A Wind in the Meadow

5. Past Burdens

- Winter Dec 2957 -

.-.-.-.-.-

A dark-haired, grey-eyed man knelt beside him on the grass knoll.

"It can't be helped. We can't stop the orcs. But if join our strength to the Rohirrim, we will warn them in time and may turn the orcs aside."

"It will reveal too much of ourselves. Will you risk that?"

"Their scouts have seen us before."

"But they have not seen us clearly nor spoken to us. We have our own errand here. We should be going."

"Not without doing anything."

"Then let us warn them to flee and be on our way."

"They will not leave. I will not leave them to die."

"You have decided."

"Yes."

"Very well. Let us make haste. We have till night fall."

.-.-.-.-.-

Fastred found Thorongil alone near the empty steading. The inhabitants had gone to the Westfold for winter. Erkenhelm had sent his concern to Fastred after Thorongil had failed to return to Hornburg or Edoras. It had been nigh a week now since his man had returned alone.

"Thorongil!" Fastred called out.

Thorongil did not answer him. Nor did he acknowledge Fastred's presence. He remained bowed in grief before the unmarked grave of his nameless companion.

Fastred knelt beside him. "What good can you do here, Thorongil? You should go home. To Edoras or to your real one, if you had any. Surely there is someone who misses you."

"I? Miss me?"

"Estel! You're home!" A woman's voice called to him.

"Yes, you dolt. Even Théoden misses you. And I'm tired of getting long letters from him with a long list of things to tell you. Starting with he wasn't angry you hurt his father. It wasn't your fault and his father is very careless and he won't let his father play with you anymore. So you should not runaway." Fastred was pleased to see Thorongil snap out of his stupor.

"What ...? Runaway?" Thorongil blinked dazedly.

"How do you think this looked like to a nine-year old boy? You are running away."

"Ai!" he cried in dismay. "Everything I do have gone amiss. I had failed everyone who depended me. To you, to Thengel, and Théoden;" his voice sank to whisper, "and to my kinsman in his cold grave."

"Thorongil, why did you come to Rohan? What are your intentions in the Mark?"

"We... My kinsman and I. We heard rumours of orcs and other dark creatures gathered here. We came to see for ourselves. To find the cause that stirred and directed them. There were signs. Then we found out about the orc raid. I persuaded him to warn the steading and help set up the barricades. He spoke some Rohirric. We did not know of the second band. We were fortunate that the second band came late. And we managed to hold them back till dawn. We meant no ill will to Rohan, I give you my word."

"I believe you. It seems I ought to thank you, for doing my job for me."

"No. No. I have erred. Badly. By undeserved blessing, we avoided a worst disaster. But for my stubbornness, he might have lived."

"You may grieve for you companion but do not shoulder the blame that does not belong to you. It was my duty to secure the border. Yet I came too late. For the price of your sorrow, I had been spared an even greater grief. Do not hold yourself to blame. It was my responsibility." Fastred was silent for a moment. Although Thorongil had not said it so, he now surmised that Thorongil had been the commander, not the older man they had buried.

Fastred had had a long and colourful career both in Gondor and Rohan. He could see the signs quite clearly. Before him was a young and promising man, in the anguish of first death or fatal blunder of his command. What happens next will require some delicate handling, he thought grimly. He recalled the day Turgon, then the Steward of Gondor, had that lengthy talk with Thengel and himself. That had been very early in their career and in the aftermath of their first disastrous mission. It did not seem so terrible now, though it felt like the end of the world then.

'This should come from someone who knew him well. His father or the captain who gave him this task.' He thought to himself. But since neither was available, he would have to do his best.

From past experience, he knew this was an important crossroad in Thorongil's life. Sometimes, the man in such situation was overwhelmed, unable to see past the incident, leaving a broken pitiable shell. Other times, the man would harden his heart and choose a path of cruelty and destruction, for he has seen the fallibility of Men. Some would choose forgetfulness, only to find themselves upon the crossroads again and again until it ruined them, taking away their sanity. Some would accept their own fallibility and so, gained understanding of the workings of men's heart. They would not forget, but neither would they allow themselves be overwhelmed. From this, eventually, they would learn compassion and gained wisdom.

Therefore, with great anxiety, Fastred watched Thorongil pass through phases of grief, guilt, dismay, self-pity and undirected anger. When he first arrived, he had feared Thorongil had taken the first path in his grief. But it was not so. Slowly, carefully, like guiding a young horse through treacherous paths, Fastred coaxed, cajoled, chided and consoled him. At the end of it, the darkness over him had lightened and he appeared less dejected and more thoughtful.

