Madeline
Chapter Two - A Memory
Lizzie
"Um. . .yeah we did." I took a few steadying breathes before continuing. "Gordo, I'd like you to meet someone who means the world to me. Someone who is my entire life." I reached around behind me and took the small hand in mine as I pulled Madeline around in front of me. I watched Gordo freeze up completely, unable to move or speak from the shock of what I had just dropped on him. His eyes moved over the little girl in front of me, he started at her brown curls that made up her mop of hair. It was no longer than his was since it was such a hassle trying to keep it even the slightest bit combed out when it got much longer. He moved down to look into her big hazel eyes that were also taking in the man sitting on the couch before her.
"Gordo, I would like you to meet my daughter Madeline." I wasn't sure how much more he was ready to hear, or if I really had to say it out loud. She looked so much like him that it was a constant reminder of how much I missed him every day, not even Gordo was that dense. He may love me his entire life and only get around to realizing how deeply our senior year of high school, but this was even more obvious than our feelings for each other.
"Lizzie. . .is she. . .I mean, the hair. . .and. . .and, oh my God!" I could feel the tears rim my eyes as he got down on his knees in front of our daughter and took her into a tight hug starting to cry himself. "Why didn't you tell me?" He was still kneeling in front of a now slightly startled five year old girl, but was looking up at me.
"I found out right before my dad got transferred and we had to move in a week. I tried so hard to tell you that week that we were leaving and that I was having your baby, but I just couldn't Gordo. It was too hard. How could I tell you something like that and then just leave?" I knew it sounded weak as I said it out loud, and admittedly now, six years out from then, I really didn't understand how anything I did made sense to me then. But I had been scared out of mind, I was seventeen, pregnant and about to move across the country from the father. The only person I'd ever loved in my life up until then and since. "I know it sounds stupid, but I was scared. It just kept getting harder and harder to let you know. I would cry myself to sleep so many nights trying to call you but too afraid of how you'd react after I'd left without saying goodbye." My tears had started to fall from my eyes, something Madeline noticed.
"Mommy, why are you and this man crying?" Her tiny hand was in mine again tugging at my arm for attention.
"Madeline, sweetie, this. . .this is your father." Her tiny face scrunched up in thought. She let go of my hand and turned to face Gordo who was still crouched before her. She walked up to him and placed a tiny hand on his head and lifted some of his hair.
"Does your mommy have trouble getting this combed out too?" Gordo nodded, eyes brimming with fresh tears as the tiny hand released his hair and touched his wet cheek. "Why are you sad? Mommy only cries when she's sad." My heart was waiting to beat and my lungs were holding a breath as Gordo raised his hand to the one on his cheek and wrapped it in his own.
"I'm not crying cause I'm sad. I'm crying cause I'm very happy to meet you Madeline. I didn't know I had a daughter, that I was a daddy." I watched them look at each other, wishing this had happened long ago, wishing Gordo and our daughter weren't just meeting for the first time when she was five. He should have had the chance to have her in his life as I had.
"Why are you my daddy?" She scrunched her face up again, Gordo's following suite soon after as he tried to develop an answer to that question.
"Hey Mads, why don't we go wash up for dinner okay?" I sent a smile of thanks to my younger brother as he scooped up Madeline and headed towards the bathroom, giving me and Gordo some time to talk.
"I'm sorry to just drop this on you out of nowhere. I really wish you could have been a part of her life before now, I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to say, I did not know if there was more to say. Gordo stood up in front of me and closed his eyes before reaching out and taking me into a hug. I just stayed there with my head on his shoulder, letting my tears run onto his neck and waited for him to speak.
"Lizzie, I can't tell you how pissed I want to be at you right now, but I just can't find a good reason that over rides the pure joy I feel at the moment. You really should have let me know, I should have been allowed to be there with you through this." I could feel his own tears falling to my neck along with his breath on my skin as he spoke. "I have a beautiful little girl in there, and I missed out on the first five years of her life, but I can't do anything right now but just get excited about this."
