Title: A Heart's Desire
Disclaimer: While checking my bank account, I was sorely disappointed not to see a seven figure digit. It would have been different had I owned any rights to CSI. But alas, I don't.
Summary: Their relationship has been deteriorating steadily over the past years, now's the time to rebuild it. G/S
A/N notes: 'Georgia on my Mind' is the creation of Hoagy Carmichael.
The two quotes used are from Shakespeare's play 'Much Ado about Nothing'.
While this story has its own premise, it can be read as a continuation of 'Illusions of Love'. A thank-you goes to my betas Anansay, Laredo Grissom and LK. Any remaining errors are all mine.
Chapter one
'Georgia on my Mind' was softly playing, creating an atmosphere that was sexy and cool, sultry and eloquent. Long time friends and week-old lovers sat in booths and bar stools, sipping daiquiris and martinis, some unconsciously swaying to the melody while laughing or talking animatedly. Just another Saturday evening pleasantly spent, the sparkling dresses and toned-down suits of the patrons meshing vibrantly with the colorful cocktails. Silly stories and puffed-up tales were told, giggles and laughter resonated within the room, echoing back from the walls and windows, occasionally drowning out the music.She sat in one of the corner booths, her eyes shining and her Bordeaux red lips breaking out in laughter more often than she remembered in a long time. Now, she didn't want to remember the home jacking that would have lasting psychological effects for the elderly couple, or the sixteen year old girl whose throat was slit by a 'customer', or the baby who after months of abuse had finally succumbed to his injuries. She wanted to live, to — at least for a few hours — be free of the demons that nearly constantly terrorized her, infiltrating her imagination during the hours of sleep, slowly but steadily chipping away at her faith in humans.
But tonight, she was enjoying herself. And the man sitting opposite her was certainly partially responsible for that. For more years than she was willing to admit, she had stayed with hope in her heart that one day he would actually see her again and allow his heart, and brain, to care, perhaps even to love her. Allow her to meet the real 'Gil Grissom', the man who hid behind an impressive marble wall. Lately, they had tentatively started to repair their friendship, trying to regain the trust they once used to enjoy and share their feelings and thoughts, cautiously baring their heart to one another.
And it worked. Slowly, he was shedding his reclusive and solitary tendencies and allowed others to interact and share. Well, not just everyone. Mostly her. The body farm, a sunset at Lake Mead, riding the roller coaster at New York, New York. Some of their trips and meetings could have been seen as romantic she supposed, but mostly they remained the epitome of friendship. A friendship that was beautiful and true, with the knowledge that someday both would be ready for more.
A hand on hers brought her out of her musings, and she looked up, a shy smile gracing her features.
"Where did your thoughts take you?" His voice was tinted with amusement, yet his eyes showed only his desire to know the answer.
Her fingers curled softly around his, and a soft sigh escaped her. "Just thinking a little. About you opening up to me, gaining back our mutual trust. For being my 'diversion'. But…. Tell me something. You're not just doing this for my sake, are you? Some sense of twisted responsibility, so that when everything's fine again, you'll end up retreating once more and leave me with a… well, just missing you like crazy. "
She flinched inwardly. It was too soon to bring her deeper feelings into the open. He didn't have to know yet that she loved him, and that if he would ever leave, her heart wouldn't be left in once piece.
"You are important to me, Sara, you've always been. And always will be. Have you ever read Shakespeare's' 'Much Ado About Nothing'?"
"Read the play and saw the movie multiple times. Why?"
"Then you're familiar with the two quotes in 'Much Ado about Nothing' that fit nearly to perfection how I feel about you. 'We'll be friends first,' and 'I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?' While I can't fathom why you're…attracted to me in the first place, whatever may happen, I will always be your friend, even if at some point you realize that I'm not worth your attentions and feelings."
Eyebrows raised, she brought her cocktail up to her lips and took a small sip. While the cocktails served at the bar ranged from the classics (Manhattan) to the 'sexy' (Little Red Teddy), she'd chosen a classic Metropolitan. No frills or colorful layers. Pure and simple was the way to go.
"If I didn't think you worth the effort, Grissom, I would have left years ago. Yet I'm still here. And I'm persistent; so don't even think about me leaving you. Besides, you might be the one who becomes fed up with me. I'm no picnic, you know."
As another slow jazz song swirled around the room, enticing the customers to step out onto the dance floor and softly sway to the music, Grissom stood and offered her his hand. "Want to dance?"
A beaming smile graced her face while taking his hand and being lead to the dance area, where by now a moderate number of couples were slowly moving to the crooning voice of Dean Martin.
