Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I'm just being a downright mean guy who's using the characters for his own sick and twisted amusement. All Marvel-related stuff belongs to Marvel Comics. All songs mentioned in this fic belong to the bands/artists that made them. I don't own the Cthulhu Mythos. Stormbringer is the property and creation of Michael Moorcock. I also don't own BattleTech or MechWarrior.
"Fanfictiondom is threatened!" a man was saying to another. "The renegade fic-writer….lives."
"Who?"
"Seygram 13 is still alive and typing, sir."
"What? Why was I not informed earlier, you dolt!"
"We didn't know he was still alive until now."
"That fiend! How dare he crawl up from that hole where he was buried!" the other man bellowed. "He must be found and destroyed!!"
"Aye!" another man said.
"He must not be allowed to post another fic again!" Bellowed another.
The reason for this extreme reaction from these people was that Seygram 13 had an irritating tendency to write fics that didn't actually seem right for some reason. Like his Love Hina fics that always seemed to get out of control in both plot and sheer idiocy. He was also a former AD&D 2nd edition player who had issues with generally most elves and was somewhat prejudiced against them.
The reason?
Well…. as most roleplayers know, elves are one of the most played races in RPGs and are actually the preferred choice for powergamers and munchkins generally. Why play a human, halfling, gnome, dwarf and so on when you can play an elf with high stats wielding something that looks like an oriental blade and using rhetoric skills to convince the DM that the so-called "superior" elves have in fact made swords that have the same statistics as a katana but calling it something else. Another example is a player playing a drow who still retains magic resistance even though he/she hasn't been in contact with the Underdark for a very long time.
Don't you DMs hate players who have better debate skills and force you into accepting their demands?
The ravings of these characters took place in a very dark room surrounded by candles. All were seated around a very luxurious table and were taking the news very badly.
They thought they were rid of him.
They were wrong.
He was in fact very much alive and was probably typing/writing another work of total blasphemy in their eyes.
"Why not send the ultra ninja drow fighter-mage commandos to eliminate him?" one of them inquired.
"We did that a long time ago…and he slaughtered them using that hellblade of his and downright deliberate cowardly tactics by causing most of them to slaughter one another to prove who was the most powerful and coolest and then killing the remaining survivors afterwards in a grisly manner."
"The elves imitating Battousai from Ruroni Kenshin, using ultra vorpal katanas?"
"Dead."
"The powerful elven martial artists who can hurl energy blasts and perform inhuman displays of combat?"
"Also dead."
"The Jedi elves that surpass all the other races in the galaxy when it comes to being attuned to the Force?"
"All turned to the dark side and were later wiped out by a freak accident with a Sith artifact made a long, long time ago by Darth Pervertus a.k.a. Happosai (of Ranma ½ who got sucked into a Star Wars crossover after trying to use the Nanban mirror to go back in time and steal Marilyn Monroe's underwear and ended up there by accident ,and then dethroned the former Sith Lord, becoming the new Master of the Sith) that would steal all the panties and bras of the galaxy when it overloaded and exploded."
"HOW BLEEPING HARD CAN IT BE TO GET RID OF THIS VERMIN!!!!!!!" the leader shrieked furiously.
Seygram 13 was a coward pure and simple.
So cowardly that he would use a lot of dirty tricks to stay alive.
"Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!"
"Where?!" the really naive adversary said while turning around.
Seygram13 then hit him in the head with a heavy wooden chair, knocking him out and sending him sprawling on the floor
This little scene took place in a restaurant. The fic-writer just having eaten a decent meal and having just paid the waiter and given a little tip, was confronted by someone looking like had come from an anime convention who claimed that he was the greatest threat to fanfiction in the world and had to be stopped before any greater damage could be inflicted.
Being in a good mood now, he decided not to rob the unconscious person and instead calmly walked out the door and into the streets.
An angry roar came from the restaurant. The owner was furious over that the chair (which had in fact been somewhat expensive) was damaged and swearing like there was no tomorrow.
