Ross's POV-a month later
"An infection of the kidney? A coma?" I asked.
"Yeah," Chandler said.
"How? Why?" Joey asked. "I mean, this is stupid…."
"Death is stupid." Monica said.
"No, we all have to die." Phoebe said.
"Mommy will be happier." Emma said, as if she was okay with this. "She won't hurt in Heaven."
"Why do children understand this and we don't?" Monica asks.
"I think if we look hard enough," Phoebe begins, "I think we will realize that we haven't lost Rachel; that she is still with us, in mind and in heart and in love."
"I don't believe that," I said, "She's not here and I can't hold her, and she can't talk to me."
"You'll see…" Phoebe says; "That when people I know died, I got this photographic memory of them, I remember what they looked like, and how they talked."
Emma comes up to me, and says;
"Daddy, tell mommy that," she does the sign language for "I love you…" "Tell her that I love her."
"I will Em," I say, "I will…"
I walked into the room where Rachel lay. I looked at her, beautiful and broken, tired and sad. Somewhere between Heaven and earth.
Monica comes in behind me.
"I'm sorry Ross. This is all my fault."
"No, Monica, it's no one's fault. It just happens."
"My kidney was supposed to save her and well, it just made things worse."
"Monica, it's not you, she was just too weak."
"Ross, it is me. I killed my best friend."
"Mon, no…"
She walks out of the room.
I kneel down by Rachel;
"Rachel, Monica feels responsible for your death."
I pause;
"Look, Rachel, the whole gang is miserable without you." I take a deep breath; "Rachel, the doctors say you can't hear me, I know better, I know you can hear me. You can hear me right?"
I don't why, but I thought she would say "Yes." But she lightly squeezes my hand.
And
as the heart monitor's beeps get farther and farther apart I hear
Bette Midler's song The Rose is playing.
Some
say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say
love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say
love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a
flower
And you, it's only seed
It's the heart, afraid of
breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of
waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be
taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of
dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too
lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love
is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the
winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with
the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose
"We love you, Rachel. Emma," I do the sign language for 'I love you', "Loves you. I love you."
With that the peaking line on the heart monitor went flat. Is she dead? I asked myself. Yes, she is gone.
Because, as weird as this may sound, wherever Rachel was right now, I could feel her presence and she never did let go of my hand.
Author's note: This is not the end. Not yet. Please review