I could feel a warmth easing it's way into my heart as most of my fears were subsided. This was going much better than I thought it ever would. A part of me wanted to believe in a story book, Disney movie ending but reality and experience of raising a baby through college as a single parent had stripped most of my ability to dream away. "Gordo, I just want you to know that you don't have to take on any extra responsibilities concerning her. You have a great career working out and I don't want you to think I'm trying to drop her into your lap now to ruin everything. I just wanted you to finally know, and when I got this job offer near Hillridge I knew I had to take it."
"Shh." He placed a finger on my lips before I could babble any more. "Lizzie, she's my daughter. There's no way I'm not taking as much of the responsibilities as possible for her. I have five years to make up for here, remember." I let a few more tears slip to my cheeks. "I didn't think for a second that you were trying to get something out of me now that I've got something to take. Oh, hey, I'd better let Gabriel know we have a smaller guest, see if we have anything but wine to go with her dinner!" I stiffened in his arms as I was reminded there was another woman here, I had forgotten. My heart burst a little but I hadn't placed too much hope in happily ever after so it didn't break.
"Yeah, I still need to meet her anyway." I followed him from the room and into the kitchen where I was just straight out confused by the sight that greeted me. A short and round elderly woman was working over the stove cooking something that smelled just heavenly. For a second I worried for the boy next to me but then everything clicked into place when Gordo introduced the two of us.
"Gabriel, this is Lizzie. Lizzie, this is Gabriel Jameson, my mother's care taker and the only reason I and this house remain functional." The relief running through my body caused the biggest smile my face has held in years to stretch from ear to ear as I shook her preferred hand, after she'd wiped it off on a towel next to the stove.
"It's nice to meet you ma'am."
"Call me Gab or Gabby, never ma'am. I'm not that old. . .at heart." I liked this woman instantly. There was something inviting and enveloping about her smile and voice.
"Sure thing, Gabby. Call me Lizzie." She sent another smile my way before looking at Gordo.
"Are the other two here yet, It's just about ready and you know how I like to keep everything running on track around here, it's easier on your mother if things happen at the same time every day." As if on cue my brother came walking in to the kitchen holding his niece in his arms, eyes taking in all the items of food and his stomach registering what looked the most appetizing.
"Now that's timing! I wish I could get some of my actors to get their cues down that well." Matt gave Gordo a weird look before shrugging. "Gab, this is Matt, Lizzie's brother and this is someone really special. I would like you to meet Madeline. . ." He looked at me, realizing he didn't know much more than that about his daughter.
"Zephyr McGuire." I finished her full name for him, glad to see the smile that covered his face at hearing his own middle name.
"I tried to stop her, but she was very adamant about using something of your name and David goes even worse with Madeline than Zephyr." I threw a look at Matt as he talked.
"Like I was saying, this is Madeline Zephyr McGuire, my daughter." The older woman turned off the stove with a happy squeal and abandoned whatever it was she'd been cooking and rushed happily over to Gordo, giving him a huge hug.
"Oh, David, how wonderful!" She gave him another squeeze then walked over to Matt and Madeline. "I'm very pleased to meet you Madeline, my name's Gabby." My daughter put her hand in the pudgy one held out to her but jumped from Matt's arms into a hug for the woman smiling at her.
"Well, she's never done that before." I watched Gabby return the soft squeeze from my daughter before walking with her in her arms to Gordo and handing her over to him.
"Now all of you go out and sit at the table. I'll have everything out in a second. David, could you get your mom to the table?" Gordo nodded and said he would leaving the room with Matt right behind him.
"Do you need any help with anything?" I was still a little surprised at the way Madeline had jumped in to this woman's arms.
"Oh, don't worry dear. I've got a handle on it all, but thank you." I smiled again at her and followed Gordo and my brother to the dinning room where they were trying to situate Madeline into a booster seat that, by the looks of it, had to have been recently pulled out of somewhere it had sat since Gordo had used it.
I just watched them both and smiled. Maybe things really would work out somehow. I didn't have any idea how Gordo felt for me anymore but I could tell he was falling completely in love with Madeline and that was all I needed to find myself falling completely in love with him again, although truthfully I had never fallen out of love. Falling deeper in love was the only thing that made sense, I was falling deeper in love with David Gordon and I only hoped that he felt the same for me and that he could forgive me for the past six years of our lives.