(Uh-oh, time to run.)
Which he did.
The unconscious young man when waking up was forced to pay for the damaged chair which had been used to bludgeon him from behind, making him very angry and filled with thoughts of vengeance.
Seygram13 felt that those people who made up the cliché about hiding in trash cans and containers should really have been lobotomized with an extremely dull and not mention rusty spoon. He suppressed the growing urge to throw up while the stench of decomposing leftovers of foodstuff tried to enter his nostrils and strangle him.
Hiding in a trash container from vengeful elves who pounced on him a few blocks from here, he felt rather stupid now for stereotypically hiding in the most likely place a guy would hide. He was lucky he landed on a spot with only inorganic junk and not on a pile of rotten food. Stormbringer, which was strapped to his side, crooned softly.
Elric of Melniboné he was not. So he was realistic enough to know that sooner or later the runesword would imbed itself in his flesh and suck his soul out faster than one would suck up an insect in the living room with a vacuum cleaner.
Luckily for him the elves thought that it was too obvious and stupid that he would be hiding in a trash container, so they walked past him, totally unaware that he was dumb enough to hide there.
"You're certainly in a good mood today," the author said to the black sword.
"That's because it's been a long time since I've feasted on so many souls in one day," Stormbringer explained to him.
He remembered now that he had in fact slaughtered a few of the ambushing long-eared freaks, cutting off limbs, severing heads from the necks, running them through, using a little bit of his rusty Karate skills to knock some of them down before running off like the coward he was. Like Elric the sword empowered him by strengthening him slightly for every soul it took, increasing his chances of survival.
He was basically a normal 20-year-old-guy wearing glasses and wielding a howling hellsword that drank the souls of those it killed and a rotten fic-writer to boot as well who also made some grammatical errors.
He didn't actually hate all elves (even if he was a self-righteous bastard). He just hated the munchkin ones mostly.
Now was the time to unleash the second chapter of his diabolical fic.
Seygram 13 presents: Urashima Keitaro and THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO
Rated VB (Very Bad)
Flamings are welcome
Chapter 2: Hell's Belles
There are many times one would think that the entire world is against you.
It could certainly be said of Keitaro Urashima when he became the manager of a former inn that was later converted to a dormitory for girls. Through many hardships and extremely infuriating episodes of immense violence and stress…. He finally managed to get into Toudai and get the girl in the end.
But that is another story in another world.
In this reality a freak accident turned Keitaro into a fiendish super-villain with great, great ambitions.
When we last saw him, he was currently running for his life (accompanied by Sarah "Number Two" MacDougal, some of his henchmen, and Mariam and Naomi who were the clones of Naru and Motoko) from two giant-sized female beings who seemed furious for reasons read in earlier fics and the first chapter.
"GET BACK HERE, KEITARO!!!" Naru's voice rumbled through the air as the earth almost shook with each step she took towards her prey.
Sarah looked worried at her mentor, "This can't be good."
"You're telling me!" huffed Naomi as she ran with them.
"We could sure use some mechas now, eh, Keitaro?" Mariam said sardonically.
"Why on Earth should I waste resources on building some giant robot with a cheesy name when I can use it to build even more interesting doomsday devices that could even shrink the Eiffel tower?!"
"Don't give me that, Ronin. I saw you using a limited amount of resources to build that Mech resembling one of those Mechwarrior mechs based on that BattleTech game. The Raven mech wasn't it?"
"Actually I was trying to build a Mad Cat (Timber Wolf)," the Ronin admitted, "but since I couldn't waste so much money on private matters, I had to make do with making a replicate of the Inner Sphere's Raven which is practically a recon and support mech."
"Do you think it'll be able to stop those two?" Naomi asked.
"I really don't know."
"We've got nothing to lose by trying it." Sarah suggested.
"Seems that way." Keitaro activated the jet-thrusters of his rollerblades and raced towards the giant Naru. Naru tried fervently to catch him with her giant hands, but he simply evaded her through sheer speed as he passed between her legs. Motoko tried to stop him by placing a foot in his way, but he simply jumped over it and fired a salvo of micro-missiles at her face which she blocked with her right hand.