It was late into the night when he spent the last of his anguish. Fastred had built up a fire for it was bitterly cold in the open plains. A warm supper had mended the rest of their discomforts. Even Thorongil did not appear so wretched as when Fastred had first found him. There was colour in his pale face and life in his shadowed eyes once more. Now that the worst was over, Fastred returned to his duty as a Marshal of the Mark. Thorongil's tale had troubled him.

"Have you recovered you past?" he asked gently.

"Yes, completely." Thorongil was a man of few words, even in the best of time. The new Thorongil appears to be equally reticent.

"What of your original errand? Did you find out why the orcs had grown so bold in Rohan? What do they want? Why have they come?"

"Their purpose, I think, was to weaken and intimidate Rohan. There was something or someone that united them and directed their movements. But it is veiled from my sight. Some devilry is afoot. My duty was to track them to their master and to thwart them anyway I can." Thorongil shook his head in regret. "Even that small task … I had failed to accomplish," he whispered to himself.

'Small? To hunt such dangerous enemies with only two men?' Fastred thought in disbelief. "Consider yourself fortunate, my friend. You would have turned from hunters to prey, if ever you were found out. What now? Will you leave Thengel's service, that ..?"

"I should like to stay," Thorongil interrupted him. A little more steadily, he said, "I should like to stay, Fastred, if you would still have me."

"I would be glad to have you. But, have you no home to return to, as my lord Thengel thought? Surely you would be sorely missed."

"No, my duty... I have unfinished business here." Thorongil's eyes gleamed in the darkness. "I think I can be of use to you. I know how we can stop the raids."

For a moment, Fastred thought he glimpsed something of Thorongil; someone he might have been before he came to Rohan. Or someone he might become, in the fullness of time. He knew not which. Aloud, he said, "Good! We leave at dawn. You can propose it to my marshals and captains when we reach Hornburg."

TBC ...


Footnotes:

In 2957, the canon characters are :

Age - Name
09 - Théoden, son of Thengel
26 - Aragorn, son of Arathorn
36 - Morwen of Lossarnach, mother of Théoden
50 - Gilraen, daughter of Dirhael, mother of Aragorn
53 - Thengel, son of Fengel, King of Rohan

1. Under Elemir, Elladan & Elrohir, Aragorn had been in scout & war parties. He had even commanded small companies on his own and gone on one-man missions. But there were others watching and guiding him all those time. They were also watching out for him. This is the first he had been completely on his own.

2. Blooper in Chapter 3 (Rider of Rohan). The rank of First Marshal may or may not be that of the King. What is known is that in Théoden's time, Théodred was Second Marshal, Éomer was Third Marshal. Most likely, King Théoden himself may have been the implicit First Marshal, rather than some unnamed person, especially in such an important post. Changing Fastred from First to Second Marshal, especially when he was in charge of West-mark, like Théodred, guarding the troubled western border.

4. Conjecture - Thorongil's loss of conscious memory, due to concussion, was not canon, but not in contradiction to canon. Trying to keep it minor and understated, as something unimportant that people would have forgotten over the years, especially compared to his later actions, achievements or contributions. And therefore, would not be recorded or remarked upon in the future. Sometimes, negative info canon is as important/useful as positive info canon.

5. Further notes on amnesiac conditions - Summary based on current theories and research. Cerebral concussion may result in temporary loss of consciousness, confusion and amnesia. Amnesia can take the form of Antegrade or Retrograde amnesia. Retrograde amnesia means the person forgets events from their past, i.e. unable to form or retrieve declarative memories or conscious memory of information and events. But he still retains the ability to create new materials, this is to learn and store new memory. It does not affect non-declarative/procedural memory (ingrained and automatic habits like reading, talking, riding bicycle, walking, driving etc), which may be affected by stroke, drugs or severe brain damage. For the most part, amnesia is always temporary and very limited. In mild cases, the memory can be recovered by a familiar surrounding, incident, object or words; coupled with gradual healing of the brain. Some may be prescribed a drug called Amytal (sodium amorbarbital) which helps recover some lost memories. Dizziness, unsteadiness, blurred vision, double vision, nausea, and headaches are also common and may be experienced in varying combinations. Fainting spell is purely for dramatic reasons and partly caused by dizziness.

Response to Reviewers :

Thank you to all reviewers for your encouragement.

Grumpy hath reviewed! Phew. What is he going to do at Helm's deep? This and the next chapter should answer it.

To Neoinean and Noldo, I'd felt that the amnesia is the weakest part of the plot. I'm happy you think it went well.