While their relationship was still ostensibly set in the realm of friendship, an observer would have automatically classified them as a couple in love. Bodies closely pressed together, eyes that stared intently into the other's; the outside world of rules and regulations, observations and opinions, had stopped existing and interfering for just a few minutes in their lifetime.
And then the moment was broken.
The rambunctious and overtly enthusiastic laughing of a small company of newly arrived guests interrupted the romantic and soothing atmosphere and turned it into anything but that. No longer was the music able to softly rise above the voices of the people, no longer was there the general feeling of relaxation and quiet that brought the majority of visitors. Now, it was just plain loud.
Grissom and Sara slowly withdrew from their embrace, their hands still gently touching the other's hips. One look and the decision was made. Paying the drinks and consumed snacks, Sara grabbed her purse and they walked out into the chilly night air, glad to leave the boisterous atmosphere behind.
"I can't believe you haven't been paged yet. I mean, I'm off, but you're still on call. And time's all the sweeter for that." She held his hand loosely while strolling back to his car.
The scenery slid by, some buildings basking in the artificial neon lights that were one of the trademarks of Las Vegas. Others stood dilapidated and sad, waiting for the day the remaining walls would be knocked down and be replaced by another state-of-the-art designed building. Yet one more piece of history lost without a second glance.
"Don't you ever feel inadequate, Grissom, living here? Not intelligence wise, but with your body? With the way that society is so focused on appearance alone, even the most beautiful person could become insecure at times."
"Not being sure of ourselves is part of being human. Perhaps those who remain themselves, without adjusting their physical appearance are those who, deep down, are most secure." His eyes flicked over to Sara's, and he spoke again. "And besides, who's to say what's beautiful or not? All I know is that there's not an inch of you that I'd change, Sara. You're beautiful in every way that matters."
A slight blush graced her face and she looked down at their entwined hands. Softly stroking, his touch managed to bring goosebumps to her skin, and she grasped just a touch tighter, savoring the moment.
The rest of the drive went by quickly, just like the evening had, and before she knew it, Grissom had parked his car before her apartment. "You um… want to come in, you know, for a nightcap?" His lips were pursed and a gentle smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he thought of a reply.
"No," and he quickly continued his reply upon seeing Sara's slightly raised eyebrow. "Let's not tempt fate or Murphy's Law will come into play: if I do come in, I'm sure someone will end up paging me at a very poor time."
While Grissom couldn't deny the desire to take Sara up on her offer and just see what else the night had in store for them, an acceptation would lead to actions that, he feared, would boldly cross the line into a romantic —and most likely sexual — relationship. And while he didn't particularly object to that for the future, he wasn't sure that now was an ideal time.
He enjoyed spending time with Sara —from eating a simple vegetarian pizza while watching some obscure documentary detailing the life of Bram Stoker, to the slow dance they had shared earlier that evening. And that dance was imprinted upon his memory. The scent of her perfume that had drifted upwards, enticing every fiber of him with her sensuality. His blue eyes captivated by her smoky brown ones, knowing that they could exude determination and anger as easily as showing admiration and adoration. The feel of their bodies pressed close together, swaying in an unhurried rhythm…
He willed his mind to get back to less dangerous territory.
There were also the talks that varied from the inconsequential, such as if he preferred a pen or pencil when doing his crosswords, (he had never thought about it until she asked, but supposed it would be a pen, since that was the easiest to read of the two choices. She of course had just looked at him and reminded him that not all answers were correct on the first try, and that pen marks were a bitch to erase.), to the more existential questions that could lead to spirited hour-long debates. Facts and arguments would be tossed every which way, daring the other to search and voice their counter-opinions and ideas. But never did it spiral out of control. Never were their voices raised to an obscene level, or words uttered that would hurt either of them.
Being one's own, being allowed to have and express opinions that were contradictory to that of the other was a cornerstone of their relationship. And though Grissom didn't think that a sexual relationship would hurt the friendship they had now, he wasn't convinced either that their current relationship had developed to its maximum potential. Just a little while longer, a bit more patience, and then they would be ready. Both of them.
"Okay. So I'll see you to tomorrow then, at work. Thank you for the wonderful evening, Grissom."
She leaned over the console and kissed him on the cheek, lingering slightly, letting her lips trail slightly to the corner of his mouth, before dashing out of the car and up to the door of her apartment complex. Swiftly unlocking the door, she turned to look at him once more and waved, a cheeky grin gracing her face, then stepping into the hallway and disappearing from his sight.
TBC