"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT, URASHIMA!" he heard her growl as he travelled towards the ruined remains of the Hinata-sou.
(When I'm through with you, Motoko-chan, you'll beg for mercy.)
Accessing one of the many secret entrances to the secret hideout under the totalled inn/dormitory, Keitaro finally made it to the weapon storage facility where his newly constructed Mech was stored…..
K.A.P.P.A. HQ Syria; Under the Krak des Chevaliers:
"What do you mean with the situation in Hinata is out of control?" Number Three asked one of the many technicians operating the vast communication and surveillance systems which were currently under "Condition Red" while displaying the destruction of the Hinata base and their employer being chased by two giant (and inadequate clad) girls who possessed a severe inability to control their temper..
"Ye Gods," Number Three sighed, "Our great and illustrious leader has done it again."
He was answered with a lot of groans from around the base.
"It looks like he's trying to use that machine inspired by the Battletech game," a technician said as one of the screens began to show the Ronin accessing his BattleMech.
"Are the Mecha-Tamas still undergoing repairs after that battle with those mecha-operating morons who interrupted our operation in Saigon?"
"Yes, sir," answered one of them, " So far we have only managed to repair about 48 of the damage sustained on all of them put together. Therefore deploying them now would surely sign the death warrant of one of our most effective and reliable weapons."
"He's on his own then." Number Three simply said.
"His funeral then, Number Three." Replied another technician.
"Pass me the popcorn and the beer." Asked another while enjoying what seemed to be the most outrageous battle ever on the entire planet.
"Croak."
"Yes I'm sure I know what I'm doing, Leonard!" said Hannibal to his older brother. "In order to preserve our sacred cult--we must overthrow our father and set up someone as a figurehead."
"Croak?" Leonard asked.
"Why we must operate from the shadows? That's actually very simple. By setting up someone we can control as leader we can lead the entire cult without risking our hides in the process."
"Croak?"
"Who did I have in mind? Well as a matter of fact I have found the perfect candidate for our sinister scheme."
On a very evil-looking altar lay the unconscious form of Mitsune Konno, who was also known to friends as "Kitsune".
It hadn't been easy for Hannibal to bust her out of jail, but he had after several frustrating hours of intensive planning he decided to use a simple teleportation spell to spirit away the sedated young woman from her padded cell. Kitsune had been put under sedation after the "giant sake bottle" incident where she tried to inflict grievous bodily harm upon Haruka Urashima (her former cellmate) when she under a hallucinogenic haze (placed by an insane prison doctor in her food) mistook the older woman for a giant bottle of sake and in a frenzy of extreme proportions tried to remove the cork with her bare hands.
Haruka was fortunately recovering physically and mentally from this horrible ordeal. But somehow she had acquired a phobia for sake, and when anyone said the word, she would freak out.
Kitsune was wearing a red silk top and a girdled knee-length silk skirt which was also red. On her feet she wore a pair of ordinary and sturdy sandals. She also had a sheathed (and very sharp) ceremonial dagger strapped to her girdle and she was also wearing a beautiful golden necklace with a ruby in the middle.
"Behold our new high priestess!!" proclaimed Hannibal melodramatically to his older brother. Leonard swore he was hearing someone play sinister music in the background as Hannibal said that.
He then turned to his brother. "Croak?"
"What was the spell I used? Well… I used that teleportation spell I snatched from mom's Necronomicon." he admitted sheepishly.
"Croak!" Leonard exclaimed, pronouncing it like we say "Oh, Shit!".
"What?!"
"Croak." Leonard explained to him.
"You mean that spell's defective?!" Hannibal said as he was turning as white as a sheet. "What exactly does it do?!?"
Unnoticed by the two brothers, Kitsune began to stir and opened her eyes.
"Will you two just shut up." she complained clearly to them as she sat up while rubbing her forehead.
