 'The whole team did your work? Fuck, I hope that they don't know about what I'm doing. If they reject me or hate me, I'll kill myself.' He scared himself when he knew he said it with absolute certainty.
"What happened to my son?" This immediately brought his heart down. 'I'm sorry, Dad. I know I'm a disappointment.
"This isn't him. I want the one I had back." 'Oh dad, I didn't even know I was a son to you. How could you call somebody like me family?' Wasn't Cam supposed to feel happy? I mean, he got what he wanted. His father didn't hate him. In fact, it sounded like he was all choked up for him. However, instead of feeling any sign of relief, he just felt guilt. Guilt over the hell he was putting everyone in. 'Why can't you all see that you'll get hurt if you're near me?'
"I want the one who used to laugh, used to smile, used to play jokes, and used to go out into the world." This surprised Cam. 'God, I can't even remember doing anything like that.' He put his back against the wall and through his emotion, he tried very hard to remember the happy times. But, he couldn't. How could he? How could someone so sad remember something so happy? Trying to fight back the tears, he continued to listen.
"I need him back. He's all I have. What happened to Cam? Where is he?" This became too much for Cam to handle. Hiccups starting to come through, he slowly stood up and depressingly gaited back into his room. Closing the door behind him, all he could do was run onto his bed, pull the covers over him, and cry his eyes out.
"Oh god, look what I've done. Look what I put everyone through. I don't deserve any of them. I don't deserve anyone. Not even my Dad recognizes me anymore. He wants my old self back, an apparent happy self."
This just made him cry harder, and he started to thrash around. 'I want to be my former self. I want everything to be alright. I want to make everyone proud of me. I want to make my dad happy. But I can't. I can't be happy now because…because…I don't…I don't remember how…I DON'T REMEMBER HOW!"
He finally went still, wishing, now more than ever, that he was dead. On the outside, Cam would scream, "SO WHAT! IT'S NOT LIKE HE'LL MISS ME MUCH! HE CARES ABOUT THE TEAM! NOT ME!"
But on the inside, he couldn't help but cry, "Why are you looking for me, Dad? I'm right here."
Exhaustion took him over and he fell asleep, saying over and over again, "I'm right here."
A/N: I hope that this chapter length is okay for all of you. Writing this one made me want to cry, something that I haven't done in a long time. I always felt this way. I always felt like my parents didn't care, or I felt guilty that they had to put up with me. But, the worst is over. Enough emotion. I got to ask you something. I pretty much know that you guys love slash. Well, after a few yeses, I am seriously considering putting a Hunter/Cam thing into this. I have no problem with it. In fact, out of everyone, I think Hunter is the only one that deserves to be with Cam in that way. So, in your reviews, tell me if it's okay.