"Croak." Leonard told his little brother.
"You mean this spell also assimilates a person's personality (if the person's a she) with that of the great Shub-Niggurath?!?!....MY GOD WHAT IN ALL THAT'S ETERNAL HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!"
"You really BLEEPED up, that's for sure." Shub-Niggurath/Kitsune told him.
"O great Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young let me- URK!" Leonard didn't get to finish as Kitsune's hands were around his throat and squeezing very hard. And her angry eyes were completely black as she glared at him.
"I would cross out "Goat" and replace it with Fox or Vixen if I were you," she growled at him, and then suddenly released her grip and sat down on the stone altar.
"Forgive me for insulting you, O great Black Fox of the Woods with a Thousand Young."
"That's better," she said with a fox-like smile, her eyes returning to her normal eye-colour. "Now could you two gentlemen please tell me what this is this all about?"
"Croak." Leonard answered.
"Aha. So you tried a simple teleportation spell and then by freak accident got me stuck in this (not too shabby) body to overthrow your father and set her/me up as a figurehead."
"That sums up the basic parts of the plan, O Great and Eternal One." answered Hannibal while also filled with awe and fear of the thing inhabiting the body of Kitsune.
"Now your first punishment would be to bring me sake--lots of it!"
"As you command!"
"Croak!"
Both brothers began to chant in an alien language, their eyes turning into black orbs as the spell they worked on was beginning to work. Suddenly a bright and evil-looking burst of green eldritch energy was released in front of them. Several crates of expensive sake materialized in front of them.
"All right!" exclaimed the Great Old One while flashing a fox-like smile at the two. "You don't know how terrible it is to be without sake for days without end."
"Croak."
"Yes, Leonard, it seems that the minds of those two will be intertwined for all eternity. Let's hope that awful amount of sake will make her ungodly libido forget that she is worshipped as a goddess of fertility and simply ignore us like a human (without a bug phobia) ignores a simple insect."
They watched as the woman in front of them began to indulge herself in the delights of drinking alcoholic beverage. She also managed to find a few rare wines, whisky, brandy and some cans of beer.
"How in the world can someone consume so much alcohol and spirits?"
"Croak."
Hannibal slapped himself. "Now I remember: she's been assimilated with a Great Old One….."
"Croak," added Leonard.
"……and I'm to blame." he said, repeating his brother's answer.
After a while, Kitsune had downed the entire supply of booze in the dark room.
"That really hit the spot," she sighed with a content smile.
"O glorious Shub-Niggurath, let me correct the grave error I have made." Hannibal said to her in a melodramatic manner as he went on his knees in front of her.
"By letting me use your virgin body to fulfil my inhuman sexual desires?"
"No, by exorcizing you from this body and spirit which taints and defiles you. And please don't mock me (or my brother for that matter) for being a male virgin ."
"Doesn't taint and defile mean the same thing? It's really a contradiction if you use two words which mean approximately the same thing in principle," she amusedly corrected him.
She then made a small twirl, her red silk skirt making a swishing sound. "This body isn't so bad." she said. "In fact I'm beginning to like it."
(This is not good.) shuddered Hannibal.
"You know?" she then said turning to Leonard.
"Croak?"
"Gimme some sugar."
"Croak!!!" Leonard exclaimed as is eyes bulged with sheer terror. He became more terrified when the entity inhabiting the body of that girl then began to seductively walk towards him.
"Croak!!!!!!!!!!"
He made a run for it, screaming in fear of the thing wanting to de-virginize him in a most tasteless manner.
He didn't get far as dark tentacles erupted from the ground under him, slithering around him body and grasping him with ease. He struggled with all his might, flailing his limbs in pure desperation against the things holding him in place against his will.
"Naughty, naughty," Shub-Kitsune chided him as she walked up in front of him, cupping his right chin with her left hand. "You will learn to enjoy this."
Leonard began to croak out for help as it seemed that all was lost and he would be used to pleasure the cosmic being holding him as captive.
Suddenly he remembered the enigmatic item given to him by his grandfather (on his father's side), the great and totally mad necromancer named ironically Stanley the Terrible. Not terrible for being a vicious spellcaster with an almost unlimited arsenal of magic and that he sacrificed anything he got his hands on (even furniture and buildings), but because he thought he was a great poet and once he published his first collection of poems, he caused even more damage than he had ever done before in a lifetime. He told him to use it only in dire circumstances. And this certainly was one.
He stuck his right hand into the front of his jeans, hands frantically fumbling for the object concealed in his underwear. His scaly finger felt the cold touch it and firmly grasped it.
And out came the Elder Sign given to him.
Kitsune screamed as the object was held in front of her face, and the tentacles dissolved as if they hadn't existed at all. Pain was etched upon her features as Leonard croaked something that would be interpreted by us as: "Back! Back! You sex-crazed Fiend! Stay Back, You Slut!! Back I Say! Back!!!!!!!!"
Kitsune looked peeved as she now couldn't touch him now when he was waving that ghastly thing in front of him.
She turned to Hannibal.
Hannibal responded by bringing out his own one.
"Spoilsports," she snorted.
"Shinobu?"
"Yes?" Shinobu said to Kaolla Su.
"Look."
She pointed towards something which lay near the area where the Hinata-sou lay. Shinobu was shocked by the sight of a giant-sized Naru and Motoko running amuck in the city. She also heard them scream Keitaro's name.
"Holy macaroni!" exclaimed Haitani as he stepped out of the taxi they had rented after exiting the train station.
"Are my eyes deceiving me or am I seeing two giant Japanese versions of the 50-Foot Woman strangely resembling Naru and Motoko?" said Shirai.
Even Mutsumi who was now turned into something that would put the Six Million Dollar Man to shame was blinking in astonishment.
(Time to rock and roll!) Was the thought Keitaro had as he put on his headset and began pressing switches and buttons in the cockpit.
The fusion reactor began to hum as the BattleMech powered up.
Since he had forgotten how to open the secret hangar doors--he did it the simple way by alpha striking his way out of the hangar. The lasers and missiles tore through the metal doors as if they were built of paper and blowing them to pieces.
Naru and Motoko weren't surprised as an 11-metre-tall mech exited the hidden KAPPA base and was heading in their direction.
"DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO SAVE YOU!!!" Naru bellowed furiously, having a hunch of who was piloting it.
"Temper, temper, Narusegawa." came from an internal speaker housed in it. "Even if the two of you are taller than me, I've got this baby equipped with missile launchers and lasers. So I'm asking myself: Do you feel lucky, punk?!"
(Damn!) Motoko swore to herself. (If only I could get my hands on a sword, I could turn the tide in our favour.)
Both she and Naru knew that it would be suicide to take on Keitaro while he controlled that thing.
True they were bigger than him, but the notion of getting fried by laser cannons and blown to bits by missiles kept them from pouncing on him like a pack of rabid dogs attacking the paper boy who threw a newspaper through the closed window, breaking it, and making the owner of the house so mad that he sicced his doggies at him after he opened their cages.
Motoko using her skills as a trained warrior made a quick glance towards a large building she had seen earlier while running after the Ronin. The large sign saying Mecha Convention gave her a sliver of hope.
"NARU, I NEED YOU TO DISTRACT URASHIMA WHILE I TRY TO FETCH ANYTHING THAT CAN TIP THE SCALES IN OUR FAVOUR."
"WHAT?!"
"JUST DO IT!"
"OKAY," Naru glumly said, hoping that Motoko knew what she was doing. Grabbing an empty car abandoned by the panicked driver after seeing them, she flung it at the mech, sending it crashing on the ground.
"That's it! Now I'm really mad!!" roared Keitaro after the Raven raised itself and unleashes a severe barrage of Short Range Missiles at Naru.
"EEP!" was Naru's response as she was now forced to dodge all this.
Using all her skill she managed to avoid getting hit by most of them, but suddenly a missile was heading directly for her chest. Naru instinctively brought up her hands in front of her to shield herself, and the missile exploded as it impacted against her. Naru felt a searing pain, but it quickly dissipated; and as she opened her eyes she marvelled she was in fact alive and breathing. Her arms and hands were a little singed though.
(C'mon, Motoko! I'm getting blasted here!)
"It seems that you also have some resistance against damage due to your increased size, Narusegawa. Care to test a few more missiles?" Keitaro said, smirking in his cockpit. If Naru knew how powerful she really was, he would be dead now. He knew that there was a chance that he would be unable to match them in his Raven.
"Wow, this mecha convention is really something." Takae said to his best friend Shigeo.
"Yes," Shigeo replied, "It's really cool that someone actually managed to make a fifty-foot replica of our favourite mecha equipped with a giant katana."
"How on Earth did they manage to make one?"
"A lot of fans managed to convince people skilled in swordmaking who are also fans of the show to work together to make a giant, real, durable and razor-sharp one for the model."
"The other thing that's bugging is: how did they manage to pay for all that?"
"They got some sponsors from the company owning the rights to the show to partly fund them. They hope that it will attract enough people and give them good publicity.
The sight was really awesome.
A giant replica made by eager fans.
All details intact.
Even equipped with a giant black belt holding a sheathed katana.
Too bad a fifty-foot raven-haired practitioner in kendo wearing partly torn clothes crashed through the southern wall.
"SORRY ABOUT THAT!" she simply said, ripping the belt from the giant model--sending it crashing on the floor, damaging it beyond repair.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
Motoko Aoyama winced as the mecha fans cried out in outrage and despair. She quickly strapped on the belt and ran back to where Naru fought Keitaro…..
"Heretic!"
"Heathen!"
"Blasphemer!"
"That's not something you see every day. Eh, Takae."
"Yep."
Naru had lobbed three Toyotas, four Hondas and seven Hyundai cars at him.
He managed to blast all of them to smithereens before they even reached him with his SRM launchers and his lasers.
"Is that the best you can do?" was his haughty reply.
"NO, THIS IS!" he heard a familiar voice shout behind him. "HIKEN ZANKUSEN!!!!!"
A familiar vibro blast, courtesy of Motoko was heading towards him.
"BLEEP!!!" he exclaimed as he activated his jump-jets, narrowly dodging Motoko's attack as it crashed into the building adjacent to him and reducing it to a pile of rubble.
(That was close!)
Now in front of him stood Motoko Aoyama the swordswoman, holding a giant katana.
(I'm dead!) the Ronin thought as his eyes were staring in shock at what he saw now as the Raven landed on the ground.
His mech turned and ran.
"HIKEN ZANKUSEN!"
Using a secret technique from the Shinmei school, Motoko was capable of affecting the air around her with a slashing technique, creating a powerful air blast that could decimate boulders.
Keitaro in the past had experienced what it was like to be on the receiving end of a Zankusen, Zaganken, and many more horrifying techniques. And he did not want to experience them again. Especially now that she was bigger and stronger than ever before.
On his heels were Naru and Motoko.
His CD-player started playing Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run.
(Kinda Ironic.)
He turned the upper torso of the mech in the direction of his pursuers while still travelling in the direction he was headed and unleashed a salvo of missiles and a few bursts of laser fire at his pursuers.
Motoko gracefully cut the missiles in mid-air before reaching them, even deflecting the laser blasts with the flat end of her new blade and responded with another blast of her own.
"Oh, brother…" he muttered as he re-adjusted the Ravens upper torso to its original position."This is definitely not my day."
An air blast struck the backside of the mech as he ran, almost making it stumble and fall, but Keitaro managed to maintain balance and kept on fleeing.
"Need some help?" he heard a familiar voice say to him through his com-system. His advanced sensors were suddenly reacting to another mech being powering up to 400 metres in front of him.
From behind a building appeared another mech. It was a bit larger than Keitaro's and carried a heavy autocannon on its right shoulder, and it even had arms
"Sarah?!"
"Yep," Sarah MacDougal replied as she made her Hunchback move. "Looks like you're in need of some heavy assistance. Well, here comes the cavalry."
"You were busy building a Hunchback all the time?"
"You're not the only Mechwarrior or Mechcommander fan out there." Sarah pointed out. "And it took me a lot of time to buy the materials and build it."
"Wouldn't a Mad Cat been a better choice?"
"Well excuuuuse me for not being the stereotypical Mechwarrior newbie who wants to pilot the Mad Cat 'cause it's the most well-known of the Omnimechs. I like the Hunchback and that's final."
She turned to Naru and Motoko, "Prepare to get horribly trashed, you meddling do-gooders!"
"I wouldn't categorize Naru and Motoko as heroes, Sarah. They're too violent and unreliable for that." Keitaro answered.
"You're right," Sarah smiled, "but that's not going to stop me from blowing the BLEEP out of 'em though."
"You're an adorable little she-devil, you know that."
"As adorable as Su's screwed up in her mind, boss. Let's just concentrate on blasting the girls to oblivion than discuss technicalities."
"Okay."
Keitaro's mech also turned to Naru and Motoko.
"You think we can handle 'em?"
"It's not as if we're fighting Godzilla and Gamera or whatever its name is."
Suddenly their sensors went completely wild. Something big was heading in their direction, slowly and steadily.
"What the BLEEP!" both exclaimed.
Even Naru and Motoko could hear something strange approaching and were as confused as they were.
Keitaro began utilizing all the technical equipment on his Raven and he paled as he registered the information given to him.
"Is it a mecha-moron?" Sarah asked.
"No."
"Godzilla?"
"Even worse!"
Appearing a few streets away was a giant Atlas assault mech. And the voice they heard through their com-systems made them shudder in fear.
"Now I've found you! I've been looking all over Japan for you."
The voice of Frank Castle…..alias the Punisher.
The knowledge of this grim vigilante piloting this grim and large 100-ton mech with an intentionally skull-like head, worsened the fear they had for him. It was even frickin' bigger than Naru and Motoko.
"IT'S THE PUNISHEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sarah and Keitaro both screamed in utter fear…….
"Well this is terrible," Mariam said.
"You better believe it." came from Naomi as she contemplated what to do.
"Shouldn't we be helping them?"
"Probably, Mariam, but what in the world can we do?"
"Call the Fantastic Four and hope that they'll be so busy that all of us can slip away?"
"Hmmmm…no. It's too risky."
"Better to be arrested than smashed to a pulp."
They were standing next to an abandoned car exhibition show where famous cars from various movies and TV series were parked.
Most of the people had fled in panic as they saw the BattleMechs and the two giant girls on the streets.
"Well for starters we better get some transportation and then I'll come up with something."
(Oh, no!) Mariam thought. (If I know Naomi she'll probably pick that particular car!)
Naomi smiled and in her most melodramatic tone said: "Quickly! To the Batmobile!"
Mariam sighed as she smacked her forehead. (Naomi and her interest in old TV-shows from the 60s.)
"This is not good!" she muttered.
Insert spinning Bat Logo Here……….
Shinobu and Su had run to the old inn as fast as they could.
All they found was a big ruin that seemed to have been trashed by Godzilla while recovering from a nasty hangover after consuming too much radioactive material.
Both were shocked at what their eyes beheld.
The Hinata-sou had been like their second home.
A home far away from home.
All the happy memories around that place raced through their minds.
A wave of depression struck them both. Even the-almost-always-cheerful Kaolla Su became silent in shock.
"What the heck happened here?!?" A somewhat well-known voice uttered behind them. It belonged to Kimiaki Shirai.
The two turned around and saw Haitani and Shirai…..and Mutsumi.
"Wow," Haitani said as he observed the obliterated dorm, "someone really trashed this place up good. Musta been Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama since they were coming from that direction."
"Probably overreacted as usual." Shirai said.
"I think they're close to the centre of town," Mutsumi informed them, trying to be cheerful as usual.
"I think I'll call the Doc." Haitani said as he reached for the mobile phone that he put in the inner pocket of his jacket. He dialled the number of the mad scientist and increased the volume so the others could hear what the old man said.
"Masayuki!" the doctor said excitedly as a child lighting a pile of matches on the wooden floor in the living room, "I've been monitoring what's been going around in Hinata and I think it's the biggest free for all in the century!"
"What?!"
"Well we got two fifty-foot, super-strong girls and three mechs that resemble those from Battletech, plus the fact that the Punisher is piloting one of them and going for the kill. I think your friend is seriously screwed…"
Shinobu turned as white as a sheet as she heard the mad scientist's remark in English. "We've got to help Sempai!"
They heard a sound from the nearest bush. Out of the bush stepped the agent monitoring Kaolla Su.
…And he was blasted by Shirai with the BFG 20,000 he had borrowed and sent twitching to the ground. Luckily he was still alive, but his consciousness was now in la-la land.
"Oops!" Shirai said.
"Must you always be so trigger-happy with that thing?!"
"It's not my fault Haitani! My nerves have been on an edge after those surviving magical girls swore revenge after we drove 'em off and zapped most of 'em to piles of dust."
It had been a while before when a pack of magical girls tried to take out their employer when they somehow managed to teleport into the underground lab. Luckily the place was packed with alarms and sensors and the two had quickly dispatched them using the BFGs given to them. Two or three managed to escape with their lives and swore vengeance against the minions of darkness…namely them.
Luckily they knew the signs that exposed most magical girls while in civilian clothes.
a) They were too cute for comfort.
b) They were accompanied by too cute and unusual animals.
c) They were peeking or spying at them around corners and such.
They had also learned to identify the big-breasted scantily clad adversaries by appearance, manner and such and kept special grenades that created energy fields that made most silicon unstable--and explode in a thirty-foot radius for special occasions.
"You think they followed us here? To Hinata?"
"Didn't you see those over cute girls following us?!"
"Uh-oh!" he said as four stupidly dressed girls appeared in a bright flash of light before them.
Will Keitaro and Sarah survive the close encounter of the deadly kind with Punisher while Naru and Motoko are watching?
Will Haitani, Shirai, Mutsmui, Kaolla and Shinobu manage to take out the magical girls before they are wiped out from the face of the planet?
Can a Raven and a Hunchback actually manage to take out an Atlas on their own?
Will Hannibal and his brother Leonard escape Shub-Kitsune with their chastity intact?
When will Mecha-Cthulhu appear?
Can Seygram 13 survive the numerous attempts on his life?
Stay tuned for the next chapter of Urashima Keitaro and THE ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT NARU AND MOTOKO.
And not to mention a guest-appearance where Dr. Doom himself comes to town and experiences the total anarchy and full-scale destruction taking place in Hinata.
A little flaming would be nice. Please?!?
Dear readers:
I've decided to let you decide the horrible fate of the Ronin.
Namely which girl he will end up with.
If you're really sadistic, you can decide that he will end up with Kaolla Su and I will comply if the majority of you want so.
Sarah MacDougal is out of the question since she's too young
The candidates for the Let's-Torture-Keitaro-Pairing-Show are:
Naru: If you're going for the traditional couple.
Motoko: If you're a Motoko fan.
Su: If you're in a sadistical mood.
Shinobu: If you want her to end up with him.
Mutsumi: If you prefer mostly nice girls over nice girls with slightly psychotic tendencies.
Naomi: If you want a slightly care-free and practical girl to end up with Keitaro.
Mariam: If you like sarcastic girls with a weird sense of humour.
Shub-Kitsune: If you want him to end up as the destined mate of the vixen-turned-cosmic-monstrosity.
I won't hold it against you if you either say Su or Shinobu should end up with him. I'm trying to have a neutral stance towards the preferred pairings of people.
